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LiveJournal for =.
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| Wednesday, March 20th, 2002 |
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Today was out for dinner with my mum and we were sitting in next to this woman in her 30s or so sitting by herself. She was just looking out the window eating a pizza by herself. When she got up to leave one of the waitresses came by and said "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a fun day!". That is so horrible that someone has to spend their birthday all by themselves completely alone with only their mind to venture into how depressed and hopeless they are. I just know as soon as I'm on my own thats how I'm going to spend every single birthday and holiday and plain old day of my life. I have so few friends as it is and it sucks to know that some of them don't even consider you a friend and find fucking around with you a favorite past-time. What I don't get is how the biggest assholes on earth are surrounded by multitudes of friends and they just keep coming. Do people enjoy being abused or something? Do people like to feel that they are dirt? Or do they feel like this asshole is so much above them, and maybe if they stick around long enough they could be as cool and as good a person as this asshole. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I try to be nice to people and I do my best to make conversation and be fun etc... But I'm so boring! I have nothing to talk about! And if I do, it's "bitching" and no one wants to hear it, so what am I suppossed to do? I admire people who can just walk up to a complete stranger and just start a conversation. I'm to much of a chickenshit to do that. I really would like to change but I don't know how, and 1/2 the "friends" I do have decide they don't want me as a friend and I don't get what I do wrong. Most people don't consider friends important and they can all go to hell. But I think friends are important. I think it's good to have at least 1 friend you can always count on and have fun with. But then some people don't want actual friends, they just want the number. For example, a lot of people on Livejournal just go crazy and add as many people as they can to their friends list so when other people see it they'll say "Wow! This person is cool, look at all the friends on their list!" Personally, if I see someone with a thousand friends on their list I get intimidated. Anyway, I've lost track of what I was talking about... All I wanted to say was, people are too complicated (like Bjork's song Human Behavior "if you ever get close to a human and human behavior, be ready be ready to get confused") and they shock me with how volatile they can be. blah blah blah One more off the track thing: Why are these the first words one resorts to when insulting a woman?: bitch, whore, slut, cunt? |
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| Well I finally found out who it was that posted "voluptous" in my journal. Thanks Kate ;) |
| Saturday, March 16th, 2002 |
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I want to buy the Moulin Rouge movie. I love it so :) I've seen it probably a million times already...but thats not completely my fault because my Mom keeps renting it and watching it so I'll watch too :) heheheheh. If it doesn't win Best Picture I will be quite pissed. My 2 friends want to direct it Senior year. That would be a sad performance considering it would take a large budget and all the "actors" at my school suck! I know I sound odd right now...Maybe it's because I've been drinking Bailey's... Anyway, I had an interesting day with kateums today. I'm not going to describe the day, but I'll show you this picture...except it's messed up, so here's the link. Click here |
| Saturday, March 9th, 2002 |
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I'm just going to let out everything thats on my mind. This will probably consume 5 hours of my time, but what was i going to spend those 5 hours doing anyway? Staring at the wall? I'll start with the non-personal things. The more involved I am with media the more disheartened I get. For example I watched American Pie 2 today. Whee, what a movie to make me love people! The whole thing tells me that i'm only valuable if i lose my clothes and make out with other girls. And according to this movie homosexual women are okay as long as they've got big tits and they're hot and they rub eachother while moaning. Homosexual men are just disgusting and no one wants to see that because you're not allowed to make your own decisions, you have to think about what the horny males of America want. According to this movie, all ugly dork men will get hot chicks in the end. All ugly dork women will get laughed at. According to this movie the most important thing in life is getting laid as much as possible. I also watched the Real World today. It spread similar messages. "Theo" tells us that homosexual men are just nasty. But homosexual women are beautiful, and there is nothing more beautiful then two women touching, but if one of the women is ugly, then it's just nasty. Why does everything only matter if it gets males off? Most people would tell me I'm "bitching" right now. How come if a female voices her opinion it's referred to as "bitching". "Um honey? I'm not comfortable wearing only a thong around the house when you're friends are over..." "Jim, was that your wife?" "Yeah, don't listen to her, she's just bitching" Silly Claire! Anything that comes out of your mouth is just silly silly complaining! Hmm? You don't like being expected to clean in a French maid uniform all your life? Haha, thats nice, why don't you go make some cookies? Why are all "feminine products" covered in flowers? Does being female means frolicking through fields of flowers? Why would you be more persuaded to buy a piece of cotton that you'll bleed all over if it's covered in flowers? And now they have black pieces of cotton that you'll bleed all over, because it's important to accessorize! The two things I think of when i hear the word "feminine" are flowers and accessories! This next thing I wish to "bitch" about was partially realized from the book "Cunt" (for those of you who find the title insulting, it's called IRONY and you should read the book). If you ever walk down the "Health/Beauty" aisle in a store, you'll notice that 90% of all the products are for "feminine hygiene". Now, is this because we're considered a filthy filthy sex or because women like shiny things? Why does one need multiple shampoos to get the dirt off your scalp? I can understand if someone had terrible hair and the need 2 conditioners, but shampoo? And why do you need multiple moisturizers? 7 shades of blush? The only reason women buy these things is because our society sends out the message that only pretty women are valuable, so businesses see this weakness as a money making opportunity and thats why you see 98 different ways to remove a stray eyebrow hair (because a woman with hair is atrocious!). Also if you take a moment to look at certain "intimate cleansing" products. There are thousands of them. Deodirizers, moisturizers, sanitizers. I didn't know I was so dirty! "You never hear of hygenic ball wipes..."(from "Cunt"). I think female genetalia and male genetalia are equally filthy, I think the variations of filthiness only come up when it's between someone who has never had sexual contact and someone referred to as the "village bicycle". One more thing: do you ever watch the cleaning commercials on TV? Why is it that ONLY women do the cleaning? Hmmm...I thought someone said we've moved on from the 1940s....But enough of me and my silly "bitching"! I'll go make some cookies now, in the kitchen, where I belong! Now the more personal things that I feel the need to "bitch" about. I hate my school, I really really hate it. I have no opportunities there (other than improving my geometry skills! JOY!). I wanted to go to the Arts High School, but it's only for rich kids who can afford expensive equipment. The only things that i would be reasonably interested in pursueing as a career I either A. Suck horribly at, or B. I would never go anywhere with it and would have to go live in a gutter. And why do assholes get everything laid on a silver platter for them? It seems that everyone I know who is worthwhile (that number being...2) has had shit piled on them since their day of birth. Some people ask me why I'm not a spiritual person. Well, when life gives you such crap, and it gives people who don't deserve it, crap then it's kind of hard to think that there is some sort of being or force that puts "good" into the world, I can beleive that their is a being or force that makes everything fucked up, and why would I worship that? I guess what depresses me the most is I can just see the possibilities of my future: Possibility 1: Claire attempts a career in a field she enjoys, Claire ends up whoring herself for quarters. Possibility 2: Claire seeks stable career in a field she finds boring as hell, Claire jumps off a bridge Possibility 3: Claire moves to another country in hopes of it being better than Minneapolis, Claire loses all her money and whores herself for pence/lire/franks/insert european currency. Possibility 4: Claire moves to another country in hopes of making new friends, etc..., Claire again loses all money and meets no one except for the brief interactions in the back seat of a car in hopes of making the equivalent of 25 cents. Possibility 5: Claire decides to travel, Claire is retarded and gets put in a POW camp in some random country or Possiblity6: claire gets all her money stolen while traveling and is once again faced with the only option of whoring for quarters. Some people would tell me I was being "pessimistic" well optimistic only exists for those with a chance at enjoying something. I have more I could bitch about, but who the fuck wants to hear it? |
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| I'm tired of this. |
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| I've said it before and I'm sorry but I'll say it again. I'm sick of people. Isn't it lovely to know that everything is shot to shit at this point in your life? |
| Saturday, February 23rd, 2002 |
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| Hmm, I backdated all my entries yet they're still here. |
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LiveJournal for =.
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sad.
contemplative.
tired.
pissed off.