Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lemon's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Saturday, March 2nd, 2002
4:13 pm	hum de dum de dum............ Current Mood: curiouser and curiouser Current Music: KoRn- Blind (Comment on this)
Monday, February 25th, 2002
6:11 pm	im tyred of getting shit from people.......thats all i do......i stand and get shit from people, and i dont ever get defensive......y? because i believe them when they say it......'cause i have no self esteem......and i dont want to continue on with this worthless, petty existence anymore.......where everytime i turn around i'm getting hurt in one way or another......and i'm so tired of getting shit and not being able to have the things i want..........fuck........ Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: AFI- A Story At Three (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 22nd, 2002
8:26 am	i have to work today....and then my fate Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: AFI- The Last Kiss (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 21st, 2002
9:38 pm	sooo.....saw Liza today....that was interesting....and....kinda.....painful.....i'm so mixed up....and on top of that, there are few competant musicians in town to jam with.....they all either play like shit or have just never played before.....the beginners cant be played, but the people who have played for a few years and should have some skill dont'......lyfe sux Current Mood: hurt, mixed up, left behind Current Music: The Cure- Watching Me Fall (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
9:37 pm	umm....so could someone actually explain this emo phenomenon that i appear to have the style of? cause i know pretty much nothing about it Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: The Cure- Why Can't I be You? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:35 pm	hmm.....so, jimmy and Liza unexpectedly showed up today, and, not that thats a bad thing, but for some reason Liza wouldn't say anything, at all, the whole time she was here. that made me feel a little uncomfortable, i'm not sure why. i guess i still have to deal with my emotions from the whole breaking up thing, and i'm not totally done yet. but, i kinda dont want to be around her if she's gonna be like that, cause it makes me feel like i'm not important to her, like she has nothing to say, or that she doesn't want me around and she wont say anything because she's following the whole "if you can't say anything nice dont say anything at all" routine....maybe i'm just being paranoid....most probably.....i just love her and dont want to lose her, thats all.......i'm sorry for whining, but there's not much else i can do. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: the smurfs theme (Comment on this)
Monday, February 18th, 2002
9:41 pm	My Ever Eventful Day Well, lets see now, what happened today. i woke up feeling lyke shyt, so i put on my makeup and marched off to school. I didn't see Liza almost all day until 6th hour because i was afraid to see her, because, quite frankly, i felt lyke shyt. i chylled wyth her after school and we got sum thyngs worked out, so hopefully we can give this relationship another go in a little whyle, but for the tyme being we're not going out. :( oh well. Valerie was very nyce, and invited me to open up to her about anythyng with any relationship i'm in, and i'll probably do that sometime soon, at least to hear her POV on my sytuations. anyways, luv u all, esp. Liza, and i'll talk later Current Mood: tired Current Music: Liquid Gang- Rain (Comment on this)
6:20 pm	HAHA!!! Fuck You!!! R You are restricted. Well done, you're now practically adult in nature, and plus, you get to see nudity - have fun. "Which Movie Classification Are You?" Test created by Jamie - take it here. Current Mood: loved Current Music: Fugazi- Waiting Room (Comment on this)
9:46 am	Which Trainspotting Character Are You? Current Mood: blank Current Music: AFI- God Called In Sick Today (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 17th, 2002
10:35 am	relationship is STILL a four letter word hmm.....times like these i stop believing in any form of emotion as love.....love is not an emotion, it is an excuse for us to follow our natural instinct to reproduce, because that's all we've ever been here for- to multiply. all these emotions are a product of society. fuck society. and fuck everyone else too. and for that matter, fuck relationships. i don't want to deal with them anymore, they're too fucking complicated. this is the last one, and i know this hasn't any chance of lasting. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: The Cure- Why Can't I Be You? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:34 am	I am Ludo! People just don't understand me. I'm a sweetheart who loves making friends - even with rocks, but I seem like a monster. Once people get to know the real me, they just can't help but love me. Take the "Which Labyrinth character are you most like?" quiz by smarmy Current Mood: blank Current Music: The Cure- Why Can't I Be You? (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 16th, 2002
6:33 pm	Relationship is a four letter word so.....i finally realize what you're supposed to do when you're in a relationship with someone- you're not supposed to care about them, you're just supposed to sit there and be there, like a lump in a log. fuck. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: The Cure- Let's Go To Bed (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 9th, 2002
3:39 pm	well shit this always happens to me i care little about the majority of the people on this stupid earth, and when i do finally care about someone and let them mean something to me i fuck it up. why? because all that care and love that i don't use on everyone else gets channeled and used just on them, then i'm considered obsessive. fuck it. see you all in hell. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Cher- If I Could Turn Back Time (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 7th, 2002
9:14 pm	strangers with "advice" annoy me Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Hoobastank- Crawling In The Dark (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
10:32 pm	im so restless.....i need to get out of this prison of a house.......i need to see Liza........right now she's the only one to comfort me Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
9:44 pm	godammitgodammitgodammitgodammit!!! I do not need this shit right now! this is gonna cause me to go into a complete relapse because im such a fucking idiot who can't handle ANYTHING!! why is it that everytime i care aboutsomeone, everything gets fucked up? am i just that much of a curse that i can't find any happiness with anyone?! i worry so much about the one person that i've ever felt really real intense emotion towards that i drive them away, which is the last thing i want to do, yet its the only thing i ever seem to do. i love her so much, and because of that, i want to be with her all the time, because i've never really had those kinds of friends or connections with someone, the closest i've gotten is Dave and Val. Now that i've gotten even closer to someone, the one person i dont want to be without, thats the situation i'm creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for. and it doesn't help when i pour my emotions out for her and she just sits there and tells me i need to not be so attached to her, because we both know its going to end and she wants to be friends with me after its over.....that just hurts.....i know im a hopeless romantic, and because of that i'm doomed to wishing and dreaming that it will never be over, that the good times will keep on rolling. but we apparently have different ideas about romance. i dont know if she understands that i dont have the kind of close friendships with people that she does with her friends, so its hard for me to chill with anyone else. even dave and val, who i do care for, haven't had the experience of me really pouring out my emotions, or my full trust, like i've given her. why must i hurt so much? why? Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Ozzy Osbourne- Dreamer (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 5th, 2002
6:33 pm	I got one of these nows: friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?account=Lemon7 enjoy Current Mood: waiting Current Music: Good Time Charlie- Everything Under the Sun (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 18th, 2002
9:05 am	bad fucking day okay, so i just read some of my friends' livejournals, and now, as if my day weren't bad enough what with Liza being distant, now i feel even worse. I'm going to try and write something here that hopefully, if someone reads, will explain and maybe save me a little bit. Julia- I'm so sorry.....i can't say much more than that. I know you see this as intentional, but I never meant to do this. I'm only human, i can't tell my emotions what to do. When you came back, it wasn't the same. I dont know what it was, and i meant to talk to you sooner, but i was so afraid of hurting you, even though in hindsight it was unavoidable. I'm so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me and my stupidity. Valerie and Dave- I'm so, so, more than ever sorry about that saturday. I never stopped to think about that fact, though this somewhat explains things. For the longest time i've been worrying about your realtionship, because you practically never show affection towards each other when I'm around. You never had to try and spare me because i was having "girlfriend problems" and I agree that I should have asked if it was alright to bring Liza. I didnt even think .... but i guess i have a bad habit of that lately. i got carried away with Liza, and I should have paid more attention to you both. I would really like to think of you as my best friends, but i haven't had any experience with best friends. I dont know how to deal with people. I'll get caught up with you, and then ill get caught up with another person without knowing how to stay with the other people, and then when i realize what i've done i kick the shit out of myself. i would very much so like to make it up to you both, because i do really value and love you as friends. If you want to do something this weekend, after finals or something, Liza is grounded through sunday, so we shouldnt have to worry about me getting sidetracked playing tongue hockey with her. i dont like being at odds with you, and lately the atmosphere's been kind of uneasy around us. I apologize again for bringing Liza on saturday without asking, I just wanted to be with the three people i love the most and didnt think about the possible drawbacks. Im so, so, beyond very sorry. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 15th, 2001
4:12 pm	Im at the library Arrogance Innocence No sense No sense He wanted to watch the world fall He fell without the world All alone All alone Insolence Arrogance No sense No sense Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Lazyeye- Coming Through (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 14th, 2001
1:10 am	i'm cranky and tyred right now.......and i feel bad for Adam.......i think he got kinda jealous and sour yesterday when Shana fell asleep on my arm, 'cause he hasn't always had the best of luck with members of the non-testicular persuasion......i hate to see him in a bad mood, 'cause he's my friend and all, and i hate to see Shana in this whole self-negativity thing she's always in.......i can now understand why people got so fed up with me two, three years ago.......i just want everything to be ryght, but i know it cant be.......i want Adam to be happy with someone, and I want Shana to be happy with herself, and I want Dave and Val to always be happy with each other, and I want Julia to be happy most of all.......but I dont know what 2 do to bring all that happiness aboot..........so i'm kinda in a krappi mood........i reelly shud go work on my englysh paprr.......... Current Mood: tired Current Music: Sublime- What I Got (4 Comments |Comment on this)