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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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DJ Shadow - You Can't Go Home Again |
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SOOO many thigs happened.
I was in Monterey, I went many places that night.
I suppose I should describe what heppened. I should drop one of those links so you don't have to read it withou clicking, but I'm DUMB, so I don't know how.
7:00 p.m.
Mucky Duck Pub.
Aucka, Nate, Rich, Lord Bobby, Eugene and Marissa are all there. All dressed up. Aucka is a black kitty with a 6 foot long tail! >.<
Nate and Eugene are a bunch of dykes with big boobies. Rick was a Redcap (changeling nightmare thing that eats everything) with a hand hanging out of his mouth. Lord Bobby was BATMAN. My fucking hero. Marissa was the she-devil with a tail that looked more a like a big red penis. I was teh mad Hatter. Kristal was supposed to be there dressed as American McGee's Alice. But she was sick. But, I got lots and lots of non artsy pictures for memory, yay. I was wierd. I ate liver. A chick was dressed as a vampire. Nate wanted to stake her. I have Nate my Liver on a fork. Stake Steak, get it? Bah.
Anyways, this cool ass chick in a frilly black dress and a basket of rose petals walked up. She wa slooking badass. I looked at her and smiled and said "YOU WON!" and then I gave her a huge bag of Peanut Butter Cups. She said they were her favs and she gave me a bunch of flowers.
9:10
We go to the State Theatre to see The Ring. It wasn't playing >.< But, we did see Ghost Ship. Okay. The previews for Ghost Ship made the movie look shitty, but it was so kickass! The first five minutes made me instantly love the movie. See it! And plus, the theatre was more beautiful than I remembered. Apparently they closed the balcony because people used to push others out to go splat on the ground. Fuckers.
11:00
My friends start to head to the Black Box. I suddenly start to think of one particular person, so I stay in monterey, and I catch a taxi using money they gave me.
12:00
Pacific Grove
Lighthouse Avenue, I walk down. Totally dead. This place hasn't had any new buildings since the lats 1800s, so you get and idea of what the place looks like. I can hear the ocean, and I walk down the last mile of 17 mile drive to the butterfly groves...
I feel like not writing this, mostly because I feel odd that someone mentioned them to me. Were they thinking of them while I was there? I feel, watched. Somehow. But not so bad, just odd.
But, yes.
I crossed the barrier of legality and walked straight into the grove, feeling hundreds of dead Monarch butterflies crush under my feet. I leaned against atree, and I watched the silohuettes of the hundred of so that were still alive flitting around. I wrote a poem.
I was about to leave when I saw a butterfly land maybe six feet away from me. I walked over and picked it up. I don't know if any of you know this, but the monarch is a protected insect in California. Touching one could mean up to six years in prison, if caught in the act.
It seemed to fall over into my hand and right itself. I walked back out to the street and held it up to the light, looking at it. It's small tongue was out just a bit, like it was thirsty. I sat down on a park bench, and it died.
But, I had to do one more thing. I had only six dollars for bus fare, so, I had to walk the ten miles to get to Point Lobos.
I must Side Track Now.
I finished my letter and gave it to my Mom. She read it. And she kinda realised how much I hated her.
We talked the whole afternoon about it.
She wants ME to think about it. And, I suppose she's right. She's alright with it. She told me that she doesn't approve that I'd be living with a woman whom I wasn't married to. But she said that I am an adult and my decisions are her own, so, if on monday I'm still certain that I want to go, she'll pay if I promise to go back there to her house for our first real christmas.
That's what happened there [/emotional moment]
So, I walk. I think i split my callous about halfway there walking uphill through the woods to get there. But, I knew a secret entrance from Carmel that you can get into at night. So, I went in.
2:30
Point Lobos.
I walk down the rugged and rocky path, the waves crashing all around me. I couldn't see much from where I was, as I was still surrounded by trees, but it all soon dissolved before me.
I was at Weston Beach. So named after the photographer Edward Weston, who purchased that spot for his photography projects.
I was on the bluffs, walking. I could see the ocean glowing, and tempestuously boiling so far below the cliffs. I find a flat rock. I sit down.
I take off my jacket.
And I think.
...
I had never been there long enough to see the sun rise before. I don't thinik I've ever really watched a sunrise. But I did that day. I felt it warm and welcoming on my back. I felt good, and refreshed.I stood up, reached into my pocket, and I took out the fragile butterfly.
Once more, looking at this I feel so surreal as to what I did. I don't know why.
But...
I let the butterfly fall from my fingers, and cascade, carried playfully by the wind, and it disappeared behind crashing of waves. It would be another couple hours before the busses started running again so I could get a ride back to Salinas.
9:00
I still hadn't gone home yet.
I stopped at the college, still in my costume. I went into the library, and I checked my email. I felt, drunk.
I walked back to the house and showered, which brings me to the now in my life.
I came back, missed my class, and now sit in front of a computer. My feet are sore and painful. I have no more clean clothes here. And I feel refreshed and great. I had the last thing I wanted before I leave this place. Just to see Point Lobos one last time...
I opened my package when I got home. I am tasting them one at a time. I can detect Cinnamon. Like a piece of chocolate with a Red Hot in it.
I remove a handkerchief and I cover my face with it and inhale deeply. Memorizing it, and already missing something all over...
This weekend I will spend it awake and thinking.
Do I really deserve this?
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thirsty
hopeful
SEMEN: 
confused
exanimate
bouncy
nostalgic