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Saturday, March 2nd, 2002
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2:31 pm - hey
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yo, i'm riddin' myself of this journal, it's not me anymore, everything that's in here is what i was, and should never have become. if you want to learn about how not to be, read all this journal, i hope you'll learn a lot... if you want to learn how TO live, read the Bible, then the live journal 'the_log'
thank you.
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| Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001
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7:22 pm - i'm STILL bored
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petuneea: then why are youy bored benjamin?
As shadows fall: cause no one's alking
As shadows fall: talking*
petuneea: where?
As shadows fall: online, mucho
petuneea: oh
petuneea: i'm sorry
As shadows fall: you should be
As shadows fall: : P
petuneea: i'm talkin to my boyyyy'
As shadows fall: i know.
As shadows fall: there's a guy here that looks JUST like him, i think...
As shadows fall: his name's jessie
As shadows fall: he's way cool
As shadows fall: the cool part is they kinda dress alke.
As shadows fall: alike*
petuneea: wow, jessie's hot
As shadows fall: haha
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7:21 pm
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guess what's happening in two days?!
yea.
in case you haven't guessed, use my last entry, and this one...
get it now?
i hope so, for your sake.
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(comment on this)
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6:16 pm - here it is
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| Wednesday, September 26th, 2001
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8:29 pm - the surprise appearance
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1.) Do you like school or your job?: i love both
2.) Where do you go to school or work?: i work at the honors academy, and i go to "school" at the honors academy. quite convenient.
3.) Do you like to talk on the phone?: yes
4.) Like to dance?: boogie boogie
5.) Your birthday?: 10-4-84 [84 is the best year]
6.) Where you were born?: in a hospitable
7.) Scared to ask someone out?: only nervous.
8.) What do you want to be when you grow up?: i am grown up. but in a few years i'd like to be a strong leader, financially sound [or very not so], i want to have masters in something... yes...
9.) Ever gone skinny dipping?: no. i probably won't, either. it's... yeah.
10.) Ever thought you were going to die?: only in dreams
11.) Ever wanted to die?: only in dreams
12.) Do you sleep w/stuffed animals?: no, i do not.
13.) Do you have a boy/girl friend?: single as a lone tree on a hill
14.) Do you like professional wrestling?: surely i do not.
15.) Are you a good listener?: yes, but semantic noise easily changes that.
16.) The last time you cried?: two/three weeks.
17.) You cried because?: i was homesick [WAS]
18.) Can you swim?: not too well, but yes.
19.) Do you sing in the shower?: oh, yes. we all do.
20.) Do you think cheerleading is a sport?: ask a blond, she'll know.
21.) Ever stolen anything?: purity?
22.) Broccoli or cauliflower?: Both are equally detestable, and healty.
23.) Color of your toothbrush?: white and lime green. consequently, my [fav] room-mate has the same one... my oh my, we have much in common.
24.) Your worst feeling ever?: being seperated from God's presence.
25.) The hardest thing about growing up?: growing up.
26.) Believe in love at first sight?: yes, it's very real. happens all the time.
27.) Ever been in love?: in love with the idea, perhaps. maybe i was in love, who knows... i'm not in love with love anymore... it's so pointless, seems like a distraction.
28.) Meanest thing someone said to you?: probably all the times someone gave me a compliment on my looks, and not my personality... ruins things. completely.
30.) Meanest thing someone did to you?: took me, my "love", and my affection for granted.
31.) Favorite place to be?: the gazebo in the moat away from everyone here. it's hard to get alone...
32.) Best feeling in the world?: i'm not sure... probably knowing that you're going to heaven, and knowing what you're going to do with your life... also, seeing someones life dramatically changed because God used to specifically for that purpose.
33.) Are looks important?: yes, they help.
34.) Your height?: unimportant
35.) Your weight?:" "
36.) Your eye color?:" "
37.) Your hair color?:" "
38.) Ever broken up with someone and gotten together again?: you could say that.
40.) Last time/person you hugged?: i don't remember...
41.) Last time you were made fun of?: hmm... kudos?
45.) Where you see yourself in 5 years?: chicgo, or back home... either way, i'm going to be changing the world.
46.) Deaf or Blind? mute
47.) Day or night?: sunset
48.) Ford or Chevy?: pinto
49.) Long hair or shorthair?: guy or girl?
50.) Cats or dogs?: cat
51.) Pink or blue?: blue
52.) Ever had your heart broken?: yes.
53.) Ever broken a heart?: i'm sure of it.
54.) Your greatest fear?: being alone.
55.) Like to read?: i love reading. i also love learning new things.
56.) Poetry or romance novel?: romance is emotional pornography
57.) Candy or fruit?: fruit
58.) Orange or apple?: orange
59.) What would you do for a million dollars?: earn it.
60.) Smoker or non?: no.
61.) Diamonds or pearls?: diamonds. they remind me of purity, and that perhaps time=beauty.
62.) Hugs or kisses?: love.
63.) Hot or cold?: cold. when it gets hot, it gets smelly, and sweatty.
64.) Read it or hear it?: do it.
65.) Train or plane?: the train. when i rode the train from sac to home, i felt like i was in a indie film.
66.) Superhero or lover?: servant.
67.) Beef or chicken?: lamb.
68.) Pencils or pens?: stencils
69.) Sunset or sunrise?: sunrise! they're by far worth the early rising.
70.) Tent or stars?: tent... less bugs=less itchyness
72.) Cell phone or pay phone?: face-to-face
74.) Favorite actress?: winona ryder
75.) If you got a present, what would you want? a letter
76.) Favorite movie quote(s)?: "just because i want to do something does not mean i do it"
77.) Favorite sport?: indian finger tapping
78.) Favorite topic?: christianity
79.) Least favorite topic?: entertainment
80.) Salad dressing?: italian
81.) Restaurant?: that thai place on telegraph across the street from bear exchange
82.) Fast Food?: jack in the box
83.) Pillows on bed?: one or none
84.) Truck or car?: car! our trucks have horrid suspension
86.) Best friend(s)?: mr. stark, mr. mizer, ms. collinsworth, mr.abbott, mr. ewing, all my family, ms. leard, yes... none are in any perticular order. some just know me very well, and i know them very well... i dunno...
87.) Funniest person you know?: mr. mizer
88.) Favorite color?: grey
89.) Favorite place to be kissed?: insignificant, and inapproiate.
90.) Favorite song?: one of them is the "prodigal son suite" by keith green.
91.) Horse or cow?: nay!
92.) Country or rock?: folk
93.) Email or snail mail?: real mail
94.) Favorite movie?: umm... i'm trying to refurbish my favorite movies, but it's hard when we don't watch tv... so... none?
95.) Favorite television show?: refer to #94
96.) Cake or pie?: fresh out of the over cake with ice cream and cold milk
97.) Fragrance?: rain.
98.) Glasses or contacts?: umm... depends on the shape of an indviduals face.
99.) Clean shaven or hairy?: as above
102.) Who you gonna call?: when?
103.) Person you admire most?: mr. hasz & mr. luce
104.) Ever bought a lottery ticket?: thou shalt not gamble
105.) Tongue piercing or navel ring?: for what purpose?
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| Sunday, July 22nd, 2001
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5:00 pm - the day is coming
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going away party: august eleventh: my house
be there, or be square.
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| Tuesday, July 17th, 2001
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10:48 am
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for those of you who care, or do not know, i am leaving in three weeks for texas to go to a Bible college for a year. i'll post the address some other time...
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| Friday, June 29th, 2001
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7:59 pm - i might as well put this to good use [note, this is not a journal entry!]
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June 29 - Evening
"Howbeit, in the business of the ambassadors of the princes of Babylon, who sent unto him to enquire of the wonder that was done in the land, God left him, to try him, that He might know all that was in his heart." --2 Chronicles 32:31
Hezekiah was growing so inwardly great, and priding himself so much upon the favour of God, that self-righteousness crept in, and through his carnal security, the grace of God was for a time, in its more active operations, withdrawn. Here is quite enough to account with the Babylonians; for if the grace of God should leave the best Christian, there is enough of sin in his heart to make him the worst of transgressors. If left to yourselves, you who are warmest for Christ would cool down like Laodicea into sickening lukewarmness: you who are sound in the faith would be white with the leprosy of false doctrine; you who now walk before the Lord in excellency and integrity would reel to and fro, and stagger with a drunkenness of evil passion. Like the moon, we borrow our light; bright as we are when grace shines on us, we are darkness itself when the Sun of Righteousness withdraws Himself. Therefore let us cry to God never to leave us. "Lord, take not thy Holy Spirit from us! Withdraw not from us Thine indwelling grace! Hast Thou not said, 'I the Lord do keep it; I will water it every moment: lest any hurt it, I will keep it night and day'? Lord, keep us everywhere. Keep us when in the valley, that we murmur not against Thy humbling hand; keep us when on the mountain, that we wax not giddy through being lifted up; keep us in youth, when our passions are strong; keep us in old age, when becoming conceited of our wisdom, we may therefore prove greater fools than the young and giddy; keep us when we come to die, lest, at the very last, we should deny Thee! Keep us living, keep us dying, keep us labouring, keep us suffering, keep us fighting, keep us resting, keep us everywhere, for everywhere we need Thee, O our God!"
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| Thursday, May 31st, 2001
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10:57 pm - i'm not really sorry...
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i've been doig' some thinking, and i think that this is going to be my last entry [despite some peoples scrutiny]. the reasons are as follow [in no order of importance]:
1. too many people on lj... it's the cool thing to do, so i'm out.
2. instead of coming to God and telling him how i feel, i tell the journal, and people who i know will read. this means less fellowship by all means.
3. i feel obliged to update, like if i don't i'll disappoint someone- vain, i know...
4. i have better things to do with my time...
and you all farewell...
if you want to know about my life, ask me...think about it, we'll be having a real conversation, and feelings will be expressed, maybe even few secrets told... i look forwards to hearing from all of you.
current mood: better than a few min ago
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| Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
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8:14 pm - finally...
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since i know that more than one person is going to want the same cd, i have decided that i will start all lps off at two dollars. all eps start at fifty cents, then they will raise one or more dollar per bid. as will the lps.
winners of bids over 8$ will get a free cd; not of their choice.
187 "the cities collection"
appleseed cast "mare vitalis"
at the drive in "relationship of command"
j.s. bach classical guitar
bats & mice ep
belle & sebastian "legal man ep"
billy idol "rebel yell"
cat power "covers record"
cranberries "to the faithful departed"
the cure "galore"
death cab for cutie "forbidden love ep"
far "water & solutions"
foo fighters "the color & shape"
goo goo dolls "dizzy up the girl"
jimmy eat world "the collection..."
jejune "rip"
jejune "afternoons maladay"
love light shine "makes out ep"
modest mouse "building nothing out of something"
mercury ep
mercury "winter..."
no knife "a fire in the city of automatons"
the phantom limbs ep
radiohead "kid a"
radiohead "ok computer"
radiohead "the bends"
rem "epony"
rem "reckoning"
sting "the golden years"
tantrum of the muse "modern music 2000"
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11:25 am - i miss my long distance friends
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seems like everyones friends live far away. so all these kids i know are lonely, and they come to me with their complaints about not having any friends/not having enough friends. i understand the need for friends. i have a rather large need for social contact everyday [who doesn't?]. but, geez, everyone has at least TWO friends where they live. they just are being picky, and decide that they don't want to hang out with them for whatever lameo reason. i say, if you don't want to be around someone cause they aren't "fun" or because "they don't anything in common w/you," that you're one jacked up individual that needs to learn more about acceptance. it is different if you really don't like the person, and you have valid reasons-i.e. they won't stop offending your best friend, they only put you down, they threw your dog out the window of a driviing car, ect...- like i already said everyone has social needs. basically, everyone needs a friend. it totally does suck when you feel like you have no friends, or that the closest thing that you have to a friend is the person who hurts you more than they please you. but we all have friends. God being one of them. "but he's different." yeah, he can take care of your every need, and when you complain to him about not having any friends, he'll provide you with great friends...
be grateful for what you have or you might just lose it.
current mood: aggrivated; sad; weird...
current music: chirp chirp
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| Monday, May 28th, 2001
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6:36 pm
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i almost always have the same mood... tired... complacent. i guess that's a good thing?
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6:05 pm - freedom comes when you can let it go. but i guess you wouldn't know.
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so... i ended up going to thrift town with just my mom and not with chrissy. it's fine, cause i really didn't find any pants there, which would have been me n chrissy's goal. what was nice was that all clothes were fifty percent off. meaning that i saved myself a bundle. i'd say the highlight was when i found thriller by michael jackson for two bucks. nice by all means.
after thrift town i just went home and got all my games together so i could get rid of them. i estimated that i'd make $300.00 on them. i think i made too high of an estimate though. i'll be lucky if i make that much on both the games, and the cds.
i'm happy with my life right now...
current mood: tired, complacent
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| Sunday, May 27th, 2001
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8:00 pm
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i went to the beach today. i stayed dry, and UV free. took pictures though. i wanted to get some spray shots. didn't though.
i was with my old best friends pretty much all of today. they haven't really changed that much. they just don't make fun of me anymore... if i was around them more, then they would, i think. it's just interesting...
this weather makes me want to go to some docks, which are terribly romantic. i don't really know why. something about fog, water, and boats that just makes me all googly and lovey feeling... maybe it has something to do with some movies i have seen. who knows.
i almost need to clip my nails.
current mood: tired; romantic
current music: recess theory
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8:00 pm
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12:46 am - my feet are scared of spiders
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what a day.
i woke up at twelvish, and slammed my finger in the window [funny story...]. then i went upstairs to find no one home. "not bad" i thought. i really didn't feel like talking about my night. my night... it was not that bad. i figure i can look at it two ways. one being that it was a total waste of time, and that i could have had more fun playing blind mans bluff with a real blind man. or, i can look at it like this: chrissy was beautiful. enough said, i prefer to look at it from the latter perspective. back to my day [yesterday, but today... i'm tired!]. after slamming my finger in the window and finding no one home, i decided that it was time for me to eat something. my breakfast of choice was a danish, and breyers ice cream. both of which are not very healthy, or beneficial to my health... what else is that to eat when one does not have a mother around? to the computer i went- i think. and there i stayed... and stayed... and stayed. of course, i did go to the bathroom, and do little things, like dance, and change cds. what a busy day! i liked it. but this is not all. at some time or other, i decided that i wanted to go to scandia. so i asked my mom if i should ask my dad. conveniently, he walked in the room as soon i began asking my mom this very question. so i gleefully turned and asked my dad with happy eyes if he would like to take me to scandia. he was skeptical at first. but with persuasion from my mom, and more happy eyes, he gave in... once at scandia, i lost about ten tokens to the evil arcade games. [on a side-note, i think that these devilish machines are designed to steal tokens just to spite us, and to make even more of a profit...]. some one poured grease on the race track, so we had to wait half an hour... taco bell was shabby. oh well, i still like iced tea... enough about scandia. my dad drove me out to a nicely sized parking lot, and said "it's time for clutch lessons" only he didn't say it like that. that's just how i would have said it. so, i drove. i didn't do that bad, if i do say so myself. *clutch, shift, gas, release* i think that's the way it goes, if not, someone will point out my speck... yes, i am enjoying life! thank you jesus for what you're doing for me, and what you are going to do for me...
oh, yes. i am going to get rid of all my video games, and all my non-christian cds. i feel that they are major obstacles that need to be taken care of properly. a list will soon be published. if you're interested, just tell me...
current mood: worn out like raggity ann
current music: that chinchilla!
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| Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
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12:27 pm - in the line...
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1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (92%)
3. Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) (86%)
4. Jehovah's Witness (84%)
5. Seventh Day Adventist (82%)
6. Baha'i (80%)
7. Islam (75%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (75%)
9. Roman Catholic (75%)
10. Eastern Orthodox (67%)
11. Mainline to Liberal Christian/Protestant (61%)
12. Liberal Quaker (54%)
13. Jainism (49%)
14. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (47%)
15. Mahayana Buddhism (47%)
16. Unitarian Universalism (45%)
17. Reform Judaism (42%)
18. New Thought (40%)
19. Atheism and Agnosticism (38%)
20. Sikhism (37%)
21. New Age (36%)
22. Theravada Buddhism (35%)
23. Scientology (32%)
24. Neo-Pagan (29%)
25. Hinduism (27%)
26. Taoism (25%)
27. Secular Humanism (22%)
i don't feel like i should be listed as any one such thing. i feel that christianity is not a religion. thus, i do not call myself religious. but i am a christian. a follower of Jesus and what the Word of God says.
i just finished my math final... terrible... i hate how bad i have done in all my math classes. i know i could do better. i know it. i lack motivation. i start off totally motivated. then i miss one or two days and it's never the same. i need this summer, and i need it badly. at least i only have on more final, and this one's going to be fun. yay for photgraphy.
i feel so simple sometimes...
current mood: : P <--this is me panting
current music: piebald lives in my head.
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
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11:11 pm
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coffee makes me tired.
and i feel better.
anyways...
today involved yelling, weed wacking, tom fest video, and fun... just kinda, actually. it's been hard for me to enjoy myself lately... stupid world and it's problems. oh to be in heaven.
math final tomorrow. i feel like i'm going to fail, no way around it. i just hope it's open book, and open notes...
my mom's on my case again. that's three times in one day. everything she does bugs me. well, not everything. everything she tells me to do.
current mood: tired; a little down
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6:28 pm - we was livin' in her familys house
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i finshed my zines. now all i gotta do is go to a print shop.
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12:12 am
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humph... "so what if was your lover, a thousand times before. it still doesn't make me a whore."
i feel... like it's wrong.
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