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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
buggles' LiveJournal:
| Wednesday, March 20th, 2002 | |
| 4:08 pm | this open book hello! i am being panicy today sometimes i think that i dont have enough faith in myself and i will never give myself enough credit id like to be an animal and lose my sense of self those feelings of darkness continue ....especially when watching the news certain days i can laugh with myself and become my own best friend carrying on other days i feel like a looming threat to myself self destruction waiting to happen my back and knees ache from working so much and my brain is shot from all the chemicals my face is pierced now but my heart still feels timid as if some strong vibration could shatter it into oblivion i tell myself that i want to stay alone forever until i die and then i fasten my heart onto my sleeve and take off all my clothes this open book reads differently from day to day but when i am released i will leave the page to say: "never forget that you're on your way...." |
| Tuesday, March 19th, 2002 | |
| 11:40 am | stuff going on umm lotsa stuff happened but everything is good except that im losing my mind well i think thats a good thing im feeling really transformative lately its nuts! nuts i say! |
| Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 | |
| 12:05 pm | "if i wasn't growing my hair out again i would have forgotten all these things." rose polenzani Current Mood: tired |
| Monday, March 4th, 2002 | |
| 2:28 pm | survey do mod kids scare you? |
| Tuesday, February 26th, 2002 | |
| 8:42 am | crossroads it's alright if we don't get it all worked out before my time is up i'm just glad to know that whatever the instance time and experience has it's own way of smoothing over what is roughly defined we are a small part in a big picture a collective conciousness working at something that is billions of years away and yet we can still enjoy our piece today in this very moment Current Mood: fluid Current Music: tricky |
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 | |
| 9:01 pm | spritual evolution rolls like molacky .. ..gray world anything decent or honest going on in the world today? something worthy of praise? enlighten me.. "maybe we could sit down and talk about the revolution and stuff..." ATR "well ofcourse i'd like to sit around and chat... someone's listening in.." Radiohead |
| Friday, February 15th, 2002 | |
| 12:33 pm | this is where i belong. this is exactly where i am supposed to be. |
| Monday, February 11th, 2002 | |
| 10:30 pm | current events saw al. from moe. on saturday night with this girl rebecca that i work with. she is like a tall glass of something really strong. i started reading "The tenth Insight" by James Redfield, author of The Celestine Prophesy. It's addressing things about evil and negative energy that I have been struggling with. hope y'all is well. |
| Wednesday, February 6th, 2002 | |
| 5:06 pm | It's Ours, Last Poem from "You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense" it's ours By Charles Bukowski there is always that space there just before they get to us that space that fine relaxer the breather while say flopping on a bed thinking of nothing or say pouring a glass of water from the spigot while entranced by nothing that gentle pure space it's worth centuries of existence say just to scratch your neck while looking out the window at a bare branch that space there before they get to us ensures that when they do they won't get it all ever. ---------------------------- it's ours written by <3bug (poem title ripped off) vibrations like ripples in the distance between us maybe softer more subdued than the first splash i still hear it completely in the faintly echo and feel it warmly in my heart. |
| Tuesday, February 5th, 2002 | |
| 4:48 am | all the dreams we held so close...  Angelina Jolie shares a tattoo with a cambodian man crippled from a mine. Her journals detailing her journeys to Cambodia, Pakistan and Africa can be found at USA for UNHCR in the features section. Current Mood: touched |
| Saturday, February 2nd, 2002 | |
| 12:53 pm | * "maybe we'll be butterflies; that sounds so divine." Erykah Badu , next lifetime * |
| Wednesday, January 30th, 2002 | |
| 10:35 pm | thought we both could use a friend to run to.... ***hey jupiter.... nothing has been the same. -- jupiter is my ruling planet, because i am a saggitarius. i'm going to get the symbol for jupiter tattoo'd on my right arm. jupiter is the planet of expansion, excess, higher-learning, but also abuse. lucky star. |
| Tuesday, January 29th, 2002 | |
| 2:26 pm | ive posted 7 million times today i just ate rice. i wasnt hungry necessarily but felt like eating. i think ill have dinner tomorrow, too. eating is good. it's really, really good. piano lesson today. havent practiced a whole lot. soo busy my life. but when it's not then i'm bored.. so it's healthy this way. i think i could die tomorrow and be satisfied. i've only recently felt settled in my own pain and strife. in fact, life is too short for quarrells and worries and love translates on a higher plane of exsistence, and we are all family. |
| 9:56 am | day 5 so, i feel pretty good. and i dont know if its from the fast, but today i'm wearing this pair of jeans that i havent fit into in like a month. who knows? the only thing that sucks is sitting on the toilet and...you know.. damn, you can't imagine. ------- in other news, i talked to jess last night. i was really tired at first but then i had this laxitive tea which woke me up a lot and had my brain racing 5 million a minute. so i called her.. its so awesome to talk to her. i feel so much like MYSELF when i talk to her. she is one of the most accepting and non-judgemental people i know. i'm so blessed to know her and have her as a best friend. i miss her so much. she's always been the one to turn a gray day into a rainbow. so i can't wait to see her in march. and she really really really wants me to move out to california so now i am thinking that maybe i can make it out there for my 21st birthday, which would be in december of this year. because i think ill go crazy with another winter. i get really dark in the winter, it's sadness. ugh i feel sick suddenly. bye now. |
| 9:53 am | the gap the gap is evil, right? i think so.. especially when my friend hannah [who weighs 2 lbs] drags me in there to look at stuff. ofcourse her enthusiasm for the gap kinda breaks me as i start looking at clothes. [the gap has some good sales sometimes]. but alas, the gap is one of those places that you go, try on a pair of jeans that were made for someone with the figure of kate moss, and you try on 6 pairs of jeans and walk out empty handed feeling like a chunk. |
| Sunday, January 27th, 2002 | |
| 8:15 pm | day 3 hey everybody! so it's day 3 of the cleanse today. it's getting easier. yesterday was really hard. especially working at a natural foods store. today i had to make salads at work and i didn't have a bite of anything. last night though, i woke up in my sleep feeling really ill so i drank some water, which in turn made me vomit. no good. luckily i went to bed way early because i ended up laying awake in bed for a total of maybe 2-3 hours. just feeling ill. hot and colds. today much better. the laxative tea finally worked. i just had my first movement in two days. yeah. i keep having these insane pains in the abdomen though. just crazy shit going on in there. my friend dj is on this cleanse where you take this supplement with raw foods and it turns to a clay like material in your intestines and pushes everything out. gross. someone told me a story once about this woman who was having crazy pains doing a cleanse and she had this doctor look at a sample of her fecal matter and the doctor concluded that she was passing all this hardened CHEESE. apparently there is an element in cheese that you dont digest so well and it can deposit itself in your intestines. thats fucking nasty. thats why after this cleanse i am going vegan for life. mark my words. no milk, cheese. okay maybe honey. but hell no not dairy at all. and i will probably never drink coffee again, since most places you have to have cream or milk. plus coffee is gross. im going to start writing a diet for myself, a monthly one. and i will even figure it to correlate with my monthly cycle. it will be so easy to do shopping week by week too. veggies, fruits, nuts and berries is where its at. ill probably be drinking juices and rice milk but im not sure i'm going to want to drink beer even occasionally from now on. after all this de-toxification seems silly to get intoxicated in the near future. plus id like to quit smoking pot, too. who know's if i'll be able to, what with all my stoner friends. today i was thinking about the productivity of people and how pot really slows down my productivity sometimes. i could be doing so much more than i am. so in the future, maybe i could just drink some kava kava or something to wind myself down. besides, i think pot is what worsens my ADHD hardcore. i think if i stopped smoking it i would drop concerns for medication. its sad that people take it kinda personally when you don't smoke, though. they try to pressure you into it. who knows. another dilemma is whether or when i should move out of this apartment. i want to start walking to work as soon as it gets nice out and i know that will be kinda hard if i move back in with my parents who live about 8 miles from my work. so who knows. it's way convienient to live here, but i don't know if it's worth it if i am just saving up to leave. or maybe i'm not. the only thing about this cleanse is you are supposed to drink 6-8 glasses of the lemonade stuff a day, and i am lucky to drink three. really. so i don't know if i am dehydrating myself or being malnourished but i think that if i wanted more i would drink it so i am probably just listening to my body. yeah. my mind feels really clear right now but i know that when i quit stuff i get too much energy and it turns into stress. i don't know. wish me luck for my next 7 days. [i think this is the longest post i've ever posted.] peace and blessings. bug. |
| Friday, January 25th, 2002 | |
| 7:14 pm | detoxification hello. i'm just chilling right now at my parents house, doing some laundry. started that "master cleanse" (cayenne pepper, lemon, maple syrup. laxative tea) again today. going to give it another shot. i'm hoping that i can keep it up for two weeks. i'm not going to smoke pot at all ofcourse, either. right now i'm drinking the laxative tea. i'm kind of hungry but i'm going to have to get used to a little growly belly. i'm not following the diet that strictly because i am still going to have my yerba mate tea. which contains no toxins that i am aware of. i am going to need to have that, working as much as i do. it is very nutriutius and high in vitamins which is good. i keep going to the music. hannah and i dreamed up a name for a musical project we want to colaborate. shes going to be the face and i am going to be the woman behind the curtain. ha! so funny. i think about giving up everything. the apartment, drugs and drinks, new clothes, new cds... for making music. sometimes it seems thats the only way im going to get my hands on it before i turn 80 years old. other times its right there in front of me and i cradle it in the privacy of my own rhelm and i think "this is all i need". i've got a "slug under the rock" kind of attitude about most things like art and music. it's definetly not about "the show". it's a comfort thing. "music is just an escape" -- eyedea, winner of the detroit rap battle 2000 (very talented emcee) Current Mood: ...enduring |
| Tuesday, January 15th, 2002 | |
| 1:30 am | been writing in the sketch pad lately. its safer that way sometimes. don't really have to conceal anything. been writing letters but not sending them. have you ever written a letter to somebody just to keep it for yourself? finally visited the psychiatrist today. gotta get the chemicals in check. cloud 9 is fun on the weekends. but imagine cloud 9 all week long. thats my brain. it gets to the point where im being totally compulsive about remembering and doing everything and i just dont have the energy to try that hard. that, and although yerba mate works wonders, i doubt it is sufficient to treat adhd. then again, i never tried the extract.... i have to work tonight. 9pm till 7.30am. its kinda funny, working those hours...its almost like inducing trance. it is trance inducing. its sometimes easier to work in a trance. after your mind shuts off and you lose the will to amuse yourself. anyways. i hope everyone is doing alright. i think im going to go to barnes and nobles and hang out and read stuff. "if i could just find a good book to live in..." melanie i hate my posts & i think they are dumb. i pity you, the reader. |
| Monday, January 7th, 2002 | |
| 3:37 pm | happy new year been listening to nirvana's "in utero" lately.... "i miss the comfort in being sad" kurt cobain was a painter. |
| Monday, December 31st, 2001 | |
| 1:56 pm | "i like my beats funky, i'm spunky. i like my oatmeal lumpy." digital underground |