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Somewhat Insightful [22 Mar 2002|01:02pm] You are in a state of constant expectation and want interesting and exciting things to happen to you. But in fact, you are a 'Walter Mitty' at times - a dreamer - over-imaginative and often given to fantasy or day-dreaming. There is nothing wrong in 'dreaming' - how boring life would be if one just followed the doctrines of everyday life - but one must not continue leading a life of continuous fantasy. You need to face reality in spite of all its possible shortcomings. You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'. You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all. The tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to physical and/or mental frustration. It would appear that you are not appreciated and as a consequence, the situation is most disagreeable. You seek personal recognition and the appreciation of others to compensate for the lack of like minded people with whom to ally yourself. You would like to surrender and merge with others but your inherent self-restraint makes it difficult for you to open up. This disturbs you as you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You want to be liked, admired and appreciated for yourself. You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality. http://www.colorgenics.com/ post comment

[20 Mar 2002|01:11pm] Everyday I fight a war against the mirror I can't take the person starin' back at me I'm a hazard to myself Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else Here comes the cold again I feel it closing in It's falling down and All around me falling post comment

[12 Mar 2002|11:20pm] Take The Ice Cream Flavour Test!* YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! VISTORY!!! What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out! This one goes to Mickey. You're Brad Pitt. You're not really a vampire, but you play one in a movie. Find your inner vampire. 1 comment|post comment

Possibly the nicest thing anyone's ever wrote to me. [11 Mar 2002|10:36pm] just so you know i love you more than molten plastic and more than crayola brand crayons and more than tap lights and trash barrels i love you more than anything post comment

[10 Mar 2002|11:07am] This quiz says absolutely nothing about your personality. Take it! post comment

[07 Mar 2002|08:52am] Which Rock Chick Are You? Imagine my surprise! My facial expression was like Caitie's little livejournal picture of Bjork. Work, work, study, and work. Has been my vacation. Sorta nice...not enough cash but it's something. I might apply to work at Home Depot. How funny would that be? Me walking around in my silly kid outfits and a orange apron pretending that I know anything to do with tools and other home needs. I have watched HGTV, TLC, and This Old House all my life, so that must be some sort of qualification. post comment

[26 Feb 2002|09:04pm] somewhere where the the orchids grow I can't find those church bells that played when you died played Gloria talkin' 'bout Hosanah Penny Castiglia 1.15.28 - 2.26.02 post comment

[26 Feb 2002|02:50pm] This is Betsy: Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You? This is Me: Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You? Me: I got Screech! Betsy: You would. post comment

So bored, sorry kids [26 Feb 2002|12:15am] What Sex Toy Are You? Which Chess Piece Are You? What Beatles' song are you? What is YOUR Highschool label? What day are you? What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty post comment

[25 Feb 2002|06:43pm] What do you do when all you want to do is beg someone to stay, and your heart won't let you? 1 comment|post comment

Don't go yet... just don't go [25 Feb 2002|12:25pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | "Bleed" Cold ] So, rooming is happening I guess. And Betsy might want.. or she does want to room with these other girls and get an apartment with them. Which is so totally understandable. I want her to, but at the same time she's all I got. And it's my own damn fault. I tell her I'll live by myself, but I'm scared. I'm the biggest pussy. I don't want to be alone. As much as I tell people I can be on my own, I like coming back to my room and seeing Betsy here, or knowing that she's gonna be here. I like having her around, all her boy troubles, weird habits, and our late night talks. I like taking care of her when she's sick and waiting up for her when's she out. I don't want to keep her back from enjoying college life, but at the same time, I don't want to lose what is my best friend here. I want to brave for her, tell her to go, I'll be okay, and even as I write this, I'm crying cause I don't want her to go. 7 comments|post comment

[25 Feb 2002|10:16am] Timmy I'm sorry I didn't stop by Saturday, we totally forgot...well I remembered at 1am. I'll come by over my break though and show you guys. I hope you all had a good day. On a side note, busy weekend. Saw lots of kids, went out a lot. Now I have to study in order to not fail out of college and I am doomed to becoem a crack whore for the rest of my life. Spring break starts Friday.... I think I'm excited. What is your meaning of life? 1 comment|post comment

Things I already knew :) [21 Feb 2002|03:48pm] What Psych-Ward do you belong to? Which tarot card are you? 1 comment|post comment

[18 Feb 2002|09:46pm] It's funny but on good days I don't think of her so much. In fact never. I never just say hi when the sun is on my tongue and my belly's all warm. On bad days I talk to Death constantly, not about suicide because honestly that's not dramatic enough. Most of us love the stage and suicide is definitely your last performance and being addicted to the stage, suicide was never an option - plus people get to look you over and stare at your fatty bits and you can't cross your legs to give that flattering thigh angle and that's depressing. So we talk. She says things that no one else seems to come up with, like let's have a hot-dog and then it's like nothing's impossible. She told me once there is a part of her in everyone, though Neil believes I'm more Delirium than Tori, and Death taught me to accept that, you know, wear your butterflies with pride. And when I do accept that, I know Death is somewhere inside of me. She was the kind of girl all girls wanted to be, I believe, because of her acceptance of "what is". She keeps reminding me there is change in the "what is" but change cannot be made till you accept the "what is". Like yesterday, all the recording machines were breaking down again. We almost lost a master take and the band leaves tomorrow and we can't do anymore music till we resolve this. We're in the middle of nowhere in the desert and my being wants to go crawl under a cactus and wish it away. Instead, I dyed my hair and she visited me and I started to accept the mess I'm in. I know that mess spelled backwards is ssem and I felt much better armed with that information. Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore. When you're on your knees you're closer to the ground. Things seem nearer somehow. If all I can say is I'm not in this swamp, I'm not in this swamp then there is not a rope in front of me and there is not an alligator behind me and there is not a girl sitting at the edge eating a hot dog and if I believe that, then dying would be the only answer because then Death couldn't come and say Peachy to me anymore and after all she has a brother who believes in hope. 1 comment|post comment

[18 Feb 2002|06:47pm] I'm a Water Spirit post comment

[18 Feb 2002|10:48am] Triple Stacked Euro Dollar... 6 comments|post comment

Ugh... gross. [14 Feb 2002|09:55am] Even when haveing a boy, this is still the dumbest holiday out of the year... Valentine's Day Wish I had a sweetheart It's Valentine's Day Didn't even get a stinkin' card It's Valentine's Day I just have to say I hate Valentine's Day It's Valentine's Day And I didn't get no chocolate It's Valentine's Day If I had a heart I'd hock it It's Valentine's Day All I have to say I hate Valentine's Day It's Valentine's Day And I hope it finds you healthy It's Valentine's Day I'm glad your stinkin' girlfriend's wealthy It's Valentine's Day I just love to say I hate fuckin' Valentine's Day 1 comment|post comment

Cooooooool! [13 Feb 2002|04:17pm] I am a strong and empowered Jesus. I am willing to overcome whatever obstacles are thrown at me. My love of God is strong. I can't imagine why people don't don't like me. 1 comment|post comment

[12 Feb 2002|07:25pm] I write everything down except what's on my mind Cause my greatest fear is that sucking sound And then I know that I'll never get back out post comment

[12 Feb 2002|06:18pm] [ mood | sick ] it's real early morning no-one is awake I'm back at my cliff still throwing things off I listen to the sound they make on their way down I follow with my eyes 'til they crash imagine what my body would sound like slamming against those rocks when it lands will my eyes be closed or open post comment

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