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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Allison's LiveJournal:
| Thursday, November 15th, 2001 | |
| 9:20 am | OH MY GOD...i have so much to do for school. *sigh* should i start stressin now? MATH: finish study guide for test, begin preparing for final exam DESIGN: color studys, develop a new use for an existing product on the market, improve an existing product GRAPHICS DESIGN: research for my web page, design my webpage PHOTOGRAPHY: finish all photoshoots, create a photo story, do my portfolio ugh...am i going to survive the next couple of weeks? *sigh* i just don't know...but what i do know is I'M GETTING DRUNK THIS WEEKEND. but, i should prolly work my ass off on sunday. does anybody have any ideas for photo stories? i was thinking about taking some pictures of Gabe skating (like the stages of having him do a trick) do you think that's lame? i dunno...my mind is going to be a mashed potato by mid-december. *whines* Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: nothing, i'm in school |
| Wednesday, November 14th, 2001 | |
| 8:00 pm | "if you feel you just might want me...that's too bad, i'm not that easy!" livejournal was being a bitch today...grrr. i'm glad i finally get to update my journal though. today started out being a shitstorm. i got downstairs this morning to find a letter from my college saying they've dropped all my classes...ugh. going to college is such an ordeal. why do i have to fill out financial aid forms? i know i won't get anything, my parents make way too much money. but, every year, i fill the sonofabitch out...and it delays the loan process. so here i sit, 4 weeks to go to the end of the semester...no loan. ugh, anyway, so i called school bitching, and i think i finally got it taken care of. then, i get to work to find out that they have someone else to do the back-up receptionist job. oh well...but then my day started getting better. me and monica went to the lunchbox for lunch. *yum* it's so good. then everyone at work kept making me smile. i'm all types of excited about going over to kim's on friday. i invited brian, amy, gabe, and don...we'll all gonna be drunk like a mofo. that's always good. after the last couple of weeks, it'll be nice to have a break. oh! my dad bought a dvd player too. finally, we've moved into the 21st century. my parents are such cavemen...we don't even have call waiting...lol. but anyway, i better get off here. i should prolly head on home since my class let out like 30 minutes ago. g'nite everyone! Current Mood:  chipperCurrent Music: No Doubt |
| Tuesday, November 13th, 2001 | |
| 11:20 pm | *from the perverted minds of Brian and Allison...with a little help from Brent...lol." Once upon a time, there was a impotent, well-endowed girl named Amy. Everyone loved Amy, but that didn't matter. You see she was daft and in love with Brian, who happens to hate daft girls. Amy tried very hard not to be daft. She even tried humping. But that didn't work. Then one day while pounding through a very flamboyant Jiffy Lube, she BARRED! upon a rotten Fat Belly. This rotten Fat Belly spoke to Amy and said, "If you can answer my riddle I will grant you a wish." Well Amy boinked. And she furiously said, "What is your riddle, randy Fat Belly?" The Fat Belly replied, "If a Yetti has a dong, how many motherfuckers is it porking?" Amy thought about the riddle and answered, "15!" The Fat Belly began sucking, than it stroked, and turned into a Hooker. The Hooker sucked and said, "You are correct! You turned this old Fat Belly into back into a handsome Hooker. What is your wish?" Amy was so happy! She knew exactly what she wanted, "I don't want to be daft any more! That way Brian will fall in love with me." The Hooker then stripped his rotten box and Amy was no longer daft! She left the Jiffy Lube to find Brian. When she did, she found him bizmarking Jennifer, the horny girl from Tuscaloosa. And Brian and Jennifer lived tastefully ever after. Amy, on the other hand, died a sassy spinster. The end. i'm laughing my ass off...and I LOVE MAD LIBS. Current Mood:  sillyCurrent Music: Staind |
| 3:51 pm | "The things that I've done and the things that I've seen, I don't really expect you to care." today has been such a good day. i feel soooo-ooooo-oooo much better. i had a really good day at work, everyone seemed to be in a good mood. there was plenty of QCing for me to do (which is always a good thing cuz i don't have to deal with my bitchy boss if i'm back in scanning..) and i got everything taken care of that i wanted to today. plus, i'm feeling good about the jon situation today. no response to my last email...but i'm thinking that i don't really care. i suppose it doesn't really matter either way, i'm done with him and this whole ordeal. i'm on to bigger and brighter things. and now, i'm going to go to school. hope everyone's having a good day! Current Mood:  happyCurrent Music: Incubus-SCIENCE |
| 1:36 am | *smiles* BobBark927: i suffer from noassatall Aweesan21: lol Aweesan21: i suffer from waytoomuchass lol...thank you, brian. you always know how to make me happy when my heart is crying. i love you! Current Mood:  hopeful |
| 12:32 am | "It's been days since I been doin well...since I don't feel like hell or crawlin under you..." Eh...what a day. i still don't feel any better. it seems the only thing that cheers me up these days is talking to brian or jeremy. so...i didn't do much tonight really. i went with gabe to pick his mom up from the airport. have you ever noticed how bad the airport smells? it reaks of people and all the cities they've visited...i dunno. maybe i'm just imagining things. so on the drive home from gabe's i decide to listen to some music and do some thinking. ugh...why do i always do that? i do it all the time, and i know it always leads to no good. so, i'm not in better spirits. i feel about the same. i just hope it's one of those days...and tomorrow will be better. *i hope* i'm feelin shitty about the plane that went down today too...is enough ever enough? i dunno...i hope there's a break in all of this soon. at least the weather has been exceptionally nice. i have to go to michigan next week. i need to find someone who will let me borrow their discman...i can't stand to be around my family for more than a couple of hours...i'd go crazy without music. school's about to drive me up the wall too. i can't wait to be done with this semester. i'll have a whole month off! yay! i'll work more...and i'll have more money! oh well...i'm gonna finish up my im conversation with brian and go to bed. g'nite...sweet dreams. Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: Train |
| Monday, November 12th, 2001 | |
| 3:44 pm | "i never wanted to hold you back, i just wanted to hold on..." i know i'll have good days and bad days, but i think today has kind of been a bad one. i'm trying to keep my spirits up...but it's hard. it's so hard to be away from the person that you care about. would things be different if he and i lived closer together? god, i hate bloomington. i don't feel like going to school tonight. i feel like driving around and thinking. although, that seems to not be a good idea. the more thinking i do, the more sad i get. ahh! this is all CRAZY MADDNESS! well...i promise to do a real update tonight. maybe by then i'll be feeling better. Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: Blink 182-Apple Shampoo...thanks Sleeve! |
| Sunday, November 11th, 2001 | |
| 11:17 am | "i'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin my ass..." i just got up...god, i feel lazy. i had so much fun last night. me and amy went to pick up brian cuz he was home for the weekend. then jeremy came over and we went to union jack's and had a pizza. we had so much fun. i love brian...the more time i spend with him, the closer i feel to him. on my way home, i was listening to staind...and i was listening to the words to one of their songs, and the words moved me. so, i thought i'd post it... i feel like this won't go away...no matter how hard i try to squeeze my eyes so i can't see this pain in me-in me...but everything that i can say to you won't help you...everything you need is right in front of you-just take it...i know that i'm really not here to represent what i am not clear about in my head... sometimes i feel fucked up just like you do-like you do...try to amke it through the daily pain that you feel...maybe tomorrow won't be so bad...i know it's cuz i once felt that way...nothing i could say made it go away...i lived through this , i still feel this, i just live for my tomorrow, just make it go away...she makes it go away. *sigh* i miss him. Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: staind-take it |
| Friday, November 9th, 2001 | |
| 12:03 am | "if i don't make it, know that i've loved you all along..." today was easier than yesterday. i'm going to be okay, mostly because i'm going to make myself be okay. i remember how bad my life was fucked after mike, and i can not and will not allow myself to become that sad ever again. i can't destroy my life just because jon (or any guy for that matter) doesn't return the love that i give them. and...i realized that the reason i'm not with jon is because there's someone else out there for me...no more wasting time. i feel free...and at peace. at peace with the situation and at peace with myself. i understand that even though i'm by nature a very dependent person, i have some very independent qualities. i'm going to learn to stand on my own two feet, cuz, well, who the hell else's feet am i supposed to stand on? lol...*yawn* i'm sleepy and i should prolly burn some cds for dave and sLeeVe like i've been promising to do forever. g'nite world...sweet and peaceful dreams to you all. Current Mood:  peacefulCurrent Music: our lady peace-clumsy (aren't you proud, dave?) |
| Thursday, November 8th, 2001 | |
| 11:10 am | "you can go there if you want...thought it fades to soon, so go on, let it be..." put rockstar shut-me-ups on your own page! just thought i'd say, i'm okay. i feel better, no heartache, no sadness. i will say this, i'll miss him. i think that maybe it's better this way. *sigh* it's a shame that time changes things. sometimes love is something better left alone and unquestioned. well...i'm off to work. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: Better than Ezra-"This time of year" |
| 12:33 am | "you get what you pay for, but i just had no intention of living this way..." "When I’m around you, I’m inside out- I wear my heart on my sleeve. I spent time praying I needed you to breathe… I close my eyes and let you slip away." hehe...the poem says sLeeVe...lol. anyway, i guess i just wanted to update and say that i feel a little better. after talking to jeremy and gabe today, i realized something. it's jon's loss...it's his own damn fault he can't see a good thing when it's biting him in the ass. (not that i bit his ass!) the transition from having someone to being single again is going to be the only hard thing for me. i'm strong though...i'll survive. anyway...i think i'm going to go to bed. i have a class at 8 tomorrow morning. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: counting crows |
| Wednesday, November 7th, 2001 | |
| 4:35 pm | "and she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood..." today was a rough day. every spare second that my mind was unoccupied, my thoughts were back at jon. this is hard. i hope that i will stop feeling the burning in the pit of my stomach soon...i honestly don't know how much more of it i can take. i'm eating because i have to...if i don't i'll end up in the hospital, and i know i don't need that right now. i need to focus on school, and that's hard right now because i don't even want to be there. i suppose it makes me feel better that i'm not going through all of this alone. i know that ali, sleeve, dave, brent, amy, and jeremy know exactly how i feel. the sad part is...so does jon. i don't think there's any way that he could possibly be happy right now. so, to end this, i'll leave you with a thought from his last email. and as amy would say, don't give up, now's not the time to give up...so i won't, cuz i know she's right. "I'm a dick. I guess I am no better than any other guy, and I am sorry I tried to act like I wasn't." Current Mood:  sadCurrent Music: counting crows |
| 9:32 am | *yawn* not much sleep last night...and i cried until i finally got there. woke up this morning and cried....again. i feel pathetic. i don't want to go to work. i want to lay in my bed all day. i'm not going to give up that easily though...i have to move on with my life. i want to talk to him in person. i have to go to work. |
| 12:51 am | "you're a beautiful, a beautiful fucked up man..." *sob* i can't do this right now. i hate this...and i still miss him. he emailed me again and he doesn't sound like he's doing all that swell either. i feel so lost...and stupid. i can't believe this happened. it totally blindsided me. i need to try to sleep. Current Mood:  numbCurrent Music: Sarah McLachlan-Full of Grace |
| Tuesday, November 6th, 2001 | |
| 2:11 pm | well, ali...we're in the same boat now... not only can aim conversations be bad...so can emails... I have been thinkning alot about shit between you and I and have made some choices. I didn't say everything I wanted to last time you came down. I can't put 110% into our situation that needs be. I don't think it is fair for either one of us. I think that you should be happy, and make yourself happy. Waiting for me is not the smart life choice. Deal with yourself first and formost. I do not want to deal with the distance as I have said before, and am not wanting any type of relationship. I know I have told you this before and I know that you understand these issues, or so you say. I have no idea what you didn't tell me Wed., but we can't continue as we have. You have said that you don't know if you could ever be my friend if this were all to end, but I hope you don't mean it. I really don't know what else to say. This is not the best way to handle this, but I had to do it. Things are sometimes much easier to write than say, we both know this. I GIVE UP...FUCK LOVE. Current Mood:  crushed |
| 12:21 am | yeah, so what??? *spits* I AM 34% PUNK. 
Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com! Yipee! i get to be billie joe! i love green day. i don't care if there not "punk rock". Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: nuffin...it's quiet for once |
| Monday, November 5th, 2001 | |
| 10:38 pm | i have a bad case of the mondays... to hell with this love shit...it's hard as hell. but that's enough about that. so today was shit, all the boxes i got at work sucked balls. they were all fucked up for a number of reasons...i hate that. but, when i got home, my mom had bought me 2 new shirts. yay, mom! then, when my dad checked the mail, world industries had mailed me the wet willy sticker. plus, i got 3 more for free. god bless world industries. i think i want to work for them. i wonder if they'd hire me to do something for them. math sucked, i have tons of homework...and i'm tired of school. and now i'm done bitching....night! Current Mood:  bitchyCurrent Music: dave matthews band-before these crowded streets |
| Saturday, November 3rd, 2001 | |
| 12:58 pm | "if you let them fuck you, there will be no foreplay..." God, i love incubus. anyway, this is a REAL journal entry...for those who can't be a part of my daily life that worry about me and what i write about in here. first, i should cover the jon base. last sunday, after not really hearing much from him in about 2 weeks (other than pointless emails), i called him. we talked for like 2 hours (long-distance for me, i might add) about some issues that we've been having lately. mostly, i guess, it's issues that i've been having lately. it's really, really hard to be away from someone that you care about. it's hard to go 2 or 3 weeks (sometimes even a month) without kissing them or just hearing their voice. i expressed how hard all of this was for me to him...and suprisingly, he was very receptive. we didn't get to finish our conversation on sunday though cuz of the phone bill and we were both tired....so i was left hanging. ugh...monday and tuesday were torture. not only did every grand am that looked like the same body style as his drive near me, i tortured myself listening to music that made me think of him. so, wednesday finally rolls around, and there i sit in his bedroom....talking. it went well though. i do understand why we can't have a serious relationship right now. it's just not possible to be with someone you can't "be with". we can't see each other all the time, and it would lead to trust issues. neither him or i wants to deal with it. (i'm not saying that i don't want to be with him though. there's nothing more in the whole world that i want.) i don't think that seeing other people is the solution to the problem either, however. it would only be unfair to the third party...i couldn't date someone knowing how i feel about jon. i wanted so badly to tell him that i love him...but he said some things that lead me to believe HE KNOWS. he also said that he hasn't always been good about "telling me his feelings" either. i just have to muster up the courage to say it...and i will. it'll just take me some time. so, i left on wednesday, happy and feeling very confident in him and in us. i feel better, getting all the things off my chest that i needed to, and it all worked out. let's see...what else? oh yes, school. school is stressing me out so bad. i can't wait for thanksgiving break. i need to get away from it before i get major burnout...i'm feeling like i don't want to do this again. i know that i do want to...i'm just tired. my brain feels fried. i'm scared that when i graduate, i won't have any ideas and no one will want to hire me. then, these 2 years will be wasted. what if a client asks me to design something for them...and then i can't think of anything? and i lose my job??? ahhh! it's a vicious circle of torment! i don't want to be stuck at ADM for the rest of my life. (not that i don't like my job...i do, but i don't want it to be a permanent career.) and my dad is stressin me out...he can be so cruel sometimes. it's like you mess up a couple of times and he feels the need to torture you about it every day for the rest of your life. i just can't deal with it...i'm trying to ignore him and his comments, but it's hard when it's coming from your own father. it's weird, of all the people in the world, you'd think your parents would support you. mine, no. they make me feel inadequate and like nothing i'll ever accomplish will be good enough. well, i have news for them and for everyone else that doesn't believe in me. I AM STRONG...I WILL MAKE IT. i will accomplish all the things i'm reaching for in my life, and i will make myself proud. i can make it through anything...and i will not let anyone bring me down anymore. if you don't like me or what i'm about...fuck you! i'm going to be just fine. (i just need to move out of my house.) well, i should go for now. have a good weekend everyone! Current Mood:  satisfiedCurrent Music: Incubus...who else? |
| 1:40 am | so the way things have been going lately, i've been feeling like finishing off my days with a night cap. there is so much on my mind...my life could be a soap opera at this point. i have twisted friendship problems, money problems, dad problems...grrr...it's a roller coaster. i'm trying so hard to be there for my friends right now. it helps me get away from what i have to deal with. but when i'm lying in bed at night, just before i'm about to sleep, my problems smack me in the face. i need some peace...something's gonna give. i feel restless and have felt this way for quite some time...i suppose it's nothing i can really talk about on here...it's a mix of friendships and my father. BUT...all in all, i can't complain. i feel okay today...not great, but not awful. in the end, it'll be okay, but IS IT EVER GOING TO END???? g'nite! Current Mood:  okay |
| Wednesday, October 31st, 2001 | |
| 3:27 pm | i just stole this...hehehe, i'm bad. i don't really have the time to do this right now, but i'll update and add things as i'm inspired to do so....i'm still nervous. i'm about to head down to bloomington...wish me luck. 1.) Are you male or female? "take this pink ribbon off my eyes, i'm exposed, and it's no big suprise..." *just a girl-no doubt* 2.) Describe your neighborhood. "no big differences these days, just the same old walkaways. and someday, i'm gonna stay, but not today..." *walkaways-counting crows* 3.) How do you look? "there is a pretty girl on the face of a magazine, and all i see is my dirty hands turning the page. little breasts attached to skinny ribs and hungry bellies, determined legs; persuasive swing, careful hands. she stands a greater threat to herself than the cigarette she consumes..." *i cheated...it's not a song, but it's a poem by jewel* 4.) If you could say something to the guy you like, what would it be? "who'd ever thought just the 2 of us, that we'd come this far together? so i'm here to stay, cuz without you baby, i can't go any furthur, sweet, sweet baby, life is crazy, but there's one thing i am sure of, i'm your lady, always baby, and i'll love you now and ever..." *sweet baby-macy gray* 5.) Where do you wish you were right now? "i wanna sleep on the hard ground, in the comfort of your arms, on a pillow of blue bonnets and a blanket made of stars..." *cowboy take me away-dixie chicks (yeah, so waht? say something...i'll kick your ass!)* 6.) What would you say to your best friend? "i figured out what you're all about and i don't think i like what i see...so i hope i won't be there in the end if you come around..." *in the end-green day* 7.) Any words of wisdom? "hold on tight, enjoy the ride, life is short so live it wisely..." *my mom still cleans my room-mxpx* 8.) Describe yourself. "she is trapped inside a month of grey, and they take a little every day. she is a victim of her own responses, shackled to a heart that wants to settle, and then runs away...it's a sin to be fading endlessly..." *mercury-counting crows* 9.) What do you think of drugs and alcohol? "you gotta get up, get out and do something, don't let the days of your life pass you by, you gotta get up, get out and do something, how will you make it if you never even try...you can't spend your whole life tryin to get high..." *do something-macy gray* 10.) If you could say one thing to your enemy, what would it be? "believe it or not, God still shines on you, He guides you and he watched you as you grew..." *hey young world-macy gray* 11.) What do you usually do on Friday nights? "i'm with everyone and yet not..." *swallowed-bush* 12.) Are you for world (well.. just plain) peace? "we're lacking something, something good. is this all for nothing, show me the goods, something good..." *darwin-third eye blind* 13.) What do you think about school? "never did homework after school, did all the things i thought were cool, went out every friday night, i still do and i'm alright..." *doing time-mxpx* 14.) How do you feel right now? "everyday is a new day, i'm thankful for every breath i take. i won't take it for granted, so i learn from my mistakes. i learn from my mistakes, sometimes it's just best to let go, whatever happens in this lifetime. so i trust in love, you have given me peace of mind..." *alive-p.o.d* "spend my nights in self-defense, cryin bout my innocence, but i'm not all that innocent anymore..." *i'm not sleeping-counting crows* 15.) Any closing words? "spread your rubber love and it bounces back to you..." *moment to myself-macy gray* Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: the cranberries |