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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
apollo9's LiveJournal:
| Thursday, December 20th, 2001 | |
| 6:37 pm | I'm not stupid, I'm just doopid I heard that on an SNL show where Kevin Bacon was mocking "rap" star Ice Cube or whatever his stupid stage name is. Anyway, after a fiasco driving home (fighting traffic and trying to find alternate routes home while NOT paying attention and getting caught up in more unnecessary goddamn traffic due to lack of attention, etc) I finally arrrived HERE nearly 90 fucking minutes later. Life's a pip. I was also reminded today how archaic retail work really is. I hate retail so enough of that SHIT for now. I'm hungry, have sore legs/feet, and I'm tired but overall I'm not all that cranky. Give me a few hours and I'll be a real jerk. :) All I want to see is Episode II and don't have much of a care to see The Lord of the Rings at the moment. I mean, I think it would be interesting to see but I have no idea if I really want to see it with all the little brats and the adults who otherwise still think that AD&D; is "fun". In any event, I'll settle for a Saturday or Sunday afternoon matinee and leave it at that. I finally registered for De Anza college: Accounting 1A and a distance learning class aka "do it at home via the Net". Very cool. Cheap too. I was reading an instruction manual today and it reminded me of how much better I could have probably written it - a grim reminder that life isn't about fairness...at all. Like I said, this goddam job is turning my sharp mind to mush(well, not really but it FEELS like it since I'm not doing admin work anymore...not that admin work is brain surgery but, well, never mind!) so I need to go out and purchase an advanced and comprehensive manual for MS Office Suite 2000 and relearn Word, Excel, and Powerpoint for future temp assignments. Gods, I can't wait. It cannot happen fast enough. OK. I'm off to find food for now. Preferably at Chef Chu's or Peking Duck. :) :) :) Goodnight. Current Mood:  complacent |
| Wednesday, December 19th, 2001 | |
| 12:42 am | |
| Monday, December 17th, 2001 | |
| 10:43 pm | worked my butt off today.... ...and it feels good to finally be done. I've never worked this hard for such low pay but hey, I feel like I can finally respect this position now. My legs are sore but my belly is full and that's special to me. On another note, I just can't get into the whole "xmas" thing this year. I am so apathetic about it all. All I am really interested in is the house being in good condition for my family when the come over on 12/25 but the vacuuming and cleaning will just be more Zen for me in the end so that's no big whoop. I need to relax now though. I think I'll pour myself some rum and watch the boob tube for a tad bit. Goodnight chuckie! Current Mood:  soreCurrent Music: George Thorogood - 1 Bourbon, 1 Scotch, 1 beer |
| Sunday, December 16th, 2001 | |
| 7:37 pm | What kind of puddy am I???  Take the What Cat Are You? test by  webkin!Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Iggy Pop --- Lust for Life |
| 5:21 pm | wankers galore It never ends. First I think I've finally found an overwhelmingly thoughtful and mature community of atheists and then the straw house blows down: no such luck! I've had it with this nonsense. I've tried to be patient but enough is enough. I'm dealing with children on Atheist's World Community and I've gone full circle now. Just like the fundies, atheists online are just as lame. It's rather sad, too. But that's OK. My expectations weren't all that high with which to begin. Today I saw a friend in the City and later had lunch at a greasy spoon joint called Kam's. I got the BBQ ribs appetizer which was rather tasty but the garlic laden eggplant, much to my surprise, was "adequate" and LOOKED rather gross too. Last time I go there. The City was rather lovely today: overcast but warm, true blue for San Francisco. Later the sun broke through and I felt the lovely warmth on my chest as I drove home. I like that. Current Mood:  lethargic |
| Saturday, December 15th, 2001 | |
| 6:52 pm | reality IS cold cement and hot cheeseburgers Today I forgot to make my lunch so I ate more of the same old same old saturated fat food at McDonalds in the Stanford Shopping Center. Should be called the Stanford Snob Center but hey hey hey, the trophy wives wouldn't appreciate the blunt honestly. Anyway, as I sat there on the cold cement block eating my two baby cheeseburgers with fries and stale Coke, I took time out to glare at the little brat who was prancing around in her unkept red velvet dress while her cow of a mom just stood there like a dunce on prozac. The little crumb should have been verbally reprimanded sternly and told to behave like a little lady rather than the terror she is no doubt going to turn out to be. Oh well. It does go to show how piss poor some caucasions raise their kids. Now why would I say that? Let me tell you, after spending nearly three and a half years at Sears in the Men's Department at store #1658 in Northern California, I noticed time and time again how Mexicans and Caucasions disciplined their children. First off, the Mexicans did NOT use violence at all. At least I didn't see any of that in public. They'd simply pull their kids aside and chastise them without yelling and yes, the kid would cease being annoying. Compare this with a good chunk of the whites out there who would smack their kids around in public, humiliate them or worse (worse in this instance would equate with a little or a lot of both). I always felt sorry for those kids. Nonetheless, despite how I favor their treatment of their children, I cannot and WILL NOT tolerate them not learning English. I've very conservative on this issue. Learn English or don't live in the U.S. Period. Unfortunately I'm seen as a bigot or redneck if I take such a stance. At a recent party of ours I blurted this outloud while venting and a few people took offense. Later I did admit to one person that yes, I do think Spanish is a lovely latin-based language but it isn't my problem if they speak broken English God damn it. At least she understood; the other guy didn't speak to me for the rest of the party. Big deal!??! Not really. But back to my lunch. I noticed that in that little area of McDonalds, the people were more down to Earth, friendlier and overall more willing to rub shoulders. Yet, walk 50 yards back into the main walkway and walla! Snobbery galore! Eh, it really doesn't matter, it's all BS anyway, but I actually did enjoy my lunch. The burgers WERE good, despite their fast food qauality, and they were warm and after a few minutes i didn't even notice the cold cement under my ass. It was hard to believe today was Saturday. It's just a blur now. Six hours shot in a fucked up retail store somewhere in Palo Alto. Women's clothing no less. Same shit in and out all day. Trying to cram 12 hours of work into half that time and after awhile, not giving a damn. Even now, all I long for is a few bowls of Happy Happy Joy Joy and a cold beer for a cold night after a intellectually sluggish experience called employment. It may be the myth of Sisyphus "back there" but at least I'm smiling about it now. Goodnight! Current Mood: soreCurrent Music: New Order -- Ultraviolence |
| Friday, December 14th, 2001 | |
| 9:23 pm | brain dead I'm trying to get the words out but all that I'm generating is flatulence!! It's just not time to write stuff down, I guess. I'm so tired, I think I'll head to bed earlier than usual tonight. Current Mood:  giddyCurrent Music: some damn Elvis tune....arrrrrrrrrgh! |
| Wednesday, December 12th, 2001 | |
| 11:49 pm | the night out Tonight was rather nice, I must say. The day began with me having lunch with my great parents at Greens in the Fort Mason center. I had this nuvo Shepard's Pie (you know, I've no idea if this noun should be possessive or not!?!) and shared a slice of pumpkin cheesecake with ginger bread crust with Mom and Dad. Very tasty lunch. Very healthy too. Less fat is good fat as well. For supper I was taken to my FAVORITE Italian restaurant, Cafe Spiazzo over on West Portal Avenue. This is such a great place to eat: a considerable selection of dishes, incredibly tasty food, moderately priced and of course, owned and operated by the best people on Earth, Italians!!!! I highly recommend it. And yes, I am biased. :) Finally, we went to a club of sorts (I usually have a problem calling an establishment a club if it DOESN'T serve hard liquor -- which was a pisser tonight because I really wanted a martini...just one!) to see a friend play in his blues/rock band. I really enjoyed the music and I am now motivated to learn swing dancing since this was the kind of place where free form dancing is NOT appropriate. Like I said though, damn good music. S. mentioned to me that when the vocalist came on, that this kind of music is how the old R&B; USED to be way back when. Well, all I can say is that it knocked my socks off. EXCELLENT MUSIC!!! Basically, a combo of R&B; and Blues. The woman vocalist's voice just warmed me up! I can easily see myself listening to it more and more in the near future. Anyway, I'm tired now so I'm gonna hit the hay. Thanks to the_ogre for the b-day wish. :) |
| 4:13 pm | wishful thinking I was in a dept store today on my way back from SF where I had a lovely lunch with my parents at Greens in the Fort Mason Center, and saw what I thought said "Godless America" on a shirt. My heart started racing and I thought..."could this really be true!" I mean, here was a shirt with "Godless America" AND a bright American flag. Alas, I was mistaken (of course)! It read the old line that we see all over the place by poor confused theistic Americans. Oh well, for a moment, I was thrilled. *big grin* Current Mood:  thankful |
| Tuesday, December 11th, 2001 | |
| 10:47 pm | day before the big b-day That's right, tomorrow at 8:05 AM is when I turn 32. I have to agree with Seinfeld on this one though, living to my next birthday doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment, not that it has to be one, mind you, but sometimes I don't see the big deal in it all. Then again, I DO enjoy the attention but I think it all really has to do with the reality that I know that the special people who are most close to me, care about me in that way that no one else really can. Now that I am older I really appreciate my parent's company and love and I know that when I am much much older, and they are no longer around, I will miss all their attention and love. Even now it saddens me to think of such things but hey, that's Life. Believe it or not, I'm enjoying my job in retail more and more. It's odd for me to admit, but I think I can actually achieve some sort of personal satisfaction from all this shit. :) I cooked up a great meal tonight I was feeling so good, even though I am also feeling so tired: spiced up pork chops (smothered in spicy black bean chili pepper sauce), with steamed veggies, and rice also smothered in fresh pomodoro sauce. It was all very tasty. It was also nice eating with our roommie MH. I miss him at the dinner table. He's a good soul and person. One of those genuinely nice people you don't meet all the time these days. Anyway, I have work to do before the friggin' landlord arrives, but I won't break my back over it, thank you. Ciao for now. Current Mood:  drained |
| Saturday, December 8th, 2001 | |
| 6:36 pm | I'm sweet baby, yeah  Strawberry: 40/100 Pear: 20/100 Banana: 10/100 Tomato: 10/100 Lemon: 15/100 Take the What Fruit Are You? test by webkin and aaronr! |
| Tuesday, December 4th, 2001 | |
| 1:14 pm | shit happens About ten minutes after my wife left for work, I recieved a phone call from her, informing me that she had just had a car accident. Her car is rather fucked up right now, but it could have been MUCH worse. Basically, she swerved to miss a kitty licking its paws in the street and lost control and spun a good 180 degrees to the other side of the road and creamed/destroyed one of those 911 call boxes. By the time I had arrived, she had retrieved her glasses that had flown off her face, an indy construction company was there tending to her and then CalTrain showed up till the police arrived. She had the car towed and then we went out to breaky (aka breakfast, pronounced "brekky, short sound on the "e") and then came home. She's still rather shaky and didn't want to work (and as a manager she can work from home anyway). SO, I probably won't go out again but will at least sign up for classes and do some housework. On another note, I'm finally over the nervousness of working in retail in the "stockroom". I still DO NOT LIKE that I have to work with three guys who are not native English speakers but oh well. Such things like this just make me want to close our borders to Spanish speaking third world nations and make English the offical language of the U.S. No kidding! I'm finally going to Larry's whisky taster bash this year. That'll be cool as it runs on a Tuesday and I usually get those off. Collision insurance and cell phones are GOOD things. :) Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Apollo 9 by Adam Ant |
| Sunday, December 2nd, 2001 | |
| 9:54 pm | today was good I went to San Francisco and saw an old aquaintance again. I'll be seeing this person regularly again. Not a lover, somewhat of a friend, always a good listener. I then fed myself some leg of lamb at our old favorite diner, then drove to the beach to watch the awesome waves, the foam blowing in the heavy breeze, and discovering shells and sand dollars. The wind was magical, the air was intoxicating, and I felt at home again. When I pass on, I want my ashes returned to the Mother's water from which I arose nearly 31 years ago. Throw a party in my name and be done with it. The Chinese do just that, and it's something I find very comforting. Retail is doing one good, very good thing for me: it's forcing me to open up and as a result, I'm opening up to those around me more who are strangers. I find the joy of helping another to be addicting and quite honestly, I can see this as a way to attack my fear at all levels. Amuzing how it all comes full circle now. I've had it with "friends" who are not reciprocal. SR is on her own now. No more phone calls to her. The lease on my patience has terminated now. Ciao bella, maybe you'll come around, but maybe not. I no longer care. Current Mood:  goodCurrent Music: something old ..singers & standards |
| Wednesday, November 28th, 2001 | |
| 9:51 am | cold cold cold It's funny, sort of anyway. Our power is off for over 48 hours and when PG&E; finally get off their lazy asses to correct the problem, the other company, Amerigas, conveniently fails to deliver more propane! Now we have no running hot water, period. Nevermind that we told those assholes that we have four humans living here now. No, that doesn't matter. This is the problem, at least one of 'em anyway, with having only one energy provider for gas, electricity, etc. It's really absurd and the abuses that continue under these dictatorships are fueled by the reality that no one else can come to the rescue of the consumer. I wish I had another place to work that the Kult of CWC, but oh well. Looking is grim as I've begun to do so again....I am not happy. All my buttons are being pushed and I feel a negative darkness closing in around me on this one. JJ is right. At least I am working "in the back", despite the proximity to the salesfloor. I want to be overloaded with schoolwork. I feel as if my mind is going to mush in this environment. I should buy one of those advanced MS Office manuals and get back up to speed. I am cold and I have to leave in another thirty minutes to work. I am so tired of computers too...so impersonal and time consuming. Maybe I'll just use my box to practice MSOffice, do this journal thang, and buy stuff online. I don't even want to chat, even for a tad bit. I have no motivation to do so now. I feel a major BITCH mode coming up so I'm going away for now. Current Mood:  crappy |
| Monday, November 26th, 2001 | |
| 11:43 pm | frozen cherry jello The Subject line just came to me in a fit of frustration. Sometimes I wish I could float in something as light and tasty and bouncy as jello and fall into a deep sleep. And wake up a thousand years later after being frozen in the stuff! All for a change of pace where I am not constantly looking for a goddamned viable career (which I won't have to love, just like), and am not constantly thinking of where I am now at 31 years of age -- and where I could be. YES, YES, it is BAD for me to think such things. After all, how could I now compare my 20/20 vision with my actions of the past?!? Silly, right? Well so the fuck what. I think I've transcended pessimism into full-blown cynical pessimism with a equally healthy dose of skepticism. Regrettably, from time to time, I get really down on myself though. Still, whenever I look back on it all, I realize how lame it all really was and move on. I've NEVER ever, EVER looked back and laughed on it. Some people tell me that they can look back on pain and laugh it off as if it were nothing. Not me. Not at all. Sometimes the pain is as sharp as it was then, as if I can almost feel the vicious schoolyard teasing, the horrible agony of romantic loss, the mind deafening frustration of indirection, indecision, and worst of all, being too afraid to take beneficial action (well, NOW I know this, wasn't all that aware at first, you know?. I like that line from the character Father Dan in the trite little movie, Jeffrey, where, the good father says: "The only time I feel the presence of God, really feel it, is during sex and a great broadway musical." I'm an atheist but I really dig that line. I had a dream the other night. It was about retail. But I loved THIS retail job. I was the sole "specialty salesman" (I love using the word "salesman". I've never liked that PC feminist version of it, aka, salesperson). My bosses were four MTF transgendered ladies with impeccable fashion and witty humour speckled with compassion and genuine friendship. I even had customers: two mob bosses looking for gold watches. I've no idea what it means, well, actually I do but that'll be my little secret for now. Odds are I'll forget what the secret is in a few weeks or so, no matter. Big Grin! Current Mood:  cynicalCurrent Music: Opening title from _The Bounty_ by Vangelis |
| Tuesday, November 20th, 2001 | |
| 9:21 am | English speakers ONLY please Well well, my day began with a failed attempt at warm rice cereal. The goddamned microwave killed it so I dumped it all out in anger and I'll have to find something else to eat. I wanted something that didn't contain any meat so now I've no fucking clue as to what to consume. Maybe I'll just have some coffee and toast up a bagel. On a total non-sequitor, I've been thinking about libertarianism and my personal desire to see English as the official language of the United States. One big phat problem with libertarianism is that it is, for the most part, a pipe dream; a theory that has no root in the American psyche as we know it. It's a nice thing to talk about but regrettably, the U.S. and most of its constituents are far too dependent on the feds for just about everything, including the right to NOT speak and UNDERSTAND proper American English in our educational and business communities. So, with respect to "English First", FUCK LIBERTARIANISM. I fully support a Constitutional Amendment making English the official language of the United States, and libertarians and liberals alike can go bugger off with respect to this issue. It's nice to argue that people just shouldn't patronize businesses that hire Spanish speaking/understanding people, but IN REALITY, libertarian principle has no real bearing on what really is as opposed to what it SHOULD BE. Anyway, wanted to get that off my chest. Current Mood:  determinedCurrent Music: Madonna - like a prayer |
| Monday, November 19th, 2001 | |
| 9:52 am | I didn't realize it at first, but honestly, I am bummed that I didn't get to go to the knotty boys workshop on suspension. I made special effort to get up early after the PPP to fuel my vehicle and get cash out, and then race home after that LAME ASS store meeting at CWC which I am growing to tolerate by the day. It is also a great motivator to find other work and get off my butt and get in contact with De Anza ASAP. Anyway, there's part of me that is also bummed because I missed the meteor show PURPOSELY in order to get decent sleep to hit the store meeting AND do the knotty boys. Part of me feels ripped off but I'll drop it after this post, no point in dwelling on it. I think If I really want to continue going to the aforementioned workshops I'll just have to find another person. MM was interested so I'll give her a jingle and see if she wants to go next time around. That's the ticket!! :) Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: sade - by your side |
| Tuesday, November 13th, 2001 | |
| 1:56 am | Consistency Retail sucks - but at least it's consistent -- nice to know that retail execs still have the attitude that treating others like shit is morally acceptable. Corporate assholes. Yes, retail still sucks. When I finallly leave this retail cult known as CWC, I'll never ever set foot in one of its stores again. :) Current Mood: relaxedCurrent Music: "It's Not Unusual" - Tom Jones |
| Sunday, November 11th, 2001 | |
| 11:03 pm | Saw Mulholland Drive tonight. True to form, confusing film. Someone told me it had HOT LEZBO sex scenes but alas, I guess the person who told me and I entertain different versions of what is HOT LEZBO SEX. Then again, if my version was realized on screen, it would be X rated. On this note, I think "America's kids" would be for the better if films contained extensive sexuality with ZERO amounts of violence on screen. Where R rated films were for the violence and sex, even graphic sex between consenting adults was the norm (in context of course). This way kids would learn early that nudity IS different from sex, that sex is not something wrong or dirty (save for the poor, confused fundamentalists who don't know any better), and something else I cannot remember riight now. One way I know I'm tired is that my short term memory begins to crap out on me. Before I go, I just have to mention that in SF today, although there was rain and dark clouds about, there was this beautiful warm wind blowing through the City. Almost magical. I love the Fall. Current Mood:  thoughtfulCurrent Music: Enya |
| Wednesday, November 7th, 2001 | |
| 9:42 pm | Questions for ANYONE on my friend's list: 1. How would you define "American Culture." 2. In your humble opinion, what does patriotic mean? 3. When you hear "traditional values," what do you immediately think of? Why? Merci! |
