Friday, June 6th, 2003
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7:35 am
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awwww, the boyfriend put a picture of me on his bulletin board.
but it.s kind of far from the rest of the pictures.
... i have a question.
my boyfriend keeps asking me if i.m going to break up with him... does that mean that he might want to break up with me?
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6:09 am - my jealousy of lj users. damn i'm lame.
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uh.
i.m totally jealous.
 estro is so freekin' talented.
the things she does are so awesome!!
she takes really rad pictures.
and.. and.. and.........
i wish i could illustrate like her.
she.s mad good at it.
(ha, i.m all saying that as if i can illustrate already...)
but seriously... she.s got skill.
Check her stuff out!!
and then.... she.s so beautiful.
my goodness...
and the next person i.d like to discuss my jealousy of is colorbynumber!
how come she has to be so pretty
&sweet;
&nice;
&cute;
&all; of that lovely jazz???
oo &the; pictures she takes.
even though i.ve never talked to her...
she seems like such a genuine person.
&genuine; people are good news.
and and and...
thriftpunkloser.
damn.
that.s all i have to say about pauline.
she.s way way way way way way rad.
genuine is her middle name...
so is funny.
so is "i.m so damn sexy."
haha.
and then!
_forfeit
love her love her love her.
she.s just one awesome person!
i wish i knew her.
&talked; to her on a regular basis!
same to Pauline (thriftpunkloser)
gosh... so many people.
oooooo!
i almost forgot my jealousy of nothinglovely.
uhhhh, gorgeous?
i think so.
&works; very well with that camera of hers.
..yeah i.m lame.
i get jealous all easily.
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Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
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12:44 pm
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i am so grateful right now!
woo!
i was kind of scared about a few things.
but not so much anymore.
hurrah.
wooo!
weee!
rushmore on dvd.
current mood:  grateful
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10:10 am
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because of that last entry... i had to re-write it.
stupid edit wouldn.t let me change the url.
anywhoo, this is what i did to myself!
not too exciting... is it?
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Sunday, June 1st, 2003
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11:44 pm
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i WAS gonna apologize, but you know what now?
not so much.
f-f-f-f-fuck you!
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5:32 pm
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forget it.
forget it all.
fuck this.
i suck.
i don.t deserve to have everything i have.
or to be with jacob.
or to associate with the people i do.
i.m just a fucking dumb ass.
i ruin everything.
imakepeoplehateme.
words can.t begin to describe the supreme amount of hatred i have towards myself.
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6:21 am
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i wanted to write about something happy...
the other night my boyfriend dropped me off.
he was going to hang out with some friends that came home from college.
and i am having problems with amity and so thus presents the onset of depression.
being alone in your house.
by yourself.
anyway, so my mom came home.
and i helped with her spanish homework.
but in the middle of that, i hear a tapping on my window.
curious as to what it is, i go outside and check...
lo and behold
it.s my loving boyfriend.
hehe.
he cheered me up.
we sat outside and talked about things.
it was nice.
he.s such a nice person.
i love him.
anyway... so much for the happiness.
so much for friends, too, huh?
'cos right now, it doesn.t look like i have any.
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Friday, May 30th, 2003
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8:30 pm
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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
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7:42 pm
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i feel like such a fucking worthless piece of shit right now...
you have no idea.
seriously.
i.m surprised anyone wants anything to do with me.
i.m a fucking horrible person.
i don.t know why jacob even loves me.
i don.t know why people put up with my bullshit.
i.m such a fucking melodramatic nothing.
blah.
current mood:  rejected
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Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
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12:30 pm
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so i got bored and i added stuff to these pictures of gwen.
because my friend loves her.
( oooo. ahhh. )
i think they kind of turned out okay.
they.re kind of grainy.
boo.
oh well.
i was bored.
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11:47 am
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Jacob.s coming home today!
...i.m anticipating his arrival.
anyway, i feel a little bit better today.
i guess i just needed to sleep.
and think about things.
and i took a nice, long shower.
ah!
current music: under the golden horses : paul newman
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12:10 am
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so i really need to talk to someone right now.
and no one wants to talk to me.
or listen to me.
i.m on the verge of tears.
seriously, i.m so frustrated right now.
good god.
here.s something i wrote at caitlin.s house tonight:
"okay, this sucks.
i hate feeling like this.
i.m being so bitchy to everyone,
but i.m depressed and i am sick of pretending to be happy.
it makes me feel like a horrible person.
i.m sorry it.s inconvenient for me to miss jacob,
but it.s really hard to be away from someone you love.
i hate it.
hate. hate. hate.
-tasha.
p.s. i shouldn.t have to apologize, but i feel like i should."
it fuckin' sucks.
sara jones is awesome!
i.m so happy she came to caitlin.s tonight.
i really should hang out with her more.
she.s fun girl.
and she listened to me.
it made me feel a bit better.
...and amity pissed me off tonight.
i.m sorry i miss jacob so much, amity.
actually, no i.m not.
you make me feel bad for loving him so much.
you really do.
and you don.t realize it,
but when you question why i.m sad or acting a certain way...
it.s frustrating.
and when you get pissed off at me for being with him..
it makes me feel bad, too.
and i shouldn.t have to feel bad for having a boyfriend.
and another thing--
i.m sure if you had a boyfriend and you loved him as much as i love jacob,
then you.d want to spend all of your time with him, too.
i hate it.
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Tuesday, May 27th, 2003
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12:34 pm
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last night was WAY weird.
saw a side of jessica i.ve never seen before.
ha!
it was awesome!
good gravy! that was funny.
and taking shots is bad.
bad bad bad.
and older boys that graduated from eldorado that we see at applebee.s that are friends with nate...
they.re bad, too.
bad bad bad.
and foosball is bad.
bad bad bad.
woo boy.
claire &i; wanted to go home.
we should.ve.
ha.
caitlin &jessica; are funny.
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Monday, May 26th, 2003
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2:02 am
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i.ve noticed that i.ve been updating a lot lately.
a super lot.
i have a few things on my mind.
for one...
i.m just curious.
but...
where does the need for control of people come into play in anyone.s mind?
is it because a specific person feels a lack of control in their life, thus leading to that feeling of needing to control other people.s lives?
i am sure as all hell that i don.t need to be controlled.
i.m in control of myself, but thanks anyway.
for two...
i.m in a serious warped mode.
i feel like my other half is missing.
he really is.
he.s in arizona.
i miss him so much.
you don.t understand.
i can.t begin to explain the feeling i have.
it.s like a big, gaping hole in my heart.
it.s the worst feeling in the world.
i know i.m just a rambling moron, but really.
i thought i.d share some of my feelings in here.
seeming as i usually write nonsense and mushy-gushy crap.
<3.
current mood: something is missing.
current music: cursive : driftwood: a fairy tale.
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1:47 am
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some people just need to realize that the world doesn.t revolve around them.
good gravy!
current mood: contemplative to the max!
current music: cursive : driftwood: a fairy tale
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1:38 am - yankee racers. founder.
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( tee hee. )
that.s my favorite!
current mood: i saved latin.
current music: what did you ever save?
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Saturday, May 24th, 2003
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8:52 pm
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my boyfriend is the supreme bestest.
he.s coming home on wednesday.
yay!
*kissy face*
i took this nice survey from thriftpunkloser
( pshah, motha effers! )
goodie.
i can.t wait to hug my Jacob again...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!
current music: drive like jehu : caress
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2:37 pm
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i bet everyone hates when i don.t use lj cut.
tee hee.
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2:30 pm
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i.d like to cut my hair.
how should i cut it?
suggestions?
i.d really love the insight.
thank you.
current music: cursive : the recluse
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2:09 pm
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sooo...
i.m not coming home until tomorrow.
sucks to your assmar.
my stepmom is sick.
my stepsister has a "graduation" party to go to.
bleh.
i just wanna go home.
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