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    Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
    rigel
         		2:15a
    The way things turn out . . .
    Today didn't turn out quite as I expected. I didn't do my physical therapy as I wanted to, and I forgot to take my vitamins.

    I started talking to Elfboy about things today, but just as I was getting a sense of what was going on, AIM died. When I called a few minutes later, he mentioned that he was in the process of making dinner plans. Reluctantly, awkwardly, I mentioned that I wanted to continue the conversation some time in the near future. "Well," he replied, sounding disinterested, "I'll be on AIM later if it gets going. You can talk to me there." He logged in thirteen minutes ago. He's been idle for thirteen minutes. His idle message says, "Sleep is for the week!"

    I was supposed to speak with Frood tonight. He never called or e-mailed. All the more reason to have decided what I have.

    I did receive an e-mail from Agent today, though. Short, casual. I should respond to it soon. Probably tomorrow.

    Tonight, I should call the interview for tomorrow and postpone. This will be the last thing I postpone this week.


    I'm watching Lain right now. It is completely fucking with my head, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. It's contemplative and murky, disturbing and dark. I think this was crickhollow's favorite anime, If it is, I could see why. It reminds me of him.

    Shows like this tilt my world 90 degrees. Everything's askew. I don't know who I am when I watch things like this.

    Current Mood: weird
    Current Music: TV - Lain
    trowa_barton
         		1:04a
    Could have. Would have. Should have. Oldest game in the book. It's late. Just want the day and the bitterness to be over.

    Current Mood: bitchy
    Current Music: "Desert Rose" by Sting
    iresprite
         		1:00a
    What an excellent evening.
    So after waking up around 12:30 or so, I played around on the computer a bit and looked around at job type stuff. Em, my friend whom I know through Vixen, had plans for hanging out with me today. So she calls around 1pm. We make plans to see the 4:45pm showing of the Time Machine. I make plans to leave the house around 3pm. I'm off the phone by 1:45 pm. In the shower by 2:30pm. On the road by 3:15. At her house at about 3:50.

    We see the movie after buying scrumptious fried dough, a soft pretzel, watermelon sour patch kids, and a large root beer with no ice to split between us. It was really quite economical. The movie was all right. I wouldn't say I was ambivalent about it; it just didn't do anything aside from effects that I would really see again. It was awfully short- at least, in my mind.

    Directly following, Em and I traveled to my house and determined what we would need for brownies. I begged a few bucks off the mom to go to the store for addit'l ingredients. Bought a $2.20 bottle of Kahlua! Made Kahlua brownies from scratch. Silliness ensued during the making- but I made them largely by myself, with Em's supervision. She's a good and subtle teacher. Watched 24 (when the satellite wasn't on the fritz from inclement weather). I think she enjoyed it. Whoo! Watched FoodTV and this incredibly arrogant chef dude who traveled the world and derided the sketchy conditions and lack of comforts.

    Drove the Em back home, had good hugs, came back home. Sigh. What a good night. She is one of the best huggers ever. It's so wonderful to have a friend around whom I can be physically and emotionally comfortable. She almost tickled me, too. Wow.

    Current Mood: content
    trowa_barton
         		12:23a
    make that four people.
    *sigh*
    Friend...the other F word.
    Tuesday, March 26th, 2002
    trowa_barton
         		8:09p
    Cleaning Up
    It took a burned mark on my desk where a candle exploded to make me realized how messed up things were in my life. My room is a mess. I've been slacking at work when a major deadline is near. My taxes and bills have yet to be paid. I still haven't finished setting up my campaign. And I have crushes on a couple of people that's pretty much going nowhere. On the latter point, I'm more angry at myself for doing absolutely nothing about it and let them slip away.
    So, what am I doing about it?
    Did my taxes early this morning. Been cleaning up my room a bit (too much clothes and a DVD player I haven't opened yet). I'm going to sit down and finish my campaign rules so that no more time is wasted. As for the women in my life, auror is right. I can't revolve my time and energy on two people who I have no chance of hooking up with. It's going to leave a bitter aftertaste, but it has to be done. I should have more fun with my life. After all, spring break at MIT is halfway over. Time may be eternal, but my patience isn't.

    Current Mood: determined
    Current Music: "Brian Wilson" by BNL
    rigel
         		7:38p
    AOL is the Devil!
    Aargh!

    So I finally start finding a way to broach with Elfboy what has gone on, and what could possibly be going on in the future, with us . . . when AIM dies! Grr! On top of it all, when I called him to let him know my AIM died, there was this sudden and strong awkwardness. He was in the process of planning to get dinner with someone.

    I'm hoping calling him didn't somehow make things problematic.

    Stupid AIM! Why do you hate me so?


    Oh well. I still have a conversation with Frood and possibly velvetwings to have. Can't build Rome in a day.

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: Some Sailor Moon song
    rigel
         		7:26p
    Congress
    It's disturbing to conduct an entire conversation about relationships and sex using the framework of congress because of the congress mechanic in a recent game.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: I'm Addicted to Stress - Jim's Big Ego
    rigel
         		6:24p
    *blinkblink*
    I've officially messed up my sleep schedule again. I tend to do this when I have long, necessary conversations with people or am elsewise getting to new people. The past two days have involved broaching a lot of difficult topics. I'm glad I've been doing them, but it still takes a lot of time.

    I've been postponing some of my appointments to a time when I'm a little less girlbodyish. I think I'll end up postponing my interview for tomorrow, too. I'd probably be less inclined to do that if I cared more about the interviews, but I don't. I know, it's sad. I am mostly interviewing at these other places to have fallback options.

    I think I've become somewhat addicted to Neopets. It's all shogunhb's fault. I've a peophin named Nereideneo that I really like. I don't understand the system all that well yet, but that's ok. I've been spending my time playing games to win points and buying fun stuff like books to make my peophin smarter. Must have a smart Pokem . . . er, Neopet! *chuckle*

    My schedule has changed some. If it stays the way I presently plan it, it will go as follows: Wednesday will be another day spent at home. Thursday will be a podiatry appointment and therapy. Friday is free, but I might be traveling back to Worcester then; it depends on ArcticElf's schedule, and if I'm going with him. Saturday will definitely be in Worcester, as there's the Vampire game. Sunday, I may go home with londo for Easter. Next week will have interviews that I didn't have this week, and maybe more. I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of that suit.

    So, yeah, stuff. My vegetable soup is ready, meaning I should sign off here. Many conversations to have. Many decisions to make. I don't like having to make decisions like these, but not making decisions is, in and of itself, making a decision. Lets see how it goes.

    Maybe I'll play some FFX this weekend as well.

    Current Mood: hungry
    Current Music: Oh L'amour - Erasure
    Monday, March 25th, 2002
    rigel
         		8:17p
    Hiding.
    I'm in an odd mood. There are people downstairs, and though I know all of them, I just have this strong desire to hide. Eep. Hide hide hide. So, I'll stay up here and take personality tests. Maybe I'll go downstairs when I'm feeling social.

    ( Things to do while hiding . . . )

    Current Mood: uncomfortable
    Current Music: Radio - 98.5 FM

    rigel
         		7:08p
    Heh.
    Jake the Rake amuses me.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Radio - 98.5 FM
    rigel
         		7:04p
    Blah.
    I haven't done anything of substance all day. Someone is sitting on the smaller couch, making it impossible to lie down, and sitting on the couch places my back in a position that makes my head hurt. So I'm back in my room.

    In a few minutes, the anime viewing will begin. I probably won't join them. I'm not in the mood to be crowded.

    Girlbody is messing with my head. I didn't wake up until 2:00 pm, and was in enough pain that I lay back down in order to quell it. I fell asleep again, waking up around 4:15 pm. By the time I was up and coherent, it was past 5:00 pm, too late to make the phone calls I wanted to make today. I'll have to call around tomorrow and see if I can reschedule things then. I'm also considering moving my physical therapy appointment to a week later, so that I can see my physical therapist with at least a consistant week of physical therapy under my belt.

    I spent most of today reading and responding to old entries in velvetwings' journal. I'm up to 2002. I want to invite her to one of the Boston Pagan Alliance meetings.

    I should consider ordering in or making something simple. I've had three pieces of cinnamon raisin bread today.

    Being overtired has inclined me to go to sleep again, but no no no. I should stay awake, so I can sleep tonight.


    I am a sloth.

    Current Mood: lethargic
    Current Music: Hey Baby - No Doubt (radio)
    iresprite
         		2:46p
    Going out to Braintree again to discuss issues with living with my parents. Mostly my issues. Apparently, that's more important than me having a meeting to talk about a small men's group bible study that is happening this quarter. Even though I wouldn't be moving in until about June or so. Maybe.

    I haven't had a day of rest in a while. I really have to get a spear and point it at people who want to drag me off to stuff. Had to reschedule the meeting till Wednesday lunch. Then Wednesday evening I go to my friends' house for Passover. That should be most excellent, and most relaxing. Still not the alone time I need, though.

    I'm definitely more myself around Dan and Viv. They've been my friends for five years and know how I can be when hypersocial as well as when I'm cool and just myself. I forget how she put it, but there was one time when Viv somehow pointed out that I didn't need to worry about being all overly social around them. It was when I was with a larger group, so it was coming out more.

    Anyway, last night, I was with a large group. AND dealing with a friends' parents. So I went into full suppressive fire mode and sought every opportunity to be funny. Oy.

    When I was in high school, I was on the bus and some girl was threatening to beat up one of my friends, and had already laid hands on her.I cracked a couple of jokes, and the girl relaxed and laughed, and let my friend go. Situation defused. I guess my reaction comes from that, or is at least heavily influenced by that.

    I'm not always an ass. Really!
    trowa_barton
         		11:02a
    Oscar Jip
    Having seen the movie twice, I was slightly biased about "Lord of the Rings" possibility winning serious Oscars (like in the acting category). Ian McKellan got jipped!!!!! Peter Jackson lost to Opie! Halle Berry won for boinking a white man. At least Denzel's win made some sense.

    Current Mood: surprised
    Current Music: "Blinded Me With Science"
    trowa_barton
         		10:55a
    Chaos Theory
    As I look at my office cubicle, all I see is one big mess. It's only slightly neater than my room at home (or Cabal). Just realized how chaotic my home life, work life, social life, mentality and body really are. Everything needs a fine tune-up. Otherwise, I might crash and burn. Speaking of which, I should finish cleaning my room after the candle accident. There's now a slight burn mark on my computer table. Talk about leaving a mark.

    Current Mood: embarrassed
    Current Music: "Going Through the Motions"
    laura47
         		5:27a
    mere words can not express how much laundry i did over the last three days.

    unfathomable.
    trowa_barton
         		3:44a
    Bad Boom
    Just had a candle explode near my face. Apparently, the glass jar that it came in did not hold well and shattered. Didn't get burned, but it was too close. Just got lucky that the wooden computer table didn't catch on fire. As if going to sleep was hard enough. What a mess.

    Current Mood: shocked
    Current Music: "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel
    Sunday, March 24th, 2002
    rigel
         		11:34p
    The Comforts of Home
    I'm back from Gaming Weekend. As indicated in my previous posts, I had a good time. There's lots to talk about, likely too much to wrap my mind around at the moment. More when I can boil it down.

    There were games. Games were good. I like Hacker, despite not being able to keep up with it easily, and enjoy it when it's played with roleplay. Apples to Apples is lots of fun. The RPGs I was in were also neat: a Freak Legion one-shot that was lots of fun despite being quite militant at times, and an Aberrant one-shot run by londo, where I got to play a hormonal teenage boy. There might be more, but I forget.

    I did much more work on my WPI Changeling LARP this weekend than I expected to. Yay!

    Elfboy was there. It was good to see him again. When I see him, I am reminded of how much I miss him. I should really try to keep in touch with him more, but I'm not as good about it as I should be, and I fear that even if I was we wouldn't keep up with one another. I still feel a strong bond with him that I'm unable to faithfully describe. I also like holding hands with him. His hands are nearly the same size as mine, warm with slender fingers. They interlock well.

    I met velvetwings this weekend, Londo's good friend and ex. I think we have the capability to get on very well, but would like to spend more time with her to be sure. On the surface, there are a lot of similarities between us, and I wonder how much that would remain true as I got to know her. Still, it was fun to cuddle and skritch a spiffy girl while we purred in stereo. She can be quite magnetic when she wants to. Three cheers for long-haired elves!

    There was some low-level amount of weirdness laced through my weekend at various angles, but I'm too tired to comment coherently on that right now.

    Overall, it's been a great weekend. But I'm glad to be home, on "my couch," typing away while I listen to anime music with bester and Tenchi.

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: The final song from Adolescence of Utena
    rigel
         		5:18a
    Oof.
    Late Saturday night, and my stomach is acting up. Oof. Looks like girlbody stuff might be starting up real soon now.

    I stayed up late last night, playing in a Freak Legion game run by the WPI Vampire LARP GM, and an Aberrant game run by londo. Though Londo's game ran at too late o'lock, it was still lots of fun. I don't think Londo and I passed out until about 10:30 am.

    Today's been fun. There have been a number of people here who I didn't expect to see. And I've found someone to play one of my NPCs for my Changeling LARP, and pretty much written four PCs and one NPC for the game! More and more people are expressing interest. Joy.

    I also did some downtime actions with qedrakmar. This was around 2:00 am. We got so silly at certain points that I was curled up on the floor, laughing so hard that I was crying. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

    Elfboy's here. It's cool to see him. We don't spend enough time hanging out. I never quite know how to be around him, though. I can't tell how comfortable he is with attention / affection from me, and that always makes me wary.

    Londo's been asleep for a good while. He was just beat, and has to be up at . . . dear lord, in 45 minutes! I didn't realize it was past 5:00 am.

    I'm getting to know the Vampire LARP GM better. I should come up with a pseudonym for him.

    So, yeah. Stuff. It's late, and I've been productive, and had fun, and yeah. Good things.

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Never Change - Puddle of Mudd
    rigel
         		11:04a
    You know you're a roleplayer . . .
    . . . when you enjoy RPing your hacker persona in the card game Hackers than the game itself . . .

    . . . when you win.[1]

    [1] - Admittedly, this was by accident because londo forgot that Pentagon was a hub, but still! It was my first game of Hackers!

    Current Mood: geeky
    Current Music: Dead - They Might Be Giants
    laura47
         		5:07a


    you're a suicidal nurse. take the quiz here.






    Take the What
    animal best portrays your sexual appetite??     Quiz

    laura47
         		4:18a
    why does he pay so much more attention to me and seem so much more 'into' me for some definition of into over zephyr then he does in person anymore?
    laura47
         		3:35a
    It has to be done
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    Current Mood: monkey
    Current Music: monkey
    laura47
         		1:48a
    happyhappyjoyjoy
    http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200205/0743435338.htm?blurb

    NEW LOIS MCMASTER BUJOLD BOOK

    IN MAY

    NOT IN NOVEMBER

    IN MAY

    WITH MILES.

    *dies of joy*

    sample chapters available online

    *redies*
    Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
    laura47
         		11:45p
    don't mind me
    dude, the song playing when i wrote that post was someday we'll be together and the picture i used was from utena and dude. yup.
    laura47
         		6:47p
    Toad-sexing
    i am SO excited about operation toad-sexing. melissa will be so surprised and enjoy it so much, i can't wait! i haven't told her what it is because i don't want to dissapoint her if it falls through, but at this point it would be pretty dsamn hard for it to fail. the only way it could fail would be by extreme incompetence on my part and not packing the right things.

    Current Music: someday we'll be together
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