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Staind - It's Been Awhile |
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The world would be a cool place if serial killers armed themselves with pez dispensers. I bet the pez dispensers would riot, though. We’d have broken pez littering the street, and it’d stay there forever ‘cause no one would eat it. The serial killers would then get really pissed off and go to Toucan Sam for help. He would give them Froot Loops and send them away. The serial killers would be mystified at this and they’d eat the Froot Loops. Poor them, for they are poisoned Froot Loops! Had only they known! The pez dispensers mourn at the grave sites for the poor lost serial killers. All is lost!
But wait, all is not lost! The zombies rise from their graves and the pez dispensers run in fear. The people lock themselves away, but the zombies keep coming. Away, away evil zombie serial killers! And suddenly, out comes the only hope for salvation! It’s the priest, the priest! All hail the priest! But alas, he only came out to molest some innocent child of god. Away goes the priest, into the cloudy night. And the zombies keep coming. They catch up with the priest, and he chants a spell. In the end, it’s only “I am a pedophile” repeated over and over in Latin. Who knew, ‘eh? So the zombies suck his brains out and the priest eats the child’s brain. Ow. The child does not become a zombie, because he was a stupid kid and deserved to die. And on come the zombies.
The towns people run in fear. Gone, they are gone! The town is empty! Wait, but there are children left!
And so, along comes nobody in particular, and he tells the children a story about the good old days when serial killers stayed buried. But all these damned new-fangled laws have screwed the world over, and everyone seems to be getting the fuck outta their coffins these days. Then the old man left, and the children were left crying with nightmares of nuclear-powered space zombies from mars running through their heads. And on come the zombies! But wait, they don’t want the children! They eat the old man, with his damned stupid bedtime stories! And the old man is eaten, head and foot and toe. He does not have any chance of being a zombie. Poor old man. He sucked, anyway, though.
The zombies go on to take over the world. Finally, when they run out of humans to eat, they choke on dirt. That’s when the pez dispensers rise up from their hiding place and sit on their rightful place as queen mistress lords of the world. Thus, pez dispensers make a new breed of serial killers. Ones that don’t choke on dirt. And they live happily ever after. The fucking end.
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