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LiveJournal for ThatTramp.
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| Wednesday, March 20th, 2002 |
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back at school. it blows ass. oh well. at least i only have to be here for 78 more days. yeah. wow. i had the best vacation. again. spent so much time with randy. i really love that kid. didn't spend enough time w/liz, but oh well, she's always bizzay. i love her so much. i love titus, too. they're sooooo great together. aw geez. those kids. her play was funny. the kid who played conrad birdie looks and acts just like JPR. scary as fuck. i hardly saw marcy or ann. oh well. i had mucho de fun with kim and syd getting lost skiing. that was the illest. wow. i have nothing to say anymore. i wrote so much a couple of weeks ago but el computer decided to go scitzo on me. fucking bitch. oh well. can't wait for this summer. things are going to rock!!!!!. wow. i was being snoopish and i just read phil's lj. man, i know just how he fuckin feels. ah well. too bad he hated me. juli said she found the perfect guy for me. i'm pleased. he wears peacoats. i'm not so sure about that, but he works at blockbuster and that is the illest. i got a pink panther lunch box w/a vinyl strap there. that place is my hero. well then. i thought larry's play was this weekend. i was wrong. now i have no excuse to go visit him. poo. well then. think i'll be leaving now |
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| Friday, March 8th, 2002 |
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| fuck me up the ass. i just wrote the longest enrty ever. it took me almost an hour to write, and it said so goddamn much and now my fucking computer ate it. i should've just gone to bed. fuck this shiit. i am so pissed off. | ||
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| Wednesday, March 6th, 2002 |
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i'm tired. must sleep. have to drive mom to work in the morning. bleck. maybe not, if she's coming home soon that would be sweet. i had fun today just veging and doin little projects. saw shannon. watched snatch. talked about our bisexuality and how much of a slut she is. no offense to her. i just think she should have a little more respect for herself. 0h well. went to randys. he looks good. the driveway's realy fucked up. he gave me cool shit. i gave him the stab saber XP 2002 f-series. talked to liz and titus on the phone earlier. funfunfun. now i'm off to bed. checked out cliff yablonski hates you. so fuckin funny. thanx sean |
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| Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 |
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| elizabeth needs to e-mail me those pics. | ||
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dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit. fuck. i had fun tonight. liz and titus are an awesome pair. sniff sniff. why me? i don't know. i don't know what to do, but i'm sad. very sad. i have to do stuff. 1)find job 2)choreograph. this is the most important 3)shannon 4)randy 5)marcy 6)kim 7)photo 8)burn cds 9)boyfriend i just want to relax for a while. dammit. i need a vacatio from my vacation. need some time to do nothing. but i have to choreograph and i'm really stressed about it. don't be. just calm down. take deep breaths. you're good. you can do it. fuck. i'm worried. i'll manage. i have to. lets see. it took me 2 hours to choreograph 2 minutes so all i have to do is 8 hours of work. i can do that. 2 hours a day for 4 days. or maybe 2 4 hour days. i can handle it. sweet. i'll get most of it done and i'll be so happy and life will be awesome. nothing else will matter. i won't even mind going back to school. i won't. i wouldn't mind going now. i'm realizing how little time I have left and how much i'm going to actually miss it when I leave. it seems impossible, yet i know I'm going to cry a lot or at least feel really sad and nostalgic for a long time afterword and for a while before graduation too. i'll just have to keep busy. yup. damn. i'm gonna miss twiztid. oh well. why does getting to see all of my friends seem like so much work. it's not that much owrk at school. i can drive here. what's the difference? do they not care so much as they did before? oh well. i miss matty and arielle and of course, abby, but i think she might be pissed at me. i wish she could loosen up a little. i think i patronized her a little when we snuck out, but i couldn't help giggling cause she was acting the same way i did when I snuck out the first time. i don't know. who else do i miss? james, not gwen. she doesn't like me. emily's nice. margaret, I miss, anni, of course, noah, matt, larry, or lawrence, as I'm supposed to say, who else? i can't believe i'm actually missing walnuts. i should go to stowe high school and bring everybody coffee or something during their breaks. yeah. i'd be nice like that. maybe i'd run into cool people too. wee'll see. the film came out so well. i'm so excited to print. i already printed one of noah. it's great. well. i'm tired. that's whats going on. to do list (revised): -tape The Osbourne's -get together with marcy -go to movies or something with shannon -bring kids coffee and tea at school -go out for food at thai place with marcy, ANN!, kim, rachel, amber -party with shannon, kim, heidi, and tam -call randy very soon! -chill with randy thursday -skiing/photography with marcy, ann, rachel and kim this weekend or after school -call helena about studio and job -choreograph at least 4 days (mornings) -clean room -pick up applications and ask around for jobs this summer -call judy alexander -spend quality time with parents, ex: snowshoeing, talking -call wren damn I gotta print this out or i'm gonna forget i got cute clothes and hats and a plastic sickle with a horse skull on it. woo. weaponry. |
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| Sunday, March 3rd, 2002 |
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 What Kind Of Pokemon Are You? i hate pokemon
mmkay? never saw that one comin  yeah she's the shit.  What era of Trent Reznor are you? Take the What Trent Are You? quiz to find out! Quiz by  chameleon669!oh yes! the hottest trent reznor yet.  Which Marilyn Manson are you? Take the Which Marilyn Manson are you quiz to find out! Quiz by  Chameleon669!i agree  WICH SERIAL KILLER ARE YOU? find out at: slitmyfuckingthroat.cjb.net he's so cute.  Which Angelina Are You? arielle would like this test |
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| Sunday, February 24th, 2002 |
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went to juli's party. drank mountain dew. talked about ty. everybody at the party knew him. isn't that scary! ate kickin buffalo chicken i miss childhood. when you get older you find all the stuff you were dreaming about isn't really that cool and havin to grow up and go through middle school hell and high school high ain't worth it. damn there was supposed to be a gorgeous guy 'just like me' as juli put it at her party but he never showed. dammit. i'll have to meet him sometime. although maybe i shouldn't cause i definitely have no luck with 'hot' guys I meet. we have some nice moment and then its over forever. damn. speaking of over, i want to call larry, but he hasn't been home as of late. he calls me and leaves a message and he always says 'call me back IF YOU WANT TO' . of course i want to. dammit. oh well gots to leave the computer. see y'all later. |
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002 |
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 I am George Christ, brother of Jesus. Although a little on the bitter side, I still love my mom and take care of my environment. I am also notorious for running around wearing only socks on the weekends. Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz |
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2002 |
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it's been a while. so that girl was actually pam. she seems kinda cool. i don't know her at all. she was nice. talked to larry. it was nice. nice for the first time in a long while. maybe I'm on the road to recovery. he said, 'call sean' and I said 'that's a good idea' and it is. i haven't even got around to calling wren yet. what's wrong w/me? i'm simply awful. abby's dog's gonna die and she didn't even tell me until last night when I asked why she wasn't staying here this weekend. she never opens up to anyone. she's really hurting and she tells no one. damn i hate that. she just lets me whine on and on and on and on about my shit but I never have aclue what's going on with her. it's hot in here. mmmmm. . . russel nodded at me, uhhhhh. hah. is juli reading this? she never fuckin calls me when she's coming to visit. she's so weird. elizabeth's boyfriend spent like 200 duckets on her for valentine's day and beyond. that is so awesome. not that their relationship is based on that stuff but that someone would actually spend that much time and effort and money just to make my girl happy. it warms me little 'eart. fuck ass cock shit cunt rag smelly bitch french class. test next period. fuck me. we have to analyze poems. boo. not boourns. cassidy is cool. i think matty feels uncomfortable around me. I don't make his list. how sad. oh well. went and visited him. maybe I'll give that up. oh well. i haven't been to photo class in forever. fuckin rehearsals. i will have to get in the dark room this weekend. started a sur le papier kind of journal. its basically a book of questions plaguing me at whatever time i wrote that entry. ah well. dreamed that i was a mouse with anni and abby and others and we were hitching rides on trucks and trying not to get eaten or captured by the evil ringmaster. funny. blah. randy said he can help me out, editing my music for the big sc. so cool. he's my superhero. play tonight. or maybe I have rehearsal. we'll see ta |
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| Friday, February 15th, 2002 |
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dammit i need a new piece of music for choreography. i have two so far and i need a third. something kind of nine inch nails like without words. help! ah well. i'm in much better spirits this week. iwen to ballet only once. that must have smething to do with it. this keyboard is sticky. fuckin' bitch. valentine's day wasn't so bad. i made the most awesome valentines for people. i was nice. i found somebody who goes to my school on live journal. divinebovine. i think i know who they are, and there's a lot more to them than i thought. well. i guess everyone feels adolescent and not confident often too. this person really sucks though. oh well. everybody left this weekend. maybe i'll go visit matt-E. that would be fun. i'm getting bored w/this journal right now. i feel like because I have nothing angsty or whiney to say that ther IS nothing to say. well. hmmm. i feel happy, i guess. might go to boston w/shortie. hearing or rather reading elizabeth talk about how in love she is and the whole valentine's crap makes me so jealous. i want to be home so i can chill with her and i also want a boyfriend that i'm in love w/too. is that too much to ask? finding love shouldn't be that difficult. it seems like a very reasonable request. why shouldn't everyone fnd somebody to love? the world would be such a nice place. speaking of which, we watched the miracle of life AGAIN in bio class. too many vaginas and heads popping through them and blue babies and vas deferens and bulbourethral fluid and erectile tissue. that's a side of 'love' that's too much for me. eeewww. sex is gross and what comes of it is even more. aids, syphilis, clamydia, crabs, babies, placenta = nastiness. there are so many beautiful roses around here. i think i'm going to gag. oh well. maybe next year, as my family tends to say for everything. mmmm. . . russel. il est si beau. i have to write a poem about my place of origin. IN FRENCH. gasp, puke. oh well. only like 15 days till i'm home. it had better rock, however it definitely won't rock as much as winter break did. in fact it will be windy and nasty. oh well. indoors rocks, anyhow. i gots to call larry and get his email again. e-mail is much better than phone conversations with people who have nothing to say to you anyways. fuck me. no, not literally. i'm taking sean' position on that stuff. aids is an enormous problem in africa. i had no idea. it's cause all the men go fuck-happy on ALL the women, who have no rights and are not made to enjoy sex, only to lie there as dutiful wives/whatever, and they have no say in the matter and so all the women get aids. or SIDA, as it's called en français. i'm so ignorant. i think i'll move there and be celibate and die from some weird parasite taking over my body. funfunfun. yeah, i got a B+ on my senegal project for french. that cunt can suck my ass. i learned the aids thing in french class, by the way. well yes. time to go find arielle. |
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| Monday, February 11th, 2002 |
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 What is YOUR Highschool label? |
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 Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz Made By: myway and teza |
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| ah. i feel nice right now. skipped dance, of course. yeuh. went downtown w/margie and natalie s. they are the bomb.com. watched simpsons last night. that was the craziest shit. i laughed. stayed up real late last night doing work. had my french presentation after i slept through 1st and second period. weeeeee. i didn't finish it though so I still gots to present tomorrow. fuck dat sheet. tomorrow i gots to make an announcement about my STOLEN FIGHT CLUB MOVIE. dammit. who would do such a thing? fuckin arielle had to go and leave it out in the hall. oh well. it'll be ok. joe and arielle and abby and i have to dress all sketchy and brandish weapons to freak someone into giving it back. who stole jesse's executive poncho? i can understand stealing cd players but ponchos? where's the benefit of that? mmm. . .joooooooe. i'm so silly. i'm also tired. i gotta start going to bed earlier. mmm. . .sleeep. | ||||||
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2002 |
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weird. yeah. in arielle's room. slept here last night. looked at female nude photography, a lot of it hers, a lot of it professionals. she fuckin rocks. i wish i had the eye that she does. maybe i just don't have enough exposure. or patience. or time. this summer. oh yes. 'twill be a photography extravagana to remember. what i need to fing are excellent backrounds for portraits, and start using my tripod more. i took some night scenes w/it laST week but they didn't come out cause that was that pushing film exercize. wow. i love photography. i need to find some models who aren't impatient like abby and who are comfortable being photographed. yeuh. arielle's roommate was a bitch and even though she took out all her bedding and slept in someone else's room last night she wouldn't let me sleep on her mattress. so i SLEPT WITH ARIELLE. fun. she's my hero. i drew something last night. it was i think the first time i drew an entire body. it wasn't exactly lifelike but it was pretty fuckin good for never having drawn before. i tried to draw a middle age skinny woman but in the end it looks about the same as zoe's or arielle's women, just not as stylized. oh well. who cares? i have more confidence now. woot. i bought halo 13. it was cheap. i don't believe trent reznor deserves any more of the little people's money until he comes out with new stuff. live is good, but entirely new is better. i bought juli the coolest gift. it was so cool i had to take it out of the package and play with it myself. in 6 words: bop it. twist it. pull it. sooo much fun. i wanna go out to california this summer. jeezus. but when am i gonna have time for this. my commitments include: florida(beach bums w/randy and abby and scott), camping with shannon, camping w/elizabeth, going to the gathering, and getting a job to pay for all of it. the job is the tricky thing. so's the car factor. i have to get a job. that's a certainty. before i can do any of this stuff i have to make enough money for college. the summer is short. i won't be able to do all of it. dammit. if i had a car things would be easier too. that also involves money. sheeet. what am i going to do. maybe parents will help. i certainly ain't complainin' but i wish i had some cash flow and more time to fund this stuff. aarg. well maybe i can get abby's uncle to buy be a ticket to cali. randy can help out with the florida thing. shannon and elizabeth can help w/camping things. oh well. this involves so much planning which unfortunately takes away the exhiliration of just dropping everything and fleeing vermont. oh well. if only i were 18 and had a car. then id just get friends to pitch in and we'd go cross country style for the entire summer. that would be excellent. we could really cover some ground. and i could go see arielle and wren and my sister and her family and all that shit. that would rock. lord. arg. the world is my oyster if i can make it out of here without becoming hardened and bitchy. only like 110 days. i wonder when sarah lawrence will reply. if they don't let me in i honestly don't know what i'm gooing to do. grrr. . . i don't want to be stuck working for helena alone in vt, waiting for everybody to get on winter or spring break and visit me. i'm so aloooone. i miss them sooo much. hells. yeah. i'm sure as fuck excited for the summer though. damn, elizabeth we HAVE to see more of each other! my, what a long pointless post. oh well. i feel nice. i have so much work to do today. gotta do my french presentation. thatshould take about 2-3 hours. gotta createa chair dance for choreography. that should take no more than 2 hours. sad, how slow i work. i wanna watch that monty python dvd before a gots to return it. ooh. simpsons on tonight. i guess i don't have too much to do today. i wanted to get some dark room time in but oh well. i just hope abby will be up for photography. |
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2002 |
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well yes. i'm tired but getting better. these shit computers have made it quite difficult for me to write anything for the last few days. i have rehearsal tonight. that should be fun. i hear the piece rocks. it's entitled 'checkin up on my crazy girl' riley is going to be in it along with the rest of us girl and we're ALL going to be wearing country-style DRESSES. riley looks awkward enough in pants as it is. yeesh. i finally found some senegalese music for my presentation for french class. cool. yup. but i don't know how i'm going to be able to pronounce any of it. i have to say african names, already a challenge, in a french accent. youssou ndyour? those people gots fucked up names. people been pissing me off. better than sad, i guess. ahh. if i ever see *certain* people again i'm going to smack either them or myself. *other* people I'd like to see some more of but they're probably busy. i'm kind of, no, wait, REALLY scared to call them cause, well, i don't know. just afraid that i'll call and they'll be busy with *other* people and i'll get sad and I don't want to be sad, damnit. sad is bad. had nice chat w/arielle and matty. i really like arielle now that i know she isn't just a zoe spinoff/sexaholic/fashionable little bitch. i think she cares a little. that's nice. i need a computer. something rather compact and durable enough to withstand being moved about a lot from home to home for the next four years, and something that has good music/movie shenanaginns. i was looking at the new imac. perhaps i'm just attracted to the asthetics. i dunno, but it sounded sweet. i don't know what my price range is yet, but i need some help from somebody who knows something about computers. muahyven. feelin' better towards the end of the week. i dunno. i'm sad but time is moving on. had nice chat w/anni, cassidy, and carolyn last night. i'm not scared of carolyn anymore! yippee. we talked about school, and i realized just how much i should've taken a history w/mr. gregg instead of french. stupid parents. stupid illusive french exchange. stupid sept. 11. where did you go, my beautiful french trip that i spent 4 yyears preparing for. that is god's doing. that little bastard. getting me back for being so self-involved. wow. yes. i am self involved. what a nice realization. or not. any hoo. i really want to go back home and look for work for the summer. maybe I'll audition for a play. haven't done one of those in a long fuckin' while. i'm so excited for the summer. i don't know how i'll contain myself. as much as i hate to say it, i will miss this place and i'll be really sad and fuckin scared to move on. oh well. maybe i'll find myself a boyfriend or something this summer. hah. that'll be the day. . . well yeah. why was i so depressed earlier this week? pulling out my hair, biting my nails, slashing things, crying, what the hell is going on. I hope I'm not turning into one of those manic-scitzo-phuckers that torments their spouses and children with their randomly interjecting insane pitiful wailings and happy gitty bouncy moments. oh well. school. depressing. have to go to ass. i mean class. wow. i'm cool. i came up with that all by myself. |
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| Tuesday, February 5th, 2002 |
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 Take The Scooby-Doo Test! |
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i'm going to shoot myself. ahhhh. stress. and i'm just creating more and more of it. shit festers in my head and i can't get to sleep at night. but i can't stay awake and do work either. i don't know why. fucking hell. i'm going to fuck myself over. i hate my life right now. god, let me out of this place once and for all. fuck. i had to cry myself to sleep last night. not because I was sad, really, well i was, but that's not the point. i had to cry myself to sleep so my brain would be 'tired' enough to let me finally fall asleep. grrr. . . I need to be at home right now if for no pother reason to have someone talk some sense into me. so my mom can say, 'stop your bitching and get to work.' or "quit foolin' around and get to bed" and i'd do it. i desperately need a parental figure looming over me and ordering me around. i crave discipline. nooo. i might start turning to drugs. aaahhh. i hate dance. dammit. i'm never taking another ballet class once i get out of here. jesus christ. look at me. i'm sitting here rocking back and forth, in a semi-fetal position, biting my nails like a motherfucker. i look particularly hideous today. need sleep. i need somebody to talk to. i can't call stowe. i don't know what to say and they don't know how to listen. i can't call "certain" people for obvious reasons. i can't talk to abby. she's really fed up with me. fuck. |
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 *Take This Test!* |
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 *Take This Test!* |
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LiveJournal for ThatTramp.
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blah.
groggy.
nostalgic.
aggravated.
flirty.
relaxed.
bored.