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Thursday, March 8th, 2001
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1:35 am
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I made an online store! YAY! Its got mugs, T-shirts, and mouse pads. I just need a design. ::huffs:: Anywho. Off to the thinktank!
current mood:  amused
current music: SpeedRacer -- Techno Remix !
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| Tuesday, March 6th, 2001
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12:51 am
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Pet Peeves.... Arrogance. This is my one ultimate pet peeve from hell. And at the moment, Tommy is its epitome. Sometimes his pompous attitude and arrogance just makes me want to bust his knee cap and laugh as he hobbles at me before I bust the other knee cap.
Seems tonight is going right along that theme of "What's real?". I think this is the last straw, and my camel's back is broke. I've had enough of him. Piss off el Yeti. ::Shrugs:: La Sigh.
Anywho, had to get that out of my system and well.. You can't be mad when the computer is chiming "Rock Me Amedeus" in a Blood Hound Gang remix.
current music: Blood Hound Gang - Mope
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| Monday, March 5th, 2001
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10:54 pm
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"We live in a bubble baby.
a bubble’s not reality.
you gotta have a look outside.
nothing in a bubble, is the way it’s supposed to be,
and when it blows you'll hit the ground.
we live in a bubble baby.
but it’s not the place to be.
cause it’s a place of lies and hype.
don't believe the bubble cause it’s nothing but a dream,
and when it blows you'll be alone.
oh yeah"
This song just fit so perfect. Jess's stressing about the outer image thing again. ::Le Sigh:: Funny how it was only, what?, a week ago I was stressing the same thing. "I didn't get any companionship fat, and now I'm slimmed and slowly trimming, still nothing. Why don't I look like [insert name here]? [Insert scuzzy friend] has a girl, why not me?" -- BLEH.
I think now that I've gained a few years, I'm finally opening my eyes to realize most of humanities inhibitions, social anxieties, and fears are BS and purely self-created. I was the kid who was quiet, shy, and tried his best to fade from view instead of getting my ass beat. Then I finally learned, I didn't care. I quit trying to destroy myself, and as of late, which my job having me get more insults than ever in my life, I find myself less affected.
Like the song, "you gotta have a look outside." Ya gotta see how it really is. I mean, I can look at a girl and say "wow, she's hot" -- but at least with me -- if her personality blows, I'm probably gonna go "wow... yawn". People destroy themselves. Women/girls try to shrink to size 0 waists and shove their health to the wind, guys push their bodies.. shoving their sensitivity to the wind. I don't get it. Guess its my religious beliefs. People (women & men) need to be both. Sensative but with courage to stand their ground. If you need to lose the weight, lose it. If you need to gain it, gain it. If you need some emotional backbone, stand up... go to a window.. feel the breeze.. scream.. "SCREW YOU. THIS IS ME. I'LL CHANGE BECAUSE I WANNA. LA LA LA!" -- Yes, you'll look silly. Use it. Laugh at yourself, laugh it up. Holding back those tears, those screams, those laughters... only prolongs the pain and pushes the wheel of self destruction further.
As for myself, Joss asked if I wanted to meet up with them in Savanah when they go April 12th - 18th. I'm still thinking about it. I haven't been intimate since the move, and um.. We'll call her "Goat-Girl" to save her ego, was quite the ice cold date when it came to be affectionate. Aside from physical, I also mean that emotionally. I just... didn't feel anything. It was like, "I love you" was just a phrase. Something like me going into a chat room and saying "moo." It means nothing, it was just "I'm alive. I didn't die or get mugged and sold into white slavery".
But now, I've grown to hold back into saying the phrase unless I mean it. If I don't feel like saying "I love you", don't expect me to say it.
Eh, after typing and then reading this, I'm noticing a happy lump in my throat. I'm 21, turning 22 come this winter I realize... I hid. Most of my life was hiding. Straying from social circles, preventing embaressment by lying or just going all out to prevent anyone from being friendly. And now that I've been to my job, to the gaming store, I'm gaining some friends. Its not a popularity thing, cause personally I couldn've give a rats ass. Its just.. I'm opening up. If I feel like saying a joke, funny or not, I'm gonna say it.
Guess that's why I'm quirky at work. Sometimes I need a stress reliever, and if it involves me humming some psychotic song like "The lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying" from Blood Hound Gang, or just saying in a high pitch voice "Bwuahahahaha - FISH!".. so be it. Don't be afraid to say what you need.
And no, this post really isn't for anyone but me. Kind of a "Paul. Its your head. Let's talk.. No.. put down the porno" -- um.. not that I look at porno... anywho!
You got the jist of the post -- Don't stress it. Don't worry, Be Happy. ;)
current mood:  mellow
current music: Eiffel 65 - Living In A Bubble
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| Saturday, March 3rd, 2001
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2:17 pm
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Swoosh! I'm getting addicted to the Blue Man Group cd. Jess is in a better mood, which is good. No more BS! Yay! ::Shimmies to the drum beat:: Welp, it rained so I can't paint today. On the lighter side, at least I'm gonna get to actually play wh40k this sunday.
As for the D game, no word yet from anyone but I'm betting Aaron is gonna freak at the Gnome I've created. Yes.. Yes.. I'm a gamer at heart.
Brandi says Hi. ok. ::pause:: Heh, love it when friends of friends wave. Brandi's one of Jess's friends. She has... some interesting people as friends. Schilandra/Joss reminds me of quite a few individuals from the old group in HS. ::sigh:: I miss high school. No bills, no supervisors, never having to deal with customers with the IQ of a house plant. And hell, we were the freaks yet we did more for the school than the cheesy preppy fund raiser commities! ::mutters:: And to think I went to the HS where on national tv, kids walked out because the Principal thought in a business enviroment, eyebrow rings were passe. He should come see Jada, my current stand-in sup. Yep, eyebrow ring. Gotta love irony.
Eh, I haven't spent much of my "Super-Check" yet, just sodas and chips and maybe a hair cut today. Depends on if I have the time. I look shaggy, including the stuble on the chin (which sucks since its blonde and people don't see it, but its there).
Oh well.. till next time..
Same Oppressive Channel, Same Oppressive Governemnt!
current mood:  complacent
current music: Blue Man Group - TV Song
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3:14 am
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Yes, its been a long time. Its now 3am and I'm sitting here staring at the monitor as I type. No real emotion bubbles up at the moment, which is probably good. Tonight has not been a good night. I awoke this morning with the attitude of "I'm gonna have a good day." My plans failed. The company, who shall remain nameless, still has the heat on and thus, moods were less than pleasant.
Its kind of hard to be polite when you have to force a smile instead of do a Darth Vader Vid Screen Choke hold. But I digress, at least I made it till the end of work. Tommy was supposed to pick me up and we were going to hang out with Jayson, Kat and Cindy and maybe Joe over the weekend again. Not that I was truly looking foreward to Drunk Joe and the two other couples mating, but I needed the breather..... Tommy never showed. Charter's pulling its usual and wouldn't load Chris's page. Chris needs help, the sick bastard. That kid pic he uses, and Leslie uses is spooky.
He asked me to send him a kid pic of me but I doubt I'll put the effort. Me? Ruin my slacker personae? HA!
Stress... its my one vice. I know I'm letting things get to me way to much, and I'm always bottling it up. Who knows? One day I might be on top of the Halton Pointe building blasting rifle shots to the crowds below. (This is sarcasm).
Money is still tight but the $707 check plus my future $202 tax refund will help out. I'm supposed to go to the D game tomorow w/ somebody (probably Nate) but who knows. Aaron won't be around till sunday and we are to run a league wh40k. Bleh. I've yet to finish my army and I'm too drained to get into my perfectionist mode.
Jessie's pretty bummed aswell and I can understand why. Wish I was there to help cheer her up. She got worried I'd freak about the weight thing. Granted, now I have no clue what she looks like, but about now I just don't care. I see myself in her sometimes. Remember my "hefty" years and the depression (which I've carried to the "Skinny Toothpick" time.) People put too much emphasis on exterior images. I was watching the Miss America pagent, as of course there was nothing on. Ms. Georgia had a nice smile, a *normal* personality and I could sense her nerviousness on the last question -- She was real. The Runner up, Ms. District of Columbia could've been replaced by Will Robinson's robot and no one would've known. Ms. Texas, the winner, was fake and had the D breasts to prove it. Petrolium jelly smile, bold face lying answers. Blah.
Maybe that's all our society really is? A facade of petrolium smiles put on display as the master copy for everyone to mold themselves into. The reason why outsiders will always be outsiders. They don't fit the mold. Its not just contests and beauty. Look at any kind of category, you'll find packs. We haven't strayed from those animalistic herding urges. Animals in denial. Wow, how philisophical I get when bored and typing away random words. I wonder if there's a limit in LiveJournal? Heh.
Anywho, Jess needs a hug and, though masculine in heart, I need one too. Night folks.
This has been Infopocalypse, signing off.... BEEP!
current mood:  blah
current music: Blue Man Group - Endless Column
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| Saturday, February 3rd, 2001
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5:07 am - Entry # 1
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Well, after fighting for hours against the computer.. The computer has won. Alas, it looks towards a total loss of data and reinstallation. Interesting how my first entry is about a tiny Infopocalypse of my own.
current mood: amused
current music: Enigma - Gravity of Love
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