Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in the Doctor's LiveJournal:

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Friday, March 1st, 2002
12:45 am	Fuck you! I don't check your website, I don't care if you're having a party, and I don't care who you sleep with. You are such a fucking pain in the ass! You don't understand anything I say, or why I even say it, and you're SO FUCKING PARANOID about every word that comes out of my mouth. Why do you even talk to me? click to see more actual conversation with co-worker co-worker: He downloaded all this really gross porn. I guess, not really gross, just funny. me: What? Like midget porn? co-worker: No, nothing like that. There's this one where this woman deep throats this guy and she gets it all in her mouth. me: Uh... so, nothing like guys fucking sheep? co-worker: No, nothing like that. Just really gross, y'know? ( actual conversation with customer (long) ) Current Mood: groggy (5 scars | cut me)
Monday, February 25th, 2002
7:49 am	"Obscurity and competence, that is the life that is best worth living." -Mark Twain (cut me)
Friday, February 22nd, 2002
2:49 pm	( the Illuminati card game ) (5 scars | cut me)
Thursday, February 21st, 2002
5:26 pm	i lick root beer off of random things (8 scars | cut me)
Sunday, February 17th, 2002
3:13 am	you're such a turd, i don't know why you even talk to me Current Mood: aggravated (cut me)
Thursday, February 14th, 2002
10:18 pm	after watching my new favorite movie Donnie Darko, I have only one thing to say: everyone dies alone (3 scars | cut me)
3:42 pm	Goldie still works at Borders she told me she was moving to San Francisco Current Mood: depressed (cut me)
2:53 pm	i love ranting (cut me)
12:09 am	i shouldn't be posting stuff in here anyway i should be posting stuff in here (2 scars | cut me)
Saturday, February 9th, 2002
7:11 pm	it's quiet.... too quiet good news, I've got some new players coming into my game, so the role-playing problems might correct themselves in a few weeks, but I have a minor problem that needs a solution quickly Let me set the stage: 1- the current PCs are located in a semi-isolated town whose population has been decimated by a seriously deadly plague 2- the current PCs are in the town because they are all in the service of a group of scientists called the Collegium, they have to protect the life of a Dr. Harold Topper, who insists on staying in the town and rebuilding both the morale of the villagers and the flow of traffic through the town, and won't leave until it's finished to his (my) satisfaction 3- the new players are making new characters How do I integrate characters whose origins are from outside of the town and still give them a good reason to stay and help out, instead of flee from the plague (which is still raging)? NOTE: having the Collegium send them is impossible because the PCs haven't told the Collegium where they are (6 scars | cut me)
Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
3:35 pm	The impression I'm getting is that Benny tells people he doesn't understand why I hate him and makes it sound to them as if I'm somehow inflicting harm upon him for no reason at all, when in reality I haven't really been paying attention to him and I'm confused as to why he holds me with so much disdain. Lantry said he was hearing the same thing from Benny that I've been saying "I don't hate him, and I don't understand why he hates me, I just wish he would stop" So if that's true, why does Benny ignore me when I say to him "I don't hate you, and I don't understand why you hate me" Wow! it didn't take long for Sarah to rejoin the cast. After looking up the definition of drama I see that it is, in fact, not me who is being dramatic. Since other people are getting bent out of shape and creating tension and conflict where previously I envisioned nothing. I don't know why I'm obsessing over this. I should stop because it's not mentally healthy. I guess I'm just bothered because I can't figure out why some of these people don't like me, it's not like I've done anything to them. I may be opinionated and vociferous but that doesn't make me a bad person. Are people really so bothered by brutal honesty and cynical outlooks on life? I mean, wouldn't you be cynical too if people treated you like the antichrist for no logical reason? (cut me)
Monday, January 28th, 2002
11:21 pm	a little bit more drama ( Erin deleted my comment. Good thing I saved it... ) (cut me)
12:22 pm	First day of my new job today. It was okay, very relaxed work environment. Easy money. My first paycheck will be on friday already. Take the What animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz Lantry doesn't have my comic books. I don't know if I should be angry about this, or if I should just be patient. "It looks like governmental snatch" remarked Joe as we drove up Hamilton toward the capital building, and I replied "I think you're right, I never noticed that before!" Later the words "Spread eagle!" came bubbling out of someone's throat. Nothing more was said on the topic. Chicken and parmesan risotto is SO good! yummy yummy yummy i got love in my tummy and i feel like lovin' you! I forgot to make this 'friends only' but who cares, I want everyone to know about my new job (1 scar | cut me)
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
5:19 am	"If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding." No more public entries for awhile, not even dreams. Current Mood: cold Current Music: 2nu = www.2nu2.com (8 scars | cut me)
4:02 am	la dee fuckin' da > >BEGIN OFFICAL STATEMENT > I never crossed Doc, so I don't really have any > bad personal experiences with him. I do know, > however, that better than half of Tiny Fools' > various cast feuds have involved Doc. So either > Doc's prone to picking fights, or there's something > about him that makes people want to start > something. Either way, it's clear that more Doc > means more infighting. For this reason, and (I feel > it safe to say) no other, I feel Doc shouldn't come > back to cast. So speaketh the > (roll of thunder) OFFICIAL CAST ARBITER. > END OFFICIAL STATEMENT There IS something about me that makes people angry. I don't know exactly what it is, but I've had it for as long as I can remember. I remember really distinctly, when I was 6, I asked some kid a question or said something to him that he didn't like and he tried to punch me. I don't really remember what the question was, I just remember it was completely innocent, I thought he was my friend and I open my mouth and all of sudden he's trying to split my lip. His name was Mike, and our relationship was one of those hate-hate collisions. And this always happens to me in some way, I say something, innocently enough, and it comes back to haunt me in some way. I'm convinced that the only reason Benny hates me is because I said I thought of him as a girl, but everyone does. * * * small tangent * * *Language is a neat thing, it defines how we think. It's called the Freudian Slip, when you mean one thing but are really saying what you're thinking. Comedies use it sometimes, Monty Python uses it to great effect when a director with enormous tusk-like teeth is being interviewed about his latest film and the interviewer keeps using tooth-related words instead of the proper words. Man: ... was not talking to Neville Shunt. From the world of the theatre we turn to the world of dental hygiene. No, no, no, no. From the world of the theatre we turn to the silver screen. We honour one of the silver screen's outstanding writer-dentists... writer-directors, Martin Curry who is visiting London to have a tooth out, for the pre-molar, er... premiere of his filling, film next Toothday... Tuesday, at the Dental Theatre... Film Theatre. Martin Curry talking to Matthew Palate... Padget. * * * tangent ends * * *There are plenty of people on cast, and in Benny's life who refer to him as "she" or "her" simply by forgetting that they're supposed to refer to him as a boy. Why is this? Because they think of him as a girl, but either out of respect or out of fear of reproach say nothing of what they think or believe. The only difference between me and everyone else, is that I spoke my mind openly and freely. I always speak my mind, ask anyone whose been willing to listen, and I'm not going to stop because someone's feelings might be hurt or someone might be offended. I think it's incredibly silly to be offended by what someone thinks anyway, it's not impossible to change someone's opinion but you can't do it by bullying them. Benny is a world-class bully, he gets other people to do his work for him. Another thing that Kyle failed to mention is that these 'numerous cast fueds' I've had all involved ex-girlfriends. Benny is unique, he and I fooled around once, but then Benny chickened out of having sex. Benny chased after Shannon, Shannon chickened out of having a relationship, mostly though it was because Shannon preferred to date me. So why does Benny hate me? Because he fears my animosity that we never slept together? Jealous of the attention I got from Shannon? Benny DID start dating Wendy as a rebound from getting jilted by Shannon, and even admitted it. I don't know really. I'm just conjecturing at this point because I don't have anything solid to go on. All I know is Benny hates me, is unwavering in this, admits to being immature and selfish when it comes to discussing or resolving this matter, and nobody on cast even comes to me to ask how I feel. I was once convinced that it was a cry for pity, and I think I still agree on some level. But it's also a willful ignorance of my position. Current Mood: cranky (7 scars | cut me)