BetteroffDead's LiveJournal

Subject:	eew, boys.
Time:	10:09 pm.
Mood:	nerdy.
Music:	'crossing jordan'.

yeah, so why exactly does Buie 'im' me? all he does is talk shit about my best friend. tonight he was telling me that they were never really going out anyways. they just hung out for 2 months. and she wasn't really relationship material.
fuck him.
then he said that because she hooked up with the guy from reach the sky, she is lower than he thought she was. apparently kristin was a rebound from tiff [yeah, sure] and he got pissed when he found out about the reach the sky thing. then he thought that kristin hooked up with that guy as a rebound [which supposedly would make her low, even though he just said that kristin was a rebound]. however, kristin didn't hook up with RTS guy until after she was in Portland, so it was totally not a rebound from nasty-ass Buie.
ugh. he's such a prick.

so i hung out with sofyia for a while tonight. it was really fun. we played video games and watched tv, and she got pissed because she kept losing. hee hee.
and hannah was all sorry that she couldn't be here this weekend since the whole thing with jeff and all. isn't that sweet? when jeff gets back he has to buy me a bottle of that wine that frank drank [that rhymes]. kind of fucked up of him. he also tried to steal jeff's scarf though, and when i told dave about it, dave said frank doesn't even like arsenal. so that's just kind of fucked up and weird.
but i have cool roommates. they helped make my day all nice and everything. so that's cool of them!

'third watch' totally kicked ass tonight. i loved it.

ugh. i can't believe the thing with the plane in queens. that's so scary. ugh.

ronald macdonald's dimples are really creepy.

OH MY GOD Buie pissed me off. people all talking about my best friend?! fuck him! especially since that dirty fucker tried to get with me right after be broke up with her. and he told me that while he was kissing her, he would picture me!!!!!! isn't that SICK?!

oh. so dave picked up the social d ticket. he owes us $5. and tyler took mine to the show for me to scalp and make money off of. jason didn't end up calling me until after 5.30pm, and i didn't know what his deal was. so i thought i figured, fuck it. maybe i can make more money from scalpin' it. hee hee. and i told tyler he could get a piece of it, as long as i got back at least $30 but preferable more if possible.

anyways, i'm off to go tape 'crossing jordan' and write my paper some more.

xoxo

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Happy Birthdays
Time:	12:39 pm.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	Cock Sparrer. Guilty as Charged..

Today is Jeff's birthday. I won't be talking to him because they're driving down to NY today for the wake.
Today is also Kristin's birthday. I will talk to her later.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I talked to her yesterday, and probably will today. I want to tell her about Teach for America and about how I'm thinking of doing that after I get out of school and before I go to grad school. There's a meeting for it Wednesday night.
I almost fell asleep during Urban. For some reason I couldn't fall asleep last night. Jeff called me, and then I had a bunch of weird crap floating around in my head that kept me up. Then I had tons and tons of weird dreams, and most of them were "Romper Stomper" related, which was weird to me.
I just called Dave about giving him the ticket, but he wasn't there. I really DO NOT want to have to go down there to get rid of these tickets. I mean, I know there are tons of people who want to go who don't have tickets. Ugh. I have to call Jason about it too.

I'm so excited for Jeff to come home tomorrow. I think that's why I slept really poorly last night. It was weird sleeping here without him. Eh. What are you going to do?

I can't believe I don't have Veteran's Day off. Isn't that weird? It really pisses me off. How the hell am I supposed to commemorate and remember them? I guess tons of businesses and all of that stuff are closed.
And I'm almost positive that we had it off last year. Because I think Jeff's birthday was on a Sunday last year and we had that Monday off. I think.... I'm pretty sure.

Either way. I have Deviance at 2pm. Then I have to go pick up my pay check, and then finish writing my paper. I really want to take a nap, but I need to eat, too. My stomach was growling during Urban, and one Krispy Kreme just isn't going to do it for me.

I'm off.

XOXO

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	it's getting better.
Time:	6:06 pm.
Mood:	productive.
Music:	the bruisers- better days..

all right. i have three pages single spaced on my paper. it's actually coming along really nicely. hehe.
i didn't know that there was so much to write about "Romper Stomper" and deviance.
i'm a little cheered up now. i actually left the room to get burger king and dinner. there was a girl selling Krispey Kremes so i bought myself a box of them for sunday night television.
i think i'm in a much better mood when i don't see people that i know. i like being out and not running to anyone.
oh my god. it's getting so cold outside! my nose was so cold. i guess it's about time. it's already almost thanksgiving.
i can't wait to go home and get my Crombie and my Parka. haha. rock.
i've been glued to this damn chair all day, either writing the paper or being on line. it's just that i have to keep stopping writing to watch the movie and get precise quotes or descriptions of scenes. apparently we need to be very exact and specific. so it's been "Romper Stomper"- mania all day long. hehe.
i can't wait to talk to jeff. it's not like i have anything to say to him. i just want to hear his voice.
you know what's so creepy? the more i watch the movie, the more i think davey is cute. i so totally didn't the first time i saw it, but the more i see him, the more i like him. but he committed suicide in real life right after the movie came out, so that's sort of creepy. well, i think so anyways.
hannah was away all weekend. in fairfax with dan. i wonder how everything went? well, i hope.
i'm not staying in my room tonight though. i'm staying in jeff's by myself. it's so much closer to my classes. and i feel at home here. in my room for some reason i always feel like a stranger. isn't that weird? it was so creepy being there by myself last night. i hated it. it sucked. but being by myself here isn't bad at all for some reason. strange.

i haven't talked to kristin in the longest time. i wonder how she is doing? tomorrow is her birthday. i need to call her for that tomorrow. she's only 19... awwww. haha.

i love having all of jeff's cd collection right in front of me to listen to whenever i want. hehe. he has piles and piles of cd's. it's rad.
i can't wait to eat my krispey kremes tonight and be all happy and fat. hee hee.
yeah, since i've written a good chunk of my paper and know what i'm writing for the rest, i'm in such a better mood.
hooray for me! i'm not sad right now.
although i still miss jeff. only two more nights of not sleeping next to him. of course, then we both go home for thanksgiving, but what are you going to do?

xoxo

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Subject:	eh. the crappiest weekend ever.
Time:	1:30 pm.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	lush- lovelife. [yeah, i'm in that mood].

yeah. so i decided that i absolutely can't go to social d. this paper is a lot harder than i thought, and i need to get an A on it to get an A in the class. secondly, i do not want to deal with any of the shit that's going on with puck, jason, john, dave, leonard, or any of them. third, i need the money that i will make at work that night. fourth, everyone is going to be wicked drunk, and i can't drink too much because i have class the next day. fifth, it just won't be the same without jeff there. sixth, it would be nice to get that $25 for the ticket back because i'm running out of food points, and i need to eat.
so there you go. my stupid, goddamn "responsible" [because that's what my mom said] logic about not going to social d.
it still sucks though. it really just sucks.
jason is going to buy my ticket. yeah, so i've hated him lately. he's still a sucker who will pay me $30 for a ticket. heh.
damn having so much school work to do. this really sucks. i'm so envious of my sister who was just working from 9 to 5. at least she can do whatever she wants on the weekend and whatnot.

so, when jeff gets back, i'm going to decorate the room all happy and birthday like for him. and i'm going to buy him another present. i just don't know what yet. something small. then this weekend coming up i'm going to take him out to dinner saturday night at the indian place. maybe even some place a bit more upscale because that's not the greatest place around, i'm well aware.

eh. i really need to start this paper.
this whole thing with jeff's grandmother has totally spun me into a depressive episode. i keep thinking about how fragile life is. when i talk to my parents and they cough i'm all like, "are you okay?!" i'm so paranoid right now. i mean, one minute somebody can be just fine, and the next minute they'll be gone or in the hospital or something.
i have had so much on my mind this weekend about that. i really want to sit down and talk about it all. and it's weird because it's all becoming winter out, and all of the leaves are all dead, and it's sort of overcast out and a little chilly. it seems very dead out. i don't know if that makes sense at all.
so my point it, since all of this, i just don't want to do anything. i don't want to go out. i don't want to see people. i barely want to eat. i don't really enjoy anything. i didn't even enjoy listening to those unknown all that much this morning, and they usually totally cheer me up. i just want to sit in here and not have to leave.
i keep thinking about how things used to be in high school and how much i miss it. but then i think about how much i love jeff and i'm happy, and then i get sad for thinking of life without him. i just keep wondering where the hell my life is headed, and how i need to make the most of it. and how i need to make myself happy, and if that honestly means not going to social d, then fuck it. i won't go. i don't care if dave or jeff are disappointed that i don't want to go.
ugh. this was all making so much sense before when i was thinking about it, but once i start talking about it or writing it down, it seems completely crazy.
jason invited me to watch movies with him later. eh. i need to watch law & order Criminal Intent, and i need to watch the Practice. he also wants to me to start going out more to parties and crap and hanging out. doesn't he realize that that's not what i want to do? it's the same thing as we were fighting about before. he wants me to do stuff that just doesn't make me happy, and i told him that at the party, and now he's doing it again! argh. why can't he just sit in and not have to be mister socialite. i don't want to go sit at his smelly, cockroach infested place and see mike or stringcheese. eew. they're gross. he always needs tons of people around him.
and okay, maybe if i had a shitload of people around me at all times, i wouldn't be as depressed and sad and moody as i always seem to be now-a-days. but it's just a cover-up. he's just trying to hide his real feelings, and i would rather deal with feeling sad and lonely then to hang out with people who i don't really like all that much solely for the sake of having people around me.
ugh.
anyways, i'm going to go put 'romper stomper' on and get down with this paper.

xoxo

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Subject:	"it's only cold when you sleep alone"
Time:	3:23 pm.
Mood:	morose.
Music:	animal planet. emergency vets..

well, last night was very very strange. i missed jeff so much. i hate him not being around. he's like my best friend, and i just want to talk to him and i have no one to talk to without him. i miss him.
so i was hanging out with sofyia in my room when dan from maryland calls me. he decides he wants to hang out and he comes over. meanwhile, we all needed beer, so i call up steve because he's the only person we can find whose 21 and he meets me at Tokay, and we get 2 40's and 3 32's of Woodpecker. then i realize that i have to carry all of this from 23rd and F to 24th and K, but i managed. i would have bought a whole lot more if i didn't have to carry it all.
so we're hanging out and then Emily calls me! she was over at Lee, Whitney's and Will's, so dan and i head over there to see her. it ends up it's a total skateboarding guy/emo girl party. there were a lot of people there that i knew, but who i don't talk to at all. so we're just sitting on the couch talking and who shows up? Jason, Mike, Stringcheese and Frank. so we're sitting there talking to frank, and mike says hi to me, and then jason kept giving me stupid, dirty looks. he decides that we need to talk. i told him everything, and he was all emotional and whatnot. he was telling me how he misses me and how he loves me and he just wants everything to be okay.
it will never be how it was, but at least we're not pissy anymore.

so then we all leave, and frank came back and hung out and stayed over. sofyia had gotten really sick and had gone to sleep, so her boyfriend paul was up, and we hung out with him. then it was like 6am so we all went to sleep.

i woke up this morning because of a phone call from jeff. he told me that his grandmother had died last night before he even got there. so he went to the hospital and said good bye. they're going up to lawrence tonight. he is going to try to call me. then they have to go all the way down to yonkers because that's where the funeral is going to be.

[sofyia just called]
i might go to the mall with her later. need to write more paper. frank wants me to go bowling with him, becky and aaron. i wish dave wasn't at work.

so i have to find a train for him from new ro to union station.
i'm so sad because i really wanted to meet his grandmother. it makes me so sad thinking that i will never have the opportunity to meet her. ever. death is so scary. it's so permanent and mysterious.
oh god i miss my jeff so much. i hope he's doing okay. i really wish that there was more that i could do for him.
he's not coming home now until wednesday. he told me to give his social d ticket to dave. it's sad that i won't even get to see him on his birthday, either. he has to be at a funeral instead. that's so awful. i want to make this weekend coming up really great for him. i want to make it his birthday weekend and decorate the room and jsut have a happy weekend with him. just the two of us.

xoxo

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Subject:	some birthday weekend....
Time:	6:12 pm.
Mood:	lonely.
Music:	major accident. & the planet's funniest animals..

well, jeff's mom called at like 3 or so. there has been a family emergency, and he needed to go straight home. tonight. so i took him to Union Station, and he's going out to BWI to go home.
he won't be back until monday morning or so.
i feel so lonely. like, i was just kind of sad all day. my women's group made me realize just how friendless i actually am. even when i'm around people, i can feel completely alone. it sucks.
and i had all of these great things planned to do with jeff this weekend for his birthday. because it's on monday.
but none of that is happening, obviously.
i won't even get to talk to him tonight. he's getting in pretty late, and then i guess he has to do stuff with his family or something.

eh. i'm supposed to maybe hang out with sofyia tonight. i have to see. i just called steve and told him. i might hang out with him, too, but i'm not really sure.
ugh. at least jeff gets me out of the house. but whenever i'm alone, i just want to stew in sadness and not deal with people and all of that. i feel like hanging out and doing stuff is just a temporary relief from all of the sadness that i really feel inside.

and i just put these damn fishnets on this morning, and there is already three holes in them from the fucking Metro. argh to that. they're the nice kind too, like the ones from Lord'n'Taylor that my mom bought me. hehe- rock.

god. i'm really putting off writing these papers. we watched 'romper stomper' last night. i took some drunkin' notes and all of that. hehe.
and i was drinking that crappy Woodpecker Cider because it was on sale at Riverside for $1.99 for a 32. haha. a lot cheaper than Woodchuck, but so not as good.

anyways, i really need to start this crappy paper.
then who knows what i'm doing. as long as jason doesn't call me.

xoxo

Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:	5:20 pm.
Mood:	bored.

[001] what is your real name [real, meaning the name you were born with, not some punk rock name that appeared in your head while taking a shit]? Morgan-Joseph.
[002] are you cold? no.
[003] how old are you, or how old do you wish you were? i'm 20. i wish i was either 21, or 17 though. 20 is a shitty age.
[004] do you like cheese? yeah, especially cheddar
[005] are hamburgers truly gifts from the gods? nope
[006] if given the choice between being disemboweled or having to wear only a loin cloth for the rest of your life, which would you choose? definitely the loin-cloth. i think i'd look sort of cute.
[007] is math really that bad? yes it is. well, not trig, but geometry and all of that other crap like statistics are.

would you rather listen to:
[008] the devotchkas or oi polloi? oi polloi. they're scottish.
[009] slayer or the oi scouts? slayer.
[010] blanks 77 or the sex pistols? eh... i guess the sex pistols. blanks just get annoying.
[011] the last resort or the templars? last resort.
[012] judge dread or desmond dekker? desmond dekker
[013] DMX or Wu Tang? hmmm.... DMX because he's from Yonkers, represent
[014] crass or britney spears? ugh. neither.
[015] the clash or the ramones? the clash
[016] the genitorturers or the plasmatics? plamatics
[017] choking victim or leftover crizack? choking victim.

[018] seinfeld or 3rd rock? definitely 3rd Rock
[019] cliffhanger or rocky III? rocky 3
[020] star wars or star trek? star wars all the way
[021] CNN or BBC? BBC

[022] why do people still like crass? because they suck.
[023] are you an "anarchist" or does your brain actually function properly? no.
[024] are you vegan? nope
[025] if so, why do you still wear leather? eh. leather is good.
[026] are you a hypocrite [if you answer no to this you are a liar. LIAR!]? would i be lying if i said this was a stupid question? i think not.
[027] is bin laden really such a bad guy? yes.

who's worse?
[028] bin laden or hitler? eh. hitler is too remote for me to compare. right now i'm living with bin laden and dealing with this shit everyday, so for me he's worse. but i don't think that someone who actually was in a concentration camp or had family who were would agree with me. so, i think that question is very difficult to answer.
[029] bush or gore? bush.
[030] stalin or castro? hmph. stalin? i dunno.
[031] fred durst or mussolini? mussolini.
[032] bill gates or hussein? hussein.

[033] is pokemon cool, or what? it's actually the coolest fucking thing ever.
[034] soy cheese is gross, don't you agree? i agree. i've had it.
[035] is leopard or zebra print nicer? leopard.
[036] would you rather smoke crack or do "e"? neither. but i guess 'e' if i had to.
[037] would you rather eat a maggot or use a moldy retainer? eew. neither . is the maggot alive when you eat it? if it is, then the moldy retainer.
[038] would you rather be a librarian or a garbageman? librarian. i worked at a library once. but i think garbagemen make more money.
[039] why are feminists so angry? cause their legs are so damn hairy. hehe. just kidding. not all of them are. but the ones who are just want an equal chance and they're sick and tired of not getting it and being repressed by "the man".
[040] what is the meaning of life? i think it has something to do with being happy and love and stuff. but if i knew what the meaning of life was, i probably wouldn't be typing in my on-line journal, now would i?
[041] would you rather be catholic or jewish? catholic. i believe in christ. but episcopals are so much cooler.
[042] is swiss cheese better than brie? depends on my mood. i love them both.

Star Wars!
[043] which is better, a new hope, the empire strikes back, return of the jed or episode I [if uoi say episode I, i will kill you]? empire strike back? i guess.
actually, im going to skip this whole section.

[058] do you sew? sometimes. i like to call it "stitching" though. sounds tougher.
[059] if given the chance, you would eat fugu (pufferfish)? i don't like much fish
[060] would you rather be a sardine or a chicken? chicken.
[061] do you take the time to spikeyour hair? no.
[062] if so, why?
[063] would you rather be goth or emo? both of them cry and whine too much, so who the fuck cares. um- emo girls have really bad hair. maybe goth then. i don't know. ugh- they both suck.
[064] isnt indiana jones great? hell yeah. harrison ford.... yum....
[065] what period of history would most describe your life? heh- i live for the moment, baby. haha.
[066] would you rather have no teeth or no ears? no teeth. i would look funny with no ears.
[067] have you ever eaten plankton? probably when i've gone swimming. they're so tiny who would know.
[068] would you rather be christopher reeve or elian gonzales? christopher reeve was superman.... i don't know.
[069] is jesus really such a bad guy? no.

who would you rather be?
[070] archie or jughead? jughead. such a cool name.
[071] betty or veronica? veronica.
[072] a moose or george washington? ugh. i go to GW, so i think a moose.
[073] the queen or prince william? prince williams. the queen is about to croak.
[074] god or jesus? god. he wasn't crucified.

[075] would you rather have leprosy or the plague? leprosy i guess. unless it's a plague with a cure.
[076] did punk die as soon as sid did? no.
[077] is gg allin the man? the man? no.
[078] or are you a radical angry feminist who listens to huggy bear and the indigo girls, so therefore you think gg is bad? no. i just think he's sort of bad.
[079] or do you have no idea who he is? no.
[080] would you get a genital peircing? no.
[081] should we give peace a chance? sure, but it's not like it's going to work. but if it makes my life easier, why the hell not.
[082] why does everyone like guy richie films? cause they're all a bunch of artsy fartsy anglo-loving fucks. hahahaha. naw, i don't know. they're all right.
[083] what kind of name is Guy, anyway? it's not as bad as Gay. that would suck.
[084] what is the best war movie? is "The Great Escape" a war movie? i love "Stalag 17" too.
[085] is U571 better than pearl harbour? didn't see either of them
[086] why was pearl habrbour so bad? i think it has so to do with Ben Affleck.
[087] whose better, marilyn monroe or bettie page? Marilyn all the way. blonds are better and she knew what she was talking about- diamonds really are a girl's best friend.
[088] siouxsie or nina hagen? siouxsie i guess.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:	5:05 pm.
Mood:	bitchy.
Music:	major accident.

ggr.
i hate how guys act all aloof and pretend to be all stupid and unknowing.
okay. i had an experiment at 4.00. jeff had his stupid coding meeting at 3.30. so, he gave me his keys to get back into the room. then, i finish wicked early, and he said he would be done 4.30. so i sit around for 20 minutes, then at 4.30 i go upstairs. he had originally wanted his keys back so that after his meeting at 5pm, he could get back into his room.
that would mean that i am to sit around for an hour (4.30 to 5.30) until my next experiment. hahaha. riiiggggghhhhht.
so i interrupt his "oh-so-important" coding crap to ask him what the deal is. should i give him his keys then? should i wait until he's done to give him his keys? should i just go home? so i'm waitinf gor a fucking response from him and he's just sitting there looking at me like, "huh? what? i dunno.... duh..." so at first i was like, "well, i guess i can sit around until 5pm. that's only a half an hour." i thought my next experiment was at 5. but then as i was walking to go sit down, i realized that it is at 5.30pm.
so i went back and told him i was just going home. and once again he was like, "uhhh.... okay.... yeah...." all pretending he's stupid.
i sounded all bitchy, yeah, but i don't want to be fucking jerked around. fuck that. if he wanted his keys back he should have fucking said so instead of acting like a moron.
he's probably bitching about me now to his coding partner, jamie. [she's a flight sorority girl.] apparently she thinks i'm "so cute", whatever the fuck that means. fuck her. cute? i'm fucking cute? she's one fucking year older than i am and she doesn't fucking know me. fuck her and her opinions of me being "cute". ugh. that's so her looking down on me at the younger, silly girl. ugh.
that's all right because she's pretty dumb anyways. and her tiffany's bracelet makes too much noise. and i hope she breaks her ankle on the stupid, wicked high-soled boots she wears. tart.

yeah, so that's my bitching. ugh. sometimes i just get so sick of things like that. like, yeah, jeff is going through a tough time right now with his grandmother and all. but that's no reason to fucking jerk me around and expect me to sit there and wait for an hour like the obedient, stoic girlfriend. and no, i don't have to be fucking nice to your coding partner, even if she does think i'm "cute". what the hell do i owe her? so i just got pissed off when i realized that he actually expected me to sit around and wait for him for an hour, yet he can't wait for me at all?

i bumped into tyler today. he wants me to give him a call tonight. i'm supposed to be writing a paper tonight. but i really just want to get drunk. hehe. fun, huh? yeah, i have to write my paper on "romper stomper". so i'm supposed to watch that tonight. i was thinking of maybe just drinking while i watch it and while i take notes and stuff like that. that way, the first time i watch it for my project will be enjoyable, and not just for class.

i have my Women's Group meeting tomorrow. eee-yeah. i guess i'm looking forward to it. there's one chick in my group who i think talks to much, and i think i would really rather have individual counseling. but i hope that things get better with it, and that i like it more than i do right now.

i really want to cut my hair. i told jeff that he could cut it for me, but now i'm all annoyed at him. and i know that somehow when we talk about why i was pissed it's going to end up like this: he didn't even know that i was pissed because he was all into his coding, and that i'm just over-reacting and blah blah, so it's all going to come down to me being a moody, irrational, bitch.
yup. that's me: moody, irrational bitch. but yeah, i guess sorority tramps think i'm cute. awesome....

i have to call dave soon. maybe he'll want to drink tonight.

oh, guess what i found out last night? i guess the reason why amy and ellen don't want to deal with sofyia right now is because amy is hooking up with peter, who is sofyia's ex boyfriend. isn't that crappy? i thought so completely. so i have to tell her that tonight. but i don't want her to tell anyone where she heard it. and i don't want to upset her. but i do think that she deserves to know. i mean, that's fucked up that amy is choosing a guy over her friend. fuck that. she's not even that close to peter.
so that pissed me off.
i have to go to cvs this weekend.
blah. i'm so blah right now. i think i'm always blah on thursday afternoons. i really want to hang out with hannah and sofyia, but whenever i'm around, they're not. argh.

i'm off to go be pouty and bitchy.
maybe i'll chop off all my hair.... i've been thinking about that a lot lately.
any suggestions?

xoxo

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	ugh
Time:	12:42 pm.
Mood:	irritated.
Music:	my bouncing boobies. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

so guess who i run into today after research methods? JASON . FUCK HIM FUCK HIM! the first thing he does is give me his glare as if to say, "what the fuck are *you* doing here?" i want to be like, "well, i go to this class twice a week, and oddly, i have never once seen you here before.... do you actually go to class you worthless fuck you?" because he was giving me a look like i didn't deserve to be there! ugh!
so then do you know what he has the nerve to say to me? he goes, "you know, i'm fucking pissed at you. i'm so mad at you... BLAH BLAH BLAH." well he can kiss my fucking ass!
this was all in the hallway in Funger, and he was by the girl's bathroom [perv] and i was going to the stairs, and there were all of these people sitting around and walking around because classes were just getting out. so i'm like, "what the fuck are you talking about?" and i'm like screaming because i'm fucking pissed at him, right? and i go, "I'm The One Who is Pissed Off!!!" and he's like, "what? why are you pissed?" as if i had no right to be. and i'm still shrieking my head off because i can't believe he is actually pissed at me. and i'm like, "look, i know about everything you said about me and jeff, and that's just fucked up. so i'm fucking pissed at you."
and he goes on about how we need to have a long talk this weekend. HAHAHAHAHHA. so i say, "yeah, well i'm not calling you, so if you want to talk, you better call me." then i said to him, "you know, hannah isn't doing so well. i'm worried about her. just wanted to give you a heads up." because if he's supposedly her friend like he says he is, he'll be worried about her, too. and he was like, "what? what are you talking about? huh?"
UGH. he's so clueless.
i mean, if he does call me, i'm going to tell him that i'm pissed about a) him not calling me for my birthday, b) him blowing me off on my party night, c) what hannah told me he said about jeff and i and d) the fact that i'm confused because i'm friends with dave, and i don't dig all the shit that jason's friends did to dave, or even the shit that they're starting with puck now.
honestly, i think jason is just a crappy person, and if he wants to call me, fine. but i really don't think it's worth it. i know the person he is now. i know that he's phony and full of shit and honestly, i don't want anything to do with him anymore.
fuck him. ugh.
i don't even know what to do about him calling me. fuck that. i don't even want him to bother with me, honestly. like, he's going away to england next semester, supposedly. then i'm going to be away the semester after that. and i'll barely even see him.

well, my presentation for urban went well. i love my professor. he's so cute and polish. hee hee. and the class was actually cool today, the sorority girls actually both left early so they didn't even have to watch the presentation.
and other than the jason thing that kind of just annoyed me, i'm in a really good mood!
HOORAY FOR MY BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe.
i have to go eat now.

xoxo

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Subject:	what's a girl to do?
Time:	11:34 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.

well, dave stopped by for a little while tonight. i guess puck and he went to amy and ellen's. but amy wasn't even there.
and dave told me weird shit about sofyia and i don't know whether or not i should tell her, because i don't know whether or not i should get involved. well see, i guess ellen and this girl allison [who i don't think i know] were talking about how they don't want sofyia at this party that they're having. but they already invited her, and they didn't know what to do.
that's kind of fucked up. ellen sucks. she gets wicked drunk all the time and she can't handle it, and sofyia always has to take care of her and shit. and this is how she treats her?
but should i even bother getting involved. i mean, they have all known each other for a while, and this is just shit that dave told me. so who knows if that's exactly what happened and what was said.
i don't want to stary shit that doesn't need to be started.
but at the same time, i feel really bad for sofyia. she thinks that these people are her best friends here, and they're bitching about her to puck and dave. sort of fucked up. ellen probably just wanted some ass because she's a horney little bitch.

jeff and i went to g-town this evening. we went to smash and i bought 'true brit' and 'the first ten years: walzwerk records'. pretty rockin'. then i bought him his birthday present- black gazelles that he wanted. he keeps trying to get me to give them to him early, but hell no. he's got to wait.
and i did a lot of english reading tonight.
and i did the whole special honors thing for psychology.
and i hung out in my room for a while today, but there was no trace of hannah or sofyia. i'm kind of wondering where hannah is because she wrote a weird ass journal entry earlier that was kind of creepy. so i want to make sure she's okay and all.
anyways, i have to get up fucking early tomorrow. long day.

xoxo

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Subject:	milky puppy a go-go.
Time:	2:58 pm.
Mood:	accomplished.
Music:	the Blood..

all right. i feel like i have accomplished some things. i went to dr. frank today and she signed my class list. ugh. so i have to go over to the colubmian school and hand that in. then i have to fill out my form for Special Honors in psychology and go to Prof. Peterson and give that to him because i finally got around to calculating my psychology GPA and it's high enough.
sometime this week i need to run over to study abroad and figure out a program that is in Edinburgh, and see how many of my credits would transfer and all of that.
i need to write my english paper. and start my stupid deviance paper. ugh. damn papers. i would so much rather take a test, i think. at least in english i would.
so work wasn't too bad last night. there was this dude there who was really funny that i was working with. he reminded me so much of my cousin, dan. he was a marine, too, and was just really funny.
i saw hannah last night and talked to her for a little while. she's doing all right. not as great as she could be, i guess.
i need to do my nails, too.
jeff is shaving his head now. his birthday is on monday. so is social distortion. oh! i forgot to write about all the shit that went down on sunday night.

all right, dave went to the NRSV show after work [or left work early or whatever]. he said that when he got there all of these people were fighting. like, jason had confronted puck about crossing out all of his tags [who the hell tags "Boner" anyways?!], and puck just laughed at him and whatnot. then priscilla decides to get involved and tells puck that he had better stop because jason was one of her best friends and blah blah blah. so then, puck is going back and forth with them, when john [priscilla's fat hubby] comes out of no where and pulls puck's hat down over his eyes and sucker punches him. then puck is laughing again because of whatever reason. so then he's like, "okay john, we can fight, but no weapons or any of that crap." so then john pulls out a knife and is like, "okay lets fight."
it's not that i'm a big fan of puck, but i'm not a big fan of those Northeast kids either. and that's pretty pussy of him pulling out a knife. just because he's a fat, slow fuck who can't fight? he shouldn't start shit then.
so then they told puck that they would see him on monday at the social d show. great.
i really don't want to have all of this crap interfere with my good time. honestly, if JASON has problems with PUCK then why doesn't jason just fight puck? why the hell does he have to have a girls' husband do it for him? that's pretty fucked up.
and it's jeff's birthday that day, and i really don't want him and dave getting involved with all this crap just to help puck out. he's old enough for christ's sake and of this fucking dc, petty ass scene shit goes back so far, jeff and dave should just stay out of it.
i don't even know if jason is going to that show or not. i guess he is, though. i'd rather not see him. he's such a little, fairy-ass, pussy. ugh. fight your own damn fights. and they're all so phoney around there, too.
puck is devising a way to get Northeast closed down, too. i mean, they're so fucked up there. they tattoo drunk, high, and they tattoo the wrong shit on people all of the time [like what they did to amy]. hee hee- Jinx Proof would have so much more business. hee hee. so i was thinking of looking into that, too. just to help a brother out.... hehe.

so that's all the news. and shit is supposed to "be going down" on monday. ugh! that makes me so frustrated, and i really don't want to be bothered with all of those people. dc scene kids can kiss my ass. i like some of them. but not most of them. the tenley town kids are a lot cooler, i think. like all of the kids that dave hung around with like jesse. jeff and i were talking about that the other day- how much cooler those kids are.

i love eggo waffles. they kick my ass.

this weekend i should go over to union station, too, and pick up my tickets for thanksgiving.
and i gave kristin a call last night but she wasn't around, so i left the most ridiculous message ever. hehe.

anyways, i'm off to go look for the better business bureau on line.

xoxo

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