Saturday, January 5th, 2002
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1:30 am
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I'm just going to make this entire journal 'friends only' from now on.
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(11 | comment)
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Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
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12:40 am
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I can't sleep.
Tonight is the worst I have felt in a long time.
I'm just pathetic, careless, and slightly suicidal
current mood: killing time and killing hope
current music: The Emo Diaries
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
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7:27 pm - All the plastic people with plastic hearts and smiles, had the worst intentions all along after all.
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Everyday I seem to grow more and more discontent with the way things are. If It wasn't for the Monster Truck Rally on friday and those few people that can honestly make me smile, I think I might shoot myself.
current mood:  morose
current music: Mix Cds
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(3 | comment)
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Monday, December 31st, 2001
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5:56 pm
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I'm to depressed to do anything tonight.
Staying in bed and pulling the covers over my head seems like the right thing to do.
current mood: I want to be extremely intoxicated.
current music: The Emo Diaries Chapter 5
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(3 | comment)
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11:23 am
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I've waited hours for this
I made myself so sick
I wish I stayed asleep today.
current mood:  blank
current music: The Cure - Close To Me
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(2 | comment)
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Friday, December 28th, 2001
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7:27 pm
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After two days of being intoxicated,
I'm finally home and completely out of alcohol.
--
Three of my cd's finally came!
The best of The Cure + The best in acoustics,
Emo Diaries 5 "So,I guess this is Goodbye", and
Placebo "Black Market Music"
Still waiting for my other Emo Diaries cd, "An Ocean of Doubt"
I'm lame, I know.
current mood: tipsy
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(1 | comment)
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Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
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11:48 pm
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and that's that.
current music: watchin' The Blues Brothers
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(4 | comment)
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Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
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12:50 am - My stomachs burning, wont you find me some water? Hey, just forget it can you bring me gasoline?
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I'm happy this year is finally coming to a close, but scared of the new year. With my moms new pregnancy I don't think I can stand to live in this house any longer and living with my dad is just out of the question. I don't know what's ahead of me. Everything is going to change and I am just not ready for it. Nothing with my friends seems right anymore, I don't even know how to explain it. They all seem to having everything together and have plans for themselves. I just see us all going our separate ways and it saddens me. I am so lost. I know change is inevitable but it's still hard.
And, School is a never ending battle that I seem to be loosing at.
I miss those endless summer days.
---
Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.
current mood: selfish/sad/nostalgic
current music: The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba
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(4 | comment)
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Sunday, December 23rd, 2001
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1:17 am - Everything's feeling unclear, I wish it was raining, Cuz I hate every beautiful day.
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Lost the battle
Lost the war
Lost the things worth living for
Lost the will to win to fight
one more pill to kill the pain.
The going get tough
The tough get dead.
current music: NOFX - The Decline
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(10 | comment)
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Saturday, December 22nd, 2001
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3:34 am
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I'm sticking with you 'cuz I'm covered in glue.
current mood: sleep? BAH!
current music: Thursday - Cross out the Eyes
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(comment)
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Friday, December 21st, 2001
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10:55 pm
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Thursday, December 20th, 2001
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12:59 pm - Shoulders, toes and knees.... I'm 36 degrees
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Well, it turns out I have strep throat, and
I have to take a 10 day course of anti-biotics.
Hopefully these pills wont make me feel worse.
current mood:  tired
current music: Best of the 80's on VH1
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(13 | comment)
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Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
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10:27 pm
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MC Hammer really is too legit.
current music: VH1
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(3 | comment)
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4:50 pm
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I wish my potatoes could talk back to me.
current mood: lonely
current music: Death Cab For Cutie
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(4 | comment)
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11:30 am
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I'm sick.
No school for me today.
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(2 | comment)
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Tuesday, December 18th, 2001
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10:17 pm - I lie in this field bathed in the light that loves me, with nothing left to lose
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I had to go to that meeting with my teachers, counselor and principle today. My dad (the one who wanted all this to happen) didn't even bother to show up.
We talked about ways I could apply myself more and how to make a plan to get the highest grades possible. I almost couldn't keep myself together. But, I did. I nodded my head in agreement and kept my head down. I honestly don't give a shit about any of that, but as long as it makes them happy, and off my back, then I guess I have to go along with it.
At least I get to drop geometry
current mood: tired
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(comment)
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Monday, December 17th, 2001
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10:27 pm - I've always been in introvert, happily bleeding.
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I couldn't even get through the night, it's simply pathetic.
I found my self with my back pressed against the wall, sitting on the cold bathroom floors, at my moms work, crying. I hate christmas parties.
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I can't bring myself to be apart of any of this, or even care for that matter. Everything seems so sureal.
I don't want to stay here, but living with my dad and his girlfriend just frustrates me to no end. I am almost considering asking to live with my aunt.
current mood: sad/angry/depressed
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(3 | comment)
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4:41 pm
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I wish my Aunt Sammy were here.
current mood: sad
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(comment)
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7:45 am - Alcoholic kind of mood, loose my clothes loose my lube, cruisen for a peice of fun
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This is completely all her fault.
I don't know why she would want this to happen.
It just flat out disgusts me to no end.
She said "It wont change anything"
how can it not?
and she wonders why I am so angry with her.
current mood: so sad
current music: Placebo - Nancy Boy
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(4 | comment)
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Sunday, December 16th, 2001
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10:54 pm
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Words can't even describe how I feel.
I give up.
current mood: numb
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(2 | comment)
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