| View: | User Info. |
| View: | Friends. |
| View: | Calendar. |
| View: | Website (opiomorph.net). |
| View: | Memories. |
| You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries. | |
|
|
LiveJournal for Rachael.
|
||||||||||||
| Saturday, February 23rd, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
jlkjfilanlsdjflk My sister took the green memory card with her to her friends house. Now I can't play Chrono Trigger or FFVI or Xenogears or (what I really wanted to play) Legend of Dragoon. o_o Do you believe it? I am on this *huge* LoD kick, even though the game blows so much. I still find it enjoyable. And I hate to say this, but Sony made a nice attempt (sorry guys, nice try *^^*). It provided me with lots of laughs. But I want to play it again and do all the sidequests and actually get all the Stardust and actually make Kongol a Dragoon this time! XD; Yeah, one of my party members never turned into a Dragoon. Oops. *^^* But whatever. I'm pissed because all of the games I *wanted* to play are on that memory. I have a red memory card as well. But I really don't want to play my old old *old* game of Chrono Cross (where I've already beaten it), and I really don't want to play my old FFIX either. Seriously, that's about it of mine that's on the red memory card. I suppose I could play FFX... Whatever. e.e; I'll just wait until she gets home. On a worse note, my throat hurts the worst that is has all week. It feels like I'm dying or something. And it's freezing in here. :o |
||||||
|
|
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
I'm home sick today. My throat hurts so bad, and this morning I felt rather sick to my stomach. Plus I didn't finish my history work last night. e.e; I will do that later, but right now, I'm going to watch Cowboy Bebop. *^^* Thank you to those of you who have expressed concern, sympathy, empathy, support etc. in the past few days. |
||||||
|
|
| Tuesday, February 19th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
Well, I had refrained from posting this in my journal up until this point, but now that it's definite, I will discuss it now. I was borne in Indianapolis, Indiana. At the age of one year I moved to Penfield, New York. Just before my second birthday, I moved to ... somewhere in Florida. From there I moved to Palm Harbor, Florida at age 5. At age 7, I moved to a different house in Palm Harbor. At age 8, I moved to Fairport, New York. At age 9, I moved into a townhouse in Fairport as we sold our house and proceeded to build our "dream house." When I was already attending fifth grade (and driving 30 minutes to school every morning), my family finally moved into our house in Webster, New York. I miss that house. ._. But anyways~ Soon after seventh grade began, I moved to Ridgefield, Connecticut. Within nine months, I found myself in Potomac Falls, Virginia. Nine weeks into my freshman year (age fourteen), my family moved back to Palm Harbor (to our old neighborhood no less). Now I am a junior in highschool and 16 years old. By the end of April, I will be in yet another house, in Ozona, Florida. *^^* This will be my twelfth house. I love false promises. ;) |
||||||
|
|
| Monday, February 18th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
Well today in fourth hour, Laura and I were discussing a certain member of our show choir, a rather pretentious bitch soprano. *^^* Apparently, this said person who was present during my solo contest proceeded to denounce everyone's singing afterwards. Personally, I feel I am a great singer. But what she said about me hit a nerve. She said that I have a lisp when I sing. While I am thrilled that she picked out something so trivial (at least she didn't say I was underpitch or had an ugly voice or something *^^*), this brought up a part of me that I am particularly insecure about. My mouth is probably the most oddly deformed pieces of my body. My few back teeth close, while the majority of my teeth do not meet. They never have. They never will. When I was younger, I had a more difficult time speaking properly. I never needed a speech therapist, but even now during voice lessons, my teacher constantly has to remind me of certain things so I don't sound entirely weird. *^^* Plus, when you get nervous, yanno. Well, whatever. This chick has the *ugliest* voice I have ever heard. And everyone thinks so too. *^^* I just wish she would take out her insecurities in other ways. Like telling me to my face my voice doesn't sound good. ;) It's like "Shut up bitch. I have a good voice, and I know it. Fuck you. Have a nice day. ;)" |
||||||
|
|
| Sunday, February 17th, 2002 |
|
||||||
| If anyone finds any decent quality full body pictures of Ayu's I Am album costume, it would be much appreciated. Now, it's bedtime for me. *^^* | ||||||
|
|
|
||||||
|
I just took an Ayumi Hamasaki song test. It says I am most like the song "To Be." While I love this song very *very* much (it was the first Ayu song I ever heard *^^*), I don't feel a *personal* connection with its meaning. *^^* Here is the description: To Be Personally, I feel I connect more with Ayu's newer songs, I Am.. and Connected among others, so I self-selected this song. *^^*  What Ayumi Hamasaki song are you? Quiz by Mika Tsukino I would love to cosplay that outfit. *^^* |
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
|
Friday, the show choir I am a member of traveled to a nearby high school to compete in Solo & Ensemble District Festival. We received a Superior rating which means we will be traveling to State contest in early May. I also attended as a soloist. I sang two classical pieces, Long Time Ago by Aaron Copland, and an Italian aria, Caro Mio Ben, by Giuseppe Giordani. I received a Superior rating. Being that this is my first try at solo competition, I was ecstatic. I still am. Toni received a Superior rating as well. Emily received an Excellent although I felt she deserved a Superior), and Kia received a Good (a Good is rather bad, but she did not know the words to either of her songs e.e;). This was a wonderful experience for me. Here is what I was judged on and the comments received (a copy of the judge's sheet): TONE (beauty, control) - Lovely INTONATION - Good DICTION (clarity of consanants, naturalness, purity of vowels) - Good TECHNIQUE (accuracy of notes, breathing, posture, rhythm) - Work on increasing breath - open up back w/ posture - elbows INTERPRETATION (expression, phrasing, style, tempo) - Lovely MUSICAL EFFECT (artistry, fluency, vitality) - Terrific start - remember what we talked about OTHER FACTORS (choice of music, stage presence and appearance) - Good expressive hands - bring them closer to face I received a Superior in each category. *^^* It is very comforting to know that I am good at something. |
||||||
|
|
| Monday, February 11th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
My family is making fun of my Minimoni music. x.O Not that I blame them. It has to be pretty interesting to hear Japanese girls singing "MINIMONI TEREFONU RIN RIN RIN!" all bouncy and hyper like. *^^* |
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
|
Well, hmm ... Today Clint and I ventured to the great American hangout, Denny's, this afternoon. Believe it or not, I had never eaten at Denny's in my life. But now I have! And I love them, simply because they serve breakfast all the time. *^^* Then Clint sold me his RPG Maker for $30. What can I say? The poor boy needs money, and he's my friend. Plus, I wanted this game anyways. *^^* Much time wasted ahead. We played poker and talked about stuff. Then I went home. My mommy just came up to me and gave me a pretty bracelet. It's a Valentine's Day present, I suppose (just a few days early). Anyways, I really like it. *^^* On a more negative note, Valentine's Day is my least favourite holiday of the year. I have never had the pleasure of sharing this day with someone I love, even when there is someone I happen to care about very much. It's kind of depressing. I don't know. I'm not going to shut myself up in my room all day and watch sappy movies about unrequited love or something, but at the same time, I don't feel like "celebrating" this holiday either. AOL webmail is refusing to finish any of my downloads. o_O; |
||||||
|
|
| Saturday, February 9th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
I am worried sick. But I think I will be alright. If he's okay. If I know. Then I will be alright. There is nothing anyone can say to cheer me up right now. I would like to thank everyone who has given me their kind words and support. It is a relief to know there are people like me, who experience these same feelings. I feel a little bit more connected to humanity. I watched the Macross Plus movie last night (and taped myself a copy ^^). I regret that I had not watched this movie up until last night. It is a beautiful expression of emotion both visually and musically; I encourage everyone to view this film. I understand Vee's obsession with Sharon Apple now. *^^* I did not sleep much last night. I was so worried, but now that I am online, I am even more worried. Please be okay. |
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
GLITTER! What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty Trends? Forget it! You want to be a star because of your simple beauty and super-charming personality, not because of your wild style ways. Some may say that you're way too predictable, but you've stuck with the same stuff for years because you know that it makes you look pulled together and pretty. Don't be afraid to let loose, though, by trying out a slightly toned down trend now and then -you could have a blast mixing the old with the new. |
||||||
|
|
| Friday, February 8th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
I really dislike the pants I am wearing now. But I had no other pants to wear today and it was fucking cold. I feel detached. I feel lonely. I feel pathetic. I feel fatigued. I feel worn out. I just want to lock myself up in a room and read books for the rest of my life. Oh, and play videogames too. *^^* I feel things I once held onto dwindling on the horizon. I feel like those who I once cared about no longer care for me. Am I still expected to love them? Am I still expected to be here? Do not misunderstand me. I am not depressed. I am not unhappy. And I grow tired of being left alone to live out the same monotonous life each day and pretend I enjoy it. I can pinpoint the trigger of the tumultuous emotions I have experienced during the course of the past few weeks. This trigger is a particular individual's caring words. Words of concern. Words of worry. Is it possible to not want others to be concerned for you? My answer is yes. I do not want others concerned for me. This person's concern for me has caused me to question who I am, what I live for, my happiness, my virtue, my life. It's funny how one person can do that, even a person who is truthfully not important to me. *^^* I will also be honest (and I do not care how childish this may sound): I feel lonely because many of my friends have left me behind. Is it wrong to feel lonely when everyone around you is so happy? They are together and smiling and laughing and kissing and loving, and I am jealous. There is no time for me anymore. I suppose this is natural, and I suppose I would do the same thing. But I cannot help feeling neglected. I question myself. But through self-examination, I have come to this conclusion: I am that I am. And I cannot change who I am at heart. And perhaps, I don't want to change who I am. Perhaps I am quite happy. I enjoy being happy. Yet I take out anger on people important to me. I suppose I want them to feel what I am feeling. I want to feel connected in this isolating age. The winter is so cold and dismal, even in sunny Florida. The Internet, for me, was a way to connect with other human beings in a unique way, a way I had never experienced until then. This connection has died. I no longer desire it. I want things I can touch and people I can converse with. Humans thrive on human interaction, no matter how untrue this may seem. I am not denouncing all the wonderful people I have met online, nor am I saying I am leaving them behind. I do not know how I could live without you in my lives daily. *^^* But I need more than this. So if I seem short with you as of late, I am extremely sorry. This entry has greatly helped me in sorting out my feelings and realizing I am okay. I apologize if you feel this entry was directed at you in some way. I can assure you it was not. My general reaction to the world around me has not been where I want it to be. Perhaps to make it clear, here is what I do want (please excuse the selfishness of these requests) ... I want someone close to me, someone to wake up to each morning, someone to smile for. I have found this someone. He is so far away from me now. I want nothing more, ever, from anyone. Although it would be wonderful if I would be able to travel to Japan this summer. *^^* I applaud you if you read this all the way 'til the end. Thank you for taking the few minutes out of your day to care. I am sure there are some who will read this and roll their eyes at my pathetic excuse for problems. Thank you for not being one of them. I care about you all dearly, unless I don't know you. Then, I just don't know you. *^^* |
||||||
|
|
| Wednesday, February 6th, 2002 |
|
||||||
"And that as they say, is that." (Hooray for FFX). |
||||||
|
|
||||||
| Tuesday, February 5th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
1. What size is your bed? Queen. ::spoiled:: 2. What do you wear to bed? Tank top and panties. 3. How many people regularly sleep in your bed? Me, myself, and I. 4. Do you sleep with a blankie or stuff animals? I sleep with a pillow I made in 7th grade, a stuffed dog, and a stuffed moose. *^^* Usually, I end up hugging one of my many pillows and falling asleep on top of the rest. 5. If you could wake up next to any famous person who would it be? Magi. *^^* 6. What would have happened the night before? What do you think? 7. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. 8. Who is the next person you would like to have in your bed with you? Magi. *^^* 9. What position do you go to sleep in? On my stomach or side. 10. What position do you wake up in? Usually on my side. 11. Have you ever woken up in a really weird position? A few times when I was younger, I woke up in another room. *^^* 12. How many blankets/covers do you have on your bed? A sheet, a quilt, and a comforter. 13. Do you hog the blankets? Nope. 14. Have you ever found your pillows on the other side of the room? Not unless I put them there before I went to sleep. 15. When was the last time you fell out of bed? Probably a few months ago. XD 16. Do you have any strange bed habits such as sleep talking etc? I talk in my sleep, I used to sleep walk, and I sleep with my eyes open about 75% of the time. 17. Do you snore? Nope. *^^* 18. How’s about drooling? I used to before I got braces. |
||||||
|
|
| Sunday, February 3rd, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
Well, I've been watching tons of movies all weekend with Clint. ::adds "Trainspotting" and "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" to favourite movies list:: Yes, it's true. I had never seen those two movies until yesterday. Today we are planning to finish our movie marathon with A Clockwork Orange, Reservoir Dogs, Pi, and maybe a few others? I don't think I'm gonna go to school tomorrow. I don't really need a break per se. I just don't feel like going. So I might get a migraine or something mysteriously tomorrow. *^^* So evil. ._. A big shoutout to Brett, the big 21 year old. Much happy drinking fun to you. Another shoutout to that special girl out there. ;) I love you, Foxy. I'm working on a new layout for my Razzly shrine. o_o Who knew I would revive that site? *^^* You can see the old version here. I should attempt to complete my history work and probably get dressed too, huh? *^^* |
||||||
|
|
| Thursday, January 31st, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
I have a really pretty Evangelion desktop. *^^* Um... today I went to school. :o First hour, physics. Made fun of Tim. Tim made fun of me. Talked to Emily about singing and our futures. We both want to do the same thing; it's really cool. ^^ Second hour, American History. Wagner didn't feel like doing anything so he gave us the period to sit and talk. Kyle, Katherine, Samantha and I were sitting around all period impersonating the countries of Europe. We got yelled at for being so loud. e.e; Went to third, English. We talked about the fucking SHIT book, The Assistant. Then I got to stand on a chair and control the class while we brainstormed on project ideas. Funness. Then lunch. It's so long! I took a nap. :o Even though everyone was talking. I felt all vulnerable and pathetic and lonely again. Clint and Colin and Shari were all talking about me when I was RIGHT THERE! I dunno what they were talking about, but they won't stop trying to hook me up with any and every male they can think of. e.e; It's annoying. So I talked to Joanna and fell asleep. Went to fourth hour, Syndicated Sound. Everyone dislikes each other and talks about each other behind their backs. Numerous fights occurred today, and next to nothing got done. Well, I take that back. We made a lot of progress, but that class is so frustrating. Continued rehearsal until 3:20. Drove home, got my music, and went to my voice lesson. Came home, played Jak & Daxter, then Xenogears. Then I messed around on my piano. Now I am here, enjoying the Moonlight Sonata. ^^ Goodday. |
||||||
|
|
| Sunday, January 27th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
... kimochi warui ... |
||||||
|
|
| Saturday, January 26th, 2002 |
|
||||||
I think online tests are fucking obnoxious, but incredibly entertaining at the same time. Which is why I continue to take them and post results in my journal. I think I'll eventually make this massive archive of all the tests I've taken with my insight on each. It's only really fun if you provide your insight as to how you got the particular result anyways. ^^ So continue to enjoy the onslaught of tests!![](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20020224035034im_/http:/=2fwww.trance-star.net/asuka2.jpg") Which Eva character are you most like? Quiz by  catgurlWell, I expected her. I am a lot like her in many ways, and I think she's my favourite character in the entire series. She has lots of issues that intrigue me, and the way she deals with her insecurity and other emotions (being a psychotic bitch ^^) is enjoyable to watch. ;) Runner up was Ritsuko, who I also expected. Ritsuko hides most of her character behind her intelligence, but she's definitely tainted like the rest of the cast. *^^* Another character I find myself connecting with is Misato, minus the whole excessive drinking thing. o_o;  Which member of Morning Musume are you? First thing I would like to say is this: "font face" and "font size" are not HTML tags. "Font" is the tag; "face" and "size" are two attributes. o_o But anyways ... I like Momusu, but I'm not a diehard fan. They scare me, to tell you the truth. There are 17 girls on this quiz that you can get. Is there only 17 members? I was sure there was like 50. /).o;; And Maki's the cutest/bestest one of them all. *^^* I actually left the Festival of Voice early. I was so miserable. I feel all sick and stuff. I think I'm gonna go play a videogame. I rented two games, although I can't remember what they were. My sister and I went to Blockbuster and there was this boy and he kept following me around the store. I could tell he was all like "Girl ... videogames ... what?" I felt like I was being really loud and obnoxious in there. :x Oh well. Typical me. ^^ Adieu. |
||||||
|
|
| Thursday, January 24th, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
I am entirely too bored. Tomorrow is Festival of Voice at USF for two days, so I will probably be a bit absent. My sister beat FFX English tonight. I watched her. And I cried. Again. This will be the *third* time I have seen the ending, but it is just so beautiful. I think I've gotten over myself and I'm ready to move FFX up to one of my favourite videogames. >\ |
||||||
|
|
| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002 |
|
||||||
|
Wow, I am just *so* incredibly drained. ^^ But I'm surviving. I'm just a little bored with life. You know, the same dreary things happen day after day after day, and it's not even like I particularly enjoy the things occuring in my life right now. I can tell you what I *would* enjoy. ;) I'd love to live in a nice apartment with my own computer and my PS2 and my SNES and my Dreamcast with lots of games and lots of anime and movies and other pointless but enjoyable diversions. I'd love to have two cats. I'd love to own all the Sera Myus. I'd love to own more than one corset along with some utterly wild lingerie. I'd love to live with someone entertaining (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually). Yes, you, darling. ^^ Then I think I'd be able to deal with monotony. |
||||||
|
|
|
|
LiveJournal for Rachael.
|
||||||||||||
sick.
contemplative.
frustrated.
satisfied.
geeky.
okay.