Audrey's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Audrey [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

If i could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? [20 Feb 2002|12:24pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Thursday - understanding in a car crash ] haha, i suck. Sorry to all ther people who read this. Yeah so alot of time has passssssed since january 11th. Not a qwhole lot has happened in the wonderful world of audrey though. It's vacation...rock. Friday's another one of my boy's shows at WPI. Yeah, AML rocks. Kris and k-dogg are taping it for a project for school, how cool is that? it should be pretty fun. We're gonna chill with them while they aren't playing. TASL is playing too, and AML and them hate eachother for some unknown reason, so that'll be funny too. Well friend stuff is a little better with one person, but not another. But i have a feeling it will get better soon...i hope. Blah. So yeah. OHHHH...haha, this is rich. Julia connelly called me. That was soooo fuckin bizarre. It was werid to hear from her, but it wasn't really her because she's changed so much since she moved that i barely even know her anymore. I feel bad for her. Oh well. I miss the real Julia. :(. But what can i do, ya know? Well i think that's about it. I promist i'll try to update more. See ya later heartbreaker. 1 comment|post comment

"i've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answers" [11 Jan 2002|11:03pm] Whoa, sorry about not updating..i've just been too busy with my insanely huge social life. haha, yeah right. so i had a rad new year's eve. I went with k-dogg and Kristin to the AML show in leominster to see my boys play. MY dad got us lost and flipped out and it was hillarious. We could'nt help laughing, but i felt bad because my dad was wicked pissed. Andrew and i didn't talk much because we're both shy, but next time, i swear! we met Ally and Lauren from clinton who apparently know alot of the junior guys from Tahanto, so that was cool. Then after the show i went til the rajala's and hung thier til 4. That was a good time. Now it's back to school and getting ready for mid terms, which sucks major ass. The sooner it gets here the sooner it's over though. I'm just praying it's easy. Tommorow Jen, Lauren, K-dogg and i are working on our spa project and then i'm going to the SJ dance probably. Sunday kris and i are studying for a history test, sounds like fun! ok i love you all, check ya later! post comment

"you're neurotic as a child" [15 Dec 2001|10:40pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | "i won't be home for christmas"- blink ] So saturday's party was pretty rad. I was in a weird state of mind though. I'm kinda bumming about who knows what....not like that's news or anything. Peter was there with his girlfriend which made me cry because when i love someone as much as that kid i think anyone they're close to besides me doesn't appreciate him as much as i do so therefore doesn't deserve him. I just wanted to go over there and shove his girlfriend aside, even though she was wicked nice and i really liked her, and like hug him for 4 hours and just cry on his shoulder. He is the best hugger, and i miss him so much. It was so refreshing to hear him say he missed boylston and wished he could come back. when he left kris and i went into the bathroom and cried. we need to finish our letter to him. I need to get his number too so i can call him and cry and just tell him that i love him because not enough people in his life truely understand how amazing he really is...his parents in particular, but that's a different story. Luke and Noah were there too which was rad because i have'nt seen either in a while and it was nice to hang out with them again. Luke is gonna try to come over more and chill when he's at his dad's, which is rad. Too bad andrew and mike couldn't make it. oh well, i'll see them soon enough. Tomorrow is "the talk" and the nutcracker. I'm so ready to just get everything off my chest when kris, jen, rach, k-dogg and i all talk about everything. The nutcracker will be awesome too. well i think that's all...christmas soon! woo hoo, i love christmas!! 1 comment|post comment

"cheer up my friends all say, you're better alone anyway" [10 Dec 2001|06:06pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | NFG - broken sound ] fuck that quote. Man i'm in a bad mood and i don't really know why. Well yes i do. Mike and andrew can't go to the party! i'm wicked pissed. Like no one even understands how pisssed i am. But once again i hold in my emotions because i'm weird and don't feel like i can talk to anyone because i feel like i'm being judged or just not listened to at all. and then some of my best friends who will remain nameless for right now are really pissing me off. It's like the rest of us are always 2nd best compared to "the guys" or whatever. fuck that man, friends are forever, guys aren't, so get over yourselves. At this point i don't really give a fuck if they read this and know it's them either, because i have held this is for ever and i'm finally fucking realizing that i should'nt have to censor myself for something that's their fault. Like kathryn said, it's like we get the left overs. I'm sorry, but i'm greedy about my friends sometimes, esp. when it's suppose to be our night and yet they go off and hang out with other people the whole night and barely even talk to us. what the fuck is that? i need a hug. i need someone to talk to right now too...but no one is online and kristin's phone is busy. Dammit, i need to just scream....fuck i'm mad. sorry to anyone that read this, most likely i love you and you're my friend so sorry you had to go through this. 3 comments|post comment

surveyness!! [22 Nov 2001|10:59am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | system of a down - chop suey ] I see : a puter screen and a messy table I need: more self esteem I find: lots of cool stuff when i clean my room I wish: my wishes came true I love: music, friends, family and art I hate: when people aren't themselves I miss: having a boyfriend I fear: heights, flying, and never finding love again I feel: ok I hear: garbage - can't cry these tears I smell: my mom making stuffing..mmmm... I crave: boys I search: on the beach for fun stuff I wonder: how everything is created I regret: not acting like myself when i hould have When was the last time I ... Smiled?: yesterday Laughed?: last night..histerically at Ed Cried?: probably about a week ago Danced?: right now in my chair Were sarcastic?: 24/7 Kissed someone?: this survey is mean....a while ago...:( Talked to an ex?: well i talked and said hi, but he didn't say anything back...asshole... Watched your favorite movie?: i don't really have a favorite movie... What was the... Last book you read?: A Separate Peace Last movie you saw?: tomb raider Last song you heard?: Garbage - Cherry Lips Last thing you had to drink?: diet coke....mmmm... Last time you showered?: about 20 minutes ago Last thing you ate?: peanutbutter toast Do you... Smoke?: never Do drugs?: never Have sex?: no...not right now atleast Sleep with stuffed animals?: no Live in the moment?: i try to Have a dream that keeps coming back?: sometimes Play an instrument?: i have a guitar...but i wouldn't say that i know how to play it too well Remember your first love?: yes, i miss it Still love him/her?: no Read the newspaper?: sometimes Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yup..ricky's a sweetheart...and nikki's bi, so i guess that counts Believe in miracles?: nope Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: i hope so...but i think so, yeah Consider yourself tolerant of others?: for the most part Consider love a mistake?: never Like the taste of alcohol?: i don't drink..but i used to take sips of my dad's beer and i liked it Have a favorite candy?: pink necco wafers, twix, and anything super sour Believe in astrology?: kinda Believe in magic?: i'm not sure Believe in God?: nope Pray?: no Go to church?: haha...no Have any secrets?: of course, i don't think you coyld find someone who doesn't Have any pets?: syd the dog, binky the cat, & schnook the cat Go to or plan to go to college?: Rhode Island School of Design..i hope Talk to random IM people?: i love to! Wear hats?: nope, not usually Have any piercings?: eyebrow and 2 holes in each ear, but i don't wear earrings Have any tattoos?: nope...not yet, hehe Collect anything?: Concert tickets!! oh yeah kathryn!!! Have a best friend?: kristin, caitlin, kathryn, rachel, jenna Wish on stars?: i haven't seen a shooting star in a really really long time, so i can't make wishes on stars 1 comment|post comment

"the happy period song??" [21 Nov 2001|09:37pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | the happy vagina song?? haha!! ] lol, that quote has quite an amusing story behind it. So today we had a half day due to the fact that tomorrow is thanksgiving and all. So Ed, Kris, Jenn, Lena, Chris, Heather, and I all hit up friendly's after jenn and heath and such picked us up. we had an $80 check!! At friendly's!! how is that possible!!??!! well somehow we managed it and then we all booked it back to lena's. after arriving there, we proceeded to play a rousing game of sherades, which rocked. Oh man, that was the funniest game of sherades i've ever played, and beleive me, i've played alot. Kris, Ed and i were on a team and kristin was up, and her thing was "the happy birthday song"..which i don't think is even the title. So we got "the happy ___ song". at this point ed and i had no idea what she was trying to show us. So she lied on the floor, opened her legs and pretended she was pulling something out!! ed was like "the happy vagina song??" which made us all fall on the floor laughing histerically. I almost pissed my pants. Then he says "the happy period song?" which made things even funnier. Oh man, we could'nt stop laughing for like 10 minutes, but thankfully i finally guessed right...but we still lost. That was the funniest thing that has happened in a looong time. It was great. I love my friends. They are so rad. Lena was making fun of me at friendly's about things that i wish not to talk about for fear that certain people might have access to this journal. So yeah, that was my fun-filled day. Oh wait, i forgot to add that after sherades jenn, kris and i went back to there house and i helped clean dishes! woo hoo!! haha, ok, peace out homeslices... post comment

"damn you Audrey, DAMN YOU!!!!!" [10 Nov 2001|05:40pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Guster- Bury me ] That quote is me talking to myself about this journal. I guess i just forget about it until i read other people. and then i'm just too lazy or have nothing interesting to say so i blow it off. And then i start talking to myself which is how i get such lovely quotes as the one you just read. Which then brings us all to this lovely entry i'm typing away at right now. Well, alot has happened since i last wrote in october. I went to NFG, which rocked my fucking stripey socks. Oh man, did they rock. They were wicked rad, and hanging out in the freezing cold for an hour and a half and seeing mike but not actually talking to him, now that was stellar. haha... good times, good times. So lately i've been having this whole "down on Audrey" thing going on. i know, i know, this happens alot, but lately i've just been like...blah. I dunno, i think i'm getting over it. that's always a happy thing. Hmm, boys, well boys are a weird subject. I have my evil eye on 2, but i'm not sure anything will happen with either. They are both wicked rad and i think they rock. So yeah...that's pretty much it with that, because i don't wanna get into that subject anymore becase then i'll just get even more confused. future plans: 1] out with Lena, Stu, Ed, Kris, Cait, Jenn when lena, stu, and jenn get back from college on the half day before thanksgiving. We're planning on hitting up Friendly's and then playing some rousing game of sherades( spelling?)...sounds like fun eh? don't be jealous. My friends are the best. 2] lunch with the fab 5 on the 30th (we actually had to plan that far ahead so we could all go out together, that's how busy we all are. I feel like i'm 40, it sucks) 3] thanksgiving break with be fun filled i'm sure... 4]fab 5 christmas party, good times, good time... so that's whats up so far, catch ya later my peeps...word..peace out... 2 comments|post comment

survey's are fun! [21 Oct 2001|06:29pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Garbage ] What time is it: 6:29 pm What is the date: October 21, 2001 Name: Audrey Sex: female Birthday: May 22, 1986 Where do you live: Boylston, Ma. Where else have you lived: malboro What state: MA Zodiac Sign: Gemini Nicknames: Audball, Aud, Audj, bitch Do you have a b/f or g/f: damn you....no Who is it: See above Where were you born: malden What hospital: malden hospital What are your hobbies: any form of art, boys Hair color: Brown, chillin like a villan Ever died your hair: holy shit man, like every month, the craziest was when i did the whole thing electric blue Hair length: long and icky, i'm chopping it all off wednesday though, yay! Eye color: grayish / hazelish...i like em Height: 5 3 or so Have any pets: my dog Syd,and my 2 cats Binky and Schnook (don't ask) Siblings: Adam Do you have glasses: yup, they are rad to the max Shoe size: 9 in womens Day of the week: thursday and Wednesday Holiday: halloween Season: Fall Month: May Actress: Fairuza Balk i think..but there are others Actor: Johnny depp, but many many others T.V. show: simpsons, that 70's show, ripply's believe it or not Food: anything yummy (but i'm picky, so that's not alot) Drink: diet coke Band: oh man...MM, blink, lifehouse, alanis Morrisette, Garbage, FID, AML, NFG, binocular, Guster, etc, etc... Male singer: Jason Wade Female singer: Alanis Morrisette Word: anything with NESS on the end of it, rad, stellar, rockin Brand of shoes: anything cheap and comfy Room in your house: living room or my room Concert: MM, Blink and the palladium, NFG at the palladium, blink at centrum, AML at palladium CD: TOYPAJ, Holywood, Supposed former infatuation junky, Smashing pumpkins double cd Friends: the fab five man, i love you guys! Best friend: kris, jenna, k-doog, rach, caitlin Do you make friends easily: uhmm, not many people wanna be my friend... Who do you think would help you the most if you were in trouble: any of the above Jeans or Khakis: jeans Comedy or Drama: Comedy Computer or TV: computer Gold or Silver: silver if i have to choose, they both kinda suck Outgoing or Shy: in between Tall or Short: pretty short...:( Day or Night: night Radio or Cd's: cds Internet or Phone: depends on the situation Happy or sad: i'm usually not all that happy, but there are the occasional instances, and those rock Guy or girl: Guys are cool when they are themselves and i like who they are, girls suck Cute: me? well i would'nt say i am, but i like it when boys are Tough or wimpy: i am one tough mofo Funny or hilarious: HilariousNESS Summer or winter: autumn Love or lust: love, but it's great when you get both together Friends or family: both Car or truck: Car Dog or cat: dog Walk or run: Walk Hurricane or Tornado: hurricanes are awesome to watch Coffee or tea: coffee usually but i like tea more Coke or pepsi: DIET coke Black or white: both together Chocolate or vanilla: swirl Diary or journal: livejournal Writing or typing: typing Cold or hot: hot in the shower, cold outside Pen or pencil: Pen, esp when it's like red or purple or something Candle or insence: Candle Plain paper or lined paper: lined for writing, blank when drawing Blonde or brunette: blue Curly or straight: i have straight hair, and i don't really care either way Blanket or sleeping bag: am i camping? Shower or bath: Shower Body wash or soap: soap Purfume or Body spray: i usually am scrubtastic and don't care, but i like perfume i think Wal-mart or target: walmart Pop tart or toaster strudels: uhmm, i don't eat either usually MTV or VH1: i watch mtv but i like VH1 way more because they play guster and stuff.... Shorts or pants: pants Tank tops or t-shirts: both Markers or colored pencils: acrilic paint Boxers or briefs: i wear "panties"..haha..dude it's all underwear, and yes i wear underwear Army or Navy: ah!..neither! Striped or plaid: both together...like plaid pants and a striped shirt, that is so stellar Innie or outie: innie SNL or mad tv: SNL is rad! i love you dana carvey! Drummers or guitar players: i like a certain singer...;)....but i guess i like guitar players...even though i still love travis Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee: both suck and i haven't had to deal with either in a while which is good what do you think love is: something everyone should have but not everyone finds, which is sad How long have you been together: uhmm...what? First grade teacher's name: mrs. Carter..i didn't like her i don't think Last song you sang: Garbage, i think i'm paranoid Last time you bled: like 3 days ago i think cd inyour CD player: Garbage, volume 2.0 Kids names girls: Wednesday, Geniveive, Gwendaline, Meegan Kids names boys: Graham, Colby, Gaven, Travis, Carter Stayed up all night on the internet: not since summer... Do you like your handwriting: most of the time Do you have any piercings: 2 in both ears and my eyebrow Ever worn black nail polish: ya Do you have your own tv and vcr: no..:( What is your last name backwards: kcaM AIM or MSN Messenger? AIM Sun or Moon? Moon Christmas or Your Birthday? Christmas Bath & Body Works or The Body Shop? Skinmarket Flirting or a good conversation? both at the same time is awesome What time is it: 6:55 pm post comment

"what do they want from me!!!" [19 Oct 2001|03:37pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | blink 182- dammit ] Wow, i need to get together with my friends and have a serious talk with them. Things are weird in my head right now and i just keep bottling it up because they aren't all around at the same time. I love them all to bits and pieces, but lately i dunno...i guess i'll just talk to them about it. I just always feel like i'm the outside looking in, esp with 2 of them that will remain nameless. That's for them to know, and you k-dogg, you know what i'm talking about. argg, school sucks so fucking bad! like seriously, i'm have an emotional breakdown lately. I wanted to cry all day today. I almost did in bio with kathryn. fucking mrs. stewart can fucking die because she's a moron and i hate her. Roar...sorry so much bitching is going on but i really needed to get his out right now. So it's the weekend, thank god because i need a serious break from school right now even though i have a ton of homework to do.It's rough how much we've been getting lately. I can't stand it, i don't even know why they give out homework, because 75% of the time people don't do it, and then they just copy it from someone else and don't absorve anything from it, which i think is the whole point of homework, to absorb the material. Yeah ok, i don't have a life, haha. I wish i had a car and my liscense. I wish i had my permit even. I just really wanna drive. I also wish guys didn't suck so much so maybe i could have a real relationship with one for once. Fucking boys, arg. And i hate how you will like someone and want to get to know them but it's so hard because you don't see them or talk to them much. That just sucks worst of all. i dunno, just tons of stuff have been depressing me. I need to get out with friends and just be wacky. I need to go see the rajalas cuz lena and jenn are home. oooooooh, i hope things went well with Gretchen. i woyld bitch slap her if i were them, but i know that will get them no where. I just really really hope they get through to her on some level. Things are so fucked up with gretchen and her family. Poor Heather. i love that girl, i just wish she felt the same way. ok i'm done. 1 comment|post comment

"did you have plans to be a star?...did you have plans to become more than you are?..." [14 Oct 2001|04:00pm] [ mood | geeky ] [ music | grinspoon - all the time ] Saturday was wicked sweet. Kris, k-dogg and i went to the palladium for this battle of the bands thing. OMG, soooo many friggin hot boys it was insane. W went to see a minor loss play, and they were wicked good! i'm in love with the lead singer mike! he's a wicked sweetheart...and wicked wicked WICKED hot!!!!!!!! It was funny, his mom showed up and he gave her a kiss and was wicked cute and stuff. I want to marry him. So that was an awesome day. Today is rainy and blah because i had to do homework. I'ts my brother's 18th birthday though. It's so weird that he's 18 already. Boy, time really flies. He's already thinking about another tattoo. That'll be funny. I think i'm gonna go with him to check it out and stuff. So i've gotta go out to dinner for my brother now, so i'll catch you all later! 3 comments|post comment

exscuse me while i bitch and stuff.... [02 Oct 2001|06:33pm] [ mood | rah rah rah ] [ music | the noises in my head ] So yeah, homecoming and stuff was saturday. It was a good time. I fucking decorated for 6 hours both friday and saturday with like 2 other people the whole time. It definitly wasn't fun. So then, on saturday night, i go to kris's with k-dogg to get ready and shit. We then go out with Mark to Chili's. That was rockin times. Everyone there was like "ohhhh, i wish i was still young so i could dress up"...i think they gave us a table early since we had to be somewhere in like an hour. So we got some food and ate and joked and it was funny. We then went to good ol' Tahanto for the big Dance. So yeah, John was my date, and he actually got money and showed! yay! John and i had a good time, but man, he is sending me some serious mixed signals. It's like the whole time at the dance john was holding my hand or trying to touch me in some way and huggy and stuff. I'm sure as hell not complaining but i dunno. He told me he wants to get to know me better before we actually become like "serious" or something....and yet as he was leaving he tried to kiss me. I'm like how about no, you fucker, tell me what you want first. It's just a confusing mess, as it always is for me, so i suppose i should talk to him. HAHA...then he doesn't call me when he saud he would, which was just funny. He felt bad though. acutally he is suppose to be calling me tonight, so i wonder if that will actually happen or not. I won't be pissed at all if he doesn't, i'm used to it by now. So all in all, homecoming was a good time, cept for John weirdnesss. OHHHH, and, my ex boyfriend showed up. Fuckin'A right? That was just totally akward for me, since we didn't have the best relationship and breakup. And, to make things worse, him and john are good friends, so they were hanging out a little bit. Blah, weirdness = not fun times. Friday we go into boston to do stuff for history i guess. That will be fun since Mr. Neush rocks and doesn't really give a shit if he loses his job or not, so he's like one of us. it's good times.I think i say good times too much. oh well. Whatever works, huh? So uhmmm.............. .... bye post comment

eek!! [22 Sep 2001|06:36pm] [ mood | drained ] no updates = bad bad audrey! uhm yeah, sorry, i have school which is a pain in the ass and takes up all my time. Plus i'm the boringest (did i just make up a word?) person in the world so i don't usually have too much to talk about. School right now is blowing by the way. I'm sure it will continue to blow harder and harder as the school year goes on. Oh well, what can ya do? fucking John needs to fucking call me right fucking now. He's such a bitch. We were suppose to go out tonight on like a "date" or something...because i guess we are technically "dating" in the truest sense of the word. But nope, no call, so no plans, so no going out. He needs to learn how to use a telephone or he needs to get a better fucking memory, because this pisses me off. He know's he had to call too, i talked to him yesterday about it for god's sake! jeez. Yeah, so i'm sitting here fucking up my vision even more by staring at the huge puter screen for endless amounts of time and hoping that the phone will ring. I'ts evilness too, the phone will ring and i'll be like "oh, there's john!", and it will fucking be for someone else. grr. I wanted to go see Tool. I hate you Tim and torrence. I really do. That is all. ps - i found an Edward Gorey and the Gashlycrumb Tinies t-shirt!!!! How happy am i?? i MUST have it!! post comment

[12 Sep 2001|07:57pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | news ] wow is all i have to say... .... .... ok wait, there's more. I just don't comprehend all of this. Of course everyone knows what i'm talking about. This is just craziness. It's so sad to step outside and take all the beauty of our amazing planet in, and then turn on the news and see that some people decided to destroy a part of it..an important part. Im' truely scared. I realized how much the human race is full of ignorant unappreciate people today and yesterday. Some kid were laughing and joking about it today and i thought i was going to be sick. I just can't understand, and i don't think i want to.... post comment

now i stand here waiting [29 Aug 2001|09:19pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | orgy again ] Wow, so alot has happened. I'm very bored and tired, but i thought i would write in this hoping it would enteratin me for atleast a few minutes. So bear with me. Ok, so school started. I went out with kris, cait, stephen, and jenn the last night for dinner and ice cream, which was nice but sad. I didn't mind going back to school, but this summer rocked so i miss it already, and i've only been in school 2 days. School sucks as of now. we have tons of homework and no studys, so it is definitly rough. I need to meet that kid torrence, he seems cool, and torrence is a sweet name. so yeah, i'll talk to him tomorrow. Uhm, yeah. fuck fuckity fuck fuck. i'm really stressed, and my muscles are all knotted, it's gross. Just thought i'd share that with everyone. I like seeing everyone again, and becoming closer with people i've missed. haha, the fan club, that's great. Katie, kristin C, kim and i rock. we have good taste, as i'm sure mane others do, but you don't know what i'm talking about, so nevermind. too many concerts coming up, i don't know which to choose. i wanna go to lifehouse wicked bad because i love them, but weezer is coming the night before to the centrum, so i dunno what to do. sum 41 comes in october, so i hope i can go to atleast 2. ok, i think i'm done, stephen just Imed me, so i'll go. Bye bye. post comment

you're just another pretty face, in a room full of whores [21 Aug 2001|06:09pm] [ mood | out of body ] [ music | Orgy - gender ] rah rah rah the human body and emotional system is a very complex thing. i had an out of body expierence just now, and thought about the complexity that is us. It's scary. I made myself wake up and stop that. attract suction heart to heart dissolve dizzy hate that says alot about things i'm feeling right now. I am having a piece of metal shoved through my eyebrow Thursday [also known as a piercing]. the pain with be a fun experience. must call Jenna to see if she will be having metal shoved through her belly button with me. I hope she comes, but i dunno. Kris wants to come to..hmmm. well, school is exactly one week from today. AHHHHH!! school really isn't that bad, but it scares me. not the actual experience of school, but to think that this part of my life shapes my whole life to come, that fuckin freaky. so i can't fuck up right now, which i haven't yet, so that's good. Kris and cait's berfday is soon, i need to think about that. i must go think and try to relax because i'm rather on edge right now, i need to draw some dr. seuss [don't ask] post comment

A trade is in order..... [08 Aug 2001|05:08pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | GUK - mass pike ] What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm a fucking pain in the ass to people... i mean i don't have any idea why anyone puts up with me. On top of that i'm a real brat. plus i'm just a bitch and have mood swings like crazy for no reason. I hate myself. I mean that in the meanest way too. I truely hate everything i am. I loathe the thought of myself. If i were another person and i knew me i would plan to kill me. Why do you people put up with me? I hope all of my friends read this because then maybe they would realize how insignificant i am and stop wasting their time on me. That's what i deserve. I don't deserve you guys. See, this is what i'm talking about, i'm bitching right now. I need to shut the fuck up and crawl into a hole and die. That would make everyone alot happier and everything alot easier. I am so annoyed with everything right now, and nothing seems to be working out the way i really hope it would. Maybe that shows me that i don't deserve it. I'm just sick of me...would someone like to trade? 3 comments|post comment

blamed myself for being too much like somebody else [01 Aug 2001|11:00pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Marilyn Manson - Coma white ] Today sucks! i fucking hate my luck. So yeah, it was great...Tim was coming on friday and we had it all planned out and everything and it was gonna be awesome..like you have no idea..i was so excited to see him again...and of course...his car breaks down!! FUCK!!!!! so now, no tim. I'm so pissed off right now. Plus i have this huge fuckin hive on my lip that is pissing me off so much. And today for some reason i am just in a really bad mood, even before i found out Tim wasn't coming. I'm really confused about the whole Tim situation too. Like, are we dating, or are we just friends, or what? Because i'm really into him and all, and i know he is into me, but i just need to know if anything is going to come about from this attraction to one another. It's just so weird, and whenever i bring it up to him, i get the feeling he doesn't wanna talk about it or something. I dunno what to do really, i'm just really confused and i've been thinking alot about it lately. I guess the best thing to do is just talk to him about it at some point. Yeah, i'll probably do that tonight. God, it sucks that he's not coming. like, that really blows...his car just had to break down today...and it just can't be fixed by friday...of course! Just my fucking luck. And i hate to be bitching about it like this, because Tim feels like it's his fault and he feels like he's the one that's making me upset, when it is just the whole situation that makes me upset. It really isn't him at all...i love my Timmy to bits. I hope he knows that too. Oh well, i suppose we will hang out as soon as his car is fixed, but still, the situation just fucking sucks. Ok, i think i'm done bitching. stephen's berfday is saturday, so maybe on friday i'll go out with kris and cait to go get him berfday stuff. I love my stephen too, but he knows that. Ok, i think that's it, sorry i don't update too often, but i'm not very interesting, so there isn't too much to say too often. Ok, bye bye! post comment

ramblings [23 Jul 2001|12:15pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Daft punk vs. Fatboy slim - Around the world and Praise You ] This summer is cool. i miss the rajalas. i am living with them when they get back. actually they will probably live here in my pool. they are going to get all prune-like in there. ew. All alone in the house = music really loud and lots of fun. I'm most creative when i'm alone, definitely. I must go out today and get some more canvas and maybe some cool colors of paint because i'm feeling like i need to paint alot today. maybe i'll paint out on the porch. it's one of those really beautiful days today, but sadly it is too hot to really truly enjoy it. i want a thunderstorm. i need to find some fun things to photograph in black and white. Then i think i will ask my brother to teach me how to use photoshop and other fun stuff when he gets home from work. creative day, yes. I'm in a strangely happy mood, i guess i'm noticing how much people suck and so then i feel better about myself. wow that was really mean. well yeah, tim is visiting soon, yay. i miss him. i think i'm going to take him hostage here so he can never leave. Actually i think he should sleepover. yeah right, like that would happen. Oh well, i can dream. cool people that read this journal go check out the artist Shag at www.shag-art.com . he is sweet. he paints on panel so he gets this really cool background design. Definitly a rad dude. Yeah so anyway. i need to read the 10th insight soon. even if i don't believe it, it's still a very well-written series, and it's cool to think "what if?". My dad would kill me if he heard me saying that. ok, that's it, bye bye post comment

Cool Shit [18 Jul 2001|06:54pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Dropkick Murphys - The Gauntlet ] So yeah, sorry no updates, i've been away and all that. plus for some reason i just don't like updating this fucking thing. So yeah, i went to Arianna's. It was cool. We had a good time, it was good to see her again. I don't think her mom liked me much though, i dunno why, but she wanted me to leave early. I dunno, i thought i was a good kid. So Sun we went to see Tim, and wow he is rad. It was so awesome to finally see him and be able to hug him and all that good stuff. then we went to the mall and then to Video To Go, where Timmy works to get videos. We got something like 5 fuckin videos for free because Tim rocks and he loves us. So then we watched those and did other stuff that i can't remember and then it was mon. So Mon we had to go to that fuckin school thing, but we got out early because we had to go pick up Dante and Tim. So it was really Cool to hang out with them for a few hours, although i think Dante had a crush on Tim. That was fuckin funny shit. Ok so then Tom and Indi show up, and i was really cool to see them, even though Tom and i don't really have a good history, but i won't get into that. Indi was so funny with the skunks. God that was so funny. indi is a cool kid, even though he makes fun of me being so young, but whatever. he was nice to me, which i didn't think he would be, but it was a plus. So then everyone else showed up to the party and it was a cool party with lots of funny shit happening. So yeah that was pretty much it for Mon. Tuesday rocked. So arie went to school and i stayed in and tim picked me up around 12:30. we went to his house and played with his ferret and just hung out and yeah... i won't get into it. you probably don't wanna hear it anyway, and if you do then ask me. But yeah, i was so sad i had to leave, god it was really hard to say goodbye to him. I really wish we could work something out with that. He is so awesome, i really really like him. It cool to kiss someone with a tongue ring, hehehe. then tuesday night was the scariest night of my life with Arie and Heather, but i really can't get into that. It was very not cool though. I could have cried. Fuck driving at night, i won't be doing that much after last night. So today is Wednesday and i'm home. I left around 12..because i didn't feel like sitting around til 2 to be picked up. i had a really rad time, and it was hard to say goodbye to everyone. I already miss them. Tim, i think you read this, but i'm not sure, so if you do hi and i love ya hun! ok thats it, bye bye 1 comment|post comment

I suck [11 Jul 2001|07:39pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Maryjane - Alanis Morrisette ] I am so horrible at the updating game! Oh well, no one reads this anyway. So yeah, i went to the Rajala's cape house and got home today. It was a good time, but not alot to talk about. Then on Sun i leave to go to Arianna's house for her berfday and what not. That will be cool beans. I need to get me some dickie's man pants, because guys clothes rock. and dickies rock . And my mommy can get them for me for cheap. That rocks. i need to go to a thrift shop or the salvation army or one of those good places to get me some sweet ass clothes. Dirty old disgusting clothes are always the best. The ones with crazy logos and ugly dezines are always interesting. Yup. uhmmm.... so i think i need to watch some T.V. and wreck my eyes some more because i need some entertainment. Summer is super rad, but i dunno, it just never ever lives up to expectations, which blows lots of times. So yeah, seeing Arie and Tim and kickin it with them will be good times. I'm hoping to go to some random 5bucks! or FID show with Kris and K-Dogg soon. i miss my girls. They are stellar chicks. I have the best friends, but why is it that i suck so much? and even better question i will leave you with is that if they are so amazing, and i suck so much, then why do they like me? Hmmm....good day kiddies! 1 comment|post comment

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