Thursday, March 21st, 2002

Subject: so yeah.. changes, kid.. changes is what makes this world go 'round. Time: 2:46 am. Mood: awake. Music: atmosphere - nothing but sunshine.

so yeah.. ages since i've updated it. yeah.. i've been busy doing things. many a changes in the world of chris.. where should i start? so yeah.. i am moving to california with my buddy, matt, in may.. yeah.. dunno how long i am going to be out there.. whether it be permanently & such.. who knows.. onto other things, i lost my driver's license. yeah yeah.. well.. me be the smart lad i am.. i drove around without a license.. and guess what? i got pulled over.. and got a ticket for $130.. yeah.. quite harsh.. but hey.. it's my fault.. and now my parents tell me i have to sell my car and leave it out by them (cuz my car insurance will be crazy according to them). yeah.. craziness... so yeah.. since i currently don't have a car.. i had to quit my current job.. yeah.. so currently i am unemployed. and yeah.. all the bills just came up & such. fuckin' a.. hrm.. yeah.. today is my birthday.. yay 20.. what the fuck i am getting enthused about? i am only 20.. not 21 or anything.. but yeah.. so.. i was suppose to have this party on the 1st to celebrate my birthday party.. well no one could make it.. i planned it out for a month.. and told everyone.. and yeah.. well. i know who my friends are. yeah. but whatever.. girls. hmmm. strangely.. i am not sweating about any right now.. none.. i have no money, time, or effort for a woman in life. oh yeah... l o r (look out roscoe), my band is now on "hiatus".. yeah.. fuck. ergh.. and now since i don't have a job.. i can't really help chipping in for the label.. and jason isn't too cheerful about that.. but yeah.. uhm.. but the last 3 days (1st-3rd) fuckin' rocked.. saw a concert everynight... Catch 22 was on friday.. i forgot how much fun ska is.. saturday was the benjamins last show ever.. attractive female twins rocked the house.. lpc sucked ass as usual.. paris , texas blew my mind, man.. just blew it.. benjamins were also really good. their cover of "my name is jonas" was pretty good. onto sunday night.. i saw atmosphere.. probably one of the greatest shows i've ever seen in my life.. slug was just so amazing on the mic.. it was just like.. a fuckin' musical orgasm for me. there's a new movement going on in my head, i realize where/what my life is currently going.. and how i need to change it.. and stuff.. nothing i can form into words currently.. but i know what's happening in my world.. now.. this is a fuckin' first. yeah... on my birthday.. i am realizing what's going down.. i am no longer missing my surroundings & staring at the stars. i got my eyes down on the plan, finally.

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Subject: doing silly little thing to get something off my mind. Time: 11:22 am. Mood: apathetic. Music: bjork - one day.

[[ Name ]] - Chris [[ Nicknames, including from family ]] - lok-dawg, christ, psycho, gus [[ Birthday ]] - march 5th [[ Age ]] - unknown. [[ Astrological sign? ]] - pisces [[ Chinese zodiac sign? ]] - huh? [[ Location ]] - Wisconsin [[ Sexual Preference ]] - straight [[ Marital Status ]] - Single [[ Current Haircolor ]] - brown but with red highlights. [[ Eyecolor... W/ & W/O contacts ]] - baby blue.. glasses, sucka [[ Parents still together? ]] - yes. [[ Siblings? ]] - 2 younger brothers [[ Pets? ]] - i live with 2 cats, but i hate them both. [[ In school/graduated? ]] - graduated [[ Rent, lease, or own your home? ]] - rent [[ What do you do for work? ]] - clean buses [[ How much do you make? ]] - $9 [[ What do you drive? ]] - Yes Preferences [[ Black and White/Color ]] - either [[ Black/White ]] - black [[ Red/Blue ]] - red. [[ Dogs/Cats ]] - cats. [[ Roses/Daisies ]] - either. [[ Beer/Liquor ]] - whatevr is put on the table. [[ Underwear/Thongs ]] - boxrs for me. [[ Hair: Short/Long ]] - short [[ Boots/Shoes ]] - shoes. [[ Food: Mexican/Italian ]] - italian. [[ Dark/Light ]] - Dark [[ Day/Night ]] - Night [[ City/Country ]] - City. [[ Sheets: Solid/Animal Prints ]] - solid. [[ Sub/Dom ]] - dom. Favorites [[ Color ]] - red [[ Animal ]] - bat [[ Vehicle ]] - el camino [[ Flower ]] - n/a [[ Beer ]] - any. [[ Liquor ]] - any. [[ Soda ]] - cherry coke. [[ Food ]] - uhm.. my mom's home made macaroni & cheese [[ Book ]] - siddhartha/catcher in the rye/a clockwork orange/confederacy of dunces [[ Author ]] - none really [[ Band ]] - weezer, slayer, death cab for cutie, dashboard confessional, tguk, the beatles, radiohead, foo fighters, gorillaz, modest mouse, bjork, dinosaur jr., the pixies, mayhem, selby tigers, anniversary, hey mercedes, violent femmes, mcd, uhm.. there's more.. just too lazy. [[ CD ]] - too many to tell. [[ Song ]] pink triangle - =w=, amputation - dcfc, reign in blood - slayer, ten minutes - tguk, human behaviour - bjork [[ Movie ]] - monty python, shaft, scarface, godfather, reservoir dogs, big lebowski, snatch, royal tenenbaums, & LOTR [[ Director ]] - stanley kubrick [[ Extracurricular Activity ]] - sleep. sit on here. practice with my band. drink. smoke up. do crazy shit. [[ Color your hair? ]] - sure [[ Have tattoos? ]] - too scared to. [[ Piercings? ]] - nope [[ Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? ]] - no Have you... [[ Stolen anything? ]] - yes [[ Smoke? ]] - yes. [[ Pot? ]] - yes. [[ Crack? ]] - plead the 5th [[ Drink? ]] - often enough [[ Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name? ]] fuck yeah. [[ Been so drunk you didn't care that you couldn't remember your name? ]] - fuck yeah. [[ Posed for nude pics? ]] - no. [[ Considered a life of crime? ]] - yes. [[ Considered being a hooker? ]] - no. [[ Maybe a pimp? ]] - hell yeah [[ Cheated on someone? ]] - nope [[ Been married? ]] - no. [[ Been divorced? ]] - no. [[ Are you psycho? ]] yes. [[ Split personalities? ]] - possibly. [[ Schizophrenic? ]] - possibly. [[ Obsessive? ]] - no. [[ Compulsive? ]] - no. [[ Obsessive Compulsive? ]] - no. [[ Panic? ]] - possibly. [[ Anxiety? ]] - possibly. [[ Depressed? ]] - most of the time. [[ Suicidal? ]] - possibly. [[ Homicidal? ]] - possibly. [[ Genocidal? ]] - fuck yeah. kill whitey! [[ Pedophile?]] - erm. [[ Obsessed with hate? ]] - use to be [[ Mutilate animals? ]] - use to. [[ Idolize infamous criminals? ]] - use to thank you ema for having something like this to get my mind off of this girl.. thank you. :P HAVE YOU EVER... *Kissed someone: yes. *Been in love: No. *Been so drunk you blacked out: no. *Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend: once again, same Q.. *Kept a secret from everyone: yes, *Set a body part on fire: my finger. *Had an imaginary friend: for a week. *Called or seen a psychic: no. *Ever cried at a chick flick: yes. *Had a crush on a teacher: yes. *Found a cartoon character attractive: yes. *Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block tape: no comment. *Watched Punky Brewster: no. *Prank called someone: yes. *Eaten a whole box of cookies and thought you were fat after: no. *Been on stage: yes. *Gotten in a car accident: yes. almost died. true story. DO YOU... *Wear eye shadow: yes. *Have a dog: yes. *Want a tattoo, and where: i wish. *Have any regrets: too many. *Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: NO. *Crush: Yes and no. *Do you have a best friend: yes. *Who do you go to for advice: someone who would know. *Who knows all your secrets?: myself. *Who do you cry with: my dogs. DO YOU BELIEVE IN... *God/Devil: sometimes. *Yourself: sometimes. *Your friends: yes. *Aliens: yes. *Love: yes. *The Closet Monster: no. *One person for everyone?: i hope thats true..

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Subject: he insists on breastfeeding your child - chris wylde Time: 1:39 am. Mood: awake. Music: wu tang clan - ain't nuthin ta fuck wif.

jolly merry ol' england, biatches. let's see. i sat around all day... i ate bugles & pot pie & drank orange soda. i am the laziest man alive. but......... friday made up for everything.. drinkapoolooza.. Matt & I went to a redneckish town called Fort Atkinson.. we went to a bar with one of his friends who was 21.. we drank ( i had about 3-4 beers).. got kicked out for being underage. we then proceeded to drive to a grocery store.. we got pulled over by a cop.. luckily Justin (guy who was 21) drove.. he sucked on some pennies.. the cop let us off.. and we headed to the grocery store and stopped back at his place..then one of the most beautiful girls i've ever seen came walking in.. her name was Melissa and she was Justin's room mate's ex.. we decided to go another bar.. we took her car.. she got really drunk.. i got pretty drunk.. i had to hold her up.. we had a fairly long conversation about life & such.. she then kissed me.. then we made out for a while.. i then sobered up so i could drive us home... we get back to Justin's place.. and she says, " i am going to sleep with *insert her ex's name*".. and i then proceeded to pout in the living room. that was my first kiss in about exactly a year and 1 month. sad.. isn't it? but at least i got to kiss a really beautiful girl take the "which country are you?" quiz here.  by littlelamb.

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Subject: crazies in my head. Time: 3:21 am. Mood: melancholy. Music: jawbreaker - ache.

take the which weezer member are you test! i don't believe that.. do i really demand that much attention? am i that bad as mikey? god.. *shudders* yeah.. right now.. i am not really stable.. and i have no reason to be like this.. ok.. me & Joshua the Fat, on the way home from bowling.. talked about how things are going in this house.. and why they are going as such. The current situation is that Joshua was suppose to get with this girl named Carrie.. She seemed interested in her.. They were trying to hook up, but for Joshua.. it's hard to open up. So.. after a while.. she gives up... and goes for our room mate, Noah (a self-proclaimed pretty boy asshole).. The night she tells Josh he no longer has a chance... she jumps on Noah and makes out with him.. he doesn't tell Josh.. Carried offered sex to Noah.. at first.. he said "no", because it would bring HIM troubles.. not even worrying about Josh.... now.. at this huge party we call NickFest (which is 45 minutes from our place).. Carrie again offers Noah sex.. this time he accepts.. Josh went over to his cousin's house (who's one of our room mates, Will) which was right next door to go to bed..Noah came back with Carrie.. fucked in the basement, while Josh was in the room right up above..AND Will walked in on them. So.. about 5 days later.. Noah tells Josh about this.. huge fuckin' deal.. Josh tells Noah it's him or her... Noah says he chooses Josh.. then 2 nights later.. the bitch is back.. and they spend the night in Noah's room.. Noah did this while Josh was visiting a friend up north. Josh finds out when he gets home.. since then Josh & Noah haven't talked... Josh isn't that mad at Noah for fucking the bitch.. He's more pissed about the lack of respect.. that Josh doesn't get close to people very easily.. and Josh trusted Noah.. that he would be a true friend.. and he started off ranting off the people that he can now trust... then I thought about people I could trust.. and there's just two people.. just two.. Matt & Brett.. and i dunno how much I can trust them.. currently.. i am thinking about just relocating somewhere.. starting over.. become a new chris.. or not even be chris.. who knows.. but right now.. where i am.. i don't know if i can live like this.. not being the person who i really am.. because I am scared of what people might think.. of how pathetically shy i am.. or how my life has no purpose.. or how i say i am so smart.. but if i was.. would i be doing this to myself? i mean.. yeah.. when people expect something out of me.. i usually fail.. because.. i know.. i know i could ever do something right. why don't i like myself? what is so wrong with me? why can't i lie to myself & think i am ok? why? the sad thing about this.. is that i am 100% sober typing this. pathetic, eh?

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Subject: holy fuck. Time: 1:02 am. Mood: apathetic. Music: clem snide - bread.

damn.. i haven't updated this in ages.. uhm.. let's see.. the newest things going on. my hair is currently extremely long (for me at least).. uhm.. i am living down in milwaukee... fun times.. yes.. so many stories to tell.. uhm.. the band is going ok.. we're working on our shit.. getting everything together & such. talking about the band, someone from my past signed the sleep away camp guestbook.. the original bassist for LOR (AND former best friend), John. yeah.. he did something not cool to me.. (like turning his back on me to be cool with his dirty redneck friends).... saying the one person who constantly hangs out with you.. forces his friends to get along with you.. tried starting a few musical projects with.. a guy who drives your car-less ass around.. after all that... call me a "fag" & "annoying motherfucker" in one of your "friends" yearbooks last year.. and then lie saying it wasn't you.. words hurt, but the lie hurt worst. so.. yes.. well.. i called john like 2 months later.. and he apoligized (seemed not sincere at all). but we tolerant of each other.. well. Willie (the original guitarist from LOR) asked John to play bass for us.. which is what i definitely did not want.. because i couldn't stand him.. and well.. when i found another bassist (wif jaysun's help).. i didn't even want to tell John he was out.. because i never wanted to talk to him again.. i thought "eye for an eye" was quite fair. but his redneck ass has re-appeared. uhm.. girls.. damn.. not worth it.. at least the ones i know... hmmm.. i wish i had more money.. maybe girls would like me. i wish i was skinny.. maybe girls would like me. i wish i was nice.. maybe girls would like me. i wish i was cute.. maybe girls would like me. i wish i was cool.. maybe girls would like me. ha.. patheticness at its greatness. hmm. yeah.. it's nice down here in milwaukee.. but for some reason i miss my brothers. i dunno what's going on in my head.. why is there this feeling of blandness? i wish i had the ability to care about things.. my friends.. my family.. my schooling.. my life.. i just currently don't care about much of anything. yeah.. well. i am think i am going to have a beer.

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Subject: ch-ch-changes Time: 3:01 am. Mood: indifferent. Music: sounds of the mighty frankencomputer.

well..let's see.. to start off.. uhm.. i've moved out! just yesterday.. down to milwaukee with the friends.. i am now officially disowned by my parents.. uhm.. i fucked up at work last night also! i severely scratched a bus & I just might be losing my job.. bah.. so.. since i had off today.. i asked Josh (one of my room mates who is 21) to go by me some beer at like 11 am.. i woke up @ 10:30.. mmm.. great breakfast.. we went to a thrift store.. got some cool shirts.. got some tacos.. came home.. sat around.. played GTA3.. uhm.. i drank some more beer.. josh left for work.. jim (other room mate) woke up.. he drank beer.. i drank beer.. we sat around.. watched simpsons.. & some other horrible television shows. uhm.. noah (yet another room mate) got home.. we headed to watch Josh & Will (another room-mate)bowl.. Josh's kool-aid(his female interest) told him that they had a chance but he blew it.. he got really drunk.. i had to drive him home.. there's more to that story.. I just can't share it right now.. because if I do things will blow over. Oh yeah, tomorrow.. i shall become the european champion of the house.. Will is handing over the title cuz his girlfriend doesn't want him to fight me.. so i win by default. rock! right now.. strangely.. home is on my mind.. why did i move out really? i don't really have the money to.. and such.. I think I just needed to get out of there.. I was beginning to hate myself for being who I am.. and what I am doing with my life.. Maybe moving here will help me clear my head.. hopefully it does.. I miss my brothers.. i miss Eric & Phil.. hopefully both of them are ok. I also miss my Dad, which is weird cuz of how much we dislike each other most of the time.. and I feel nothing towards my mom. I miss my cats.. especially roscoe.. i dunno.. my head isn't really too clear right now.. i got to relax..

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Subject: life is changing, not time for rearranging Time: 10:22 am. Mood: giddy. Music: rilo kiley - science vs. romance.

so many changes are happening lately. well.. let's start off with my thanksgiving.. i spent it with my alcoholic racist family. fun fun. me & a cousin of mine (who i hated as a kid) decided to just leave and run to the gas station.. and chilled there for like 2 hours. got back, talked to most of my drunk aunts & uncles. got stuck between my two most annoying cousins. one who is 16 and acts like he's 8.. and the other is the cousin who's so successful, so nice, but so fucking fake. and ugh.. every year i question if she's a robot. well.. on the way home, i complained about how i had to sit next to thos two... and then the argument lead into what i am going to do with my life. well, i told them i wasn't sure & stuff. it got bigger & bigger of a fight. and at the end of it, i decided that i was moving down to milwaukee with the Farwell crew. they said it's cool.. so i am moving down there within the next 2-3 weeks. shall be some great times. uhm.. i am setting up a show in january with jason's band (SAND), erik's (burgundy), & andrea's (fed by fiction).. will definitely be an interesting show since they all sound very different. uhm.. i am missing small brown bike for SAND on the 14th.. poo! but alas, i must support my friends.. but SMALL BROWN BIKE! *pouts* uhm.. 5 days til weezer & the d!.. wooo hooo! i am fairly pumped up for it.. oh yeah..can't wait.. shall be a good show.. and i'll get to meet some people from the board. so interesting things happening in my life. very interesting.

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Subject: waited hours for this. Time: 9:21 am. Mood: groggy. Music: get up kids - close to me (cure cover).

yesterday, was quite a fun day.. theatre class pretty much blew.. but yes.. onto lunch.. lunch rocked cuz i had a grilled cheese & french fries.. and i sat by some of the coolest people.. jenni, such a funny girl.. she makes me laugh.. i shall be seeing her on her over-seas road-rules trip (inside joke).. ed, that crazy mofo.. you must be crazy to drink your own pee just so you can shroom again. and pyum (i know it's a huge spelling error probably) the drug-dealing (well, only to me), school oriented geek.. and i mean geek in a good way. uhm.. after that.. susan ( a fellow classmate and someone i work wif) said she was going to go & get her check from work and ask if i wanted to come along and pick up mine.. we hummed simon & garfunkel tunes.. we waited 25 mins for our check cuz of the new secretary.. ergh! hadda rush over to port to meet up wif jason so we could go to the show @ the globe. met up wif him.. listened to the new YOUR MOM cd.. gawd.. are me & matt & company a bunch of morons.. too much free time. ok.. onto important things.. we stopped at the Farwell House (aka 4 of my best friends' apartment).. sat there.. and chilled for like 40 mins or so.. kickin' the shit wif Will and Jim. Showed the pics of the halloween party...and josh put on those lil thingys they use in comics for the characters to speak.. you know what i am talking about? well.. the pic o me.. said "wanna go for a frolic in traffic?".. i laughed/cried @ the same time.. gawd-damn, am i stupid. then the random pics of people i didn't know trying to console me by hugging me.. it was fucked up. and i'm like asking "who was that?" and such questions. we then left..and went to the show that was like 2-3 blocks away. the attractive female twins opened up (the reason we went to the show).. just amazing.. i really dug'em.. they're like a mix of the rentals & the anniversary.. just amazing.. the next band, the dectectives reminded me a mix of neil young & ccr.. it was strange, but good.. next.. THE RESPONSE who were some pretty good emo-punk shiat.. perty damn good emo punk shiat. lastly.. this band, Sulu, who were very good, but had this generic feel to them.. but... also on another note about the show.. guess who was there!??!?! 3/4THS OF THE BENJAMINS! the benjamins rock.. one of the very few good bands to come out of milwaukee. well.. there's promise ring, braid, hey mercedes, and such.. but you know.. i dun see those guys, y'know? after the show, we went back to the Farwell House.. I had a cigarette.. tsk tsk.. chilled wif them & watched the victoria secret's fashion show.. hung out for a while.. jason wanted to get going home.. so.. we headed back.. he noticed willie (one of our friends) called his cell.. called him.. he wasn't home.. family said he was at john's (a restaurant).. asked jason if he wanted to stop in... he said "nah, i wanna sleep".. so i dropped him off @ his car. i went to john's.. hung out wif willie & his friends.. asked him if he could jam next week friday. he said yes... (he's one of the guitarist in my band).. so that rocked.. chilled for a while wif them.. came home.. and sat on aim, talking to Josh (one of the guys from the Farwell House).. and then I proceeded to bed.. fun fun overall.. a cheerful christopher day yesterday was.. now it's friday and it's gonna suck.. you know why? i have to work.. and there's like 24 buses to clean..ergh! and i gotta leave @ 10 am tomorrow for Whitewater to spend a weekend wif one of my bestest friends, Henry. Haven't seen that guy in a long time.. miss that lil' shit. fun times we have had.

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Subject: as days go on, i cry. Time: 1:21 am. Mood: nerdy. Music: i belong - GWAR saved my love life.

yeah.. i've been told i am 71% according to a test. yeah.. but that's the least of my worries... school.. ergh.. i hate my theatre class. i dun like getting up in front of all these people i dunno. ergh! why must i be so shy and dorky? hrm? yes.. now onto work.. i swear they must want to me quit or something.. ugah.. but it pays so good.. but i clean buses *ick*.. in about 2-3 weeks. the mighty =w=! but i dunno.. it's all green stuff.. i am taking my lil bro.. it's super-weird.. a kid who listens to all this mainstream rap wants to see the =w=.. uhm.. i'm kinda bummed about ladies.. none of them like me.. well.. the girls who live around by me...ooh.. if only mary knew i liked her, wait.. i probably don't have a chance. she's just too.. too amazing. alas, i am not.

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Subject: rock on, i say. rock of ages. Time: 12:06 pm. Mood: ecstatic. Music: pete yorn - for nancy.

yesh! i finally got my own livejournal. i am a happy camper. but yes, i would like to thank bethanne for the code. right now.. i'm just too cheerful to trully type anything important happening in my life! but yesh.. i am so giddy it's sick! woooo!. christopher owen

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