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Tuesday, May 29th, 2001
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8:59 pm - Change of Journals.
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Hey you guys, my summer journal is now going to be kept under the username
amyzb03
Please delete the old! Thanks!
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| Monday, May 14th, 2001
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2:30 pm - HOBY
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Oh my goodness, I just went through THE best weekend of my life! I attended the HOBY Leadership conference this past weekend, I met some absolutely incredible people...it was just all out awesome!
My group was labeled Table #14...Shoutouts to Kim, Katie, Thomas, Tyler, Reece, Ne-Ne, Megan and Mrs. Linda Crochet! I had an OUTSTANDING time! Our table most definitely had the cutest guys ;) ;) All the counselors were really amazing, the nicest people ever! I was so sad to see the weekend end!
I can't believe it...this is my last full week of school. And it's not even really a full week! I get out early Wed.-Fri. YAY! Summer is upon us!
School is going well. Tomorrow, the girls are throwing a summer b-day party for Princess Katy and myself :) That should be interesting...
Pat, princess Katy, Gwenny, Lewis, Mary, M&M;, Sheena gurl, Ya'll RULE! I swear, I don't know WHAT I would do without you guys...you are the best sistahs anyone could ask for.
I wanna give a shoutout to Jared Richardson, I realized the other day that I have not mentioned him ONCE in my whole journal! Let me say now, Jared, you RULE and I love ya bunches! Don't worry babe, you'll get spikey again real soon, PATIENCE my dear!
Aight, gotta cram for 2 exams that I've got in store for me tomorrow...see ya!
current mood:  busy
current music: "SHAKE YER BOOTY" ~Hoby knows where I'm comin' from!
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| Monday, May 7th, 2001
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10:23 pm - NO longer lonely....
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I haven't written in so long...where do I begin?
Let me start my saying that I am one single slice of beef cake where the relationship status is concerned.
Life has been crazy. I have been sick on and off...my immune system is getting weaker and weaker everyday.
The main reason I wanted to update is because I needed a way to release stress and I've found that when you type extremely fast and don't mess up any, your soul begins to feel free and when you finally turn the computer off after a couple of hours of online presence, you could just float.
Amen siztahs!
"Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz
"Lady Marmalada" Moulin Rouge 2001 Soundtrack
"Drops of Jupiter" by Trane
"Quasimodo" by Life House
All inspiring songs. Everyone should download them. I got the Jewel CD this weekend, my heavens, she is so inspiring! I actually picked up a pen today and began to write...
Haven't written a short story in quite some time. I used to write all fan-fiction...now I am headed in the more realistic - this could happen - type direction. Wish me luck!
current mood:  amused
current music: "Happy Face" Destiny's Child
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| Tuesday, April 17th, 2001
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7:37 am - Happy Birthday, it's a Happy Birthday!
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Well, it seemed like it was for Randall....I hope it was! I got to spend most of my afternoon with him after play practice. He's all I have, I almost cried when he had to leave me that night. Molly and I rented up some movies, and when he came over we watched parts of them all. Billy Madison, Superstar, and Happy Gilmore. COMEDY! I love him so much, I will absolutely DIE if I lose him. No joke, because right now, he is all that I've got. HE'S 16! Hooray!
Yesterday Mom and Dad finally got all the stuff we need to box in our carport and turn it into and extra room, probably like a game room. I can't wait, it's gonna be awesome!
The play is Wednesday, I can't wait. I DO get to wear a costume! Hooray! I didn't think I was going to be seen at all, but I found out yesterday that I do get to come out at the end and say my last line...dressed as a ghost! How niffty is that?!
Nothing significant that I say stands out.
current mood:  drained
current music: "I Miss You" Incubus
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2001
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3:14 pm - Sometimes I just wanna....leave
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Things go good, life goes great, then you get crushed like a tiny lil' bug that doesn't amount to anything.
I have heard that it is a sin to say that you hate things, it's wrong, it's a very very strong word that has deep meaning. Well, I strongly dislike people in general. Everyone is out to hurt everyone, there are no nice people. Everyone is evil.
I keep getting knocked off my feet then standing back up again. I am getting weaker and weaker, pretty soon I won't even been able to stand and hold my own weight. I don't know what it is to have a true friend. I've forgotten the joy of having a best friend. There's no one for me to talk to, noone who TRULY understands me.
I keep getting left out. Am I really that uncool? How many efforts do I have to make just to win one true friend? Am I trying too hard? Or is it just in every single person I know's blood to hurt me in every way that they can? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME? WHY CAN'T I HANG OUT WITH YOU PEOPLE? I want a true friend so bad that I can't sleep, I'm going downhill fast...I'm sick of this. I am worn out of trying to impress people. I DON'T care anymore. I'll NEVER fit in...no matter how hard I try.
To those people who keep telling me "Oh Amanda, stop it" "Oh Amanda, quit feeling sorry for yourself" "Oh Amanda, GET A LIFE!" Well, I am trying! But you insist on knocking me over! I'm up for the last time, I can't fall again. I hate the world today.
current mood:  angry
current music: "No Windows" Scott Moffatt
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| Saturday, April 14th, 2001
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4:21 pm - Happy Birthday to da' Baker men!
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Today is Randall's daddy's birthday...then Monday it'll be Randall's 16th! Yay!
Yesterday we had a blast in Memphis. I think Randall had a good time, we were ALL worn out though! Long day of shopping. I got alot accomplished, I have a nice summer wardrobe, I R happy :D I got Randall a sexy Hawaiian shirt from Target for his b-day...it's really s-weet. He is so hot...omg....I just can't get over it. His GORGEOUS blue eyes...I could just melt! On the way home everyone was awake and hyper but me, they say I slept for a good while. I woke up on Randall's shoulder and Molly and her friend Gina in the backseat laughing. His mom, Mrs. Tammy, wanted me to scan some pictures of Bro. Randy for the big birthday party he had today, so Randall and I stayed here at home and worked on pics while Mom, Dad, and Molly took Gina home. Then we..um...sorta watched "Black Sheep" *wink wink* I caught a few parts of it *again, wink wink*
The birthday party today was fun fun! It was really funny, with a Lordy Lordy, Look who's 40! theme. Too funny :D
We got to dye Easter eggs today, yay! My fingers are like, bright green...kinda icky but oh wells.
I really gotta get off here now, my aunt and uncle are down for the day :D Chow!
current mood:  silly
current music: "The Way You Love Me" Faith Hill
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| Thursday, April 12th, 2001
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6:16 pm - I wrote a song for you..and all the thing you do..and it was called "Yellow"
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Thaz a mellow song...it's soothing to the ear :D
Why do these seriously obese girls sit in front of mirrors, primp, then turn and look at you, being at least 200 pounds less them, and they snub you?! Never made sense to me. This really chubby girl looked at me today cause I was pulling my shirt up my off of my burnt back and she just griped me out! Ugh! Look at her...she's thinks she's SO HOT! I didn't do anything! MY BACK WAS KILLING ME! SHEESH!
*calmness is a virtue*
Tomorrow I get to see my favorite person in this world! Randall and I are going to Memphis with my family...we are gonna have SO much fun!
Our history teacher's mother died today. Very sad :( She wasn't at school, therefore we didn't have to take this SERIOUSLY hard test that we were gonna have to take if she had been there.....
Before we left this afternoon, my so called friends were so busy wishing each other a happy holiday and telling each other goodbye that they totally ignored me as I walked by on my way out to the car....
Our Special Ed teacher was P-oed at us AGAIN for continually insisting that we already knew how to write checks. GET OVER IT LADY! It's crazy man.
Poor Gwenny is sun-burned BAD! She's got this huge blood red ring around her neck cause she was wearing a low cut tank top at the track meet yesterday. Her shoulder blades are burned too, bless her heart! My hands are like, cold 24/7 *no joke* so she was like "Amy, just, touch me!" I was like...."Eh, okay!" Poor girl, it was AWFUL!
Easter bunny comes Sunday. Let's hope noone around here shot him since last year, I want some CHOCOLATE! I'm dying here...there is not one piece of chocolate in this entire house!!!
Gotta go, I'm downloading songs and my computer is MAJORLY slowin' down on me. CHOW!
current mood: amused
current music: "Yellow" Cold Play
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| Wednesday, April 11th, 2001
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7:51 pm - Pantene Pro-V is good for you...so is conditioner by the same...
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"At any rate, you shouldn't be frightened of Gnomes. They're cute. They're short. They're two and a half feet of jeenom ninja power." - Parker
That quote is from my girl Lindsey's journal...isn't that just the greatest quote?! Well I think so!
Today was FUN FUN FUN! Most of the high schoolers were gone to a track meet, we had a PARTY day! Mrs. Bobbie, the Special Ed teacher, got mad at us cause we already knew how to write checks...LOL! We "have been taught wrong" she says. I WAS CRACKIN UP! Mary, Abby, and I got 2 demerits a piece in study hall for *gasp* chatting silently. Subliminal messages sometimes work, and sometimes they don't. I was like sending her this message "Drink the sprite and choke, drink the sprite and choke." It didn't work, although my messages to my Spanish teacher during a game of Bingo in Espanol worked - I bingo-ed twice!!!
Mary has got to raise $4,000 to be able to go to New York next February. We're all pitchin' in and helping her. I've scanned all the pictures in her portfolio *they are VERY good, by the way* and I've made labels requesting help, I've made her personal "beg" letter featuring her cutest photo shoot pic that she'll pass out along with the company request letter. It's AWESOME STUFF cause if she gets to go to this IMTA thing in NY, she hits the big time! I'm gonna help her in every single way that I can, I told her not to forget all my hard work I have done for her when she's famous though ;) It's crazy man!
I haven't gotten to talk to Randall all afternoon...I'm gonna go crazy if he doesn't get online soon! I have written him a note everyday this week...I'll give them all to him Friday in order :D Yay hooray.
Guess what? We get our new carpet next week! Happiness!
Yo quiero usted quererme. Yo necesito usted necesitarme.
( I want you to want me. I need you to need me.)
current mood:  hot
current music: I Want You To Want Me - Letters to Cleo
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| Tuesday, April 10th, 2001
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6:45 pm - This time ima let it all come out, this time ima stand up and shout....
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Oh yes, what a beautiful life it is :D And it's only beautiful cause I got THE BEST boyfriend in this world! Ah! *scream* We get outta school Friday...he's going to the big city of Memphis with me. *scream again* Note: The screams are those of sheer happiness!
I hate my school, I hate the people who pretend to be my friends...it's driving me nuts! They like me or they don't....It's like "No More (Baby Ima Do It Right)" Sheesh! They all despise me, why don't they just let me go already?! I can't wait till next year, I wanna try and get into another school so bad. They make my day a living...nightmare.
ON HAPPIER NOTES: Last night was youth rally, went well, as usual. Sir Collums didn't show so Dearest Baker had to prez...it was much lovier seein' my baby's face that *hack* Collums :D I love my secretaries job, it's FUN! Cause everybody there loves me :D LOL! Not really but hey. I get more recognition there than I EVER will at school! Those people actually think I'm SOMEBODY!
I love Randall's parents! His mom, I swear, she is THE funniest, she's always laughing!!! His daddy is SUPER sweet too...his Dad kinda reminds me of my dad :D Yay hooray!
I will end with saying, I LOVE RANDALL WITH AS MUCH LOVE THAT I CAN MUSTER UP! I hate Marvell, my so-called friends can just, suck on a monkey's toe for all I care. Got play practice at 8. Must go dry my wet hair. BYE!!
current mood: accomplished
current music: No More *Baby Ima Do It Right*
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| Saturday, April 7th, 2001
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10:01 pm - Sa-turh-day
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What a boring day it has been too!
This morning I went and get me hair chopped off. It looks and feels so much better! I just keep getting it shorter, and shorter...and shorter... :D
Lewis was supposed to chop hers off today too. I wonder if she actually went through with it this time?
I re-arranged my room! It's freaky, see, we're having to clear out every room with carpet so that we can get the old carpet replaced with fuzzy, squishy new carpet! Well, I moved everything around and packed up lots of stuff *I feel like I'm moving for crying out loud!* I'm going to re-decorate my the place when I get the new floor...I'm going to go with 60's-70's-ish stuff...a real live disco zone!
I wonder when my boyfriend is coming home...I miss him so much. I feel kinda bad cause I didn't find out when his return would be :(
Gotta go, I am super tired and I've got church in da' mornin'.
current mood: exhausted
current music: "This Is How We Do It" Montel Jordon
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| Friday, April 6th, 2001
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8:12 pm - "Lieutenant Dan, you ain't got no legs!"
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That movie line will never cease to fascinate me.
From I Am Weasel
I R Babboon: "Why girl have beard?"
Beard child: "Well, my mother was a female and my father was a male!"
I pondered on this statement for HOURS. Mary and I still haven't quite grasped it's concept yet.
On a much more normal note, today is PROM day. All me so-called friends are prominading at the moment, here I sit at home. Ugh, like I'd actually go! Seniors got outta school add day, Juniors got out half a day, and the 10th grade prom servers and people actually attending prom got out at 1:00. I got left at skewl. I have nothing to do with the stupid tradition!
I am so happy that the weekend is finally here! This has been the most lyrical-ly happy week for me. Randall is the greatest person alive, my friends were quite fun *till today* and I got myself a purty lil' paycheck. I am no longer a poor child :D Happiness overwhelms me. I get me haircut tomorrow! THIS I can hardly wait for!
Okay now, I'm going to go and clean out my closet, ridding myself of the winter items that kept me cozy *tear*. Summertime has MOVED on in!
current mood:  energetic
current music: "3 Small Words" Josie & the Pussycats
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| Thursday, April 5th, 2001
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9:25 pm - "I'm fallin' even more in love with you.....Letting go of all I've held on to.."
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Words are inadequate to describe how I feel. Love, hate, jealousy, exhileration, happiness, joy, everything all in one. He's changed my world, my outlook on life. He's made me feel like I am an individual, not just one poking her head up in a crowd. He's broken every trace of concentration I've ever had. He's caused me to have sleepless nights. He's all I wanna do. He's in my every word. He's the one I want to be held by. He's the one I'm secure with. He's everything I've been looking for.
When my friends exclude me, he's there. When everyone makes me feel like a grain of sand on the beach, he makes me feel like the entire ocean. When people tell me I'm not good enough to hang around, he will accept me. He sees beauty when others see a child who tries too hard. He sees talent when others see mere acts of stupidity. My friends won't accept me, he does. I don't have a best friend, yet he's my soul mate. We hardly get to see each other, but he loves me. I see my so called friends every day, they merely tolerate me.
He misses his old home, and I'll never be able to compare to his best friends and family, but I can try my hardest and love him with everything I have.
current music: "Hanging By A Moment" Life House
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| Saturday, March 24th, 2001
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4:30 pm - This has gotta be THE best day......
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Last night.....was incredible. Okay, about 5: 30 we went over to my preacher's house. The Bakers weren't there yet, so Molly, Lauren, and I decided to walk over to my church which was the next building down. Well on our way over, the Bakers passed us, so we held up long enough to let Randall see us and he finally caught up.
After walkin' a little, we went back to the house and just enjoyed company before eating. After we ate, the adults were watching the skating party that Bro. Joe recorded, and Mom suggested that the "kids" *lol* could go back to MY house and watch a movie or something. Randall and I ended up on the couch together..we all watched the "Brady Bunch Movie." It was soo fun! Well....they had to go home about 9pm, so I told him he BETTER get online when he got home...and he did :) Good boy. Anywho, it happened...he FINALLY asked me out *everyone scream now* AH! I was SOOOO happy! I couldn't sleep...all I could think about was him.
We chatted FOREVER last night. I had to get up at 6 this morning too! One sleepless night = one groggy girl. He is absolutely perfect though. He's soooo adorable, I mean, FINE! He's hilarious, so easy to talk too, and a Christian. Randall surrendered to preach 2 years ago, I've never heard him though. I can't wait to hear him at the May youth rally!
I called Gwenny and them last night, they said the Matchbox 20/Everclear concert was AWESOME! Well in Gwen terms it was kick-ars but we won't say wordy-durds. I told her to get me a T-Shirt only if it was under 25$, which I dout. But oh wells!
Mary and Derek Lloyd broke up :( But they are still gooood friends. He's going back to Conneticut in a couple of weeks.
Well..this has been the best weekend ever! I can not WAIT to see him again. I warned him: I am gonna be a leech cause I am NOT letting him go!
Amanda luvs Randall always and forever :)
current mood: ditzy
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| Thursday, March 22nd, 2001
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8:24 pm - Today was worse...
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Why can't I stop this? Why is he all I can think about? They are right...I'm a jealous little twit. The first guy who payed that much attention to me was ripped out from under me...I wanna talk to him...yet I can't. I'll cry. I'll unload my feelings...someone will get hurt. GOD I MISS HIM!
The party was fun...Cassie and I had a good time. I ate WAY too much at the Pizza Inn. I'm a pig, so sue me!
"Keep your powder dry..." ~ Mrs. Bonner. That has got to be THE funniest!
current mood:  rejected
current music: "I Could Not Ask For More" Sarah Evans
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| Wednesday, March 21st, 2001
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5:10 pm - A day in the happy life...
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Ah, today was such a blast! We had the ABC test competition where 2 students from each subject go and comete against other schools...grades 7-12. Katy and I had English. Mary and I sat together on the bus ride over to Mississippi, Katy and Miranda across from us, and Pat with Shea up in front of us. We had fun fun fun! The test was...difficult, but hey! We are the smart ones :) Katy and I tested saw Allison from Lee and Katie from DeSoto there. My cousin royally snubbed me, but oh well. Ben and I saw each other and supposedly "snubbed" each other, but I SO yelled at him and waved! We ate at Ryan's ...that was fun fun! A day out of school...yippee! I did have to go back and sit through study hall too though. Oh well...everything can't be grand!
My week has just been....awesome. Other than missing John, still hurt from Sheena, I am on cloud nine! John pierced his lip by the way...in some cases it's AWESOME and I would kill to have one, but for some reason this makes me sick. :( Maybe cause I'll never see it :(
Skating party tomorrow. Get to show off a little..I must say, I do have skills :) *AH! DON'T BRAG!* Chris and Miranda are over *hehehe* He's been trying to get rid of her FOREVER! Sheena and John will never last without them.
Friday night...Caples...Bakers...AH! I can hardly wait!!!!!!
current mood:  high
current music: "Breathless" The Corrs
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| Saturday, March 17th, 2001
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9:56 pm - The good news is I'm me...the bad news is you're you
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Good news: The Vacation Bible Seminar this morning was GREAT! I got plenty of good songs for the week :) I really enjoyed it!
Our trip to Memphis was fun :) I got some incense..."soul searching" stench. It's really great stuff. Just to make you high on life.
Play practice will more than likely start this week. Now that is exciting!
Bad news:
I'm in a sling. Yesterday, me sis and I had Sally all saddled up and ready to ride..well, I was gonna ride her first to calm her down *she's terrified of people still* and break her for the day. Well....I forgot how scared she is of ropes, and right when I plotted my butt down in the saddle, I flew right back off. Luckily, my dad was right there. She bucked me off and I managed to get off her, but when the rope jerked it snatched my arm so hard I think it's majorly outta whack! My left shoulder area is KILLING ME! So, I wear a sling, it's the only thing that brings relief.
Spring Break is over Monday. We have to go back to school, which totally sucks :( But at least this is the last term, and we have Easter vacation to look forward too. Yay!
Friday night our preacher has invited us over to their house to have supper. Another family is coming over too, Randall's family! I am realy excited about it, I just hope the week flies by pretty fast. He actually asked Bro. Joe if I was gonna be there! Bro. Joe told him that it could be arranged to where I would be present....so....our family is going too! Bro. Joe whispered to me this afternoon.."Amanda, I have got a little date set up for you..." and I had no clue what he was talking about! Well, when we were all in his house, he told us the dinner plans. CLICK! I totally understood then...dinner date w/ Randall and his family :) *sigh* I've been chipper all afternoon :)
Forget John. Forget the so-called friends. Nothing is gonna bring me down right now. No matter how much they betray me....ha! Actually, I'm not gonna give anyone a chance to betray me. I am so carefree right now. Yippee!
current mood:  satisfied
current music: "C'est La Vie" B*Witched
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| Friday, March 16th, 2001
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8:24 am - Daily meditation keeps me balanced...
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Ben thinks it will interfere with your religion. No way! It's a calming practice that clears your mind and leaves you feeling rejuvinated.
Here's my method: I sit on my bed, my favorite place in the house. Since I'm afraid of the dark, I can't sit in a pitch black atmosphere, but I do darken the room. I listen to one of my favorite songs in my Sony discman, blast the headphones so that I can hear nothing but the music and it's every component. Then, I focus on the words of the song *DO NOT SING ALONG*, and I listen to the beat. Yes, I do sit in the infamous meditation stance. It actually helps! Anywho, I think of NOTHING but the song. I've been doing it so long that I am to the point where, if you touch me while I'm one with myself, I can't feel it. I always breathe as deep as I possibly can without depriving myself of oxygen.
To anyone who hasn't tried this, I highly recommend it. I've been so stressed lately, and this is my only release from the day. :) To all my friends, you know how I am, I keep stressing to you guys how much fun this is...SO TRY IT!
current mood:  refreshed
current music: "Hanging By A Moment" LifeHouse
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| Thursday, March 15th, 2001
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5:05 pm - I love endangering myself...
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I've got a new babysitting job. Hooray!
Jen is over today with the kids. They are wonderful. Too bad they have one messed up aunt.
I think Katy Pat and Pat's sis Emily are going out and doing something together. They told me last week we could all get together...well, here they are, getting together!
I hate myself sometimes. I miss John, even though I can email him as much as I want, even call him. I miss him sooo much. He's all I can think about lately. I realized today that Miranda and Sheena are just plotting behind my back. I can't take it anymore! Someone, anyone, stop messing with my head! I'm on the edge here....I'm falling off fast.
current mood:  dirty
current music: "Your Winter" Sister Hazel
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| Wednesday, March 14th, 2001
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7:55 pm - I absolutely hate myself
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Just when I think things are okay, they blow up.
I've cried my eyes out all night. I talked to Miranda...found out a ton of stuff. John and Sheena are official. Last time I tried to break my hand, it was stupid, I'll take more drastic measures and have faith that pain will be provided. I am crazy over him. I still am. I swear to buddha, I can't say I'm in love because that is such a strong word, but I feel that way. Now my friend has him. Why am I such a freak? Why am I such a screw up? Why think that I'm actually worth anything?
Duh, I'm home now. I wish I could have stayed, I wouldn't have gotten this God-awful news.
I hate myself.
current mood: crushed
current music: "I Wanna Be With You" Mandy Moore
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| Tuesday, March 13th, 2001
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7:25 pm - Here I Am...So alone....
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ha ha! Actually no, I'm in the best mood! I'm at my Aunt's house right now on her computer, on her time, so I gotta make this quick!
I've had such a great day! I beat me sis at a game of pool, played with puppies, ah, great day. Saw a HOTTIE on the way up here. *sigh* He was sooo hot!
There's this girl who keeps emailing me, I'm like "What the heck?!" I swear to Buddha, she won't leave me alone! It's like "And I care...because?" Blocking feature is THE greatest!
Thursday me sis and babies are coming down. Can't wait to see them! Me sis is getting her hair cut *darn her* too that day, so mum and I get to babysit! Yee haw!
I know what car I want: red Eclipse. Chances are VERY good too. We will soooo be lil' pimpettes cruisin' in that baby. Oh yeah!
Ah well, I best be going. Everyone is cracking up in the living room so I'll go get humored myself :)
~~~~~me~~~~~~
current mood: crazy
current music: " I Wanna Be With You" Mandy Moore
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