Eyez Of Delirium's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Eyez Of Delirium

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website [19 Feb 2002|09:01pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]
[ music | vnv nation ]

arghh... my website is dead!

no more virtue.nu...

It's a bitch getting my files as is. i guess this is no more about me. i just do not have time to make a website! now i got to find elsewhere to upload my shit... sigh...

shadows in silence

fly with me.... like the river... [13 Feb 2002|09:28pm]
[ music | enigma ]

To sum up all things, i have spent my days with my friends Mei Mei and Zoe. My friend Katrina came down to visit from Las Vegas... We caught up, and went out to eat sushi.
I bought lots of stuff and spoiled myself to the rotten core. Most of my time is sepnt sleeping and working my butt off. In fact, i just got back from work and i'm tired... I need a massage! My feet and lower back are killing me! What a way to go! I get to complain on here and not care about what others think... Anyhoot... Valentines is tommorrow and i'm working. Bleh. Might as well, i don't care much this year for much mushy stuff. I've learned not to be so sensitive over issues like i use too. I'm intropective, so i think i will always remain that way.
I made some new graphics and made them into my icons for lj... so yeah well.. la la lu



1 shadow| shadows in silence

skin craving... [06 Feb 2002|09:29pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | bel canto ]

Finally, after awhile i have a bit of time to write. I'm not much of a big talker anymore on this live journal thing or for that matter anymore.
I've worked alot lately and when i have free time i am out doing this and that. So not much of my free time is alone. I need to find complete alone time soon. Maybe to think about what i want. I feel like i haven't thought out carefully about anything lately. I just go, do, wake and sleep. I found out i'm not much of a party animal! I don't like the process of wake up, leave, party, spend money, drink, than come home crash and leave again the next morning. I just can't do it... It's almost like there is no process in brain fuction! I'm a slow mover, like the goat i am, i just like to move carefully, and thoughfully to the top of anything. I guess thats just the way i am. A loner. And pround of it!

The rumor has it...

"This is the morning
when our feelings rise together with the sun
These are the feelings that are yet to be awoken
How many wishes fade to nothing
once they face reality?
How many wishes turn to grief?
How many wishes going on and on..."

3 shadows| shadows in silence

i can't believe, i saw the signs.... [29 Jan 2002|05:38pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | wolfsheim ]

I think i am going to sum this entry up nice and simple this time rather than spit out babble here and there... like i always do... or i'll just keep all that business inside rather than on here, but not this time i suppose...

Friday, i was well rested to go out of town for the night with my friend Mei Mei, to Release The Bats with her touchy friend. I never liked that club really, only being there for now the second time, and it wasn't worth going all that badly, but she planned an outing all week with me so i went! I ran into some familiar faces, but not as many as i thought i would encounter. Stayed a bit, mingled, jiggled and pouted than went to Denny's....bleh... afterwords flew home and crashed on my bed. Mei spent the night and we went out for breakfast on...

Saturday, was a blah morning, stuffed my face, when Mei treated me out to breakfast, and afterwards she couldn't hangout for much longer because she had work that afternoon. So i went home, called a few friends, i could NEVER get a hold of!$#$@! And spent the rest of my night with my Ex, we drove down to Melrose as he tagged along with me on my shopping spree, i had to spoil myself since it was my birthday recently and got muhself alot of yummy junk! Went out to eat and headed home and we watched The Goonies. Though my ex never hushes about our relationship and the continuation of it, ive made a complete decision that i wouldn't ever in this lifetime be with him, just because.... well, thats a million years of lies and heartbreak along with useless words right there so i'll save you the trouble!
Moving on...

I don't think my mind is anywhere on any stable relationship because i am convinced there is NONE! Friendship as well as Lovers! I don't believe it exist, ive tryed and it still doesn't do shit for me... I am more complete with myself and satisfied just being who i am rather than have someone make me whole.
I rather live out my fantasies in my head anyways, its so much more pleasant don't you think!?
Besides, my mind is on my future, life in general... survival.
I am the only one that can change anything and the only one that i can really count on, because in the end all you got is yourself and NO ONE is going to be there for you unless they want something in return! So i have learned!

Sunday, worked my ass off until i came home and slept til the next morning, with a sigh of relief because it was my dayoff..... so on.... etc .... my life moves on....

shadows in silence

squirt [24 Jan 2002|09:23pm]
[ mood | dirty ]
[ music | gary numan ]

quish, quish, quish - yummy, yummy gummy worms - sour yummy!!!!! :)

I just woke up! Sleep is nice, especially if you got back from work for 8 hours, with no hour lunch, and on your feet all day! Besides, i like spending my alone time listening to music, i haven't done this to much lately and its much nicer than i imagined. I was always more of the loner type anyhow.
God, don't you hate it when you burn your tongue, its was there all day with this dry sore, uggg, The fact that you can hardly taste much period just hurts in itself! Bah!
Yummy, yummy, gummy bears hurties! Ouchy some! poo!

2 shadows| shadows in silence

sickly sweet [20 Jan 2002|08:44pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | bella sonus ]

Oh my!... i am so sick, "it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want too".
Chest pains and all, i bought a 10 dollar bottle of Robitussin_DM so it should clear away some mess, but its my chest that hurts like a mother fucker!
I feel so weak. Why is this happening to me? I'm a wreck.... 3 more weeks of this and i'm really going to shoot myself!
I've worked so much recently and all this personal interest by others is not what i expected, i was hoping for another interest by someone else but NO! Along came a choo choo and knocked over my monkey... poor monkey. =(
Okay, so i am metaphorical today, eh... to bad.
I just hope this week turns out gewd for me, its all i need right now! Some decent and respectable presence of pleasant welcome and rest should be sufficient! yuppers!

shadows in silence

Which Goddess Are You? [19 Jan 2002|01:36pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | bella sonus ]

You scored 25% Aphrodite
If you are ruled mostly by Aphrodite, your femininity and passionate spirit are the controlling forces in your life. You tend to be charismatic and self-assured, comfortable with your body and unrestrained sexually. Men are drawn to you like bees to flowers, which satisfies your erotic nature. However, you tend not to form permanent attachments with lovers because you value your sexual freedom, which may leave you feeling lonely and even depleted once a relationship ends.


You scored 25% Athena
If you are ruled by Athena, you are bright-eyed, shrewd, resourceful and inventive. With friends, you are the wise counselor -- always ready with an empowering message. You are believe strongly that women can accomplish anything men can. No wonder you put so much time into your career. Athena women tend to be ruled by their head, not by their heart. You carefully guard your intimate side, protecting your emotions and vulnerability. If you want to awaken your unexpressed womanliness, you'll have to use the same passion you apply to your intellectual achievements. It's important that you work to integrate your strong masculine side with your feminine side -- bringing together your strength with your vulnerability, your creativity with caring, your intelligence with imagination. Otherwise, you risk coming off as unaffectionate and self-righteous.


http://quiz.ivillage.com/cgi-bin/relationships/tests/goddessfinal.cgi

1 shadow| shadows in silence

it didn't turn like the way i wanted it too..... [13 Jan 2002|10:17pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | nin ]

What a week, at least i kept myself buzy doing things but that never stops me from thinking about things.
I went to the Magic Castle with Mei last night, that was a very interesting place to go to. Even though i felt out of place, since i didn't know anyone she knew. It was still nice to go and get out of my house, knowing i'm doing something with my time.
I've been really sleepy lately, and its probably not helping my cold get any better, but worse... i'm hacking like there is no tomorrow! Sheit!
I'll probably hit the clubs again this week with everyone i haven't seen in awhile! I'm looking forward to it! I just spent all this money on cds as usual, oh well. I needed something to relax too.
I'm working 35 hours this week so i'll earn back all that money i spent this week anyways. I think i deserve the gifts i give myself this month, since i'm starting to save and thats a good start for me!

shadows in silence

testing 1 2 3 ... [07 Jan 2002|03:01pm]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | the sound of the throat burning ]

Well, i have been sick for the last few weeks, and now digesting the right amount of foods. Since i have been coughing, i had lost my appetite amoung little other things!
I have my day off today to recover and cleanup all this sickness around me so hopefully i won't be bord! I'm still coughing and feverish but its not as harsh but harsh enough to get rid of that junk thats living within my throat!
Its getting pretty lonesome coughing alone, feeling like the end of the world in a solid room, it gets pretty ugly in here!!!! Ug!
I suppose i can watch my new dvds, i got "Dancer and the Dark" and "House of Usher".
If not i will just be thinking and pouting like i always do when i'm by myself. Or i will be thinking of why i hate it when people confuse me. So when people confuse me, the only way is to test the results! So i tested it and i was right, no effort, no fight, no nothing. So the confusion was always confused and now it has ended, probably for the best or there would of been more confusion! i just don't get it? Ive always dealt with no communication. No emotional balance what is wrong with people. They just love playing games, i guess!? Is there no such thing as straight foward honestly!?
If thats the way it is than so be be it... i'm sick of fighting for what i want when no one wants me! fuck it!
My birthday is in 2 weeks and i'll probably be sitting here moaning and groaning or maybe something nice will happen! I'm not expecting much, just to get out of this house!
22 and i will be one year older and one year different from here on. So life better paint a pretty picture!

2 shadows| shadows in silence

wooo! [04 Jan 2002|08:11pm]
[ mood | content ]

Which David Bowie are you?





wooo - i just got some medicine... it better work dammit!
shadows in silence

cough cough [04 Jan 2002|07:43pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | mortiis ]

I feel like shit! I keep coughing a third lung or something. I can't even type because i'm coughing. I was up all night sneezing, aching, and blowing my freaken nose! I wish it would stop already, at least the coughing part. I can't move or do anything because i feel lazy from my cold. On top of that i feel ugly! Bord and non-existent. Am i invisible or something? I'm not dead you know, even though i feel like it sometimes!
I was suppose to work today but i called in sick... I had no choice i was dying or else i would of come in because the store is already having problems cus the new gurl quit and the hag at my work called in sick too even though she isn't! Ugg. People are so irresponsible! I better feel well enough tomorrow! I hope.

shadows in silence

the dancer in the dark [03 Jan 2002|12:26am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | bjork ]

I just got done watching The Dancer In The Dark with Bjork, it was so sad. Now i feel sad. So so so sad.. It was breath taking and beautiful! I liked it! But now i'm very sad because of it....

shadows in silence

okie doke i guess! [29 Dec 2001|01:47am]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | the cure ]






Which David Lynch character are you most like?

shadows in silence

oh boy! [28 Dec 2001|11:06pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | shakira ]




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz



yadda!
I suppose! it was better than what other people got like that smooching one all year long! eh .. maybe that would of been nice. oh wellies!
<-- thirsty
I wish someone would goddam come online and talk to my fucking ass! i'm bord and alone in this candle lite room... boo hooo
i'm a stupid couch potato! errr...
think think think! stooppp!
i'm trying to mess with a new design for my website, but i'm to lazy to make graphics! i will soon enough i guess! terrible!
oh fuckadoo! lol
I stayed out last night, filled my little soul with a drink and wiggled about, but i'm still stuck here and feeling the same way. When will it end. I hate this feeling.
and why does everyone call me young one! weird!
toodles!
shadows in silence

chinese horoscope [28 Dec 2001|12:16pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | depeche mode ]

GOAT

SUMMER is your season.
JULY is your month.

Personality :
An artist in your soul, you are gentle and peaceful, a fine aesthete who loves the touch of the noblest materials under his feet. Work bores you, and idleness you adore! Your ideal: to have someone take care of you. You dream of living under the protection of a prodigal patron who would let your creative talents bloom with no material constraints. You love working with your hands when it concerns art but hate anything to do with work associated with daily life around the house. You are looking for the right person to take care of you, make decisions for you, flatter you and take you to a silky, green field every day. The imaginary universe that you live in is very far from reality where "everything is but luxury, beauty, calm and voluptuousness..." When you come back to earth, you fall into a dark pessimism, are very stubborn, capricious and can pout. Your over-sensitivity is only matched by your sluggishness. When conflicts arise you take cover until the storm has passed; you never even think of ramming your adversary with your horns. You usually win your fights because your perseverance and your natural charm are endearing. Your fault: You are an easy mark for wolves.

Work :
You excel in creative, artistic fields and in anything to do with the theater or putting on a show. You have a purely conceptual mind that likes to be surrounded by realistic collaborators who will take care of the books and the commercial side of things because management isn't your field of predilection. You want neither power nor honors. You are at ease in the thick of things, far from the decision-makers. You work in a bubble with an excessive desire for perfection.

Money :
You will gladly spend the money of others! You know how to surround yourself with benefactors who believe in your talent and know how to show it. You don't run after money and are capable of paying four times too much for an object without batting an eye. You have holes in your pocket and you are terrible at managing your money. Who cares! You live in a universe where good taste rules, either because you have money or are resourceful. You could transform any stable into a palace from the Arabian Nights!

Love :
Anxious and dependent, you can't live without love. You need a companion that can protect you, is tender, and will shower you with attention. Fights at home and raised voices make you extremely anxious. An ideal love, you are faithful and happy in an atmosphere of calm and security. To seduce you, your partner must be romantic and gallant, and invite you out to cultural events. Above all, they should never give you an ultimatum or look as though they want to leave you. In this case, you will be the first to leave the prairie!

The Goat in the Year of the Snake: Patience and Expansion
The Goat can find challenge when operating under the Snake's influence. The demand to perform at top levels that the Goat places on themselves and others doesn't always suit a Snake year's atmosphere. Things will slow down to a moderate pace. With the casual tone of this Snake Year, any expectations the Goat places on others can lead to disappointment. Despite the tendency to be dedicated to making commitments, this year can see the Goat more relaxed. Expectations need to be realistic. A natural ability to make it through hard times will help to manage this area without too much trouble. Patience will truly be a virtue. Your love of helping others will suit this year's energy very well. The Year of the Snake naturally enhances a willingness to be there for those in need, especially an under-dog. You're more likely to be generous with your time than with your money, which can help you to continue with your financial goals. Making money regardless of the challenges and even adversities is one of the things a Snake does best. With this in mind, using your creative skills will be fruitful. It's important for you to put your natural talents to the task, as this is where your greatest strength lies. This is also a prime time to get serious about learning. You will see your ability to learn and study enhanced. Consider something that will help you realize your full creative potential. Most of all, dear Goat, enjoy the optimism this Year of the Snake brings. It can do a lot for your overall outlook on life and yourself.


My gawd, i say that was purty accurate, though i might not admit it entirely but that is scary! shucks, and i thought i had all the answers! !@#$%

shadows in silence

blah to the new years! no cheers here [26 Dec 2001|09:50pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | shakira ]

What is up with everyone packing these dayz? I want to go somewhere or get out of here! German, left to NYC already. I need a vacation! Hell. I really do need to break out and have some fun! Only a couple of problemz, not enough friendz, noone close i can cuddle with it seems these dayz and i got no money! arghhhh! Fuck!

Oh well, who cares! i don't feel like caring much anywayz because it just hurts!
I should of stuck to my plan with drinking all week so i wouldn't have to pout and think!
But i drank all of it, and i'm to lazy to walk somewhere to get alcohol.
Talking about walking, its not so bad if its a short distance but i'm realy starting to hate it. Yes here comes the bitching blah blah blah! I could get my ass a car, but i should really save enough money first before i do. But, hell i need out of this house!!!!! I hate being cooped up when i need out, i feel like i'm in jail!
Damn, this New Years is slowly starting to look like a dreadful one with the way i'm going about it! alone on New Years, alone on my Birthday probably, alone on Valentines.. Oh i can see it now.. it will be lonley!

All, i can think about is spending money besides all that non positive junk i just shared! I really want to get me some new hip scarves! I got 2 already but i saw some i really really want to buy... when i get enough money that is!


I might get it in black or just maybe add some color
into my life for once, other than black black black!


Heres another one i really want! Boo Hoo!

Ok, overall, i feel like crap. I'd thought i'd share that with everyone. It's getting really rare now a days when i open up so this might be the last time i really do again! So feel honored or something i guess!

shadows in silence

drunknesss [24 Dec 2001|10:09pm]
[ mood | drunk ]
[ music | bis ]

A;right so i am don't know what im sayin.
just got back from my friends house and drank some jack ansd punch1 oh i think coke and rum tooos' that mwe got from VBons!
she was messin with her and i was lonely oh well now i am so drunk i can;t speak right .. so this might be embarassinf og fucking well.. hH~
im thinkin of things and its makin me thinkless~ oh ok
i mean just alone and stuff.
sniff...
what do i do now no one online and its new years everrr! oops i mean xmas ever ehhhhhh.
sheeeittt - im so out of ittt! lol
" i know what you afraid of, are you scared i'd make you nervous..."
ohhhhh. damn!
okay im glad i am so out of it on this xmas ever i mean if i wenrt i'd be i dunno but i rahter be here than there, but im still lonely. sigh....
i can'tr even move out of this charir ir whatever u want to call it lol...
fyuck. i can't type my fingers are loose...
sniff...
what do i dooo?
i dunno anymore.
maybe i should sto tping i might say somehting i regrewt... opps/
fuck.
im egar!
eh.. booh oooo....

shadows in silence

woooweeee [23 Dec 2001|10:09pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | kate bush ]

Wow, i haven't updated in ages on what my plans are going to be in the longest time. Well, today is a new start. I don't work as much this week as i'd like too, which sucks because i need the money. I got four days off, hopefully i'll have stuff to do to occupy my empty time. First, i'm working tommorrow and after i might go to my friends Nicole's house for Christmas Eve and dinner. And Tuesday i got off and i'm going straight to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, well it better be. I am in the mood for some good cheers! Iv'e dwelled for to long, perhaps a Mickey Mouse hug will help! I really want to see the Nightmare Before Christmas Haunted Mansion, it better be there!
The holidays can be dreadful so this week better be gewd for me or else i'm seriosly going to consider being a home body for a very long time! bah!

shadows in silence

more fuddy duddy stuff... [23 Dec 2001|12:45am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | enigma - the screen behide the mirror ]



Aw sheiit, we be playin again...
what can i say were fruity tooties!
i think we have to much fun together.
we're a riot in itself.
yeah, well have fun laughing at our asses.

shadows in silence

i am ... [22 Dec 2001|01:33pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | enigma ]

quiet - a bank of the peaceful river is full of flowers.

tempted - falling into the luminous light.

secretive - the most beautiful things are mysterious.

silent - silence must be heard, noise should be observed.

problem - a oppurtunity to show what one can do.

love - an enigma. a ocean of pain.

laughter - a fragile cry surrounded by uncontrollable madness.

dreams - illusions one trys to live.

desire - a hunger to seek knowledge of the unknown.

anger - a new frame of mind, a stange mind to find.

breakable - a broken angel, a shattared heart.

thoughtful - a mouth without words. a eye with wings.

"I am a thousand flowers, not one you know"

shadows in silence

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