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¦¦ this is my world : ( and she relishes the thoughts of time ) [27 Jul 2002|11:20pm] I have been what one could possibly called inspired to write a story. I'm not going to give the details here, but for those that do know of my secrect fascination and worship of the study of eugenics should know it has something to deal along those lines. So, as I leave for my vacation tomorrow (I am returning to the sacred place of Colorado, where I have not been since 1999, to find the girl I left back there) I will attempt to stop by a store to pick up a book to begin my writing. Though, I need to watch my funds since I have a ton of stamps and postcards to purchase to send to so many (wonderful) people. Until then ... 2 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ kill yourself for being an idiot : ( modern day plague ) [20 Jul 2002|11:44pm] [ mood | infuriated & disgusted ] People are fucking disgusting. This is the damn reason why idiots shouldn't breed at all and should be REMOVED (i.e. KILLED) from the gene pool. Terrible. . . . The dog in the picture was abused. Those are photos of her that were taken when the rescue shelter received her. Her former owner had her collar on her so tight that it cut about four inches into her skin. Humans: The Modern Day Bubonic Plague. 3 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ my adieu : ( something unnamed and unseen ) [02 Jul 2002|05:38pm] [ mood | disenchanted and yearnful ] I've been avoiding the Internet lately ... And I think I will cut the cord for a long time. This is my adieu. . . . . I want to thank the people I've met here, the friends I've made ... 28 Loves: [ Aleksi, Annika, Chad, Dane, Elina, Eve, Fabien, Florian, Francesca, Frans, Fredrik, Helena, Jani, Jari, Jim, Joseph, Katie, Kimmo, Lars, Leonore, Michael, Niko, Pertti, Reko, Retu, Roman, Stephen, Zach ] I cherish all the letters I've received, and all the late night talks ... And I will never forget the friends that, through some strange twist of fate or odd moment where I could not handle closeness, I lost friendships ... Of course, that is mainly directed at one person, and I doubt he will ever read this--though it's possible. Tigers never forget the snakes that changed their lives, if only in small ways. > > > I need something inspiring and meaningful in my life, and the Internet, with all it's new sights and sounds and things, used to offer that ... But now, what used to sparkle and shimmer is now dull and lifeless ... I need human companionship. I need love and friendship and the sound of voices in my ear and the sun on my face. I need to taste the salt of the ocean again and see the Mississippi meander into the ocean while standing on the boardwalk in New Orleans ... I need Life. (and when she finds it, she will return.) I love you all. Adieu. 7 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ humour from the mud hole : ( she loves the place! really! ) [06 Jun 2002|05:55am] Sometimes, I think only I can amuse myself. ^^ But when I do, I snicker gleefully for hours. (To understand the joke, you would have to know Finnish and the Rowan sense of humour. :D) ( i (heart) america ) 7 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ craving for mail : ( i am going insane ) [04 Jun 2002|04:21pm] [ mood | stressed from lack of mail ] [ music | the sound of being stressed ] I NEED MAIL. I am tired of walking RUNNING to the damn mailbox every day just to see if I got a letter, a package--SOMETHING! SOMEONE send me mail, damn it ... I'll give you my address (you could probably find it lurking somewhere on the net, anyway), just send me mail. It's not an option, it's a command! ( i'm desperate for letters, cards, ANYTHING ... ) Bleh. Receiving letters to look at people's handwritings and to analyse their words has become an obession. 5 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ fun, fun : ( barrel of monkeys, watch out ) [03 Jun 2002|05:51am] How compatibile are you with Rowan Laurë? (this should prove interesting). :) 6 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ decorated nights : ( sinä olet minun talveni ) [04 May 2002|05:11am] [ mood | cloudy ] [ music | cmx - vainajala ] Pulse. (beat) Pulse. (beat) Pulse. (beat) Pulse. (beat) That was all I knew then, all that could be said. This is what I know now--unspoken, unwhispered, unvocalised. Your voice is beautiful and I can't help but wonder what makes it so... What if we lived in a world without colour? I know you can't understand, can't appreciate what's been there all your life, but try. Choices. Please don't take my right to make choices away from me... You can't decide in a world of black and white (grey or grey shirt today?). No more coloured hues of forest green, no more oceanic blues ... What if we lived in a world without music? My heart breaks and quivers at a thought of something so horrid ... It is beyond my conception that life could be here without music ... Menen nukkumaan ja toivon etten enää koskaan herää kevätpäivään raastavaan... - A. W. Yrjänä of CMX, Vanha Talvitie [ I fall asleep and wish to never wake up again to a racking spring day... ] Don't stop thinking. Don't stop the music. Cherish the colours. It's all the muses ask ... Let memories live. ( i'm going to drift to sleep now. clouded thoughts plague me and i can't dechiper anything anymore ... i apologise for giving you confusing fragments of my mind tonight ... ) ---------------------------------- rakas-Elina: sinä olet minun talveni. stain the paper

¦¦ she cannot be saved : ( i lost my heart in the storm... ) [20 Apr 2002|05:59am] [ mood | forever lonely & weary ] [ music | The Gathering - Rescue Me ] I'm going for now ... I do not know when I will return ... If you know me, if you knew me ... maybe I'll contact you ... But I need to be alone, to find my thoughts ... I'm so tired and confused and weary ... I need rescuing before I die in lonely dreams and liquidated hopes ... ( my breath ran out in the rain... ) 3 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ i am imperfect : ( her heart is on her shoulder ) [14 Apr 2002|10:08pm] flaw #001: she wears her heart on her shoulder ( speaking in volumes ) 1 ink stain . stain the paper

¦¦ unheard of, unseen : ( can you not remember that i exist, too? ) [10 Apr 2002|12:13am] My heart breaks in cold realisation that I am not remembered ... I breathe, I live, but in the world's eyes I do not exist ... Am I just something minds cannot remember? I cannot make you love me, or hate me, or remember me--but I wish I could. I wish I could have a friend that would smile when my name entered their thoughts ... I wish someone expressed loyalty to me like I do to them ... ( there's a storm closing in, voices crying on the wind... there's too many thoughts tonight and i have no temporary peace... ) I wish someone loved me with the equal passions that I would give to them ... But my wishes are unheard of, unseen, and not remembered or wanted. 4 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ is five so magical? : ( not today, but perhaps yesterday it was ) [02 Apr 2002|06:44pm] five items you have brand loyalty to:      001 altoids ; cinnamon flavoured mints      002 pilot ; precise extra fine, rolling ball, black ink pens      003 sony ; personal cd players      004 ivory ; soap that floats      005 clinique ; clinique happy perfume five snacks you enjoy:      001 reese's peanut butter cups      002 geisha hazelnut-filled chocolate bars      003 pizza-flavoured goldfish      004 cool ranch doritos chips      005 french vanilla ice cappuccinos five songs you know the words to, even without the music:      001 cmx ; siivekäs      002 björk ; all is full of love      003 björk ; unravelling      004 eternal tears of sorrow ; the river flows frozen      005 enigma ; return to innocence five games you like:      001 uno      002 monopoly      003 life      004 monster ranchers (on the playstation)      005 pokémon silver (yes indeed--first video game I ever won) five albums that changed your life:      001 enya ; a day without rain      002 the gathering ; mandylion      003 cmx ; aura      004 dead can dance ; within the realm of a dying sun      005 loreena mckennitt ; the mask and the mirror five things you can't live without:      001 music that touches my heart      002 digital edens      003 kisses on the cheek      004 whispers of love in my ear      005 dreams (of finland) five good things to touch:      001 surface of someone else's chest      002 chinchillas      003 rose petals      004 freshly washed hair      005 lips five things you'd buy with one thousand dollars:      001 a bus ticket away from here      002 a new pair of shoes      003 a pipo      004 an orchid      005 a kantele five things you've owned over the past ten years:      001 pieces of paper with poetry on them      002 incense      003 a camera      004 a stuffed frog      005 a wolf puppet 3 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ faultless, but never flawless : ( the skies are black tonight ) [01 Apr 2002|01:28am] [ mood | flawed ] [ music | Viikate - Häpeän Lyhty ] Syytön      by Rowan Laurë Oikea siipi olkapäästäni on murtunut Vasen on vain säröisen lasin muisto kuollutta aurinkoa vasten... minun sydämeni on tehty pienistä paperinpaloista, ja tunnen noiden siteiden löystyvän. Ei ole enkelin syy että katson ikkunaan joikaisen äänen myötä vain nähdäkseni jos unen rakkaus on tullut Ei ole tähtien syy etten kimalla kuin kristalli pimeässä meressä... Ei ole hänen syynsä, ei ole kuun syy että sielut on thety hiekasta... Elämät kuihtuvat auringonpaisteen ja rakkauden puutteeseen ja me toivomme että voisimme kaikki olla joskus kotona. Mutta koti ei ole siellä missä perhe vaan missä sydän on syntynyt. Eikä ole hänen syynsä että novat kuolevat keväisin. ( speaking in volumes ) 2 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ will you ever hear me? : ( it goes on and off and on again... ) [31 Mar 2002|01:41pm] Message In My Heart      by Aeone Will you remember me, With sunlight shining golden on my hair? Or will it be when you lay with me, And I spoke your name as softly as a prayer? Moments are captured in pictures of the mind-- But the ghost of you still whispers In images I just can't leave behind ... Oh, there's a message in my heart, Calling our from across this land-- Will you ever hear me? Oh, there's a story in my soul Waiting for you to know Love lies here ... Will you remember me, As a small and precious gift that you have lost? Or will it be that the holding back Of every truthful thought was the highest cost? Do you think of me? Where is time the healer Of the broken people's lives? When my every breath becomes A death of silence I know I'm not alive ... Oh, there's a message in my heart Calling our from across this land-- Will you ever, ever hear me? Oh there's a story in my soul Waiting for you to know Love lies here ... Where is my existence In the fragments of your life? Does the imprint of my face Linger with you Across the great divide? Oh, there's a message in my heart Calling out from across this land-- Will you ever hear me? Oh, there's story in my soul Waiting for you to know Love lies here ... stain the paper

¦¦ please don't shred my paper heart : ( i wish you were here/mine ) [31 Mar 2002|12:15am] [ mood | anxiously confused ] It kills me--so close I can smell your scent yet so far I cannot touch you or kiss you without guilt or shame. Love is a blade that runs two ways. It has impaled me and made me weak in the knees and heart. You hold my little paper heart in your hands--did you know? Please don't shred my heart tonight... stain the paper

¦¦ the stars, a moon, and your heart : ( i could have dreamt forever... ) [24 Mar 2002|06:33pm] [ mood | alive, happy, well, infatuated ] [ music | Rasputina - Hunter's Kiss ] My heart fluttered her eyes open last night in a dream of loving and happiness. Golden life surges through her, and she has never felt like this before ... (you cannot sink a cloud, and today, the silver linings are mine...) Love chooses where she goes (her cousin visited me...). Spring encouranges the change and awakening of the world. I'm in need of his presence, and I cherish the (day)dreams my spirit holds of him ... I cherish today the feeling of life. 8 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ your wake up call : ( don't drink the kahvi tonight ) [20 Mar 2002|09:51pm] Because it's just that way (and the world needs a wake up call). 10 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ do not give me tears, but smiles : ( for I will prevail in the storm ) [15 Mar 2002|12:33am] [ mood | blessed&thankful; ] [ music | ( mon coeur ) ] There are candles that shine for me in my darkest of hours and a whisperer that warms my heart like fire. I bless them, these sacred things, I bless the souls that inject life into my being. You are my stars, my moons, my muses, my sirens, and my universe. And I exist and live because of you. Kiitos. 1 ink stain . stain the paper

¦¦ mene, mene ( because ... ) [12 Mar 2002|01:53am] anna meille meidän syntimme anteeksi anna meille meidän jokapäiväinen kykymme suruun sillä emme tiedä erheittemme kantomatkaa ( speaking in volumes ) 2 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ i never knew her : ( but i remained falsely accused ) [06 Mar 2002|04:01am] I've been accused of knowing beauty, but she has never spoken to me, and I have never met her... Please don't tell me the things you thought I knew, for my heart assures you and me that BEAUTY and ART are things I have yet to meet. I have never known these women (for if they are what they are said to be, then these sacred things cannot be men at all), but perhaps in some other life they have known me, and memories I cannot summon remain hidden somewhere in the abyss of my mind... But it remains that I have never met the two that rule the lives of many and kill the souls of some. 2 ink stains . stain the paper

¦¦ i cannot fathom eternity : ( i need something iridescent ) [04 Mar 2002|01:40am] [ mood | jaded&fading; ] She leaned back into the seat, earphones jammed tightly into her hears so as to blot out all other sounds. Voices rumbled in the background, but they were ignored as visions of sinä and minä flashed about like a jumpy picture show in her head... The trees glided by in a blur of worn out brown and grey. This was the only world she had ever known, but in her heart, secrets of times past--memories of snow and ice and wind--remained... I drift like a tiny leaf along the shore ... And there is no one to find me in this dark sea ... Sometimes I need a little something starlight and iridescent ... Sometimes I only need myself. "If you want to catch a tiger, you must venture into the tiger's cave." -Korean Proverb (You know who you are, serpent, when you understand the clawed words of a tiger.) 3 ink stains . stain the paper

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