| American Nightmare - (we are) |
[18 Apr 2002|11:47am] |
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mood |
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impressed |
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music |
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american nightmare - (we are) |
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These guys have the best fucking lyrics ever, too bad no one can understand them in the songs.
"this is the soundtrack to saying good-bye
we are making out with desperate days
so turn the volume up high (you love it)
God bless repeat - play nights
heartbreaks and fights
and all the pretty pretty kids with the tired tired eyes
sitting out parties to be with your headphones
reciting you last words and writing you last notes
this is the soundtrack to saying good-bye
for feeling cold like December
in the middle of July (so fuck it)
we are dead flowers and pocket change - me forcing smiles - so tragic baby
we are the depressed future heartbreakers and this is how we sound
sometimes i just want to fade away
with no good-byes - or anything
i slept right though the yesterdays
cause everybody was in my way
this is the sound track to saying good-bye
we are dropping coins into dead pay phones to hear the sound of our voice
just to know we're alone
and it's beyond me why people couldn't see we are the true meaning of beauty
humming "love"
with stitches in our hands so young, i broke a wall with my hand that broke a heart with a pen
so young, i was singing "love" in my head
and if you know what i know then you know that love is dead
we were born just to fade away
with no good-byes - or anything we slept right though the yesterdays cause everybody was in our way
good-bye my loves you can have my heart this is volume three of our tragedy"
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(2 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[16 Apr 2002|01:40pm] |
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music |
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jimmy eat world - for me this is heaven |
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i did it to myself.
i took myself back there today.
for what?
every picture, thought,
every memory served as a small dagger.
and then i finished it. i killed myself.
now that i want to let go, my fingers seem to grasp even harder than before.
i fucked myself today. i cant keep doing this.
im down right now. i dont want to be done.
hopefully this feeling is only temporary.
i want to live in the present.
i want to see her, not you.
i want to drive to california.
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(4 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| Who am I? Petey Pab Mother Fucker! |
[15 Apr 2002|11:13am] |
pissed off. thats what i am. why?
overzealous christians. thats why.
walking to class today, the sidewalks are covered with chalk saying things like:
"He wants your heart"
"He died for you"
"God Loves Everyone"
"Christ=Love"
as well as numerous Crosses and other symbols that followed me the whole way to class.
Im not anti-god. But this really makes me mad.
I had no choice in reading theses things today. They were forced on me. That's bullshit, they were forced on everyone. Each person has the right to their own personal beliefs, but they do not have the right to force their faith upon others.
To top it off, i get back to my car and have a piece of paper stuck to my windshield.
"God Loves You"
A beautiful day like today just got poured on.
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(5 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| the past is dead |
[11 Apr 2002|02:47pm] |
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music |
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Calling All Heroes - CATA |
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stagnant.
not me. i won't. i refuse.
i've lived too long being a spectator.
it's my turn.
i'm taking over. back the fuck up.
i hope you're ready for this ride,
it's time to fucking live,
and nothing can stop me now.
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(3 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[10 Apr 2002|10:31am] |
i held in the tiny breaths between the sporadic and irregular heartbeats. Caused by too much smoke or holding this in for the last few weeks. Leaning over, one arm wrapped under her, i whispered into her ear. she was alseep, she probably didnt even hear it, but i had to say it. After a soft kiss on the neck, i rolled back over leaving my arm under her, she could have it. I layed in bed and made a mental list of things that i needed to do that day.
1.) bridges, burn them. all of them. fuck the water under them. burn the bitches.
2.) take a shower. it gets hot in here. i probably smell like shit.
3.) redecorate. there's a few things that need to come down. my tastes are changing.
it was a short list, but i was satisfied with it. I couldnt even imagine how my body would feel after i accomplished everything on my agenda. free? reborn? probably not, maybe just appreciated. I didnt think that that was too much to ask from anyone. I hadnt felt appreciated in a long time, and i probably wouldn't recognize it now if it grabbed me by the balls and shoved them up into my stomach.
...............
she finally woke up, rolled over, looked directly at me with two tired eyes. not saying a word, i stayed quiet as well, she leaned over brushed her lips against mine and smiled. Maybe she had heard me or maybe she was just being nice. Regardless, i appreciated it.
to be continued....
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(3 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[09 Apr 2002|11:38pm] |
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mood |
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elevated |
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music |
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may/june - better than christmas |
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am i doing this for myself
or
is it just happening to me?
is it real
or
just too good to be true?
should i stop the bleeding
or
take the chance of dying?
idontknow. atleastimliving.
"ive never been so alone and ive never been so alive..."
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(drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[09 Apr 2002|08:15pm] |
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mood |
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capsized |
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music |
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karate - what is sleep? |
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doubtful. believe it. im not going to say it again.
rising. falling. rising. failing.
self-inflicted wounds proved to be all too fatal.
"we cannot cling to old dreams anymore."
mediocre at best. the secret's still kept. i wont turn it around.
the swelling has gone down, bring it back around, it doesn't matter who laughs last.
poetry in motion, epitome of fucking feelings.
watching tired eyes make the stars shine.
i've got this feeling wrapped in circles,
wishing it had somewhere to go.
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(drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| scribble: better off dead |
[08 Apr 2002|09:52am] |
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music |
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the anniversary - all things ordinary |
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I let go of the horizon, the sun was bound to fall, why would I get in the way? But still there?s this part of me that thinks this wasn?t meant to be and I know you?ll be better off without me. We?ll laugh the way we always have. But there?s this part of me that led you to believe that I?m better off without you. So I?ll hold it in, ?til it hurts, ?til it falls apart, ?til the sun makes it night. It still doesn?t matter, I?ll never be your valentine, again. You can pick me off the ground, but the blood still stains your skin. And there?s nothing to be said, for anyone, for anyone anywhere. I?m still sorry for letting you in where you didn?t belong.
"painting without colors, tends to make it better, bleaches out the world..."
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(2 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| now and forever |
[05 Apr 2002|02:59pm] |
Im not worried, thats what worries me. Here i am in my 4th semester of college, my second year, and I still have no major, and im not really stressed about it. Should I be?
I mean fuck. I'm only nineteen years old. How am i suppose to know what to do with the rest of my life? I'm only nineteen years old, im supposed to be worried about getting drunk and laid, not how i'm gonna feed my family in twenty years. I just think college comes too soon, the first year is just high school away from home, but after that, im expected to make life altering decisions. I dont even know what time im gonna wake up tomorrow or what i'll wear, how the hell am i supposed to know what i wanna do with the next fifty years of my life? Living day by day was thrown out a long time ago, its all too much to take, but for some reason it doesnt bother me as much as it should i guess. At times there are moments of panic and worry, but for the most part I live for the moment and not the next five years or let alone tomorrow.
toe knee
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(drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| a sign of the times |
[03 Apr 2002|08:37pm] |
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music |
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lyndsay diaries - whsipers of a long goodnight |
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it hurts.
not in the way things are supposed to hurt.
not in the way things normally hurt.
it burns.
it stings.
it bleeds life.
"he used to dream of lovers kissing his forehead...good morning"
if i catch myself just right, we wont have to break anything at all.
the way it hurts.
wilting flowers are prettier when dead.
my words are still asleep, learned, escaped.
and when did i become so rough around the edges,
"ive definitley lost something close to me."
its hidden, but i died in my sleep.
the joke is always on me.
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(5 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[03 Apr 2002|05:44pm] |
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music |
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new kids on the block - didnt i blow your mind |
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is it just me?
or
is everything falling into place?
motionless.
dead.
alive. single greatest feeling.
warmth. fingers. belonging. want.
silent&solid;
didnt i blow your mind
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(6 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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[02 Apr 2002|10:21am] |
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music |
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bedford drive - the last time i saw the stars |
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you see,
the thing is
is that there is nothing,
and thats going to be good enough
for you.
it always was.
i always was.
yet i fucking feel guilty
constantly.
and for what?
nothing.
and thats going to be good enough
for you.
it always was.
i always was.
even on days when im feeling invincible,
infinite,
you cloud my mind with
unworthy,
uncomfortable.
and thats going to be good enough
for you.
it always was.
i always was.
its mornings such as this,
"better than christmas",
repeat.
my car and the prettiest tree i can find.
and thats going to be good enough
for you.
it always was.
i always was.
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(drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| toe knee |
[01 Apr 2002|08:54pm] |
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1. the stars - wheres my valentine
2. student rick - acoustic song
3. the smiths - i want the one i cant have
4. dead by sunday - song six
5. pachabel - cannon in d
6. grade - a year forever in the past
7. black sabbath - changes
8. may/june - better than christmas
9. pop unknown - perfect in venice
10. the weakerthans - aside
11. mazzy star - fade into you
12. kid brother collective - lightsleeper
13. juliana theory - august in bethany
14. king for a day - hit or miss you
15. empire state games - falling forward
16. jets to brazil - empty picture frame
17. pat mcgee band - havent seen for a while
18. saves the day - rocks tonic juice magic
19. r.e.m. - why not smile
20. candid daydream - adam grays last words
dorky yes, but it kind of tells a story, the best story that i could tell through songs. boredom got the best of me.
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(drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| scribble: the first time |
[01 Apr 2002|05:39pm] |
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music |
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Anathallo - Mardi Gras |
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It doesn't matter that she didn't know my name or never had even heard my voice. She saw my eyes as I walked by, and for that split second I was the only thing she could think about. Nothing that had happened earlier that day mattered right now, for that second I was the center of her attention. And she was the only thing that crossed my mind for that blink of my eye. It didn't matter that I didn't know her birthday, or her favorite song. It didn't matter that I wasn't there when she needed me yesterday. I took this second from her and gave her one of my own. She didn't care if I drank too much, or if my belt didn't match my boots. I didn't care that she wasn't wearing perfume, she smelled sweet anyway. Nothing mattered and it wont matter what happens after this, and it doesn't matter what happened before this, because we will always have this. The realest thing I've ever had. It may have only been a second, but it was the first time, the first time in along time, anyone took the time to notice me at all...
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(1 wobbly wobbly | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| in case you felt like dying today |
[31 Mar 2002|09:57pm] |
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music |
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jason mraz - sleeping to dream |
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project: fuck scribble
second installment
Everyone knew everything but me. I picked you up, to let me down again. It feels the same no matter where I?ve been. Its what you didn?t say that made me cry, if I had the chance to do it all over again, I?d be the one to say goodbye. Its been at least ten days without you, but I didn?t sleep alone last night. You kept me up til? well past three, I couldn?t tell you no, I couldn?t ask you why. I guess it?s better not to ask the obvious questions that end it all. You have everything left to say, it?s all in the sky. The stars still spell out your name, but they take a different shape. ?Fuck You? is more than they had to say.
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(1 wobbly wobbly | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| last.night. |
[29 Mar 2002|05:30pm] |
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music |
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KBC - lightsleeper (its in my head) |
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drove.
sat.
talked.
drank.
talked.
walked.
talked.
ice cream bar.
smoked.
walked.
talked.
lips.
hands.
lips.
talked.
slept.
nose bleed.
lips.hands.
bulldozers.
lips.
amazing.
goodbye
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(4 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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| hey scribble......FIST YOURSELF |
[28 Mar 2002|06:50pm] |
So scribble.nu has decided to become a pay-only service. fuck that. 2 bucks a month, psshh. not on my time.
So...in order to try and preserve some of my writings and keep them on the up and up of the technological revolution, you will now start seeing some of my old scribble entries in my LJ. sorry to those who didnt like them or have already read them, but i must keep the dream alive. Let the madness begin...
things that can be broken
1.) Finger - only lasts a few days
2.) Mirror - well that's 7 years bad luck
3.) Promises - hurts but heals.
4.) Hearts - yeah fuck you too
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(2 wobbly wobblys | drop, drop it like it's hot)
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