Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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11:52 pm - i am the dog that ate your birthday cake
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[listening to] sparklehorse
slept on and off all day/night long.
wasn't so much that i didn't want to see people
there just isn't anything to say to any of them today.
laying in bed
playing with my pets...i love them
obtaining my nutrients from this kool-aid jammer
looking at the reflection of my breasts on the oven door
laundry
re-activated on moc
looking equally as spectacular today unshowered as i did last night...a tad big disheveled though
nobody wants to play with me anymore
somebody buy me a webcam
i think that i will sleep a big longer.
current mood: vitamin c
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1:46 pm
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[listening to] sparklehorse
last night was le tigre.
v for vendetta's queer music was absolutely enjoyful.
the wau wau sisters were genius/hilarious/hott.
le tigre was amazing.
everybody was dancing...and even though that resulted in some shmuck spilling his vodka tonic on my pants, you can't blame the boy for having to move.
i left the echo reeking of cigarettes, overly confident lesbians, and hairspray [a big what's up to the bitch in front of me with the pony tail...i hate you and your ugly hair].
my kenneth coles resulted in multiple aches and pains within the upper back/shoulders area but that all went away when we danced.
i want to marry the girl in the green high heels, please?
i fell in love with all three members of le tigre equally...even J.D....as unexpected as that was.
wish we could've stayed and socialized afterwards but both rebekka and myself were dehydrated and on the verge of blacking out...i should really try and remember to eat on a daily basis.
came home and found take out boxes of cheesecake brownies from the cup on erin's car...still trying to figure out who left them there.
good show...too many people...empty stomach
it would've been better had it been at the 40 watt
not sure if i'm going to nashville next weekend to see kind of like spitting...some kids were telling me that they saw him perform a while ago in nashville and he was horrible...i really don't feel like having to face the fact that he sucks live.
i am so confused about what i want.
don't you hate it when you have the picture of perfection in your head and then you begin to realize that it just is not possible for you and that it really is not what you want at all?
it takes meeting new people to make you realize how irritated you are with your friends.
everything is so messy around here lately.
whether it be my place or my life in general.
i feel like pressing pause so that i can straighten up before everything starts moving again.
jami said i was picky
mikey said i was beautiful and couldn't take a compliment
i kneed the tall guy when he tried to obtain more room so that he could put his arm around his girlfriend
i was referred to as the mod girl with the lipstick
i think that sums who i am up pretty well? hah
current mood: simple
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Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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8:54 pm
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all i wanna know is....
how in the hell did a 130 lb Japanese boy eat 31 hot dogs and come out with his pink tank top without so much as a spot of moisture on it?
he's attractive, too....if he traded that pink tank top in for something a tad more stylish he'd give lam a run for his money.
current mood: silly asians
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Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
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9:13 pm
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[listening to] THE ESSEX GREEN - 'mrs. bean'
slept at erin's apartment for a few days...leaving occasionally to retrieve food because cream of wheat is sick. she did however prepare some perogies last night for us mmmmmm
reid had a party-get together at his place. i spent a majority of the time kicking sweet ass on his pool table, trying to unscratch his dinosaur jr cd's, and performing what could be considered traditional irish festival dancing with bert ?
afterwards i drove over to the cup to do a little reading before i called it quits...erin [the boy] just so happened to be parking right next to me. more instances of subtle chivalry and bashful fumbling were instituted. they should always hold the door for you, ladies. he chose conversing with me over his newspaper. totally secluded on our portion of the couch, we finally had our first unaccompanied conversation. about fucking time if you ask me. yes i know i know...so we sat and spoke over coffee for an hour or so...nothing major...he did, however, watch me drive away because i was watching him stand there out of the corner of my eye.
le tigre this friday. jami has announced herself as my beloved sugarmomma and has suggested i give her tips on how to become stylish and in exchange she will pay for me to get into shows. jami, if you throw in those foxy sunglasses i want and a supercult membership and i say deal.
current mood: missing erin's perogies
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Saturday, February 16th, 2002
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9:23 am - you're floating...and i'm about to flush your ass
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[listening to] the slits - 'shoplifting'
you plead numerous times for them to remember to do this one small favor for you
you've had a shitty day and things are obviously not going to get less shitty
you're sitting...waiting...knowing that when they get back and they have it that everything will be so much better...things won't be fabulous but they won't be so shitty
they come home
empty handed
and unapologetic
FUCK YOU FUCCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUU
...and that's when you grab your keys and trek it over to erin's apartment for comfort food and the hackers dvd in hopes that angelina jolie will direct your mind to better things.
i'm incredibly ill this morning.
i had the begining symptoms for a cold yesterday but this sickness is now in full effect.
my head and breasts feel as if they were pummeled with a frying pan and then my body was carelessly tossed into this room. my nose might as well not have holes and you would've thought a simple task such as going downstairs to do a load of laundry was as strenuous as running three fucking miles judging by my lack of breath/stamina to barely make it back up the fucking staircase.
good thing i have a plethora of errands to run today.
current mood: lousy
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Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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7:46 pm - i think it's the lipstick
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[listening to] the dandy warhols
back to square one.
i find myself staring at you
not particularly in any fashion
....just staring at you
just enough cash to fill my tank, grab a chai latte, purchase a satisfacotory shade of red lipstick, and make an appointment with my stylist.
was i the only one who couldn't differentiate today from any other day? i suppose i have never been apt to the cliche depression that most singles so ridiculously complain about. chocolate isn't my thing and balloons are so untasteful. wake me up with oral sex or fuck me in a park on our way back from brit pop night...roses are b-o-r-i-n-g and if you're going to hand me a card, it's content better be written in your blood.
i am going insane
so fucking beautiful....please stop
fascination can be too much
laying here
don't want to remove my toes from the wall
current mood: fascinatedifferent
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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9:34 pm
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Sunday, February 10th, 2002
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3:14 pm - every love is your best love
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[listening to] songs: ohia - 'coxcomb red'
i curled up on the couch with a book...be that it wasn't my couch...but couches can be generalized and they usually bring about a semblance of familiarity and comfort...for me at least.
i needed to read
it helps
one isn't exactly apt for wallowing in their sorrows when vonnegut is illustrating such perverse verities in such strong sarcasm
newspaper boy brought me my pear flavoured beverage
sitting...reading...staring...reading...reading
later in the evening we all watched fight club at goolsby's new apartment.
how was i to know her roomate was gay? the pink silk pajama pants should have been a palpable indication...but he lacked the stereotypical homosexulal exagerrations and i know far better than to assume such a thing.
oh my...yes him...the boy...what about the boy? he was there...i had a general plan of what was going to occur last night but nothing followed through. it just was not the right time or place. i'm trying not to become too discouraged by all of what i found out...things are moving too slow for my tastes...i lack patience and i become anxious in his presence. this is merely a small bump in the road...i am positively overanalyzing.
[current mood] overly anticipating...almost like a nap
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1:52 pm - you can almost taste it
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I am Drama Queen!
I'm refined, opinionated, and passionate. Being around me is like being in a movie. I keep myself in the spotlight by being outrageous. I like to put myself in high-drama situations because I thrive under those circumstances. People probably wouldn't deal with me so readily if I weren't so gorgeous.
In truth, I'm really just a sensitive person who is scared of disappearing.
What kind of beauty are you? find out at Swimmingly!
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Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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2:49 pm - i love you....fetch me a straw
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[listening to] the make-up - 'white belts'
reasons
a warm greeting
an instance of subtle chivalry
meaningful glances...or so i assume
larkish behavior
understating the somewhat unobvious
bag this gent
tonight.
thanks kerry ;]
current mood: fond
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12:21 am - dark glamour
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[listening to] glass candy - 'brittle women'
i detest the phrase "falling in love"
yet i cannot think of a fitting substitute at the moment.
and if i could...i would use it right now.
nothing like topping a pleasant evening off with a house stocked full of fresh groceries!
current mood: consumed
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Friday, February 8th, 2002
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10:01 am - i don't see what anyone can see anyone else
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[EXCUSE ME BUT] who are: KillMe, RandomAss, and zzxbdfhfg ?
my psychology professor was telling my class that at her last place of employment, one of her fellow teachers informed her that she still breast fed and showered with her 13 yr old son. how....french!
mmmm chai lattes with honey = liquid gingerbread
i was a bit disappointed to find out that he has classes every thursday night. the disappointment was made up for in the act that so many special people were at the cup last night...it was good times. ashley dunn [aka the HOTTEST GIRL EVER WHOM I HAVE YET TO TALK TO UNTIL LAST NIGHT] ran up to me and told me that she thought i had the hottest hair and that when she first saw me a few weeks ago she thought to herself "mmm her bangs...rude girls = gold". too bad her boyfriend is a fucking tool.
i wispered to katie that her combination of red lipstick/black eye makeup was enough to drive me mad! she is absolutely scandalous and i love it.
my arms are so sensitive. even the slightest poke inflicted on my arms causes an intense soreness. i think it was because when i was a little girl my mother's boyfriend would punch my arms....or it could just be that i'm a fucking wuss.
[group discussion on how boys have absolutely no common sense when it comes to having girlfriends]
ben: god yes let's just kill allll of the boys
me: good thing you're a girl, ben
ben: yah i totally set myself up for that one
me: another pink cigarette, love?
ben: yes ;[
erin has been making me listen to the moldy peaches cd in my car. lo-fi = gold. i should start listening to all of these cd's i own.
current mood: distant
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Thursday, February 7th, 2002
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4:15 pm - take it
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10:11 am - it's alright because i will be miles away
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[listening to] the dears
do you ever listen to a song and get this warmness in your forearms...this tightening in your muscles along with an itch in your knees that forces you to squeeze your toes and bite your lip? i do....i really really do.
tonight...well tonight i'm doing something for him that i havn't done for myself in a long time. i promised myself that i was through with it and i always speak against it...but i won't be happy unless i get to see him and i suppose that it really isn't all that bad...it's just going to be a bit uncomforatable at times.
i want a tambourine.
erin, kristin, and i watched Requiem For A Dream last night at her apartment. i had seen it on a few other occasions but this was erin's first time. well to start off i should say that this was the DVD un-edited version. i asked myself what in the hell they could've edited out because the edited version is pretty fucking dirty. well basically they edited out the specific shots in the scene where the two girls are fucking ass to ass. i found it absolutely hilarious. such excellent cinematography. i, of course, was a bit shaken up after having seen the movie my first time...but by this time i was pretty oblivious to it...erin however, after having seen Harry's arm etc. ran and vomited in her bathroom. hahahahahahha she even covered her eyes during the ass scene. unbelievable how a foul mouthed pervert such as myself and her are such good friends.
hahahahahaha kristin is across the room molesting a piece of candy and giving me the look aaaaaaaw do me! too bad she's LISTENING TO BRIGHT EYES YOU SILLY GIRL GOD QUIT LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER BYE
current mood: canadianice
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Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
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9:30 pm - don't want to see you floating on the top
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[listening to] pinback
i had this incredibly lengthy entry all written out
and then i remembered how much i never read long entries.
i am very picky and my friends never think the people i am interested in are good enough or me.
i, however, usually take the opposing opinion and assume that i am not good enough for them....oh but sometimes i know they aren't good enough for me and that's when i realize what a fucking snob i can be.
i become overly jealous via assuming somebody is amazingly special and realizing they have friends/lovers.
i just want to be close to them.
most are never half as special as i imagine.
i'm hoping some will suprise me.
as serious as i'd like to think i am
i'm just this sarcastic girl who still finds humping her friends a good source of humor. if you can't laugh at humping...well then you're probably mature god where am i going with this.
too tired to put forth the effort these days.
current mood: barefoot
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10:35 am - she was in the parking lot
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today i chose warmth over fashion appeal *gasp*
today i am sporting this incredibly dis-tasteful [in my opinion] sweater that was given to me as a christmas gift from my mother.
she was glad to have seen me wearing it though.
it is raining today.
not the good kind of rain though...not the kind that i am usually glad to see arrive...but instead the bad kind? you know....when it's already a crisp chill outside and you aren't vibing with the deathly scenery shit...yah that kind.
my bipolar tendencies are kicking in.
i was on the verge of crying simply because i think erin [the boy] has the most beautiful lips ever and for some reason that causes me to tear up...then i look to my right and see erin [the girl]...she is keeping me smiling today with her keen sense of fashion...looking all hot as shit today and what not awww...even her headphones go with that blouse.
i don't want to drive downtown in a fucking flood so there is a fifty percent chance that i will not be seeing erin [the boy] today and it fucking ruins me.
i dreamt that the guitarist for les savy fav asked me to hang out with them after a show...surely it wasn't really Seth Jabour but the boy was cast as being him. the invitation lead to me choosing to spend the weekend with him rather than going to visit my dying grandfather [who of course is already dead] so obviously this is a fictional dream. i am curious as to just what this one was trying to say...that i am secretly a selfish shallow sex crazed groupie? ....oh wait....scratch the secretly part.
i'm designing some pieces of furniture to go adorn my room....dan's going to build them for me. i'm going to go look for the paints i need. we bought this house two years ago and i still have a few boxes full of shit i never wanted in the first place waiting to be thrown away....that and books that i have no shelf space space for.
you must have a thing for tile
our lips are heavy
sit with me
we will browse through this magazine
and our wrists will touch like phrases
current mood: looking down
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Tuesday, February 5th, 2002
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8:49 pm
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i need somebody to send me the html codes for those hip new scroll bars everybody is incorporating into their pages these days...pretty please? either that or fucking do it for me k thx!
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9:41 am - get into the groove
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[listening to] madonna - the immaculate collection cd
i want to dance....no no....i need to dance.
this chairrrrr will die.
too bad this is a computer lab and not 80's night ;[
it's only tuesday and i'm already so fucking pumped about this weekend.....or whenever i may happen to see him.
shake shake shake owwwwwww meow
ever notice how even when you aren't dancing....you are?
aw shucks.....i'm blushing....come here youuuuu
current mood: sensational
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Monday, February 4th, 2002
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10:44 am
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books on the floor beside my bed:
- breakfast of champions // Kurt Vonnegut
- slaughterhouse-five // Kurt Vonnegut
- a clockwork orange // Anthony Burgess
pieces of music in my players:
- pinback // blue screen life
- sparklehorse // it's a wonderful life
- beulah // when your heartstrings break
clothing on my body:
- jeans
- green socks
- gray zip up sweater
things that happened today worth mentioning:
- this class was once again *gasp* boring
- lunch in one minute
- au revoir
current mood: htmloathing
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Sunday, February 3rd, 2002
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1:08 pm - eliminate the need for water
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[listening to] pinback - 'seville'
big smile.
last night consisted of kristin, jennifer, rebekka, and i meeting katie, and what she simply described as "us" at ingleside..."us" ended up being a bunch of her stratford girls and ERIN smiiiiiiile.
he's so fucking gorgeous to me.
that was followed by going to the cup and sitting on the terrace where he was fucking hilarious and we actually got to talk and what not. there was some local band playing inside and it was far too crowded for my mood. erin had to go home and katie was sick so as he was walking around the corner to leave i yelled "byyyyye erin" and he stops, turns his head and smiles for like five minutes and goes "i'll see you later, nicole" and as he was driving off he rolled down his window and waved at me SMILE SMILE SMILE
then we went to carol's apartment where we smoked COLORED CIGARETTES OH MY GOD SO TOPS...anyways i was going through her refridgerator and i found chai mix so i poured some in a glass and added milk, stirred, and drank some....i noticed that the chai wasn't mixing all too well with the milk so after a few sips i checked the date on the milk...only to find out that IT EXPIRED OVER A MONTH AGO...what in the hell carol???? so yah i've had stomach cramps on and off all morning.....rancid milk ;[
i'm about to clean up and head back over to rebekka's where we are having an anti-superbowl get together. erin, katie, and i are supposed to get together though if she isn't still sick.
katie says she is "all about nicole".
i adore her.
ben and i were in my car listening to otis redding and he said "nicole.....a lot of people really like you now" GOD AS OPPOSED TO ALOT OF PEOPLE NOT LIKING ME BEFORE WHATTTTTTT??
current mood: a better version of sunday
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