lith's journal

lith's journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> black
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Friday, March 15th, 2002

4:37 pm

thought i'd post in here just to say hi.. it's been a while. i started keeping another journal, so if you, for some odd reason, would like to read about my stupid life, my new user name is morbidkittn happy picture of candice and i. ::waves:: current mood: okay
3 *

Tuesday, January 15th, 2002

1:45 pm

~~e u~~ p h o r i a dys
1 *

Wednesday, January 9th, 2002

4:54 pm

more pic-a-tures

our trip to starchers and denny's last night

the afterbirth of a lesbian clusterfuck..er.. steven and brian about to get it on...er.. blackmail..

::pout:: they were out of cherries, so we had to resort to strawberries.

::pinch:: pre-starchers and denny's

i woke up one morning, and ::wide eyes, thrusting wrists into the camera:: THESE stigmata scars that coincidentally resemble cigarette burns magically appeared on my the insides and outsides of my wrists.

"helping" leia play pool

fly. fly. fly. dead steve, dead. fly dead, steve, dead fly.

current mood:

bouncy
current music: hum de dum dummmmmm

*1 * *

Friday, January 4th, 2002

1:31 pm

so it's been a while. i figured a couple pictures wouln't cause any conflict. ::knock on wood:: haha. sexy jess leia dressed up as liz. she makes a better me than i do! dumb blond picture i took of leia. rather artistic, i thought.. kissing my wife stoned. stoned. stoned. current mood: crappy current music: some ghetto-thug music playing upstairs
10 *

Tuesday, November 27th, 2001

12:50 am

i think kat's got the right idea.. fuck all this, fuck you all.. bye, bye LJ
6 *

Friday, November 23rd, 2001

4:09 pm - busssssssted!

so what is one to do when she finds out her mother is a cheating slut?

i discovered this conversation on my FUCKING DESKTOP! i mean, jesus christ.. if you're going to be saving evidence such as this, wouldn't you think to hide it somewhere? stupid cunt...

i only posted the most interesting parts of the convo. she's in such deep shit.

i mean, i'm really not suprised by the whole thing--i think i'm just more pissed off than anything.

~~brace yourself~~

current mood:

pissed off

*14 * *

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001

6:50 pm

so in order to pass the time while among my relatives, i pretended to exhibit the effects of the turkey--sleeping. after my 14 hour rest last night, i took a 3 hour nap. that's not so bad, is it? sleeping 17 hours? i mean, unconsciousness is waaaaay better than being awake and pissed off at the world for making you live in it, right?

current mood:

bitchy
current music: la la la laalalaaaaa

*2 * *

10:01 am

i think 14 hours of sleep should get me through the day. i'm not particularly excited about spending the day with my relatives--it induces feelings of remorse and cynicism. i don't like feeling like that.

i awoke from a rather disturbing dream around 1 a.m. this morning. i extended a dagger out in front of me and thrusted it into my chest. i awoke upon impact singing a rasputina song, the lines repeating over and over in my head:

"i know what you need.
this will really work.
in ancient times, if you were sick
they make you bleed.
oh, honey i know it hurts.

do you believe in the signs of the zodiac?"

::sigh:: today's going to be a stupid day.

current mood:

grumpy
current music: ani difranco - shameless

*3 * *

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001

6:54 pm

so i was talking with keith on AIM the other night (a guy i met about 2 weeks ago through my sister), and in the middle of our conversation, he says "want to come see me?" so with a great deal of hesitance, i agreed to ride up with some girls who go to kent as well, to the university of akron. so we hung out for a few hours around all his drunken friends and the three chicks i rode up with. i wasn't sure how to react to the situation. my social anxiety problems have become increasingly severe, so i just quietly sat on the floor, shaking, and just watched everyone. he admitted that i 'scare him,' as he resembles an ambercrombie boi, and appearently i resemble an intimidating goth. he's not my type, but very cute. he called me last night after 23 shots of tequilla to tell me he has a crush on me. i really didn't know how to respond--so we chatted for over an hour about things i'm sure he'll not have rememberd by this morning. ::growl:: i don't need another fucking guy trying to get in my pants. but i have to admit, he is kinda cute...

goddamnit.

current mood:

confused
current music: a perfect circle - judith

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001

1:35 pm

i was thinking today, and i realized that i haven't intentionally inflicted harm upon myself in 45 days (if you count the time i was really drugged, and not especially all there), and 66 days ago when used as a coping method. yay for me!!!

mrs. gilbert (my guidance counselor from grades 10, 11, 12) emailed me yesterday, requesting that i mentor this girl who supposedly has 'issues,' as she referred to them as. i'm flattered that she thought of me to assume this role, but i'm not sure how positively i could influence a girl with such emotional problems. hell, i can't even take care of myself.. so i emailed her back expressing my concern and asked her opinion on the matter. the idea of someone looking up to me for support is really fucking scary.

current mood:

sleepy
current music: tori amos - hey jupiter

*2 * *

8:58 am - disturbing noises upset my socks

it's snoooooowing!!

......... . . . . ......... .... . .

it's snowinnnnnnng!!!!!

............... .... ........ ......... .

snow snow snow
it'ssssss snowing!!!

...... . . . . . . . .... . ......... . . . . .... ........................ .. . .

current mood:

drained


1 *

Monday, November 19th, 2001

8:27 pm

hooray! i made a collage! current mood: mischievous current music: manson - get your gunn
6 *

1:56 pm

so i finally got my ass motivated enough to scan some of these. i'm sure it's rather blatantly obvious my obsession with faeries and angels.

what do i have left?

my strength is in my silence

chained to suffering

the arrow goes straight through my heart

how do i get out of here?

and sometimes i feel nothing

last night i took some tylenol with codeine. i was lying on the floor watching 'the skulls' with my roomates, limp-limbed, all fuzzy and happy. they just laughed at me and insisted that i shouldn't take anymore drugs. i should really save it for when i need it, but oh well..

current mood:

indifferent
current music: kittie - charlotte

Sunday, November 18th, 2001

2:17 pm

i've finally smothered the dying flame
that while gasping for its last breath,
pleaded for its life.
consumed with bitterness,
engulfed by betrayal,
i laughed in defiance.
a single breath
escaped from my sneering lips,
and a tear extinguisned the flame
that once burned
so undeniably in my heart.
all has been ~~given~~ stolen,
all is lost,
i am dead.

current mood:

uncomfortable
current music: kmfdm - apathy

*1 * *

Saturday, November 17th, 2001

6:00 pm

so i finally gave in and hung out with justin. i figured after his incessant phone calls and my tendencies to continuously stand him up, i'd hang out with him for a few hours. a place not many people have ever seen duh-heads i'm freeeeeeeeeee give me annoyed, give me irritation flying klsdwoeir9usdlkmfwoier nin tattoo my frail, bleeding heart--exposed current mood: blah
2 *

Friday, November 16th, 2001

9:20 pm

::over at bekey's having wild, passionate lesbian bondage sex:: now where'd i put that strap on? current mood: devious
4 *

12:51 pm

note to self: brandyn is an uncompromising, inconsiderate, rude, subborn, self-righteous, bastard-ass motherfucker.
1 *

11:37 am

i've once again began mutilating the insides of my mouth with constant gnawing. it's a nervous habit i occasionally subject myself to out of boredom--thus the results of my tedious efforts on this goddamned english paper. ~~god help me~~ current mood: irritated current music: sarah mclachlan - dear, god
1 *

Thursday, November 15th, 2001

10:49 pm

and just when i think things couldn't get worse... they do... current mood: sick current music: smashing pumpkins - crestfallen
2 *

3:47 pm


**

> previous 20 entries
> top of page

LiveJournal.com