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[27 Oct 2001|10:27pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | sean na na ] no matter how much or how long i speak i cant seem to express what i really want to say right now. it's insane, but that's the only way i can explain it. a lot has been going on... in my life, my brain, and the world... and it's all baffling me and desensitizing me. i feel like the world is spinning and i'm standing in one stationary spot. it's like i haven't moved in weeks and the entire world is in constant rotation around me. i'm watching it all move but i'm not absorbing what i'm seeing. i'm not feeling what i should be feeling. i'm lost, to say the least. but...... arent i always? i was supposed to go to west virginia this weekend with set ablaze but i couldnt because of the accident... i have whip lash and stuff, and it's not very fun. joe and dave must be disappointed. heh. anyway..... i dont have anything else to say. i'm going to go watch the rocky horror picture show. yes... ta ta. post comment

i stole this from dave... we got the same rating, too. [22 Oct 2001|06:33pm] [ mood | amused ] I AM 22% PUNK. Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com! post comment

[21 Oct 2001|06:45pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | tantrum of the muse ] this weekend was a bust... i didnt get to hang out with tim. i got in a fight with tim. etc.... as if that wasnt bad enough. i went to erica's on friday then out for pizza with her, mike, ben, lynz, and tasha.... the boys had a taser and kept shocking us all. mike shocked me under the table and i screamed and turned a family restaurant into a loud and disruptive area. oh well. it was funny. we made a huge mess and had fun... then we went to the football game for about 10 minutes.. we looked for some people but left when they werent there. then we went to erica's and watched porn. fun. then mike went home and shit went down at his house and he came back and we went bowling and stuff.. got home at about 2:30 or 3.. then erica's mom wakes us up at 5:30 and gets all pissed because the guys are there.. (any other time she doesnt give a flying fuck) but anyway, she makes them leave and it was crazy because i only slept from 6:30 to 8... i came home at 9 o'clock and did absolutely nothing... i just relaxed all day long. then i went to sleep at 7:30 p.m. and slept until 9:30 this morning... crazy aye? yeah. i guess i was really fucking tired. today they hooked up our satellite dish.. it's crazy. i've never had more than 7 channels! it's really really odd. i dont think ill get used to it for a while, but i guess it's nice. i watched the breakfast club. hah... yeah we get a satellite dish and i watch a movie that we have on tape. oh well. my entire family came over today for my dad's birthday.. tomorrow he'll be 55. yes... gotta love my dad, the only person in this fucking family that respects my opinions. anyway.. i'm stressed out and tired. i'll go now. post comment

[18 Oct 2001|09:23pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | ANTHRAX ] today was an okay day until a stupid girl in my lit class said something that made me want to shove her face in a grinding device. after that, my day pretty much sucked... i just need to get out of that school. seriously, the quicker the better. graduation can't come soon enough. we played with the medicine ball in gym class and now my arms and abs hurt. hah, feel the burn. This weekend i'm hanging out with Tim, and i am quite excited to see him... he's so hot and sweet and all of that jazz. anyway, i hope it goes well. The internet is boring tonight... no one's online and there's nothing to do. blah... oh well. i'll figure out something.. maybe i should read or do something else that is somewhat productive. we'll see how that goes, and YES tomorrow is finally friday. this week has gone pretty slowly. thank god it's almost over... mmm hmm. post comment

[11 Oct 2001|07:52am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | the faint - casual sex ] last night was another sleepless night..... i tossed and turned all night long. i can barely stand this insomnia. i dont know what to do to keep myself from going insane. yesterday i stayed home because i didnt feel goood... today i'm staying home because i dont feel any better. Lyndsay is coming over today though... since my parents arent home and she needs a mental wellness day of her own. time to make breakfast... post comment

[08 Oct 2001|10:54pm] I am miserable. enough said. post comment

[29 Sep 2001|07:16pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | blur ] i haven't wrote anything in a while, but nothing is new. i'm surviving. school is going well. i'm getting wonderful grades and i am quite proud of myself. homecoming is next week. that'll be fun, at least. i'll get out of class a little bit to help with that stuff so it's a good thing. i'm going to visit temple again in a few weeks. i'm pretty confused about my college plans but i have time to decide all of that shit. i'm taking it one day at a time. we'll see what happens. last night i went to fun & games with erica, ben, mike and lyndsay. we had a lot of fun. we screamed at some people. played some video games. watched ben and mike climb the rock wall. fun. today i went shopping in Wilkes-Barre with my sisters. what a disaster. these girls have no sense of direction what-so-ever and we almost ended up getting lost. i had to tell them where everything was. it was annoying. i got some fun things though... a cool wilkes shirt at the salvation army and some nice tweed pants. and a new purse and new sweater for school. yeah..... shopping is fun. i wanted to go to the blood has been shed show tonight... or the fill call-ins calamity one, but i had no ride home so i couldnt. i didnt feel like hitch hiking home from wilkes-barre. oh well. - - - i was just talking to andrew... he makes me laugh. this fall: oh wow, i had the weirdest dream last night. keep on jiving: oh? this fall: i bought a copy of Rolling Stone magazine and there was this pictorial of you and dennis on a beach playing volleyball. this fall: it was so weird. this fall: dennis looked like sean connery. keep on jiving: was i half naked in the picture? keep on jiving: haha this fall: you certainly were. this fall: you had sixpack abs. - - - that is all. post comment

[25 Sep 2001|12:20am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | fiona apple ] the silence is deafening. post comment

[24 Sep 2001|01:33pm] [ mood | grateful ] i got a really bad migraine last night and i barely slept at all.... so, i stayed home today. i slept until one o'clock this afternoon. i still feel like shit. i should lay down again. post comment

survey.. sure, why not? [23 Sep 2001|12:15am] I want... to be happy I have... a headache I wish... i could sleep I crave... attention I regret... letting people's opinions bother me. I love... you. (sure) I hate... everything I miss... Randy I fear... nothing I see... the screen I hear... Saturday Night Live I wonder... if i'll sleep tonight I know... things will work out in the end. When was the last time you.... -Smiled? a few minutes ago. -Laughed? at the same time as the smile. -Cried? a couple days ago. -Bought something? yesterday. -Danced? last night. we totally got our swerves on. -Were sarcastic? it's constant. -Kissed someone? mmm... a month ago, i guess. -Hugged someone? last night. -Talked to an ex? today. -Watched your favorite movie? last week. -Had a nightmare? a few weeks ago. -Last book you read: the grapes of wrath -Last movie you saw: i dont even know. -Last phone number you called: Clint's. -Last show you watched on TV: i'm watching SNL right now. -Last thing you had to drink: milk. -Last time you showered: earlier today. -Last thing you ate: salad. Do You.... 1. Smoke? yes. 2. Do drugs? no. 3. Have sex? ha... no, but not by choice. 4. Sleep with stuffed animals? no. 5. Have a crush? i guess so. 6. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no. 7. Have a dream that keeps coming back? yes. 8. Play an instrument? a few, yeah. 9. Believe there is life on other planets? eh.. i dont know. 10. Remember your first love? yes. 11. Still love him/her? well.... i always will. 12. Read the newspaper? yes. 13. Have any gay or lesbian friends? mmm..... bisexual, yes. i dont know of gay or lesbian ones. 14. Believe in miracles? not really. 15. Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes. 16. Consider yourself tolerant of others? no. 17. Consider police a friend or foe? friend. 18. Like the taste of alcohol? some of it, yes. 19. Believe in magic? no. 20. Believe in God? no. 21. Have any secrets? no..... not really. 22. Have any pets? yes. 23. Do well in school? yes. 24. Go to or plan to go to college? i plan on it. 25. Have a degree? no. 26. Talk to strangers who instant message you? sometimes. 27. Wear hats? no. 28. Have any piercings? just my ears. 29. Have any tattoos? not yet. 30. Hate yourself? no. 31. Have a horny spot? of course. 32. Get horny easily? eh..... it depends. 33. Have a best friend? yes. 34. Wish on stars? no. 35. Like your handwriting? no. 36. Care about looks? no. 37. Believe in Satan? no. 38. Believe in ghosts? i dont know. 39. Believe in Santa? oh, yes. 40. Have a second family? lynz's. erica's. and ashley's. 41. Trust others easily? i trust almost no one. 42. Like sarcasm? yes. 43. Take walks in the rain? on occasion. 44. Kiss with your eyes closed? closed. 45. Sing in the shower? yes. 46. Own handcuffs? no. 47. Have any scars? many. post comment

[23 Sep 2001|12:01am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | fiona apple ] the one thing i want most in the world is the one thing i know i'll never have. i have a headache. post comment

[20 Sep 2001|10:21pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | blood has been shed ] who are you now? 1 comment|post comment

[16 Sep 2001|02:36pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | rainer maria ] this weekend has been boring, stressful, and nothing of true importance. i've had a lot on my mind, and who can blame me with everything that has been going on in the world? i've been filling out college applications.... getting more informations. setting up campus tours. yes.... i'm motivated to get all of this done so i can stop worrying about it. the more i think about it the further away from home i want to go... who knows? not me. i'll figure something out eventually. i'm taking the SATs again in october... blah. i hate those long standardized tests. they give me a huge headache. filling in the dots is such a drag, but i want to see if i can do a little bit better on the math section. i think i can. i really dont feel like talking about what else is going on with me right now.... it's one of those things i'll bottle up inside until i feel like i'm going to rip my hair out. you know how that is. i'm sure it'll come out soon enough.... something will happen and the flood gates will open. until then, i'll smile that fake smile and pretend everything is alright. i'm turning back into what i hate. i'm turning back into the girl that doesnt speak her mind. the girl that doesnt tell people how she feels about them... i hate when i'm like that but, i dont know how else to handle this situation. i guess this makes no sense.... oh well. converge is on wednesday. i'm excited. The end. 3 comments|post comment

[13 Sep 2001|09:17pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | the faint - agenda suicide ] i am a sea of emotions right now. i dont feel the need to write any of this down or type any of it out. this experience will be one i never forget... ever. post comment

[11 Sep 2001|05:12pm] panda-fucking-monium.... i have been sick to my stomach since i heard the news during second period Government class. what happened today is so fucking tragic that i cant even express my amount of rage and disgust. i am so fucking grateful that my father didnt have to work today... but, since i less than two hours away from the city i have a lot of friends that have family that works down town. one friend who's father works a block away and is still not accounted for... this is one of those days that we'll never forget... all we can do is sit back and wait, and it makes me sick. very... very sick. post comment

[11 Sep 2001|12:36am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | the faint ] why cant things be as easy as i'd like them to be? why cant i be happy? maybe i try too hard. i dont know.... either way, i'm going to bed. post comment

[08 Sep 2001|11:00am] [ music | converge / hell to pay ] i'm sitting here eating nerds and drinking mountain dew. i'm a vision of health. post comment

[08 Sep 2001|08:36am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Converge [jane doe] ] so many people are getting on my nerves lately... i'm not sure if it's me being unreasonable or if it's them being unbearable. maybe a little bit of both. either way... i'm being a huge bitch. oh fucking well. last night i dyed my hair.... went to the football game for a while...and that was about it. i got the new converge cd. goodie. it's lovely... i've been listening to it since i got in the car. converge is amazing.... i can't wait until the show. not much else is new or exciting... school is going well. i've done really well on all of my tests and what not. i am going to go back to Wilkes in a few weeks to tour the radio station/newspaper/tv station.... so that should be fun. i'm really excited about going there... hopefully everything works out and i'll get to do that. i'm hoping i get a shitload of scholarships and financial aid... or it'll be 28,000 a year... that's a lot of g's. haha. it still hasnt sunk in that i'm a senior. it's odd... and scary. i guess it'll probably hit me the day before we graduate. good riddance. it's time for me to get out of this town... in a year... i'll be gone. post comment

[06 Sep 2001|11:00pm] [ music | guns n roses ] i am sick of being sick. i am tired of being tired. all i want is sleep. all i ask for is 4 solid hours of sleep... hopefully tonight is the night that i get such glory. 1 comment|post comment

[05 Sep 2001|06:39am] [ mood | good ] [ music | rainer maria ] it has been one of those weeks where no matter how blood-curling my scream is, no one notices. no one glances in my direction. no one cares. under normal circumstances i would be upset about this.. i'd strive to be the center of attention. i'd urn to be noticed. lately i have liked the seclusion.... it is very unlike me. maybe i'm changing. maybe i'm becoming more comfortable with who i am.... maybe not. school is going well.... i am quite pleased. i dont have class with most of my "best friends" which is probably a good thing.. it's less distraction. i really dont need distractions. i've decided to go veggie again... i dont know why. why not? i was a vegetarian for three years and during that time i felt so much healthier... anyway... i'm doing it again. we'll see if it lasts. i need to get ready for school. i have nothing to wear. i'm a mess. post comment

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