sorry if I didn't reply to anybody's comments. I tried, and livejournal was like "grrrrrrrrr" and I was like "yo, ho, represent" and it was like "fuck you!" and that is my story of me and lj. I would like to skip dancing today. Oh the sweet thought of not being breathed on by sir ghetto breath is so appealing.

" I felt bad that I was listening to pirated music of such a good band, so I went out and bought their latest cd"so says mike-o (beingdiverse) I was amused.

I still hate my ovaries, and I still feel great pain, it's evolved into feeling like a lint brush is being ran along my insides, not as bad as a butter knife. I took a midday nap, and woke up to hear my c.d. skipping. I wanted to cry. But I salvaged it with my handy dandy c.d. skip solution purchased at none other than FYE, the place where dreams come true. I have work tomorrow, I think I'll kill myself.

I feel like my uterus is being scraped with a butter knife. it's not pleasant.

I may have received the first intelligent random instant message.
nevermind, he's getting stupider.

my friends are going to ozma/saves the day/weezer. I am going out with mike, I am victorious after all!

I was curious

Work was hectic as we have shipment as well as recall to do along with our normal duties. Plus, it was job core night, and though it's a stereotype, we DO have more thefts on job core night. Robbie let me go a half hour early as we'd done four boxes of shipment and were done with that for the evening. Josh Fields came in, dressed as Jim morrison and pretended he didn't know me to fit this character. It scared me.

I visited my caroliney. She and I flipped through the book of prints one may order. She and I are hanging out tomorrow, between that and Saturday with mike-o, my weekend promises to be a good one. I am glad that i can be with two of my closest friends who I've lost touch with as it keeps one reminded that they have roots of a sort. I have lost touch with that, and it makes me feel like I'm floating, like I belong nowhere. It's a petty fear, but they all are anymore.

I have not yet studied for the killer exams of tomorrow. I see failure in the future.

Today we discussed drugs in psych, that was interesting, and then I took a math exam in which I made a stupid mistake...After that was ballroom dancing, as usual. I felt ill and was not in the dancing mood. My partner's odor seemed to have become more offensive over the two day period in which I was not exposed to it. The worst part is: he burned me a c.d. I don't know how other people are about burning mixes, but I only do it if the person asks for it, or I really like them, either friendly or romantically. I didn't ask for a mix, and I'm too much of a bitch for him to feel friendly toward me. I pray the last isn't true. I danced with tushpush, and I sucked hardcore due to my illness and my lusting over him. He remarked to Cathy "your friend needs to work on her dancing skills" sigh.... Etnies boy, however, engaged in a conversation about skateboards with me. That was fun. He's an elementary Ed. major. I didn't know this. I told him about my writing and my fears and he said I should go for it. All this, while counting the "one two cha cha cha" The boy is adorable. Tushpush is becoming more and more of a nonpossibility. The rest of my day was dull. Basically it was me being bored and not wanting to study, and my writing class having a debate on morals. oh yes, and me going to wal*mart with dad and for the first time in ages seeing a thousand attractive males, all the while my sister is tagging along going "duuuuuuh, it'th *slurp* not eath-ter *slurp* yet!!!! *SLUUUUURP*

My psych class actually verged on interesting today. Sleep disorders are actually within my range of knowledge, so i was on top of things. After that I actually was in attendance at my math class. I drew pictures again. Then was ballroom dancing with the reeky breath boy. Not too terribly fun. I hate the fucking chacha. Lunch with mike, bill, erica, and ash was ok, till bill decided to act like an ass. Thanks bill, for being a dick. My writing class was found out to be cancelled once we had all assembled. Jesse and I went to the mall and I bought her pizza with my last two dollars cuz I felt bad. Todd thought it was cute. He was said to jesse, "hey, I didn't know you knew my hot betty!" and she made an amusing speech about my name being betty. We looked at the gaudy jewelry in Boscovs then she took me home.
My brother got bitchslapped in life and brought home a shitcore report card. My dad is pissed to say the least.

this had better be a good day. Nikki and I had better make up. (she sent me a not happy email) I better not sleep in my classes and everything better go right....or your ass gets kicked.

so yes, I spent Sunday making boyfriends and girlfriends on gurl.com and playing online scrabble

if you hate long convo posts, then fuck you. I'm aloud a few here and there

It's funny how, if I should treat her how I'm treated by her, I'd not have her as a friend.

Before work, I spotted two beautiful men. I took so long to get the nerve to talk to them and they left before I reached them. sigh. such is life.
work sucked. I got in loads of trouble. It was like the old days.
I don't feel much like writing, but I wanted to anyhow. I am fucked up. I've sat here for an hour or so reading lj and I just now realized I have no music on.

interesting and funny stuff! I'm interesting! Love me!

Rob bought me lunch, but told me not to tell anyone as trish might get pissed. That sounds fucked up and juvenile to me, but I like trish, so I won't bitch. I just don't understand why people act the way they do to remain happy in relationships. I have no right to comment as I'm not in a relationship.

Ben came for me today, and we went to the mall. He made me a mixtape. It's name was so funny, but I can't remember it, so I'll type it up later. all I recall is it said "amy-y" as an adjective. i showed todd and he liked it. Robbie got a postcard from this boy he likes who likes him. They are so falling for each other. Jay will NOT be pleased to lose robbie, but it will come to pass, and soon from the looks of things. Jay really loves him, but he doesn't make him happy. This alex character does. Robbie was giddy over this. He showed me the picture of alex, and he is an adorable boy. He's 21, and studying abroad. I wish I could go see the world like he is. I told robbie and he said he, I, and Joe should go. I wish we could. Alex's postcards describe so many things I'd love to do and see, and what he really wants is to be with robbie.

Rob and emo boy were in walden books after their psych test. That meant that I could converse with him. He said my shoes were awesome and that rob should grow his hair out so he looks like he's in saves the day. He smiled at me, and laughed at things I said. He moves his mouth in that way I love...ugh. I am so crushed out. I don't need this. I'm too old to feel this way. I should know better.

please go give my bethy all the support you can. She is such a great girl whom I love dearly.

I got a 68 on my psych test. This means I will start paying attention, and starts studying. I hate being a lazy bitch.
I also went to math today. I did the worksheet in fifteen minutes. It's not due until Monday. I hate how easy that class is. I feel like it's the candy house of the witch in hansel and gretel. Once I let my guard down, I will catch shit for it.
We began the chacha in ballroom dancing. My partner has reeky breath. I wish death upon him. Once I got to escape him, I danced with etnies boy. He has such a cute smile. and a cute laugh. sigh.
After that was lunch with mike, bill, ash, and erica. There was some tour going on, and we tried to follow it, but opted to go see if our writing classes were cancelled - they weren't. In writing, I amused myself by making mean comments about the poems we read. Example: "author boy's face randomly contorts into a sneer"
"for a poetry snot such as yourself, your poem certainly LACKS"
"This is more a series of rhetorical questions than an actual poem"
"one is a singular word, it can not own things as a plural."
"By using "a person" and then "you" you're making inconsistent references, which makes your poem all that much worse"
I am really mean at times. I then went to graham and copied a.j.'s psych sheet since he's good at it and I'm not. I'm also lazy. I'm lazy and stupid. cool.
After that I went to work. I made fun of lots of people. Toothless John was saying dirty things to me. He should possible get fake teeth before going out in public. Todd flirted with me a little. Rob and his brother were there, and trish and her sister were for a while as well. I also saw Barb, Lyle, and Colleen. A.J.'s best friend, Kenny, came in. He remarked that my bra was too tight, stared at my tits and said "speaking of chests..." and made sure to call me honey and kiss my hand when he left. Isn't he like, mad old Barbie? ha ha. We played the new amsterdams. I didn't speak in choppy sentences. I'm not interesting.
My saucony's came in.

doilikepunk: my ear hurts
Ben: everybody needs a little emo now and then
Ben: play it some emo, and it'll feel better
doilikepunk: what is with you and emo ben?
Ben: what do you mean?
doilikepunk: you and emo should make ugly emo ben babies

brad then blushed.
nice

Now I am off to the mall yet again to help nik confront someone who is spreading high school rumors about her. Something about her cheating on Jason with a married man (like a thousand years ago too) Sounds like fun.

this of course, means that I will listen to fifteen till I fall asleep.

Saturday::
I slept all day somehow. it was fun. Then I went out with nik and caroliney. We bought little boy's clothing, gym shorts for caroliney and a polo shirt for me. Little boys get the coolest clothing. Then we bummed out to friendly's for chow and I sat there writhing in pain from my random migraine. We then decided to get ron and go to denis's (denis being caroliney's boy) Plans changed since all of ron's group were meeting at McDonalds. thus we got denis.
while there. we made him get peter so nik could see him. He looked at me, said "what the fuck do you want? Fuck you." and slammed the door. ex boyfriends rule!
We met up with the boys and went to Perkins. All the cheerleaders from Nik's (and my old) school were there. Nik said loudly, "why do they wear outfits that show their love handles?" they looked sheepish. I felt bad since Angela Matz was one of them and she had smiled at me and said hello. Then ron, nik, donovan and I went to sit in martin's car for some unknown reason and nik and I made donovan whip out his penis. he tried to get me to flash him as some sort of reciprocation. I wouldn't. heh. then nik and caroliney went home as they have early curfews. I still have a curfew since I apparently disturb people when I come in. Anyhow we drove around with me crammed between ron and donovan and they both were arguing over whose shoulder I should rest my still pounding head on. donovan kept groping me and making me sad.

*I am interrupting to say that I accept that people's opinions vary, but in no way should a sixteen year old death metal fan tell me that the bands I like will get talent if they practice for a long time*

We went to the hotel so that ron and donovan could switch sides, but they saw that adam was working so we went there. They ordered pizza and watched up in smoke as I waited for the advil adam gave me to kick in. we tried to listen to people having sex, but only came upon worried partiers. eventually I went home.

today::
I slept in and rushed to bathe and clothe to go shopping with nik. we went to some random mall in good knows where. near shikellamy somewhere. I didn't have much money, so I didn't buy much. I bought
*a light blue and white American eagle track jacket that was on sale
*a ring with stars on it
*yellow and orange socks
*hoops for my damn ears
*the new new amsterdams c.d. :: Para toda vida
we had a pleasant time. We saw things we'd like for our apartment and had chocolate mocha Italian sodas. It was a good weekend, all in all.

I so mean it

I'm tired and I didn't brush my hair, I better get hot before dancing class.

peta, I got that same email you got, about the girl promoting some band and sounding all lame. I emailed her back saying that you got the same email and that I may as well promote too so I made her check out rob's band.

Rob has to get me today even though he has no classes. The kid treats me right. Maybe I can coerce him into taking me for my check and we can go to his damn buffet at pizza hut. It took me four hours to catch up on my friends page last night, and no, I didn't read everyone's. I'm sorry. I think I'm going out with Barb and A.J. tonight, but we'll see. neither of them have updated lately. those dorks.

I need to go to a show soon. it's been a while.

end of team radar rant.
no, not yet. I liked them better as radar. they will always be radar in my heart. Radar one was the worst, at least they dropped the stupid "one"

today, in women's studies, I said something that my teacher didn't like. I can't recall my wording, so won't rephrase it...it was just something along the lines of equality for individuals rather than for women as, let's face it, not everyone is equal to everyone else. If you're skilled than hurrah, yay for you, if not then sorry, try harder. I make no sense in here.

Nik and I are going to behave like best friends should this weekend, complete with a sleepover and shopping excursion. I will even let her tweeze my eyebrows again. She told me I'm dumb cuz I have perfect eyebrows naturally, but they bore me. That is how odd I can be - my eyebrows bore me. I miss her, and I feel this terrible need to find a s.o. she has ron and rob has trish (they made up) I should lower my standards and be happy, but instead I shall yearn for emo boy and tush push boy, and, to a lesser extent, etnies boy and guitar boy. A.J. said everyone is a boy in my world

you are cordially invited to fall in love with me.

Today I had a conference with my writing prof on a book of poems I was to have read - two long poems, by Gerald Stern. I did not read this book. The only thing that made sense in my attempts to read it was the explicit sexual content in the second poem. I managed to bullshit through the conference well enough that I doubt the man thinks I didn't read it.
I then bullshitted through a women's lit discussion of the first ten chapters of Jane Eyre since I've not read it since I was maybe 14 or 15.
It saddens me when college girls who try to act so intelligent and try to dominate the conversation (when it is rightly my place) have no fucking clue what precocious means. I mean seriously. I thought this girl would be my academic competitor in terms of that class, but who in their right mind would think of precocious as synonymous with ridiculous? Other's stupidity amuses me so much, as it's more blatant than mine. My stupidity is more subtle.
I find I'm more and more snobbish as time passes.

The end of this entry is dedicated to nik for making plans with me for yesterday only to go over to Ron's straight from school. Thanks nik, you're fucking smashing!

cuz zagg thanked me for a nonexistent advert which has now come to exist.

I can't spend any more time dwelling on this, so I'll abandon the thought for now...

every word you repeat you change...

no more complaining! I should stay home and make those damn mix c.d.'s I owe to everyone and their mom, but I am so poor and I need the money so bad. If, however, the mall is closed due to snow, that is cool. Last night, all I wanted was for the mall to close so I could go home. We had to wait for two of the three anchors to close. K-mart did, and we watched J.C.Penny's as it's in our wing, but no luck. I even took several trips to boscovs' to watch if they closed. Half of the other store said screw it and closed by eight.

Chills suck. goooooooosh

I better not call rob for my ride till early afternoon. that boy loves to sleep.

This is terribly uninteresting, so I shall find other ways to amuse myself.

work was slow, long. saw kelly and zeke. aside from kelly, I am the only person zeke knows here, I feel bad for him. I have no mind for an update, so I will just say this: jackie hates the weakerthans

if you play or just like those who do.