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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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11:22 pm - *I'm sick of always hearinng "act your age".*
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I just watched Sum 41 on Cribs...okay, maybe like an hour ago or something...my concept of time=no. Anyhow, it was great...fuck you, I like them...especially Cone...he does that crazy swing-like thing with his bass and stuff. I don't feel like writing about all the things I have to write about right now, so I will when I feel like it later.
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| Monday, January 21st, 2002
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8:22 pm - *It's time to turn my life around...it's time to take responsibility.*
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Ahh, I have that really scary Converge song in my head...I guess that would be classified as all of them. You can't even understand the words...AT ALL. It's seriously impossible. I don't even want to know the words...they're probably like, "grr...I'm mean and so is the world but I won't let it bring me down...and this song is scary and I'm making it that way just to scare the fuck out of K-Lin and make it be in her head for hours". They're not even bad...I like them. They're just scary.
I just got back from a weekend full of snowboarding. Not much to say about that, except that it was a lot of fun, and I was completely sick while doing it. I have to go to the doctor's to see if I have mono, which I'm not looking forward to. Doctor's offices scare the fuck out of me. Welp, I guess it was my fault, because I ran myself down, and went out and 'boarded even though I knew I was sick. On the way home at the rest stop I got hit on by a bunch of guys with Triple 5 Soul hats...it was scary.
Recently I've come to terms with the fact that I really need to get my life together: get a job, a driver's permit, among other things. In a sense, I guess I'm growing up a bit and just want to get started on things I've been putting off for way too long. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but I guess I'll just have to see. Anyways...I'm very tired and sore and sleepy so I guess I'll go take a nap...actually, no. I just found out some information having to do with my ex-boyfriend and another boy so I'm going to call that boy and set things straight. I hate to have to even do this.
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| Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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10:26 am - Unless you are retarded...you will pick up these records.
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| Wednesday, January 16th, 2002
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9:23 pm - *When will I rise from this toss turn sleep with nothing holding me down into this bed?*
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Last night I had the best sleep I've had in months. When I woke up, I realized that I had actually lay down on my bed and fell asleep...crazy. So hopefully my insomnia can be cured by a bunch of pills I picked up at the health food store...I forget what they're called, but they're the chemical that turkey has in it that makes you sleep. Ahh, it's just so great to sleep again, and not have to stare and the ceiling for hours, or run circles around my room, making a mess, into all hours of the night. I've also found out today that I have some fucked-up version of strep throat that shows no visible symptoms...the doctor had to give me a needle on Monday and take what seemed like half the blood in my body to do a test on it. So now I have to take this antibiotic, 'cos if I don't then I could get a heart murmur. Great, just great. They're the size of fucking horse pills, too. I don't know...all this along with the ADHD meds, too. It's just a whole lot of medicine...and I just hope I'm not dying.
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| Tuesday, January 15th, 2002
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9:23 pm - *Every little thing seemed to go my way...I gotta say it was a positive day.*
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I had a wonderful day today, for real. Everything just went right, even though I felt like everything was going to fall apart. I haven't had one of those days in a good long while, and it was great to have one again. In the words of Good Clean Fun, "Since a positive outlook is leading the way, I'm sure tomorrow will be as positive as today". That sums up my thoughts on all that.
Anyhow, I've finally got my priorities straight, and reviewed a few of them with Rela. She hasn't heard all of them, though...that's probably for the better. Ok, so...in order for one to go out with me, all these characteristics should describe them:
~ Male(<---very important).
~ Tall
~ Skinny...emaciated, even.
~ Light brown hair
~ Eyes...any color...except red, maybe.
~ Sleeve tattoos
~ Lip piercings
~ Plugged ears
~ Skateboards
~ Snowboards
~ Cute...duh.
~ HAPPY
~ Kind
~ Thoughtful
~ Smart
~ Unpredictable...in a good kinda way.
~ Content
~ STRAIGHT-EDGE
~ Likes at least half the bands I do.
~ Genuine
~ Honest
~ Straight-forward
~ Heterosexual...haha.
~ Good @...stuff.
~ Age 16 to...fuck, this is hard...I guess to 26? Fuckkkkkkkkkkk...I really don't know, it varies. Age=Shit.
~ Has a car...and drives it.
~ Will let me play Carry On/Good Clean Fun/Poison the Well/Champion in the car and enjoy it.
~ Funny
~ Wears a visor beanie occasionally/everyday.
~ Can carry me on his back(<---don't bother searching for some underlying message...'cos there isn't one).
~ Can stand me sitting on his lap even though I'm bony, hence a bony ass which inflicts pain on those being sat on.
~ Understands my ADD and knows that just because I walk away from him in the middle of a sentence doesn't mean I'm crazy/I don't like him.
~ Drinks Tab even though he's XXX...like me!
~ Surprises me with random tickets to see my favorite bands.
~ Moshes it up.
~ Positive
~ Outgoing
~ Loving
~ Has his own real opinions on stuff.
~ Wears one of those wooden necklaces with the 3 X's on them like mine.
Ok, now we're really going off a tangent...but is that really so much to ask?
P.S. I hope that most of you can realize that the above was mostly a huge joke, and was meant to be taken as one. Don't take it seriously, please...and if you do, then fuck you. <3 K-Lin
current music: Good Clean Fun
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| Thursday, January 10th, 2002
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2:30 pm - *With the feelings that generate it's impossible for me to feel low.*
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Yea, so I haven't updated in bit...sorry about that. Nothing spectacular's been happening in the first place, but I did have a fun weekend:
Friday 1/4: Met Jen-Jen at the mall and played around a bit in random stores. We went into a store looking for Mikey, and we found a Mikey, just not the one I was looking for. I wasn't happy about that, but I'm stupid that way. I was feeling kinda weird that night...the whole time I felt like I was going to have a panic attack...so that wasn't great. I really don't know what was up with me. Anyhow, Jen and I are both very friendly, so I think the two of us together make people nervous, haha. Later we stopped by the arcade to see if anyone was playing that Pump dancing game, because someone always is, and saw Charlie, 'Lena, Mike C., Steve, Dan, Lizzy, and some others. Then Charlie decided that he wanted to drive to Toys R Us, so he, Jen, 'Lena, and I piled in his car and went. I made them listen to Carry On in the car, but they hated it, even though I'd made them listen to it before and they'd said it was alright...I geuss that night for some reason it escalated to hating it...and they put on MSI instead. That was okay though, because they did a Wu-Tang cover *woot woot!*. So yea, then we made a mess in Toys R Us, and then went back to the mall, and then to Target, where Charlie got me this stuffed animal from Monsters Inc. It's name is <3Little Mikey<3! Yea, that's the actual name! It's the doll that Boo was carrying around in the movie...freaky-looking but so cute. Then we did some other stuff, and then I went home.
Saturday 1/5: Autumn picked me up and we went to the Backdoor to see Coheed&Cambria...there; we found out that it was 5 dollars to get in, and we had about 4 dollars in all. So we had to regress to the freshmen year style way of getting money...begging. I know, it's horrible, but it works. We sat outside in front of Temptations for awhile, and that kid whose name I forget but had told me he liked my shoes walked by and raised his eyebrows at me...stupid. He's definitely stupid, but he's still cute. (<---Autumn is going to kill me for saying that.) So we got in, and I saw a ton of nice kids there who I'd missed. Coheed&Cambria; were great as usual...I'm just sad I can't go in their pit. I mean, I could hypothetically, but I know that if I did, I wouldn't come out alive. The boys just go way too crazy in there, or way to crazy for me at least. I've already gotten hurt in their pit and it wasn't nice at all. So yea...until it calms down a bit I don't think I'll be in there moshing it up anytime soon. When the show ended, Autumn, Maggie, and I got in the car and drove around for awhile. Or in Autumn's words, "Should we pimp this?" The answer was definitely yes. We blasted Blackalicious (with hints of Reggie) and drove to Nanuet Diner. On the way Autumn raced dudes in a BMW and a Viper. We won the BMW race! At the diner, I was starving, I ate the majority of Maggie's waffle fries, but I'm due to reimburse her. We also bumped into Lizzy, Dan, Lielah, and Raver Matt, along with the entire *deflatio Crew...hehe. They're great kids...the ones I know at least. I'm just glad that I still have a lot of the friends that I thought I had lost, or would lose soon. Being with all of them just made me realize how much I'd missed them, and just hanging out with the girls, because for the past few months I'd just been spending time with my male friends. I had been completely fine with that, and forgot how great it was to be with my female friends in the process. And yea, I do still hate girls, don't get me wrong. And I do like hanging out with boys a whole lot more than I do girls...that will probably never change. But at least I've realized the importance of keeping a balance between sexes. Basically, I'm just grateful for that night...it helped a LOT lot. In the words of Maggie, "Life, yo...life is so ill!" She couldn't be any more right.
In other news, I'm completely in love with the band Champion. They're just amazing, and I wish I could see them live...I'll have to figure that out soon. Also, I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say that I'm in dire need of some affection. Yea, way to sound like a girl, K-Lin. I know, I know. But at least I know I'm not in denial...it's only been about three weeks anyways. Fuck, that's still long! I don't know...I'll just have to do something about that this weekend. Anyone who's talked to me lately will know what I mean, and if you don't, then I guess you don't know me.
Shulie and I just talked and she made me feel so so soooo much better. She's great...lotsa love, Shu! <3
current music: Champion
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| Monday, January 7th, 2002
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2:22 pm - *Bubbles...she is the joy and the laughter.*
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You are Bubbles
Everybody knows you’re the scarediest, but deep down you know you can be hardcore. Your power is rivalved only by your excessive cuteness. You might have some evil in you somewhere, but you do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time. Oh, and you like to kick ass.
Take the What Powerpuff Girl Character Are You? quiz at Fire For Ice!
Quiz by  fire4ice
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| Friday, January 4th, 2002
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9:15 am - I don't know...I'm bored X10.
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| Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
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2:43 pm - *There's no going back.*
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New years at Rel's: fun, yet short-lived. Jason, James, Rel, and I; it was limited to Risk, BS (I won), watching BASEketball, being annoyed by talking light-up yo-yo's, eating lotsa junkfood, and using a straightening iron on James...you can imagine. Those two boys are crazy together...soooo so funny. I really had no idea. We missed seeing the ball drop, 'cos of the movie. Jason was like, "Hey, it's 12" and we turned on Channel 5 to see...well, I don't remember what was showing. Just people and streamers I geuss. I had to leave around 1:30, right when Maria was coming in the door. It was good to see her though, even if it was for about 2 seconds.
I had no idea Jeff L. likes hardcore. He had on a BSF shirt today...the same one as me. It was crazy. I was just like, "Oh! Hardcore!" Hehe, I made him listen to Carry On, and let him borrow my Poison the Well 'cos he said he'd been looking for it all over but couldn't find it. This makes me so happy. I need more friends who like hardcore, I really do. Davey also told me about how on New Years this girl asked him if his bracelet (that I made him) glows in the dark...it does. And then she asked him if she could have it. I told him he should have said, "Fuck no, bitch!" but oh well...'cos he only said "no". The first response would have been so much more fun.
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| Sunday, December 30th, 2001
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10:49 pm - *You don't have to be blood to be family.*
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So, I ended up going to the wedding after all, but it turned out to be a good thing. It made me realize a lot of stuff, and it helped. On a more elaborate note, I love my friends so much...I really do. It's just great to know how much they care about me, and how a simple phone call can really make a day. I love LPTs! That stands for Long Phone Talks...they're the dopest, especially when they're late at night. Anyhow, yea...Rich called up today wanting to talk and know how I was, and I had a much-needed talk with Rel as well. Other kids have just done and said some nice things, too. I can't wait 'till tomorrow. I'm going to sleepover Rel's and we'll have fun. Tank Girl is go!
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| Friday, December 28th, 2001
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10:22 pm - *Emotions catch up with me, but I'm too fast for them.*
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Things definitely feel different...and they're going to take some getting used to, but it's not like this whole "the sun forgot the shine on my part of the world" thing is on with me. By all means, what went on last night, and the words exchanged...they were meant for the better. That's not to say it doesn't still hurt, because it fucking does. God, Ralph Waldo Emerson makes a whole lot more sense than me:
"We are often made to feel that our affections are but tents of a night. Though slowly and with pain, the objects of affections change, as the objects of thought do. There are moments when the affections rule and absorb the man and make his happiness dependent on a person or persons. But in health the mind is presently seen again - its overarching vault, bright with galaxies of immutable lights, and the warm loves and fears, that swept over us as clouds, must lose their finite character to attain their own perfection. But we need not fear that we can lose any thing by the progress of the soul. The soul may be trusted to the end. That which is so beautiful and attractive as these relations, must be succeeded and supplanted only by what is more beautiful, and so on for ever."
Fuck yea. Welp, anyhow...my cousins were over and they just left a lil while ago. Billy, Ashley, my bro Jon and I watched the DECA 2nd to None vid...fucking amazing. Daewon Song has got to be a genius, on a skateboard at least. Oh, oh! And 'Lena got me this shirt for Christmas...it's a collared one from Aeropostale with purple and white stripes. I saw it on Wednesday when we went to the mall and jumped up and down over it and so she bought it for me...oh-so-very nice. Plus she bought one just like it, only it's pink! Yep, we are way too dope, matching and all. I'm supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow, but I've decided I'd much rather stay at home, then go out and skate all day and get cut up. Hopefully it'll work out that way.
current music: Poison the Well
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| Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
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8:10 pm - *Merry Christmas...gooooooo!*
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Hello all, I hope all your Christmas' are going well...the gift of giving has just begun, hehe. I think my family liked all their presents, hopefully. I'm wearing a present that Kate gave me: a pink leopard-print thong...*woot woot*! She also gave me a River Phoenix postcard, which I didn't even notice until today! Haha, fun times...Anyhow, I got some dope stuff including:
~ A skate helmet
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson book
~ The Champion 7" I've been wanting for forever
~ A Powerpuff Girls coloring book
~ Headphones (my other ones were broke-d X10!)
Winter break's been kinda sorta fun so far...Friday was the show at Backdoor. I saw so many people there that I hadn't in such a long time and it was amazing to see them. This includes Jake who moved to Chicago and Van who I hadn't seen in two years. Greg&Matt; also played a good show...their first one. Haha, they were so nervous. Lil Matt didn't even make that crazy face with the whole tongue thing he usually does when he plays drums, but he did wear the bracelet I made him while he way playing! I gave him, Davey, Charlie, and Colby bracelets with their names on them and I made Lizzy this necklace with stars and stuff. I hope they liked them. Interference didn't play the song I wanted, even though Davey asked them to, so I was sad. I've since confirmed that Jay is stupid. That doesn't matter though, 'cos I got to wear Raver Matt's goggles in trade for my visor beanie...and I didn't even think he was coming, 'cos he had to work, but it was a nice surprise. Greg also gave me these teddy bears for our 3-month...they're cute. It's kinda an inside joke, having to do with eskimos.
On Saturday Caroline came over and then later Matt S. wanted to hangout but he couldn't find my house for some reason. I guess it would have helped if I gave him my house number. Derrrrrrr...logic. I also had a nice long late-nite phone talk with Davey, which was fun. Phone time is go.
Sunday my family had company over and stuff, which was hectic, but then Jake showed up at my door randomly wanting to hangout. I love random stop-bys! (<-----Take note of that).
In other news, Carry On broke up! I read so on the Hardcore Community Page. I'm really not happy about that; I was counting on seeing them live. I've also been trying to work on communicating with Someone more, and in the process getting in touch with some of my problems. He called yesterday night and we talked for awhile, but I don't know...I'm just really ambivalent right now and I don't know what to do. I want to make things work, and I'm trying at least. My rationale is just sucking lately though, and I'm not sure, but I'm probably the one making things bad, and being paranoid and just plain lame. Grrr...go me.
current music: Carry On
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| Sunday, December 23rd, 2001
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8:46 pm - *Why...is Brodie go?*
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| Friday, December 21st, 2001
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2:23 pm - *Even online quizzes tell me to grow up.*
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9:35 am - *This is the only age that I know how to be.*
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Winter Vacation starts today! I can't tell you how great that is...it's just what I need: a biiiiiiiig break.
The "Backdoor is Back" show is tonight. I told Davey, since they're short workers, that I'd volunteer to work and help out. There's an art show going on beforehand, too, and I'm going to hang up some of my photos. Plus I get to wear my own name tag, and decorate it all pretty and stuff. PLUS Interference is playing and Davey promised to make them play their cover of "Dancing With Myself" because last time I asked them to they couldn't since they'd just gotten a new bassist and he didn't know how. But yea, they better play it, or I will cry...only not. Grrr...I never cry...I'm tough... Anyhow, the only thing is that I can't leave the building, or I have to stay in a certain spot, and I'm thinking that could pose a problem because I'm not that great at staying in one place for a long time. It should all be fine, though.
This week has told me that I really need to work on controlling my impulsivity. I do and say things without thinking entirely too often and it's been getting me into a whole lot of shit. At least now I've recognized it, and I'm not in denial, and now I can hopefully change it. Wait...what am I saying? Fuck all that, I won't change me. Everything's okay the way it is, and if I do something bad spontaneously, then that's that. Maybe that makes me immature, selfish, whatever...but it's the only way I know. Please understand that.
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