Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in aLy's LiveJournal:

Thursday, November 8th, 2001
11:19 am	YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH i can't wait..its 11:21 right now..and im seeing my baby in...um :counts: like 7 1/2 hours...lol ok my math could be off but thats OK ..cuz im seeing my beautiful Bobby TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats all that matters..i am soooo excited... I cant wait to hold her in my arms and get lost in her eyes like i do everytime i look at her beautiful face...i cant wait to feel those lovely lil butterflies all over that i get just when i think of her..but ahhh so much better when im actually with her.ok i need to shower again..lol i took 3 showers yesterday and today imma take 2 .lol..yes im insane..I just can't wait to be with her..the TRUE love of my life...I have NEVER in my entire life loved like this before..She is SO MUCH MORE THAN EVERYTHING i have ever wanted, dreamed of, desired,ever thought possible, ever thought existed..she is all i talk about, think about, yearn for.. WANT, NEED. GOD I LOVE HER SOOO MUCH...I know this is forever..I've never been so absolutely sure of anything in my life...and i totally trust her unlike I've ever trusted anyone before. I know she would never hurt me..and i WOULD NEVER EVER EVER HURT THIS PERFECT MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD...MMMMMMMM..sooo sooooon i cant wait ;-) Current Mood: excited Current Music: Bitch and Animal=Eternally Hard (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
10:42 pm	UGH..IM SOOOO TIRED OF IT why cant i just have normal fuckin hair..so i can dye it as i please..im so tired of having fuckin stages where it grows and then stops..and falls out ..and then grows back and then ugh is it ever gonna end..im so jealous of anyone with hair..yeah even fukin long flowing girly hair...i just ENVY hair...i feel like such a freak "why do you have all these bald patches on your head" "oh i have alopecia" "ooh i never heard of that.what is that?" UGH then i have to launch into this whole explanation..ugh ugh ugh ..im just soo tired of it...i wanted to dye my hair..to look good for my baby...to look somewhat decent for myself..im tired of all these patches..yea i like shaving my head..i like how shaved head looks...but not my fuckin circus freak PATCHY shaved head..i cant even shave it to the skin without slashing it all over cuz my scalp is so dry from all the damn ALOPECIA medications ive been on..yeah i know it sounds trivial..im devoting an awful long entry to talking about HAIR..but its more than that..it is...people dont realize it..they take it for granted..everyone be thankful that you HAVE a normal hairline..that you dont have to worry about HAVING to shave your head cuz bald spots are forming..be thankful you can dye your hair and do WHATEVER the fuck you want with it..you have control of it..i wish i had a normal HEAD of hair..so i can do whatever i want with it..even shave it EVENLY and without baldspots and bloody cuts Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:30 pm	ok what kinda fuckin idiot dyes their hair when they dont have any..i shoulda just waited...god im such an idiot..it looks so fukin dumb....i should prolly just fuckin shave it again completely..now that i have a colored FUCKIN scalp!!! :o( Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: stupid girl by garbage(not the song,just the title applies) (Comment on this)
9:53 pm	ok well i did it...i dyed hair that i really dont have...i better go wash it out..cross your fingersssssss Current Mood: scared Current Music: Perfect by Doria Roberts (Comment on this)
8:21 pm	ok thats it ..im dying my hair tonight.. NOW!! so..what yeah its spotty and patchy and blah blah blah but i need a change..so yup imma do it now ..2 more dayssssssssss till i see the love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh Im sooooo excited..i cant wait to hold her soo close..look into her beautiful eyes..feel paradise in her arms..theres NO place in the world i'd rather be...I love her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much..i know she is forever..i cant waitttttt to be with her.GOD i just cant wait!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Le Tigre = Feminine Sweepstakes (Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2001
10:19 pm	I know im seeing HER in 3 days but..... I WANT BOBBY NOW!!!!!!!!!! IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE!!!!! Current Mood: horny Current Music: Drive by Melissa Ferrick (3 Comments |Comment on this)
8:05 pm	whited sepulcher hmmm.do i look the way i feel or do i feel the way i look? I DONT KNOW ASK MR. OWL! Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Psychopomp by The Tea Party (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:00 am	skeevy why is is that i feel dirty lately no matter how much i shower..i feel like im never clean enough..i've been taking like 3 showers a day and i still feel ass nasty..like if i'm touched one would get gross grimey shit all over their hands. i feel like a dirty untouchable...and i look disgusting..i hate the way i look..the way my hair is at one of those settled phases where it just won't grow..it just looks stupid and bald spotty..i cant go without a bandanna cuz it just doesnt look right and i cant shave it cuz i know it would just look patchy and besides i just want it to grow soo badly so that i could dye it..and when i wear a bandanna my head gets annoyed and itchy. my ferret just farted so loud i heard it across the room..hehe he's so silly..i want breakfast..my god what i would do for a nice home-cooked breakfast...soft rolls, pancakes,waffles,toast,etc.. Ok yeah i prolly wouldnt eat all that..in fact i'd complain how starved i am and then after the first few bites i would be full..as is my appetite mostly nowadays.It's 7:08 and i need to shower again soon..i showered before bed but feel like the water didnt even penetrate my skin..blah..i wanna glass of milk..but instead im just gonna have my Ensure.3 more days till i could be with the love of my life..i think that's really all i need..That's ALL i need I like this chair..yes its tacky..but cute :o)http://www.gulftel.com/woodart/rainbowchair.htm ok yeah you might just have to go to the site..i guess i dont know how to do this image tagging thingy-ma-bob. Current Mood: dirty Current Music: still Sigur Ros (DAMN THEIR GOOD) (Comment on this)
1:14 am	im not purposely goin for the concentration camp victim look i need to start eating more..i need to make more money TO eat more..tired of living barely from paycheck to paycheck..i bought ensure today..nice im turning my apartment into an ED unit..all i need is some sappy lil nurse to administer it to me through one of those doors that seperate..ya know the horse stable doors..yeah..those..you got it.anyhooooo..i need to eat more..i feel like one of these days im gonna get really sick cuz my immune system is so low from being so malnourished i feel like my stomach is eating itself away cuz its not getting enough food..if that makes any sense..i dont know im not a medical expert..my mom is...all that expertise gone to waste..she coulda been something..instead of used her knowledge to fool the world and her self..blah why cant i feel like i have a mother..she is Paula..shes not my mom...i almost wish that planes would drop food in front of MY house in big refrigerator sized boxes..feed the dyke...aly needs to eat..but i wont let people lend me money...no no..i will not become MY MOTHER..never:holds up skinny lil fingers in crucifix gesture: oh well ..hopefully life will change soon..either that or ill win the lottery..fat chance..i cant wait to be with Bobby..only 4 days..and ughhh its gonna fly by sooo fast when im there..and then it'll be back to just living for the next time i could be with her again..the other worthy thing i have to look forward to in life..NO dont say im depressed...i dont want a name put to my feelings..im not in harmony anymore..dont have to live like i am..no more sessions on friday with frizzy haired Jackie to tell me what i already know about myself.well gnite im tired Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Sigur Ros==the whole friggin album (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 31st, 2001
1:40 pm	8 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm tired.its halloween.feels like any other day. i have to work 4-12. my throat hurts.think i'm getting sick.maybe just thirsty..im hungry...cold ".....If it starts to snow Well then it starts to snow If we feel it go Well we should let it go I know this little place That's big enough to hide And if you stay real close We both can fit inside And if we lose control Well then we lose control But be sure that I'll be there To help you make it through Cause I'd sure love to be there Looking back with you" Current Mood: groggy Current Music: Butterflyz by Alicia Keys (Comment on this)
Monday, October 29th, 2001
9:51 pm	a test thingy Disorder Rating Paranoid: Moderate Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: Low Borderline: Moderate Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: Moderate Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate -- Click Here To Take The Test -- (Comment on this)
8:47 pm	dAnDeLiOn dust i wish i was doing more with my life. i feel like my whole education has gone to waste. what education? i went to a SPED school where Ceramics was a major. i feel like i haven't done anything in my life to be proud about. my biggest accomplishment is still being alive. but no one gives someone a pat on the back for staying alive and not attempting to jump off a bridge a second time. i feel alone even though i have the most WONDERFUL girlfriend in the world. but shes not here and that makes ALL the difference i just wish that i could make a difference in the world, have some kind of purpose. then i would be able to get my mind off mySELF and stop being so damn selfish. everything i have ever wanted to be seems like a dream that flushed down the drain. i feel like i'm nothing, just an infinitesimal speck of dust floating in this fucked-up world so needy of love i wanna be something, stand out in some way. i want to be able to smile just knowing i am who i am. who am i kidding? that will never happen. i was born with a mind that's always been my Worst enemy. i feel dirty and light, a strong wind can blow me awAy. i want to be able to hold myself up without feeling like a always need someone to catch me to break my fall. i want to experience love everyday not just feel it from a distance. i want to be able to love Bobby everyday and show her that my love for her is eternal, that she is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. my head still bleeds as it has for years didn't he notice my tears i closed my eyes i didn't see the ugly forced inside of me i cant remember that pain but i wont forget my shame i took the soap and swallowed it whole i thought it would cleanse my soul nightmares of memories memories of nightmares she told me i have an Overactive iMaGinAtion but then why does my head still bleed as it has for years i remember the color of my tears Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Hangin' by a Thread by Jann Arden (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 28th, 2001
11:43 pm	It sucks when you cant be with the one you LOVE today im feeling blah..didnt do anything..slept..watched the OH SO uplifting news..sat at the computer,stared blankly at the screen..yeah that was my day.i was unmotivated and lazy..didnt want to do anything..felt sick..maybe i shouldnt have taken so many damn aleve in one day.i should be going to bed and i dont know why im even choosing today as my first to write in this journal when i have absolutely nothing to say..All i could think about is Bobby..how i just wish she was here already..how she is the one person that makes me so happy and i CANT EVEN be with her ..yet. I know, I know, I'll see her soon, but i just NEED her now..i hate living my life without her ..then trying to recount it to her over a fuckin computer especially since her roomies usually kick her off and i never have time to finish my quite embellished stories of the days activities..well im goin to bed..IM FEELING BLAH Current Mood: blah Current Music: Blue by Lucinda Williams (Comment on this)