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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Grizaje's LiveJournal:
| Tuesday, February 5th, 2002 | |
| 12:39 am | Journal #10 Feb 3rd...no job, no life, no money, overall no school err Full Sail for me. Wish I had some straight edge bum friends..80% are druggies and I tired of chillin with them, 10% straight edge who has their future planned out, school n work with no fun and the other people I don't want to speak to cause of personal issue when I see their faces! My Website, Subliminal Fear, has went down, I haven't paid for this year and with no money I can't do much. The underground news, indymedia, Infoshop, anarchist/activist news are starting to be dull. Their movement ain't going nowhere, just causing physical injuries. Ahh this life, this world, this existence, this plague upon society mind controlling us, sub consciously or not, I am so surprise people atleast in United States doesn't realize what is going on. I'm starting to go a bit insane once again talking tremendously to much and loud with myself. I also feel a bit ill and I haven't been eating breakfast at all, kinda feel numb in the morning. I'm getting to tired of this bullshit I go through everyday, and im not grateful for what is in front of me, which I should compared to others but ugh... don't know. this people I wish I could talk to, but I can't open my again to them, it makes me sick seeing them already. Ah, family problems too, I really need to get out of this house, my oldest brother is on my nerves again and we will likely going to collide again and as usual either one of us are going to the hospital again or both to jail like the last time. I had to many temptations already that I couldn't bare my medieval weapons in my room and almost caused me to break one of my gargoyle statues. Music - well, nothing is happening here. The recent Death metal show was weak. As far as MTV music goes, Vanessa Carlton - what a beauty she is and talent she has, to bad her producers are one of those boy band. System of a Down, grrr this is my 3rd time I lose their first album and 1st time losing their second album. GRRR I wish London after Midnight start their touring soon. Last time they came, I never knew about it until the last minute by a cool chick I know but I was already on my way to System of a Down. Than again, if I did go, I don't know how the day would be since this chick and I aren't like friendly, more hostile for some odd reason. Also my other friend was going to and I don't know how long my sanity would last if I keep seeing her face. blah blah blah, wow im blabbering to fucking much. I have been told there is a dead journal. that's crazy n stupid. oh well..1 think I hate though is the stereotype, dead journal targets "Satanist" "Goths" people...oh my goth...pitiful ain't it. Oh well, peace out Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: Strawberry Switchblade - Gutter Glitter |
| Wednesday, January 9th, 2002 | |
| 10:11 pm | UPDATE #19 deleted the submit, Rants-ideas-Lies, and Truth page out, seeing it was going nowhere! Oh and also, Subliminal Msg as well Current Mood: Chillin Current Music: Eazy-E - Campton |
| 9:39 pm | JOURNAL #9 Well, It's seems I missed the X-mas Journal post and the New Year journal Post. As if anything really happened. Let's see: Dec 24-25: I worked my ass off in K-B-Toys than when I finally got home, I sat my lazy butt in the computer and did something or played Half Life. Later that day, my mom brought her friend over and what trailed along was 2 teenage kids whom I don't speak to and never will as always. Than near midnight, we all had to eat together, My brother who doesn't live with us was there and was attempting to start a conversation with everyone but eventually failed miserable. My oldest brother and I were in hell with boredom. The other 2 kids were quiet n bored. Everything sucked cause of those people, Usually we talk, the only day of the year we all talk as a family. Anyway, the present day, my mom acts like a lil girl, while I didn't bother to open my shit till the 27th cause I know what it is, something I told my mom to return it n change it, im not going to use it...and of course, its in my room now somewhere unopened still! X-mas was so pitiful, that I just went to sleep and hope they are gone when I wake up. New Years - Like I cared what that represent! BAH HUM BUK! new year, new #, same OLD SHIT, same old routine, new weapons for the same old hidden agendas of many organization perhaps.. I just went to sleep. overall days to now...looking for a second job, being lazy, currently looking at people web site, and ran into 2 people I know...was impressed by 1 web site, the other web site is just pitiful...I'm constantly waiting for IMC or infoshop to post something juicy I can cover for my site...but everything is on the Afghan war....UGH oh well, BAH HUM BUK. blessed be Current Music: Das Ich - unknown |
| 9:29 pm | UPDATE #18 Well, although I am late with this update posting...recently I just added a "Utopia Forum" which is a side thing than what Subliminal Fear is about. Utopia Forum is for those who Play the online web base game "Utopia" found HERE. Anyway, beside that..I took out the Submit page and I'm currently gonna get my license again for Subliminal Fear and Finally Open the site and send traffic in. I have also created a Forum and will make another Forum which is base on A.C.C. or any protest im focusing on of everyone to come in and chat...find location, who can give rides, shelter, etc... Now, im gonna go fix some stuff...take out those that aren't in use currently. Bye Current Mood:  goodCurrent Music: Enya - day without rain |
| Wednesday, December 19th, 2001 | |
| 7:18 pm | JOURNAL #8 Well, today, Dec 19 2001, on my way home from work, I was walking pass by walgreens and I saw few kids vandalizing the store, they were doing a graffiti and some older person not sure was with the kids or not, caught my attention by surprise. This guy I didn't see moved a bit and I realize someone was there, and what I saw was, this guy taking a piss on the Walgreens name that is about 30 feet away from the store. I don't know, I just felt like typing this down, quiet funny, vandalism, kids spray painting the side wall and a 20+ man pissing on the "WALGREENS" sign oh well, BB |
| Sunday, December 16th, 2001 | |
| 1:45 am | UPDATE#17 I just added new categories in the poetry sections, and added more poems on "Anger/Sadness" also, not sure if I should create a Depression Section or just add it to Anger/Sadness section. If you would like to submit poems, please E-mail me with the subject as "Poetry Submission" |
| Tuesday, December 11th, 2001 | |
| 8:21 pm | UPDATE #16 Sorry for being gone over a month but apparently the bastards at my phone company cancelled my dsl connection and it took them over 2 weeks to get my line started. Than I went to reformat my computer and found that my recover cd is scratched and I lost my back-up so I had to wait for a week to get another one. NOW I AM BACK I have moved all my current news and current events into the archive and I have updated the "Profile" section who is Katie Sierra and the current news is focused on Katie Sierra struggle. More to come in the next 2 days. Current Mood: chillin Current Music: none |
| Tuesday, November 20th, 2001 | |
| 1:12 am | JOURNAL #7 well, after being fired from the art gallery store for putting a hole in a canvas, I finally got a job but it's only "SEASONAL", at K-B Toys. Today I filled out an application for this brand new store that will open soon and "open" visually for the public to see for what is coming. "Hot Topic" this store is a "alternative" "head-banger" "gothic" store. I hope I get to work there as a JOB instead of a seasonal job. If Not, hope I can work at Mosh Pitt at least. Other things that occurred in my life lately is, I got hired from K-B the same day I cut my hair! Things has looked "good" since I cut/trimmed my hair. About the size of my small fist, length wise has been cut. even though I pointed out to the lady how much to cut and saw how much was cut, I'm surprise it had a huge affect on appearance! it's still long, but to me it's gay short! Well that is all, I am out Blesses Blessed Be Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: Anorerxia Nervosa - The Drudenhaus Anthem |
| 1:06 am | UPDATE 15 I have added a new section, Controversial I will soon than change the following: Subliminal, Paranoia, Conspiracy, Conspiracy Theory, Propaganda into appropriate "partner"s. For instance, apparently I have Conspiracy and paranoia together, it will be most likely Paranoia and ??? Controversial and ??? Propaganda and ??? Conspiracy and ??? Subliminal and ??? they will link with each other to make sense. also, the "submit" page has been taken down for awhile so once I figure the new "sections" I can update the submit page. |
| Friday, November 16th, 2001 | |
| 2:02 am | UPDATE #14 All right, the navigation bar (the left side of my site) has changed. There once was the "Information" Section which is gone now. But I have added: - A.C.C (Anti-Captialist Convergence) News - Archive (some of my news, reports that are at least 3 weeks old) also, changed the order of the links... On my politic page, there is no news, nothing really worth talking about but the current events there is and also on the A.C.C also added some information in the Paranoia section. More to come and 1 new banner in the link section, PLEASE HELP THEM! Stop POLICEWARE!!!! Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: Pink Flyod - Hey You |
| Wednesday, October 31st, 2001 | |
| 2:48 pm | UPDATE #13 well I had my friend to check my site out and she told me that the menu side bar was hard to see, so I was able to change the color for everyone easy navigation. I have also changed the entrance page and the "SubFear" logo is in the disclaimer section. The Main page as always will be actively changing. I have added few new topics on politics and Current Events. I got few more poems submitted to me by people like YOU. Thx the "Subliminal message" has also became a Propaganda page. The Conspiracy And Paranoia will now be based on real info and not to much BULLSHIT. The profile section is well dead. I will be changing few more layouts, background pictures added and much much more poetry. Well bye everyone Happy Samhain, BB Current Mood: sleepy |
| Friday, October 26th, 2001 | |
| 3:24 pm | UPDATE #12 I have also added more links and supported sites. Current Mood:  enragedCurrent Music: misfits - Die Die Die My Darling |
| 3:13 pm | JOURNAL #6 What the Fuck is up with my LIFE! Shit, lately I can't even hold a job long enough! I walked in today to work just to get a notice saying, they have dropped me. The chief told me that the owner received a call from this guy that we helped moved to say to get rid of me *fishy*. Reason of I wasn't able to carry a 2inch thick glass table that is about 7feet long and 5feet wide perhaps. I am able to carry it, but won't last very long carrying it to the truck. He complained that the store should get a bigger stronger person. I think it is BS! In the note, they referred me by "KID" and I smell some small form of discrimination. absolute bull shit! JUST MY FUCKING LUCK TOO EH! WHY ME! What negative KARMA do I still hold??? What is my damn aura! Current Mood: enragedCurrent Music: Misfit- American Psycho |
| 3:08 pm | UPDATE #11 I HAVE ADDED A NEW ADDITION TO MY PAGE, IT IS LOCATED IN THE POETRY SECTION. IT IS CALLED "MANIFESTO" So far I was able to make 5 of them into my site, and 2 more that will take you to another page. apparently my 5 manifesto I created are SLOW for some odd reason. Current Mood: enragedCurrent Music: Carl Orff - O Burana |
| 1:22 am | UPDATE #10 I have changed the layout of the poetry section, and Added several more poems. I will keep adding more tomorrow. Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: Knight Rider Theme Song |
| Wednesday, October 24th, 2001 | |
| 10:57 pm | UPDATE #9 I have changed the entrance page into a better graphic, that is the #2/5 I have. I also have updated the Current Event and Politics. I am working on some more real politics. Only thing is, most of my sources are too busy focusing on the WAR. I will be adding Paranoia soon and as poetry goes, I got some more coming. Well I am out. Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: System of a Down - Cubert |
| Sunday, October 21st, 2001 | |
| 4:48 pm | JOURNAL #5 All right Gorefest update...As far as the bands that played there were all right but only 3 were just fucking awesome. One of which was a band that consist of 3 people that I know and I thought they were gonna suck. This vocalist always had a squeaky voice but he caught most of the people that knows him off guard when he sounded like "static X" and "Rob Zombie" mixed together. They played retro hardcore music and techno rock. The other band I don't know whom they were but all I got to say, the drummer is a wanna-be "Buff The Stuff bagwell" look alike who played the drums incredible. The lead singer was kinda whack how he performed but at least everyone understood his voice and the lyrics. Actually the entire performance, they had the best clear performance. No Sound problem, mic problem or anything like that. Than Again, their entire equipments were top name brands. The 3rd band I also Don't recall whom they were was thrash metal hardcore like. I didn't even bother to listen to them or watch them play. They just had the entire crowd moshin. Usually, when sorry bands played, I asked the guy who was in charge of the entire gorefest 2001 to get people to box. Eventually on the second day, it was Chris, a big fat guy vs 3 people, not at the same time but back to back. Than Allen has put the gloves on and no one seemed to get the other one, After hearing no one fought him last night, I decided to take the gloves and bring the challenge to him. We both fought well, he has a slow right hand swing which I was able to dodge them all, but he catches me off guard with a left on my face. I was able to get some hooks and my right weak jab in and few strong lefts. I can't say who won and all, we both agreed were tired. But from the responds I got from people is or hearing it "I have a Stance, im quick and dodge" and of course as always I get, which I hate, "he's like kenuea from the matrix dodging n shit" Later Allen and I was able to get 2 females to fight. That was the best shit. Marcella vs Unknown chubby. Eventually Marcella gloves flew off but she didn't want to stop and she kept on going and going. Well to say, the "Unknown" girl is more like a "headbanger""goth" dyed purple hair and whatnot with a eye blinding see thru black lace (this is a BAD VIEW, TRUST ME). While the other chick is well small and a bit round, more or less of a "gangsta" chick or she hangs out with people who represent their group(s). And a good connection to well hehe...anyhow, she obviously knows fights and been in b4 while the other..hehe poor her. But it was good, it almost became a real fight so we had to pull them all off. I became tipsy the show until my sunny delight mixed with absolute vodka and black label vodka in it. and also, thx to edgardo things went from gorefest to whorefest, the movies we played were whore gore, demonatrix, vampire girl hunter, a lot of movies that posses nudity and gore mixed together (like the one everyone hated but laughed was a girl going down on a guy and chewed off his *&). But before gorefest turned to X rated shit. It was when someone brought his camera and realized he brought a certain tape. eventually they wanted to show everyone so we hooked it up to the playstation 2+projector and showed it to everyone. Allen was explaining err doing the play by play of what is going on. The tape was at the fair and this young couple were at the ferris wheel. The girl than went down or disappeared from the camera suppose. The camera was zoomed into the guy's face now and he is putting a HUGE SMILE. Everyone realizes what is now going on than Allen says "Hey guess what, your on CANDID Camera bitch". At the time, the guy finally realized he was being taped and put on a stupid funny as look and began pointing to the camera! Hrmm I guess that is about it, beside Me vs what's his name were moshing and he called for 1 more, eventually I went for the jump and he ducked and grabbed me in mid-air and began to spin me in fucking circles. BASATRD. But lucky when he was putting me down, I somehow wrapped his leg like a snake, tripped him, as he began to fall i was getting up with one of his leg for a ankle lock b4 he reversed it and we both got out. Well that was gorefest, from damnit I spent 10 dollars for this BULLSHIT to people should have pay 20 dollars cause there was alot of intresting things that anyone could have expected. I want to give props to the guy who brought gorefest 2001 - Allen. Nick who was able to get me back in for the second day b4 getting recharged. The bands that played GOOD. The bands that showed. To the kid who brought his tape of that ferris blowjob. To edgardo making gorefest to whorefest 2001 To the 2 chicks who boxxed. To the chick who I know now that has connection to "Mr.Sid" And those who brought in thier sick ass movies. Current Mood: racked with "pain" Current Music: Nosferatu - Shadowmaker |
| Saturday, October 20th, 2001 | |
| 1:05 am | JOURNAL #4 well finally after my bad luck, karma, whatever has been causing me to NOT GET A JOB has finished, HOPEFULLY! Any ways what sucks a bit was, I had planned to stay at the gorefest 2001 till the end but I begin work on the first night. Any ways, I did go there, it's all right I guess. The only thing I don't like is the band plays over the movie and they don't show the entire movie, they skip all the talk and moves into the gore sickness, gruesome parts only. But any ways, few of the bands kinda SUCKED or the vocalist VOICE IS HORRIBLE or not suitable for that style of music. (it's like putting a black metal vocals into a gay limp bizkit sound. and vice versa) even their pitiful attempts to make a screeching sound went all bad, plus no one can understand or hear their lyrics. but one band decide to fuck the vocals and just play doom/thrash metal and many began to mosh. Finally my time was up and I had to leave, and a new thing came up, free food or prizes for the winners in a boxing match. I was able to see 1, my good friend Fernando vs some fat chump. The chump had no guard and my boy kicked his ass! NO ACID :( bunch of straight edge and Pot Smokers only. Grr... Cool part I liked was, 2 wiccan chicks, 1 I knew, one I tried to get to know and failed pitifully. any ways, I'll return there after work and stay until it finishes. Peace out and Merry Fuck Jesus *don't ask why I said this* Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: Ice T - Cop Killer |
| Wednesday, October 17th, 2001 | |
| 3:06 am | UPDATE #8 all right, I have created several style of my entrance and I will post one of them today and get rid of that ugly one I have kept. |
| Tuesday, October 16th, 2001 | |
| 4:12 pm | UPDATE #7 all right, my funky adobe photoshop is beginning to cooperate with me, but it still wont let me crop my pictures in the size/shape I wish instead of a damn square! so my cheesy index page doesn't look like how it is, I am trying to get the mermaids closer together on the edge of the pentagram. beside that, I need to get the animate gif program and try and see if I can create those mermaid swirling around the pentagram... if not, im killing that section and keeping the new .gif of subliminal fear. Until I create a collage of many things, disturbing things... Current Mood:  workingCurrent Music: The Doors - End |