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minmin's LiveJournal:
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| Sunday, October 7th, 2001 | | 8:41 pm |
this isn't helping | | Thursday, September 27th, 2001 | | 10:45 pm |
you will miss me when i burn...
When you have no one,
no one can hurt you
In the corners there is light
that is good for you
and behind you, I have warned you,
there are awful things
Will you miss me
when I burn, and will you eye me
with a longing
it is longing that I feel
to be missed for, to be real
When you have no one,
no one can hurt you
Will you miss me
when I burn,
and will you close
the others' eyes, it would be
such a favor
if you would blind them
There is absence, there is lack
there are wolves here
abound
You will miss me
when I turn
around
When you have no one,
no one can hurt you
when you have no one,
no one can hurt you
(for a person, rather than a group of people. for a person who should know who s/he is by now, but won't and probably never will) | | Tuesday, July 10th, 2001 | | 9:48 pm |
on the complexities of my mind and the 6.35 am bus i have so many things to do, and so few hours in which to do them. this is what happens when you have to be in work for 7 o'clock in the morning. but i do spend my time semi-productively, like making mix tapes for friends (like this) and catching up with people i used to/currently have crushes on. i also took that test which nearly everyone on my friends list has taken. a waste of time, of course, but it was quite acurate regarding certain things, which made me scared that i was 'histrionic', even though i have no idea what exactly that means (although, looking at the other categories, i'm thinking it's not good). this is what i got: paranoid: very high schizoid: high schizotypal: high antisocial: moderate borderline: very high histrionic: high narcissistic: high avoidant: very high dependant: very high obsessive compulsive: moderate i don't want to go to work tomorrow. it's not so much the actual work that bothers me (it's constantly busy so the day goes by quite quickly), but rather having to get the first bus in the mornings. always the same people and nobody ever talks. everyone has identical stunned and wide-eyed looks, similar to when you're violently woken up by something awful (whether that be alarm clocks or feelings of impending doom). also everything looks strange at that time of the morning. Current Music: david kitt - whispers return the sun, rest the moon | | Wednesday, July 4th, 2001 | | 10:47 pm |
it's hard to keep focused sometimes. taking stupid personality tests is fine, but it really doesn't solve anything: it's just a waste of time. i'm trying to keep myself focused so that i can give a shit when i see her (which will be soon), but i don't think i can. it's too tiring, and to be honest, we haven't been close in well over a year. it's my fault as much as hers, but i'm allowed to be biased and i would say it's definately more hers.
i start work full-time on friday. meh.
Current Music: belle + sebastian - if you're feeling sinister | | Monday, July 2nd, 2001 | | 11:31 pm |
on the complexities of air coniditioners when i was working in chicago, just off the main street, in sweltering heat, they still managed to have a decent working silent air conditioning unit. perhaps it's because it's more a necessity over there, but does the one in my work have to emit a constant dull hum throughout the day? and does it have to lightly coat the wall with grey fur? probably not. seeing as she got here first, i won't go into the trivialities of my day. although it did include public humiliation of myself in front of two nice-but-dim english girls. i don't know what it is about public humiliation that gets me so excited etc etc. i am going to bed now. o sleep. Current Music: Lois - RSVP | | Tuesday, June 26th, 2001 | | 9:20 pm |
getting woken up at approximately 5 in the morning by loud booming thunder is not a good thing. also, the fact that it was a sign that the good weather was finished was very depressing, especially as we only had 2 good days (2 good days, i might add, that i had to spend indoors working). why can't our weather system take more than that?
i want somebody to give me lots of money. i know money does not equal happiness but it would make my life so much easier. and would allow me to be able to travel through america, from boston to california (through chicago). i'd also have been able to have celebrated my results yesterday. i could have gone out, drank excessive amounts of alcohol, kissed the girl i like and laughed at other peoples misfortune with stella and her boyfriend G. we could've drank till 6 in the morning and when the sun finally decided to rise, me + juan could've walked to the top of the hill and screamed for a half hour, until some redneck hick (if any such people existed in ireland)
stepped out of his house and, all sleepy eyed and stuff. he would shoot a couple of rounds of his double-barrelled shotgun and tell us to 'quit yer hollering'. it would've been a laugh but instead a friend called down and called me an asshole and left. i deserved it, but it wasn't really my fault. kind of.
Current Music: mogwai - xmas steps | | Monday, June 25th, 2001 | | 3:55 pm |
it's a wonderful life...
this is me: i'm sitting at a computer on the fourth floor in trinity. my hands are shaking (sorry, kristen) and i can barely type. y'see, i just checked my exam results. it seems like i've been given another chance. i just barely passed (well, whatever a third is) but to be honest, it's about two grades higher than what i thought i'd get (an F2).
to all the people (ie, stella and G) who are going to say 'i told you so' i will gouge your eyes out with spoons. i was so convinced that i was going to fail that i immediately checked the list of four people who failed and got confused when i didn't see my examination number. i then looked at the list of thirds and stood there with my mouth open for a good 30 seconds or so.
now i'm getting that horrible feeling that perhaps i mischecked (if such a word exists). i can't go back up as i already made a fool out of myself with the secretary.
i can't wait to see the face on my german bitch lecturer when she sees me coming into her class first day of term. hurrah for me (em, i don't usually congratulate myself, but i kind of deserve it).
Current Music: sparklehorse - piano fire | | Sunday, June 24th, 2001 | | 7:32 pm |
despite being in work for the better part of today, it was a glorious day, so so sunny. if i closed me eyes i could be in chicago. kind of.
tonight i get to see my friend dj in one of the worst bars in dublin, the international bar. it should be funny, if nothing else.
i'm tired, but i won't let that interfere with having fun ...
Current Music: radiohead - i could be wrong | | Friday, June 22nd, 2001 | | 11:13 pm |
i really shouldn't watch films like the virgin suicides, not in the state i'm in right now. my exam results are actually out right now, but i think i'll wait until monday to find out that i failed yet again. perhaps i'll finally get down to deciding what i'm going to do with my life, stranger things have happened (but not much stranger).
we've had those recycling collection routes around here for quite some time now, but i've never actually seen them collecting the rubbish (to the point where i was getting a little suspicious) ... up until today, that is. the garbagemen (if you could call them that) are so different to the ordinary (dirty) ones that come on monday. they wear sunglasses and look like Jude Law clones and instead of grunting they smile and say hello. although it was very sunny today, which would explain why they were so happy and also why i saw everything through rose tinted glasses ...
work tomorrow. i get to spend the whole day with R, which has both its good points (spending the day with R) and its very very bad ones (the actual work).
Current Music: Jim O'Rourke - halfway to a threeway | | Wednesday, June 20th, 2001 | | 12:48 pm |
does anybody know what's the deal with 'private' entries? can any of my friends view my private entries? because i updated last night with something under 'private', but now i'm worried that other people will be able to view it. | | Friday, June 15th, 2001 | | 3:23 pm |
summer here kids ...
i got a job and it's sunny outside. i'm happy. a strange feeling, considering what was going through my head this morning. anyway, here's a list of my favourite summer albums. some are case specific (to particular summers) and some are just happy and fun and summer-y:
*pixies - surfer rosa
*sugar - copper blue
*jim o'rourke - eureka (+ halfway to a threeway ep)
*the afghan whigs - gentlemen
*the smiths - the queen is dead (no, really)
em, i was sure there'd be more. but apparently not. i'm also not including various mix tapes certain friends made, because they're not technically albums (actually they're not albums in any sense of the word). | | Wednesday, June 6th, 2001 | | 9:56 am |
okay. i should've done this a long long time ago (ie, around a month before my exams started) and even though i finish on friday, i'm going to do this anyway: i'm going to stop updating this journal. i don't feel like i can be totally honest here, and there's always the fear of it reflecting a self-obsession that's unhealthy. if i can't even act normally around my friends in person what chance do i have around here? i'm going to leave it open so that i can check up on my lj friends, but it's basically dead.
having said that, i'll probably update come friday.
oh, i went to see Pearl Harbour on Monday night. don't ever EVER go and see it: it lasts three hours and despite its name (Pearl Harbour) it also details a revenge attack by the Americans on Tokyo. by the end of the film, you're just wishing all the main characters would die, so that it would have to end. however, the person i went with made up for the whole experience, but not quite enough.
i can't get a therapy? song out of my head. it's the one off troublegum, but i can't remember the name. it's the one where he says something about "i see you without me ... i don't think you'd understand" and shouts alot. this is strange because i haven't actually listened to troublegum for something like 4 years now.
exams re-begin tomorrow. this is it for me.
Current Music: yo la tengo "cherry chapstick" | | Saturday, May 26th, 2001 | | 9:27 pm |
"we'll keep well bred
we'll be well fed
we'll have all sons
they will be all well hung"
Current Music: pixies - vamos | | 9:15 pm |
i heart perrin/duling's book on the new testament. if i actually did well/pass my paul exam, they are personally responsible and should be given awards or something. except one of them's dead. i can't remember which one.
could someone please explain to me what 'flaming' is? that is, 'flaming' in a computer sense. because apparently i'm guilty of it. and i didn't even know.
i'm tired, but strangely i don't feel guilty about going out last night, despite me being in the middle of my exams. this possibly has something to do with a certain person, who shall remain nameless, that i spent most of the night talking to. but talking is all we did. and walking. we walked a hell of alot. | | Monday, May 21st, 2001 | | 9:29 pm |
who would have thought a question about feministic theological hermeneutics would have ever made me happy? needless to say, the exam didn't go quite as bad as i thought it would, however it still wasn't quite a success. stella should bottle her friendship and sell it. she'd make millions (millions of pounds and friends). i suppose i should do like other people (like lisa, stella and ninja kitten and stop this live journal, at least during my exams ... but ... someday i'm going to write a html link that works first time around. someday. Current Music: elliot smith "angeles" | | Sunday, May 20th, 2001 | | 11:25 pm |
dying slowly seems better than killing myself ... ...or so i'm led to believe. because i can barely write sentances expressing how i feel right now, see helena's spiralling decent into exam induced madness. says it better than i ever could. the worst exam in the world is tomorrow, the one that you have to have read specific articles in order to answer the question in any way appropriately (let alone make a good argument AND agree with the slightly fascistic conservative lecturer). i've been told other people have it far worse than me. this doesn't help at all. Current Music: dirty three: i remember a time when once you used to love me | | Saturday, May 19th, 2001 | | 9:48 pm |
o joy. i finally got my own copy of ROCK ACTION (i have been hogging michael's burned copy for far too long). words cannot express how brilliant it is.
i've finished work - which is good - but i start my exams on monday - which is very very bad.
i keep on getting the impression from certain people that i haven't been a very good friend recently. this isn't a new thing, i am a consistantly bad friend ... but letting down people ... o god, i can't even form sentances anymore.
Current Music: mogwai "2 rights make 1 wrong" | | Monday, May 14th, 2001 | | 11:08 am |
it's hard to keep focused on exams when you get a shit mark in an essay. i wish i hadn't checked, as once again ignorance IS bliss. despite all this, the next couple of weeks aren't looking too bad, musically speaking of course. Tindersticks release 'can our love...' on the 21st of this month, and Radiohead's album is out on the 4th of June, i think. this thursday's nme apparently has an 'exclusive' interview with thom york, although i thought he refused to talk to them after they 'misquoted' him during the pablo honey phase. i'm just living for the 8th of june, the date i finish these exams. god help me if i don't pass this time around ... Current Music: Yo La Tengo "Clunk" | | Sunday, May 13th, 2001 | | 11:42 pm |
i didn't think people like this still existed. well, i had a feeling, but i pushed it to the back of my mind.
(from a letter to the irish times):
The Catholic Church is the spotless spouse of Christ. To suggest or say it "sinned" is blashpemy, no matter if it is the phenomenologist Karl Wojtyla, otherwise known as Pope John Paul II, that says it. Consequently, the Church does not need to have its Vicar of Christ tour the earth apologising to heretics, schismatics nor Arians for anything. I suggest he would be better employed staying in Rome and trying to halt the demise of the Catholic faith and its priesthood, which has plummeted since that perveted council Vatican II and which has accelerated during his reign.
it nearly makes me ashamed to be Catholic. except that i'm not practicing.
Current Music: Le Tigre "Friendship Station" | | Friday, April 27th, 2001 | | 10:55 pm |
no time for a tete-a-tete/can i borrow your machete? today was an irritating day, but i did get to spend some time with stella although i called her by a different name. we went to see a film in the screen cinema, which was nice. college ended on a bad note. grrr (and i was having such a fun year!) now, though, friday's over and i don't want to be in work tomorrow. Current Music: Smog "Bloodflow" |
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