Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in CaRoLLaN's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, December 2nd, 2001
11:47 am	News! Holy shit I am so excited! The Juliana Theory is coming here on December 30th! With Zao and perhaps the Movielife! What a gnarly show! I just recently got TJT's CD, Emotion Is Dead, and it is one of the raddest I've heard in a long time. There is only one song I don't really like, it's a good song, but it's like 10 minutes long. And I might add that I have an unusually short attention span for a person my age and intelligence level (LoL). There is this fabulous song, called "If I Told You This Was Killing Me Would You Stop?", which is one of the few songs that has ever made me cry. I know there have been a few others, although the only other one I can remember is Blink 182's "Dammit". But that's irrelevant. Yeah I don't know, I'm just bored, but so excited for the show even though it's like a month away. Ok I'm done for now, Bye Bye! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: You Always Say Goodbye, Goodbye - The Juliana Theory (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 15th, 2001
8:40 pm	Sick Sucks I've been sick since sunday. I can barely get out of bed, and when I do I feel like crap. I went to go pick up my check today. and in the process I crashed into 3 people and a display of pills or something. I feel so crappy I wanna cry. Plus I feel so gone, I guess you could say. I haven't been in school since last week, I haven't talked to anyone really, I don't know, I just feel like I'm non-existant. I think I'm gonna call one of my only 2 true friends. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Halfway Decent - Audio Karate (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
11:04 am	I'm so confused! I like 3 guys, one of who I know likes me, another who I think likes me, and one who I don't know if he likes me or not. The one I know likes me is kinda cute, but I'm not super good friends with him and I don't think we really have anything in common. The one I think likes me I've known and liked for awhile, but he treats his girlfriends like crap, but is insanely nice to his friends. I would just be hookup buddies with him, except he's a virgin and I dunno if he's the hookup type. And the one I really want I'm not even really friend with, I only met him a few weeks ago and I'm a tad bit shy in some instances, so we've only talked a few times, and I have no clue as to whether he likes me or not. But I want him A LOT so I dunno whether to even bother with the other 2. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Get It Faster - Jimmy Eat World (Comment on this)
Friday, October 19th, 2001
4:42 pm	I am so happy!! Everything is turning out to be pretty good. I met a new guy, my job is going great, I get to see Bouncing Souls and Flogging MoLLy tomorrow...yeah life is rad right now!! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: DeviL's Dance FLooR - FLogging MoLLy (Comment on this)
4:40 pm	Dear eveyone: please keep in mind these three points: Although it may seem important to you, no one else gives a shit. Don't expect an apology for something you brought upon yourself. Get over yourself. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Ska Wars - Capdown (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2001
4:41 pm	Have you ever hated someone you really shouldn't hate? Yes, I know. I really shouldn't hate anyone. But wouldn't you feel the same way if someone constantly humiliated you, belittled you, lied about you, and did everything in their power to make your life miserable? Current Mood: angry Current Music: If You Don't Don't - Jimmy Eat World (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 6th, 2001
10:39 pm	You act like nothing is wrong, you let me turn my back. I never see the knife. I can feel it though. Don't think I don't know. Don't think I can't remember. Someday, I'll come back for you, my knife will be nice and sharp. Then you'll turn your back. Current Mood: furious Current Music: Black Friday Rule - Flogging Molly (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 18th, 2001
2:07 am	I remember when I was told the story of crushed velvet, candle wax, and dried up flowers. The figure on the bed all dressed up in roses, calling, beckoning to sleep offering a dream. The words were as mystical as purring animals. The circle of rage the ghosts on the stage appeared. The time was so tangible I'll never let it go. Ghost stories handed down, reached secret tunnels below. No one could see me. I fell into yesterday. Our dreams seemed not far away. I want to stay. I fell into fantasy. The girl on the wall always waited for me and she was always smiling. The teenage death boys, the teenage death girls, and everyone was dancing. Nothing could touch us then no one could change us then, and everyone was dancing. Nothing could hurt us then, no one could see us then, and everyone was dancing. Everyone was dancing. The Days of the Phoenix - AFI Current Mood: irritated Current Music: The Days of the Phoenix - AFI (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 11th, 2001
6:13 pm	You cut yourself to get back at me, Late at night I try to understand, While I'm wishing on the stars, you're collecting little scars, Late at night what did I do wrong that you deserve to bleed? Tell me just what should I do? Now I know your secret I won't tell your friends at work I won't tell your favorite niece I won't tell your mom and dad I won't tell anyone why you wear sweaters when it's hot. How will you explain the scars to your kids? Will you lie to each new person in your life? - Late At Night - Ten Foot Pole Current Mood: sore Current Music: Late At Night - Ten Foot Pole (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2001
4:54 pm	I want to be you I'd like to be able to destroy everything you've ever worked for I need to be able to hurt you like you hurt me Revenge, sweet revenge Current Mood: mellow Current Music: CooL Kids - Screeching WeaseL (Comment on this)
12:44 pm	I'm so excited!! Warped Tour is tomorrow!! It'll be my first Warped. I won't even bother listing the bands that I want to see, it's pretty much all of them. I'm really hyper!! It's going to be so gnarly. All my new friends I've made over the last few months are going to be there, so that will be kooL too. I can't wait to mosh and get really injured and bruised and fun stuff like that!! Ok that's all. Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Anti-Love Song - Cold (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 2nd, 2001
6:38 am	"Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over, all over." Me. Forever bleeding. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off JiLL (Comment on this)
5:24 am	The story I told you Was not full of lies You see it is mine I'm the one who must die. And you're coming with me There is no escape You cost me my life So it's yours I must take. My last drop of blood Is for you, my dear Do not be afraid Come closer, come here. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: One Armed Scissor - At the Drive In (Comment on this)
1:16 am	I was wrong. He's not different, I don't love him. That's all. Current Mood: exanimate Current Music: Agua - Pilfers (Comment on this)
1:00 am	Do you know what it's like to hate yourself every day? The hate consumes me, until I can't think of anything but how to rid myself of it. I don't want to be perfect, I don't even want to be good. All I want is to be adequate, to be worthy. But I'm not, I never have been. I need to turn my hate outward, because if I held it all inside, I would not be able to survive. That's where the blood comes from, that's what my scars represent. Complete and utter disgust with the person that I am. For every mistake I make, for every wrong turn, with it comes a kiss from a razor, a knife, a pin. Every time I'm hurt by someone else, I get blood for being too stupid, for believing them, for caring. Sure, I don't care about him, but my wrists do. Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: Home - Staind (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 1st, 2001
5:45 pm	Temporary insanity. What WAS I thinking?!?! Or perhaps I should say, I wasn't thinking. Well I'm never going to do THAT again. I know better. Well actually, a better explaination would be that I'm never going to do that with him again. I know him too well. Current Mood: rejected Current Music: East Coast Anthem - Good Charlotte (Comment on this)
9:06 am	Ok, you're going to forgive my lack of poetic lyricism in this journal entry. I've been out all night, and I'm tired as fuck. I'm happy. I finally got my Warped Tour ticket yesterday. It promises to be a gnarly show with the likes of AFI, Sum 41, Fenix Tx, Pennywise, Rancid, Dropkick Murphys, Catch 22, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Less Than Jake, Bouncing Souls, The Ataris, The Vandals, Alien Ant Farm, Big Wig, and No Motiv playing. I am quite pumped, to say the least. I'm going with my sister and Mike. We still gotta find a ride there, if we don't we'll just take a bus though. I got the gnarly plaid pants I've wanted for the past week, and I intend to wear them to Warped. Nate came over last night at around 12:30 and we left my house at about 1:30 and fell asleep on the playground yet again. Why is it that we always do that? Well not exactly always, but I mean the fact that it's happened more than once is a bit unsettling. We walked around trying to find open gas stations all night, and by the time we found out what time it was, it was 5:30. Not good man, my mom wakes up at 5, and if she found out I'd been out all night with Nate she'd kick my ass. Luckily I just told her we sat on the porch all night and then went for a walk. So she didn't really care. YaY!! Ok I'm tired so I'm gonna jet. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: No It's Just Cheese - Less Than Jake (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2001
12:28 am	I can't let him see it. I'm too embarrassed. What will he think of me? Will he think I'm out of my fucken mind? I mean, I am, but i don't want him to know that. I need to disguise it, hide it, anything so that he doesn't see it. Anything. Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: No Cigar - Millencolin (Comment on this)
12:20 am	Yeah I've been quoting lyrics alot lately. I'm just lazy. I don't feel like writing anything good, so I take the words of others to explicate what I'm feeling. But what I'm feeling now is so common, so uninteresting, so boring. I could go on and on, I'm bored, waiting for someone to call me at quarter after 12 at night. Pretty much only two people ever call me this late, Nate or Alice. Because both of them know I'm up anyways. Now can't you see what I'm saying? This is the usual mundane journal entry I was trying to avoid. I didn't choose my words to invoke thought, as I normally do, but rather I just told a little story of what's going on right now. Ordinarily, I would have made my entry a bit cryptic, so that I can tell my story without anyone really knowing what's going on. But, as I said, tonight I'm lazy. Current Mood: lazy Current Music: Is This Thing On - Promise Ring (Comment on this)
12:07 am	Lean against the night and laugh as I try to scale the walls. Ingnored futility fills the air. You're only there to watch me fall...If only pure sweetness was offered, why's this bitter taste left in my mouth? If I could catch my breath just to exhale, I'd know that I held it in too long...... From above comes a faint smile, a new vantage such a view. Familiarity now disowned. Just sit and stare as I walk away. - Clove Smoke Catharsis...AFI - I'm seeing them at warped as weLL!! Current Mood: content Current Music: Clove Smoke Catharsis - AFI (Comment on this)