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[13 Nov 2001|07:30pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | thievery corporation ] I just found out that an undergrad student @ Loyola was raped at gunpoint just a few blocks from my house. I am going to be far more careful about coming and going at night now, and no more running outside after dark, not even on the usually well-travelled streetcar line. It's been a stressful but productive day (and it's not over, as I am still working on a paper). I turned in a major project and my professor gave my effort a very good critique. The subject is not one that I really am focused on, but a requirement for my masters. Nonetheless, it's refreshing to know that I can be good at something other than writing and legal analysis. Especially since I am not sure if I can see myself working as a lawyer for the rest of my career. And a happy 21st birthday to my little brother, who turns 21 today. Damn - I feel positively geriatric at the thought of two brothers who are now legal drinkers.... post comment

[10 Nov 2001|04:29pm] [ mood | geeky ] [ music | brazilified (quango compilation) ] I'm back at my desk at school after a brief stop at home for some dinner. working on a paper on a saturday night like a dutiful grad student. I didn't make it out of the house before someone called to see if I wanted to go out tonight. I am really feeling the need for some social interaction, but have resigned myself to the fact that I am going to be studying like a fiend for the next month. What was that nonsense about a Ph.D a few entries back ? at least the invite wasn't all too tempting - ampersand has its moments, sure, but overall I have been unimpressed with the music and clientele. the place rarely draws a decent crowd, even on the rare occasions when the DJ is enticing, and all the hot guys there are generally gay. post comment

[10 Nov 2001|08:43am] yesterday i was feeling the urge to get out of the city and spend some time alone. it seemed like months since i had spent time alone, not studying or working, but just being. so i made my way across the west bank to the closest natural area to n.o. , jean lafitte wildlife preserve. i wanted to just walk through the woods, alone, contemplating and listening to my discman. i meandered along the trails through the lowland swamp, so absorbed in my moby CD that I came about three feet from colliding with a armadillo, panic-frozen in the middle of the trail. our eyes locked for several seconds, and then the armadillo stumbled off into the brush. i have always been fascinated with armadillos for some reason. they seem like relics from another evolutionary age. i also observed an awesome, 3 inch wide blue spider spinning her web, and a couple of egrets. my reverie was broken by the site of a navy jet flying directly overhead, probably deployed from the belle chasse air station. i need to get out of civilization for a while.... post comment

[08 Nov 2001|08:24pm] yesterday in a characteristic bout of career indecision, i surfed the web looking at ph.d programs and fellowships focused on international development. i am a bit morose about my career choices right now. after 4 years of graduate school, what's a couple more ? a conversation with a prof the other night also provoked these thoughts. he is getting paid to travel to latin american and consult, something that sounds very enticing. i wish i was more decisive about my career, but at this time in our nation's history, with so many things uncertain, it does not seem that such a reaction is that unusual. post comment

[07 Nov 2001|11:40am] [ mood | calm ] It's hard to believe it's Wednesday already. The week has been moving surprisingly quickly since i returned from my weekend trip to DC. I had a really nice, relaxing, escapist weekend. I had not seen my friend for over a year. The weather there was surprisingly warm and pleasant. We shopped (sale at Urban Outfitters!), ate, visited museums (the Sackler gallery's new Asian art exhibit was especially cool), and my friend managed to convince to come Latin dancing. I have not really had the chance to learn to salsa, so I was stepping on some toes. Iwas schwilled from these lemony-sugary drinks my friend was ordering for us, and was very slowly beginning to get the basic salsa step down while feeling like an uncoordinated scarecrow in comparison to my friend, who has spent enough time in South America to get the steps down. The male to female ratio was certainly in our favor, and none of the guys really seemed to mind my ineptitude . I met this absolutely delectable Brazilian guy and returned to find that he had emailed me ..... hmmm It was really refreshing to get out of town for the weekend and catch up with a good friend who I am unfortunately unable to see very often. Once I returned I found myself with a new sense of mental fortitude, and felt much more capable of dealing with the pressures and stresses of school, as well as the news that my aunt had passed on when I was out-of-town. Although I missed the service, and I would have liked to have been there, I did get to see her and told her I loved her last weekend. In the end I believe that affords me more peace of mind than going to the funeral would have. post comment

[31 Oct 2001|03:29pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | terrible Magic 103 emating from secretary's desk ] Well it's Halloween in New Orleans again, the holiday that has become my favorite over the past few years as I've become increasingly disgusted by the consumerist orgy of Christmas. My friends and I are getting in costume and going downtown, a ritual that is one of my favorite NOLA events. I'm going to try and keep the partying under control, as tomorrow morning I am getting up early to catch my flight to DC to hang out with a friend I haven't seen in too long... I wish I could be more excited about both events but I have been feeling pretty discouraged and bummed over the past few days. All the work I have been putting in over the past nearly two-and-a-half years does not seem to be yielding the employer response that I would have thought. I am still limping along in the all-important process of finding a job for the summer. I know the economy is weak, and many colleagues aren't finding jobs either, but I felt that I would at least have some strong leads by now. The thought of continuing the process, sending out ever more resumes and cover letters, is just so unappealing... fuck maybe I will just apply for more graduate school. At least financial concerns are not so disturbing as they could be, since my dad is committed to using some of the inheritance from my aunt to help me get situated after I am finished. But I am often questioning my academic choices and my previous job choices, and berating myself for having made things more difficult. I also hate feeling envious or jealous but I think occasionally about my roommate, who was just offered a job and is now set for the summer and probably after graduation as well. She can coast a little now, going out with her boyfriend and spending ample time relaxing, while I am grinding away in my office or in the library despite the fact that our grades aren't different... I just wish sometimes that I had no ambition and could be satisfied hanging out a shingle and practicing mickey-mouse law, or working here in La. I know that I will ultimately fulfilled if I am stimulated and working in my area of interest, and NOLA just doesn't offer the opportunity to achieve those goals. 2 comments|post comment

[24 Oct 2001|03:41pm] [ mood | working ] [ music | kool keith - supergalactic lover ] My legs are hairy and I just don't care. I have so much shit to do that personal hygiene has become less of a priority...well not THAT much less. Someone I would not have expected to have called to wish me good luck pre-job interview (GPRB, or "gratuitous physical relationship boy") actually did. I was pleasantly surprised. Nice surprises are so rare these days. Talked to my dad today and was received a pleasant and uanticipated surprise once again. he is being very supportive of my career decisions, even though they may end up taking me further away that he expected. post comment

[23 Oct 2001|02:20pm] I was a bit too harsh on the aforementioned bf in the previous entry. It isn't very nice of me and since I have not exactly been upfront with him in certain respects it's pretty lame of me to use such descriptive and insulting phrases. Although verbal dramatics can be fun (and as I have written before, I have been lacking fun and excitement for some time), they are by no means an emotionally sound method of dealing with personal differences. Ugh that was some unanticipated psychobabbling, I apologize... Anyway, I think it should be entirely possible to remain friends in the future. I've tried to remain friends after failed relationships and it has rarely if ever worked out. Of course pretty much all of my exes live elsewhere now. But I think it may be possible with this guy. I'm going to go exercise and try to relieve some anxiety.... post comment

[22 Oct 2001|04:05pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | ambient drum and bass on Shoutcast ] Back to school after a whole day hard at work on various shit including the project from hell. I was so tempted to stick in one of the movies my roommate rented over the weekend, but I forced myself to return to the campus office where my only distraction is the internet. I need to prepare myself for a job interview on Wednesday. I am becoming anxious about it. I think the best way to deal will be to prepare myself for the questions and think through responses. It is a phone interview (CA firm) and I have never done one before. According to the recruiter I spoke with, there will be several people on conference . Therefore I won't be able to determine exactly who I am responding to or make a personal connection. I really hope it goes well because the hiring situation is very unpromising right now. I hate New Orleans weather right now. Just two days ago, it was pleasant during the day and wonderfully nippy at night. Now it is muggy again and I had to put away my new leather jacket. I wish I had more time to work out. I feel so much better mentally and emotionally when I do, but lately I've only been able to go three times a week. A male friend has been calling a lot lately. He is an absolutely terrific guy, and I want to continue to hang out as friends, so I certainly hope he takes the hint. At this point in the semester I really do not need any drama. Even though I am happy it's over w/ J I still get sort of mentally stuck on it at times. It's best for me to avoid any potential entanglements right now... post comment

[21 Oct 2001|10:59am] [ mood | satisfied ] I've been in a unexpectledly good mood lately. I broke up with the guy I had been seeing , following a rather anticlimatic series of events. I just came to my senses and realized he was generally an unctuous, insincere bore. An accumulation of various conversations and events lead to that conclusion. We were just way too incompatible, and our incompatibility was becoming too obvious to ignore . Personal differences can be rather exciting at times, and drama can even become an appreciated addition to one's life when the library-study-paper editing grad school routine starts to get extremely tiresome. Sticking with an increasingly shaky relationship (complete with increasingly mediocre sex) can seem preferable to admitting defeat and moving on when you have so little time to socialize and meet people... having the distraction was fun for a while... I'm find with the situation as it stands. We were never that exclusive, both of us had been okay with the other sleeping with other people, but were kind of attached I guess. Now I am entirely happy with my current booty-only arrangement. :) It's far more satisfying than the previous situation... Now I am getting to work after a fun time last night. My friend had a small party at his house and the people there (mostly grad students) were very interesting and cool. the weekend will be counted a success once I finish with my work post comment

[14 Oct 2001|01:21pm] Back in the office and determined to get some work done this afternoon before my roommates and I begin the bi-weekly stoned cleaning spree and TV fest. Fuck Sunday night football preempting the Simpsons. When I have as little social life as I am having lately, watching the Simpsons truly becomes a highlight of my week. On Friday I saw the Burning Sensation documentary about the Burning Man Festival. The film showed scenes from last year's festival along with commentary from the founders. The idea of being able to dress (or undress) and act in utter nonconformance with accepted social standards is especially appealing when you are on the verge of becoming a 'professional.' post comment

[12 Oct 2001|12:32pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | ernie k-doe on the radio ] Thanks to the mounting piles of school shiznit (papers, articles to edit, reading, and the drawn out nightmare that is my job hunt), I am going to be a diligent student and not attend Fat Black Pussy Cat this weekend...*sigh* I REALLY wanted to go, but I doubt I would have truly been able to enjoy myself with so much stress happening in my life right now. Plus I would have wanted to get home earlier than my friends would, and getting my inevitably drunken ass home from the municipal auditorium would pose an issue. J. couldn't go either due to all the work he has to do for his classes... Hopefully things will sort themselves out before VSSFOS/Halloween festivities... post comment

rest in peace Molly [09 Oct 2001|05:49pm] [ mood | morbid ] My family's dog Molly, a member of our family for nearly ten years, was hit by a car and killed today after she got out of the yard. I saw her just Sunday night. She always recognized me and was so sweet even though we rarely saw each other anymore after I moved to N.O. I cherish the last couple hours we spent together the other day, as she sat on my lap and I scratched her ears, lifting my spirits as I watched the madness unfold on the network news. She was such a sweet little dog, energetic and quirky. I didn't like small dogs very much before we got her, but that quickly changed. My mom and stepfather just loved her, and I know she meant even more to them once we kids left the house. Strangely, my dad and I got into a conversation about our past family dogs the same day I hung out with Molly, mostly about how my first dog was also hit by a car. Earlier today, in class, I was musing about my aunt's 4 cats and the fact that I will probably be charged with finding homes for them after she passes away from cancer. I suppose I could keep one or two. So much sadness and gloom occupies my thoughts today. I'm going to go to bed early tonight and wake up in hope that things look brighter in the morning light. 1 comment|post comment

[05 Oct 2001|02:02pm] Oct. 5, 2001 | ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- Albuquerque police have taken doughnut runs to new heights, swooping down in an official helicopter for a late-night snack. "I don't know how they decided that was a good idea," said Lt. Bob Huntsman, department spokesman. Huntsman said the department is investigating. "If they violated policy or procedure, they're going to get disciplined for it," he said. "We've worked too hard to make this a professional unit to let lack of common sense tear us down." Keith Turner, who works near a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop, said he was on a break with other people early Thursday when a police helicopter circled and landed in a dirt field nearby. "I was like, `No, they'd better not go and get doughnuts,"' Turner said. As the helicopter idled, someone got out and went into the store, returning 10 or 15 minutes later with a Krispy Kreme box, he said. The chopper gave what Turner presumed was a goodbye toot on its police siren as it took off, he said. Huntsman confirmed it happened but said he had not yet spoken to those aboard. He said it appeared the two officers were near the end of their shift and probably were flying back to a hangar on the same side of town. 1 comment|post comment

[05 Oct 2001|01:47pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | deep dish - yoshiesque ] I finally made definite plans to go visit one of my bestest friends from Tulane, who goes to law school in Pennsylvania, the intrepid world traveller and future immigration lawyer extraordinaire. We are going to spend the first weekend of November kicking it in DC. I am hoping it will snow. We have not seen each other since she came to visit me in August 2000. I hate going such a long time between visits with my friends. But such is life when you're broke, in grad school, and spread out all over the country. Now I have something to look forward to during the next hellish month. I discoved this afternoon that while the day's first dosage of Tavist gives you a truckers'-speed like buzz, the second dosage has a sedative effect...weird. I feel very drowsy now, and I plan on taking a nice snooze before going out with J. later on tonight. My irritating arrogant colleague has been stealing pens out of my desk. He uses mine because I am the only one with a computer w/ a CDR. He's also been downloading horrible music (including Christian rock and Guns n' Roses) on to my hard drive. Is there any question as to why I want to work for myself someday ? post comment

[04 Oct 2001|01:40pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | news on NPR ] My post-weekend rundown state morphed into a full-blow sinus infection. I should have expected it - I get raging sinus problems twice a year, when the weather goes from warm to cool and vice versa. I know that I need rest in order to get better but I am so overwhelmed with work since I have to go out of town this weekend to visit my aunt. She has been in and out of the hospital and suffering through chemo. My dad is of the opinion that she is not long for this world. I feel so numb about the whole situation. I just don't know how to feel, or perhaps I am repressing my emotions. I have never dealt with the impending death of a family member. We don't know how long she has left, but now that the cancer has spread to her lungs, liver, and bones it is unlikely that she will be around more than 6 months. My dad needs support as well, as he is putting aside his expatriatriation/career-change aspirations in order to help her live independently as long as she can. She does not really have anyone else to rely on, and even though their relationship is still troubled, I know she is grateful that he is by her side through this. post comment

[01 Oct 2001|02:50pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | annoying offkey singing by my officemate ] I'm feeling kind of cranky and I have a slight sore throat today - I almost always feel a little run-down for a couple of days post-rolling . This past weekend, I went to a State Palace rave with my brother, my roommate, and his girlfriend. Neither my brother nor Mark's gf had been to a Palace party before, and they both enjoyed themselves. We had each taken our first pill in my friend G.'s car on the way downtown, and then it struck me that I had stupidly left my ticket at home - d'oh! I have been so fucking absentminded whenever I smoke chronic lately (& my roommate's shit was the dankiest of the dank). I apologized profusely to G. and everyone else riding with us, but still felt really lame for having delayed our arrival. After we had turned around, drove back uptown, and headed back towards the legendary SPT, we began to feel the igloos kicking in and. after passing through the security checkpoints (at which I nearly had an OB tampon confiscated from my bag !), we ran in to witness Stryfe's set. My 22-year-old brother, who had never been to a big rave before, was in awe of the scene that awaited us in the main room. It's good that he is getting a chance to experience it now, as he will soon be entering the military and won't be able to partake of any non-alcoholic substances. The rest of the night was enjoyable, despite my disappointment at Seb Fontaine's abscence. With a couple of months of academic hell awaiting me before the end of the semester, I don't have many nights out, and so I make the most of each of them. I felt that the crowd at the Palace was exceptionally mature and responsible , which I suppose can be attributed to the new age minimum. While rolling, I bought a I Heart NY teeshirt and put it on over my tank top, and during the rest of the night people complimented my choice of logos. My weekend otherwise was pretty chilled. J. seems to be confiding in me a lot lately, and we feel really comfortable together. He has been dealing with the backlash from the crisis, dirty looks and coolness from coworkers. Which is disturbing because, compared to other workplaces in N.O., the atmosphere at his company is pretty open and diverse. Also, he thinks that his boss just doesn't like him because he is assertive and doesn't bullshit about problems, and they have come into conflict before. But ever since Sept 11, he had apparently given J. increasingly icy treatment. It's hard to believe we have been hanging out for nearly three months. I think I am over my trend of avoiding relationships because of school. With him, since of us are very busy, neither is putting more demands on the other as far as time commitment. 1 comment|post comment

career anxiety [24 Sep 2001|07:51pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | kruder and dorfmeister - K&D; Sessions ] It's 8:30 P.M and I need to do work for a while, but I have been up since 7, rollerbladed for about an hour, and drank two glasses of wine at a recruiting reception for a law firm that I am not really interested in working for anyway. Sleep is sounding good, but I know how guilty I will feel if I don't spend another hour or so being productive. I feel like I can justify my weekend hedonism if I work 55 hour weeks. I am getting bummed out about my job search. You'd think I would have the credentials to get at least an interview but all I have so far is rejection letters. I dread opening the mailbox each afternoon - sometimes I think that I made a real mistake with my choice of location and schools. My life would be much easier if I was satisfied with the thought of staying in New Orleans and working for one of the good old boy firms. I can't get excited with the thought of interviewing with a firm that asks you where you went to high school. Such is the level of professionalism in this city. When I think of my career, my love/hate relationship with New Orleans definitely tips away from N.O. Other than my job anxiety, things are going okay. I am still managing some time for recreation and relaxation, trying to maintain some connection to my down-to-earth and unpretentious friends. All I really want is to find a workable balance of work and quality of life, which these days seems ever more difficult to achieve..... post comment

[13 Sep 2001|12:54pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | burt bacharach - 'what the world needs now' ] two days later, horror and disbelief has given way to an unbearable sadness over the fate of humanity. last night i sat in front of the news, numbing myself with Klonopin and a couple of Coronas, watching the nightmare and the aftermath....I finally turned it off and talked to J. It's certainly not a good time to be an Arab-American. Ignorant people are giving him the evil eye. He is fortunate to work at a place where most people are at least nominally educated and respectful. Most Americans have no idea of the complexity of Mideastern politics, and they simply see someone who appears to be of a certain ethnicity and seek to place blame. It's a sad but expected reaction, but J. wants to keep sort of a low profile over the weekend just to avoid problems... Well it's off to class...I am glad that the normal routine has been restored to some extent.... post comment

[09 Sep 2001|09:57am] ps- that fox does not appear to be working to me. he is chilling with the new york times sunday edition, and i wish i could just lounge on my balcony with the paper and coffee...instead i'm reading boring corporations statutes... :sigh: post comment

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