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Damn this mean advice, it makes a whisper-ringing sound as if he cries... [13 Jan 2002|04:13am] [ music | supergrass - mary ] You are sexy, outgoing, and inwardly poetic, just like that uber-endowed, and massivley taltented guitarist Jimi Hendrix! you! This test was brought to you by the insightful dabblings of morphina [Anyone care to asphyxiate on their own vomit? Find out if you're capable of rawkin' beyond the grave here...) Dammit, I wanted to be Shannon Hoon. He was kind of cool, and liked cellos, and wore woolly hats and stuff. post comment

come make me whole, body and soul... [13 Jan 2002|03:39am] [ music | moloko - pure pleasure seeker ] Gotta get me some, gotta get me Instant gratification, Gimme new kicks, won't you show me new tricks Without the ramifications? Give it a try, don't be shy, Well you know you might like it, Never been too keen a time-keeper, But I'm a pure new pleasure seeker... Save me from fading afraid The tears of a fool on parade, Quietly turning to stone... make me flesh and bone Well come on, oh, You know that you want it and now, Well come on, yeah, You know that you want it and how Stimulation in body and cell For the good and misguided Desperation, I'm under your spell Misunderstood and derided... Gimme new kicks, I wanna go deeper, Never been too keen a time-keeper, Show me new tricks, you get me on the beeper, I'm a pure new pleasure seeker... I feel like I'm on the verge of being new tonight, of being a little bit closer to the person I really want to be... and right now I feel like I just want to be a pure pleasure seeker... to just do fun things all day, the things I want to do, the things that make me happy. If I thought I had the willpower, I'd swear to myself right now that I don't want to be infatuated with him any more, I don't want to be led on, I don't want anyone, I just want to write and sing and dance and have fun, tell the truth and have people around me who are good and kind and tell the truth and don't try to win me over, don't try to play with me. I want: someone to organise everything for me. I have: a new haircut, and I could be mistaken but I think it's quite cute. I wish: I was off the plane and on the train already. I love: films that make me think; wine; cigarettes. I hate: the fucking dull ache that is pre-menstrual cramps. I miss: the past, all of it. I fear: the idea of being lonely. I feel: dull, a little tired; apprehensive about packing, excied about travelling back. I hear: Moloko through earphones. I smell: cigarete smoke, the stuff the hairdresser put in my hair when she cut it today. I crave: sleep, really good sleep in a very warm room with my best friend lying beside me and breathing over my hair. I wonder: what the fuck is going to become of us. I regret: nothing any more. Or try to, anyway. (I will become: A pure new Pleasure Seeker...) post comment

"Look at his face! He's been frightened to death... by fear!" [12 Jan 2002|10:48pm] [ music | blondie - call me ] I got my hair all amputated an' stuff today. And it's very different - much shorter, cut very blunt, with a fringe - but I like it. My mother made spaghetti for dinner while I went upstairs to take painkillers and sleep for an hour or two - seems I drank a bit too much yesterday and my stomach is still sulking about it. A very sweet email from Jonny, a very entertaining time watching Dr Terrible's House of Horrible, that Steve Coogan show that sends up old Hammer horror films. Now the parents out at the cinema, Katie's in bed, and I'm gonna eat oven chips and hummous (mmmmm, hummous) and watch Memento. Good stuff. Tomorrow brings much packing and organisation and other objectionable pastimes. post comment

show dick some respect! [12 Jan 2002|04:31am] Yes well, what can I say... always had a hard time putting on my lipstick with my boobs.... post comment

goodbye to all that... [12 Jan 2002|04:17am] [ music | sneaker pimps - walking zero ] This will be a more foolish entry than usual as I am very drunk. Well, Kate and Patrick and Leda and I all went out for dinner at a very nice (and expenisve) Chinese, and then Patrick went home and we went on to Popscene which was ace fun - danced loads to good old Bowie and T-Rex and a few newer things and chatted all night about stuff that really matters (ie: drunken bollocks). I also discovered my hand was covered in blood (mine) and have no clue why or from what. Now that is a good night out! I also bought a book about my beloved Christopher Lee and got back my photots. A few were puzzling (ie: What is that and why did I think it would be funny to take a pciture of it?!) but most were cool. And when I got home I had a most enlightening conversation with my mother about misuse of the word "cunt" and why people (including her) think it's the worst word ever. I'm gonna miss home when I go back. All in all, these have been fun holidays. post comment

[11 Jan 2002|05:18am] I found an old friend hiding in the depths of livejournal. Welcome to my friends list, Joshie! :-) 1 comment|post comment

take the weight off your mind, trust the voice of experience... [11 Jan 2002|05:04am] [ music | orbital - halcyon and on and on ] Blah blah blah. I finished work today by lying and telling them I'm going back to University two days earlier than I actually am. Mwuhahaha! I got hugs and email addresses and it was all very nice. And last night Sinead (bookshop manager) and her two assistant managers and Adam and Cathy and me all went out to the pub and got drunk and talked bollocks. Becoming intoxicated at the expense of people who pay you wages anyway is so very satisfying. I'm getting all my hair chopped off tomorrow. I dunno if this is good or bad but at least it'll be different, n'est-ce pas? Will write more when I can be bothered to think of things. I always make the mistake of coming in here after I've emailed Stuart and told him all my news and it just seems too much like hard work to type it all out again. I'm gonna steal a cigarette and go to sleep, it's starting to get cold here. post comment

Are you calling me an airhead? [05 Jan 2002|06:34am] [ music | the kinks - waterloo sunset ] I AM ALIGNED WITH THE ELEMENT AIR! Element: Air Direction:East Celtic Celebration: Spring Equinox (approx. Mar 21st) Personality Traits: Optimism, Intelligence, Mental Quickness Those of the Element Air, tend to be free spirits, creative and fun loving yet intellgent and thoughtful. "Elemental, my dear Watson..." This test created by Celtic_Shamans Well well well well welly welly well. It's very very early in the morning but I had to stop sleeping because I kept having strange dreams. I remember very vividly being in Woolworths in the sweets section, and coming across a whole display of Reese's products, not just peanut butter cups but really strange things like "chili cups" (would need a hell of a lot of advertising to make that one a success, I'm thinking)... but what I remember most vividly was picking up a jar of Reese's brand peanut butter in a jar, and it had elephant heads in it... little elephant heads made out of sugar. Then I was in Waterstones working, but it was really really dark (I think I had my eyes open in my sleep) and Chris and Genny (my uncle and his new wife) came in and I was serving them in a big queue and trying to be really nice but I kept saying really odd things and they were looking at me like I was stark dribbling mental. It wasn't disturbing or anything, but it bothered me, and each time I woke up I kept falling back to sleep. So here I am, awake and on the computer. *Productive* And every time he sends me an email he turns things round on me. He's never yet managed to write me a message that's lived up to what I wanted it to say, that hasn't disappointed me or hurt in some way or just left me cold. I'm going to work now. post comment

"If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be ANARCHY!" [04 Jan 2002|07:24pm] [ music | boo radleys - free huey ] You are Bubbles Everybody knows you’re the scarediest, but deep down you know you can be hardcore. Your power is rivalved only by your excessive cuteness. You might have some evil in you somewhere, but you do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time. Oh, and you like to kick ass. Take the What Powerpuff Girl Character Are You? quiz at Fire For Ice! Quiz by fire4ice Aw... how cute am I? I mean, seriously, I'm just so cute I could... (retch). Heh. Bubbles is my fave PPG character though. Lo and behold, after the last lament I wrote in here, I got an email from him out of the blue. Guess what? He's depressed. As always. But worse than ever. He almost makes me remember fully how I felt at fifteen - all trapped and lonely. I wrote him a big email about how he needs to go about handling it, though of course he hasn't replied yet. Still... Pizza for dinner tonight, and a little relaxation. Richard asked me out for drinks after work tonight which was flattering but I told him I had to go home and - think quickly, Cal - um, feed the dog. Yes, I said that. It was true, actually - my parents are out and poor baby Spark was all alone in the house. So... um, yeah. Over and out. post comment

plaintive, reflecting [03 Jan 2002|12:52am] [ music | the ballad of maxwell demon ] I miss him. I wish he would email, or text me, or call, or something. And suddenly I feel like I have less friends than I used to... not in a depressed way, but in a quiet realisation, something that's gradually creeping over me. Being lonely must be the worst thing in the world. I don't mind being alone, but I hope the other thing never happens to me. I emailed my song lyrics to Jonny. I'm scared of course, but also interested to know what he thinks, because they tell a story that's important to me and I want to know if he can see it too or if I'm the only one who'll ever understand what it was. The soundtrack from Velvet Goldmine amazes me every time I hear it. Maybe everything can be pretty after all. post comment

heh... i coulda told you this myself: [01 Jan 2002|09:00pm] You're just a girl; you tend to get frustrated easily, you daydream quite a bit, and you try to avoid making trouble, though curiosity always gets the better of you. Even under tight circumstances, however, you put aside (some of) your fear and figure out what's the best thing to do. You want a better understanding of your world. Alice rocks! post comment

welcome to the future... it is broken [01 Jan 2002|08:41pm] [ music | barber - adagio for strings ] Happy New Year! I spent the Eve in question with Kate and pizza, Haribo, chocolate cheesecake, pesto biscuits, crisps and hummous and salsa, gin and tonic, mulled wine and pink champagne. Gluttony and videos and mild drunkenness = the best new year I've had in quite a while. We watched the League of Gentlemen and toasted in the New Year with Jools Holland and I'm shamed to say that by 1am we were both falling asleep. It was still fun though. And today we slept late then after breakfast we drove into Belfast and went to see Lord of the Rings. Spectacular as I had expected, from the Special FX to my beloved (but wicked) Christopher Lee... grand stuff. I had to wait two hours for a bus though. It's so cold too - the snow is iced over and it's way below zero. I came in and my mother had soup ready for me, and we're having Beef Stroganoff for dinner. Mmmmmm... living in such a cold climate makes my appetite rampant, I've been eating like a heifer this past week. So... 2002. I have no fixed resolutions, but I know some of the things I must do, some of the things I want to do, and I'm sure time will reveal the rest. Things to concentrate on for now are my last two weeks at home - working at Waterstone's, getting my essay done and seeing my friends a few last times before back to Wales I go. post comment

down to quizness... [26 Dec 2001|09:16pm] [ music | sinatra - have yourself a merry little christmas ] Because I gotta kill some time online before I go back to Ebay... *addicted* Top 5 basic things about you - Name: Caroline Jennifer Ryder. Birthdate: 27 September 1892 Sex: It's a girl! Location: Near Belfast during holidays; in Aberystwyth in Wales during termtime What does your livejournal name mean: Soledad is a Spanish name, it means solitude. It comes from the beautiful and fantastic and obscure Soledad Miranda, one of my favourite actresses. Top 5 songs people should give a listen - It's hard to pick just five! Lemme see how I do... 1. George Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue 2. Lou Reed - Satellite of Love 3. NIN - La Mer 4. Tori Amos - Spark 5. Belle and Sebastian - Lazy Line Painter Jane (Obvious choices perhaps, but all magic songs in their own way) Top 5 things that turn you on about your sex of choice: 1. A love of music and films and books 2. Pretty eyes, whatever colour 3. Nice hands 4. Intelligence, sense of humour 5. Soft skin Top 5 movies you watch all the time - 1. Velvet Goldmine 2. The Wicker Man 3. Run Lola Run 4. The Matrix 5. Kind Hearts and Coronets Top 5 things people should know about you - 1. I expect too much 2. I don't trust anyone very much 3. I like to tell and be told the truth 4. I still for the most part think like a child 5. I am intrinsically a good person... I think so, anyway! Top 5 things you say the most - 1. "Oh my handy!" 2. "(That/he/she/it is/was) hideous." 3. "(That/he/she/it is/was) pretty." 4. "D'oh!" 5. Um... I'm prone to making cat noises a lot too. Mostly purring or going "Meorrwww!" For each letter, write the first thing that comes to mind - A. Alice (Think I'll call my firstborn child Alice. Yup, even if it's a boy...) B. "Bastard!" Black. C. "Cow", said in the voice of Cow from Cow and Chicken. Catie. Cal, Carrie, Caroline... my name(s). D. D'oh! E. Effervescent. I dunno why... it just came into my head when I thought of 'e'. F. Fuck. Obviously. G. Girl. H. Headfuck. I. Um... sorry to be obtuse, but this reminds me of the bit in The New York Trilogies where he talks about the Private Eye and the private "I" so um... I. J. Jam. As in Blue Jam. Or my cousin - we called him J.J. as a baby. K. Kate. and Kakarott! From DBZ. Oh dear... l. Lalalalalalala. Lolita. Lozenge, cos it's a good word. Lovely. Lush... L is good. M. Mmmmmm. Mine. N. Narnia. (Lord, I have a strange mind) O. Opal. P. Puppy, Perfect. Q. Queer. R. Rachel, Red, Raspberry Ruffles. S. Sex. Stuart. Sebastian, Spark. T. Trent, Tim. U. Ummm... undulating... unicorns. V. Va-va-voom! W. Witches. X. Um... xylophone? My sister did just get one for Christmas so I'm not just being obvious. Y. Yin-Yang. Z. Zim... invading! Well... that was strange and interesting. To write, if not to read! I phoned Stuart last night - he seems down. No wait, understatement - he's depressed and lonely and upset. I hate it when that happens; wish I was there to help. I always think of his family as being so perfect, of him as being the boy that everyone wants to be with, and it isn't true, it's an illusion - his life not as perfect as I see it to be and depress myself with. Poor baby. I miss him, but not in an unhealthy way. There's snow here... my parents and Katie and I went out and played - threw snowballs and ran around. Katie loved it - squealed and ran and threw herself down in it. Spark went nuts with the excitement and injured herself and is now very stiff. I worry about her; I know that sometime she'll go, because she's old and has bad hips like most other labradors. And I don't know whether I want to be home when she goes or to be away at Uni and just hear when it's over. Oh, I'll stop thinking about it - it's not something I'll get to choose anyway. So we played in the snow and it was fun. Matthew, the kid from the end of the road, came out and we built a snowman together and then kicked him to bits - very satisfying. In for dinner and wine, and it was nice. My dad left the table to go have a cigarette and a few minutes later my mother was in tears... it's tough for her. My dad is such a loner when she's so sociable, and having Katie makes things harder. I hugged her and we talked. I told her she should concentrate on making herself happy, she should do this and this and such-and-such, and I loved her and she had been a good mother. She told me I give good advice, how did I know such things? - Experience. And she told me to travel, to never let my feelings for Stuart or any other person hold me back, to never be ordinary. Amen to that. post comment

by the way... [25 Dec 2001|10:38pm] I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. - Meet yourself in pixell-ised form - How true it is. Well, maybe not entirely... post comment

so this is christmas [25 Dec 2001|10:02pm] [ music | the adverts - gary gilmore's eyes ] In the words of, um, Shakin' Stevens: Merry Christmas Everyone! S'been a while since I updated - I've been working too much at Waterstone's. Wankers looking for books we just don't stock... complaints that our Christmas music is "too Catholic" (what??!!), that we "have too many books in the children's section - I don't know which one to pick" (Um, DUH, we're a bookshop, that's our stock, it's not our fault you're a moron who knows little or nothing about what your child wants to read), and that the edition we stock of Peck's The Road Less Travelled has "too girly" a cover for some guy to give to his male cousin. But leaving all that aside... had nice times lately on the few occasions I've been out since getting home. Went to Darren's gig at the Front Page and they had an incredible reception for a first gig. They dedicated the last song to me and Catie, and it was an instrumental called "Requiem for a Dream" - excellent. Two nights later was the Belle and Seb gig - it blew.me.away. They were so excellent. Isabel wore a sixties dress with a huge print of Lou Reed on it, and we were watching from the front of the balcony, really close. They opened with a cover of Here Comes the Sun and I was so happy I practically cried - I love that song, I'd even been singing it in work that day. They did covers of The Boys are Back in Town, which rocked, and Cool for Cats and So This is Christmas, and they got a guy up from the audience who sang an excellent cover of Waiting for the Man... their own songs were beautiful too. The only downside was that some wankers kept making noise during the quiet songs (here in Belfast we are a concert-starved audience, we tend to go mental during the few gigs we get) and Stuart got so fucked off he stopped playing mid-song and looked around in disgust. But he shrugged it off, called us all "drunken oafs" and started smiling again. The gig was in aid of the NSPCC, we raised over £10,000. Felt all warm and glowy inside when they told us. It just rocked through and through. I can't wait to see them again. Christmas has been fun today actually - got some nice presents though lots of small things, nothing major, and only my presents from my parents and Catie - others will come later. Highlights included Gormenghast and Catcher in the Rye, another Nabokov novel, a silver pendant from my daddy, some money, a DVD of Night of the Living Dead, a couple of CDs and a Calvin and Hobbes book which I have spent all day reading. We watched the Simpsons and Toy Story; I've had gin and wine and too many sweets, and dinner was really nice too. Pretty good. I feel contented :-]... Hope you all do too! 3 comments|post comment

'stuck pigs moods 2' - an album for the cultured butcher [15 Dec 2001|06:35pm] [ music | the pop idol finals ] Bathe in the blood of a virgin... Well, I'm home for Christmas. It's good to be here, I must say, especially after all the shit at the end of term - too many essays, too little time, Stuart stressing, me worried and jealous and flu-ridden. I was up all night the night before I left, finishing my film essay, and had to run to catch my train that morning. Hellish journey - every other passenger in the carriage thinking of how much they wanted to throttle the tired-looking girl with the hideous chesty cough. My plane was delayed for an extra hour and a half too, but I eventually made it back for welcomes home, late dinner and some reading of The New York Trilogy in bed. I'm hopefully getting my hair amputated on Monday before I go back to work at Waterstone's. I was meant to have the appointment today but I slept through it - d'oh. The afternoon brought a family outing to the park, complete with dog. Spark was so excited to be out that she sat trembling in the back of the car and dad had to take her down to the river to swim her overexcitement away. Katie sat in the baby swing quoting word-for-word from The Very Hungry Caterpillar while I smoked on my swing and my mother took pictures of us both. It was fun in a nice way. Stuart's going home today; he has stressed so much over the last week and I hope he's okay. Might call him tomorrow. But meanwhile priorities are - essays (to be written and mailed over to the university asap), Christmas cards (especially those intended for Australia), psyching self up for beginning work - and hoping and praying that my Internet-ordered Christmas presents arrive in time. Eep! 2 comments|post comment

a very merry unbirthday to me [10 Dec 2001|12:50pm] [ music | manic street preachers - miss europa disco dancer ] "So," said Stuart to me last night when we called into my house to eat before going to his to work on our essays, "Read any good books lately?" "I can't read," I said, deadpan. "Read any good comics lately?" "No." And he kept asking, in a jokey way, at random intervals, through dinner and afterwards, when we were in my room and I was changing from skirt into jeans because it was so cold: "Do you have any books?" I thought he was referring to film books and kept insisting I didn't have any other than Film Art and The Cinema Book, both of which he has at his house already. He said "But maybe you should look and see... just to check." Eventually, I got up and went over to my bookcase and went through my books sarcastically: "The Illustrated Lewis Carroll, that'll definitely help our film essays, and Girlfriend in a Coma, yep, and Ooh! Look! Hints and Tips for Cubase VST - that's sooooo relevant! And-" And then I saw it, hidden in my comics section; the thing he put there the night before apparently - the complete Kabuki Circle of Blood saga in a hardback omnibus with pristine artwork and embossed details and a marker ribbon and David Mack's signature on the inside cover. My late birthday present. *[hearts] my best friend* post comment

rings and things [06 Dec 2001|07:24pm] [ music | dusty springfield - twenty-four hrs from tulsa (don't laugh) ] Yes, yes... I know I have three essays to do and other assorted tasks. But dammit, why should I stop wasting time online with numerous pointless tests, HUH?! Frodo Baggins If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Frodo, Hobbit, heir of Bilbo and humble keeper of the One Ring. In the movie, I am played by Elijah Wood(who, I'm sure you'll agree, is rahther secksay - Ed.). Fancy a soujourn to Middle Earth? Zovakware Lord of the Rings Test In other news, our Lord of the Rings correspondant is probably going to get kicked out of University very very soon for lack of work caused by a general inclination to procrastinate essays in favour of fucking about on the 'net. Woohoo! [...yeah, I might go do some work now...] post comment

you say you don't want it... [06 Dec 2001|04:23pm] post comment

just because you're not funny doesn't mean we won't laugh at you [06 Dec 2001|04:15pm] Lord, I am in shit. I leave for London in seven days, and I still have three essays to write, a Christmas dinner for 11 people to shop for and organise, a play to go and see, presents to buy, my room to tidy and stuff to pack. If I manage all this, I will get the word "Superwoman" tattooed across my face before I go home, too. I also slept in and missed my seminar today, because I stayed up all night at James' watching Ginger Snaps. It didn't suck like I thought it would - in fact, I really enjoyed it. It does slightly disturb me, however, that David Kernaghan told me to watch it last time I saw him, adding the afterthought "The main character kinda reminded me of you." post comment

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