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LiveJournal for dinks.
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| Sunday, February 24th, 2002 |
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| Oh. So that's why I hardly ever get hammered. Sorted. *dick* | ||||
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| Monday, February 4th, 2002 |
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I need a bedside lamp. Trying to sleep with the light on sucks. Cats can detect spirits and evil things lurking right? RIGHT? coo'. |
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| Wednesday, January 30th, 2002 |
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You know how when you make your mind up to do something. You have thought about it for ages and you are SURE it's the right thing to do. SO off you toodle all resolute in your decision. You are excited, you are looking forward to all the changes and good things this will bring. But as time goes on and the change still hasn't happened. Things start getting you down and you start pining more and more things on this change. When this happens things will be good. But you start doubting it. You are down and you don't think things will ever get better. You are sick of pining things on this change, because hell. That probably won't happen now either. Things grate on you. Your fuses grow short. You snap, you bite, you snarl. You feel bad for reacting like that since, usually you wouldn't care. Usually you would laugh, smile and punch the person in the arm all bloke like. Things get worse, lines of support are offered and all you want to do is die. On a completely different tangent, I picked up a bag of my old tapes from my mummy's last night. I'm looking forward to going through, giggling and listening to bad bad 80-90's music. Now all I need is a tape deck. I like incubus. I like how the music makes me smile. I like swearing. Because someone I know doesn't like people posting lyrics. This is ma fav incubus song at the moment, the one I listen to over and over. Knock yourself out. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/i/incubus/86383.htm |
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| Monday, January 28th, 2002 |
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| I have a headache. | ||||||||
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| Thursday, January 24th, 2002 |
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| http://friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?account=dinks | ||||
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| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002 |
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According to My Virtual Model with my height, weight and body shape, this is what I should look like.. What went wrong!?
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| Tuesday, January 15th, 2002 |
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(Talking) Girl you know we belong together I don't have time for you to be playing with my heart like this You'll be mine forever baby You just wait (Singing) We belong together And you know that I am right Why do you play with my heart Why do you play with my mind Said we'd be forever Said it'd never die How could you love me and leave me and never Say goodbye When I can't sleep at night Without holding you tight Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry Pain in my head Oh, I'd rather be dead Spinning around and around (Chorus 2x) Although we've come To the end of the road Still I can't let go It's unnatural You belong to me I belong to you Girl, I know you really love me You just don't realize You've never been there before It's only Your first time Maybe I'll forgive you Maybe you'll try We should be happy together forever You and i Will you love me again Like you loved me before This time I want you to love me much more This time instead Just come to my bed And baby just don't let me go Chorus (Talking, except things in parentheses) Girl, I'm here for you All those time as night When you just hurt me And just ran out with that other fella Baby I knew about it I just didn't care You just don't understand how much I love Do you? I'm here for you I'm not about to go out on cheat you (Maybe I'll forgive you) Just like you did But baby that's alright I love you anyway (Maybe you will try) And I'm still going to be here with you until my dying day (We should be happy together forever) Right now I'm just in so much pain Cuz you just won't come back to me (You and i) Will you? Just come back (Lonely) Yes baby, my heart is lonely (Lonely) My heart hurts (Lonely) Yes, I feel pain too Baby please (Back to singing) This time instead just come to my bed And baby just don't let me go |
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| Friday, January 11th, 2002 |
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My moods, temperaments and thoughts are going through moments of extreme clarity or extreme disgruntledness (Is that a word? Well it should be). They may last a minute, an hour or several. During which I try not to say or do anything. My reactions to people and circumstances during these times are nasty and I would prefer to live out in the real world, not some asylum. I hope things sort themselves out when I move. I seem to be placing out of weight on this going well. I better not be disappointed. I also think I talk too god damn much. Which is funny, I don't really like the sound of my own voice that much. |
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| Wednesday, January 9th, 2002 |
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I don't like flat hunting. I don't like finding a place that seems to be made for me and my friends and it being out of our price range. I don't like having to tell current flatmates that I may be giving them 2 weeks notice very soon and that our plans of all moving together are not going to happen. I don't like giving up on the place and then being inflated again by someone that doesn't know what they want. I don't like having to think long and hard about living with someone I care about deeply and having to consider the "what if" of it all turning to shit. I don't like my circumstances affecting others and possibly making people unhappy and uncomfortable. I love the house. I love the lifestyle that house will bring. I love the people I will be moving with. I love the idea of starting anew and being so deliriously happy in this place that I will never want to leave. I love the idea of us being so sure, of wanting this house that we would do anything to get it. House hunting gives me such a headache. |
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| Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002 |
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Well. I guess I will be the first to comment on NYE. It was fucking awesome. I had a great time. Fuck what people think. They are all whores at heart anyway. I think that the e was a little strong and that's what I have decided to blame it on. Oh and Nicole. Slut. *kiss kiss* Something like that was bound to happen eventually and I can't think of a better night for it. I think it was a pretty fun way to bring in the new year. Chilling on the couch waiting for the sun to rise and trying to break the silence was probably the best bit though. I like silence. But I find the drug fucked ramblings of those who don't to be very amusing as well. The company on the couch wasn't to shabby either. Fuck me I'm a cuddle whore. I like that. Being around people who you can just go up to and wrap your arms around. For no other reason than for the physical contact. I'm like that, a little too much I think. I love being in contact with people. Sometimes that freaks people out. But I like it. This is the first new years that I have actually enjoyed in longer then I can remember and I just want to say.. *sniff* .. I LOVE YOU GUYS. I know the coolest fucking people in the world and they suit me just fine. I wouldn't trade them for anything. YOU HEAR ME ANYTHING! *cough* Lots of expressions of love were traded on the night and the day after. I meant every single one. It's funny how close random people can become. |
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| Tuesday, December 25th, 2001 |
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I hate christmas. I think it's the stress it causes. It's the hype. It's the endless fucking consumer driven bullshit. I feel the same way about most holidays, but christmas is the grandaddy of them all. Easter and Halloween are piss ant compared. Don't get me wrong there are some aspects of it that I enojoy. You know, like the sales. Hmm Shopping..I need, more shoes. MORE SHOES I SAY! But I digress. I find that this time of the year finds people over-indulging, reminiscing and generally trying to catch up with old friends. Now _that_ part I dig. I hate the present buying bullshit. I hate people feeling like they have to purchase something for someone they hardly know because they bought something for you. Bullshit. I hate people getting offended at the quantity/quality of the gift. It's the fucking thought that counts right? Least you got something, shut your trap. I earn a reasonable amount of money for my family you see and as such everyone expects me to buy them the top of the range gifts. Now I wouldn't begrudge my family things like that. But I'm young and foolish and I have nfi where my money goes (food and drugs according to my bank statement). I live month by month and with good intentions of one day saving some large sum of money and purchasing something of real value. It will happen, oh yes it will happen. But at the moment, getting out of my head, having fun. Spending time with friends and living this particular lifestyle is top priority. I need to have fun. I need to smile, laugh, be a fucking child if I want to be. And I do. I got asked today if I had taken alot of 'e' in the weekend and when I replied with "pardon" I was told that I was flat, monotone. That's how I feel, I'm surviving but bored. Bored with everything, I feel like I need to mentally slap myself a couple of times a week. I'm not doing anything special, but every once and a while some one comes along, some event comes along and I'm alive. Those are the moments I live for. I just don't have enough of them. I think I need to cut down on the durgs. |
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| Monday, December 24th, 2001 |
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| Tuesday, December 11th, 2001 |
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You are feeling exhausted ... worn out ... drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need... is some tender loving care- a gentle pat on the head..(or maybe a "kick-up-the backside") and then you'll be raring to go... Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people, but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat... and someone who understands you is so important in your life... We are all conditioned by our environment...and as such we respond to peoples perception of ourselves...but you feel that conditions are not right at this time...You are experiencing certain reservations that are precluding you to develop a particular relationship, business-wise or personal, that is being offered...It is 'make your mind up time'...The decision is all yours... but whatever decision you make...it will be the right one. Stresses resulting from a recent disappointment have led to considerable trepidation. It would seem that there seems to be so much left undone...Everything surrounds you with that air of uncertainty. You badly need to feel a sense of security and whatever it takes to protect you against further disappointment. At this particular time you doubt that things could be any better in the future. But you are sticking to your guns and refusing to take advice from any source.. You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust ... but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised ... You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right ... maybe you are ... but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy ... let go ... and smile.. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders .... try it and see. |
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| Wednesday, November 28th, 2001 |
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| Friday, November 23rd, 2001 |
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Satan, you know where I lie Gently I go into that good night All our lives get complicated Search for pleasures overrated Never armed our souls What the future would hold When we were innocent Angels, lend me your might Forfeit all my lives to get just one right All those colors long since faded All our smiles are confiscated Never were we told What the future would hold When we were innocent This prayer is for me tonight This far down that line and still ain't got it right And while confessions not yet stated Our next sin is contemplated Never did we know What the future would hold Or that we'd be bought and sold When we were innocent Yes, I like whingy rock music. So sue me. |
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| Thursday, November 15th, 2001 |
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| Tuesday, November 6th, 2001 |
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I wanted to paste some meaningful lyrics, something that would astound and encompass everything I'm feeling at the moment. But I listen to shit music, that bitches and whinges and doesn't do it justice. I'm always tired. I'm being carried along by the current. I think I'm doing what I want to do. I think I'm making the right decisions. But thinking about it, I'm just doing what was expected of me. What everyone thought I should do. I have a loss of appetite, not because I'm not hungry, but because I can't be bothered. How fucked is it, when you don't eat because, you're a lazy bitch. I have constant headaches and a feeling in the pit of my stomach like I need to vomit. Why is nothing ever easy? Fuck this. Where is my mind? |
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| Thursday, November 1st, 2001 |
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*sigh* Well, stuff. I didn't want to come to work this morning. I didn't want to get out of bed. I should have gone with that instinct. Yay me. |
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| Tuesday, October 30th, 2001 |
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~ * Your Magic Fairy's Name * ~ Voodoo Demontree Behaviour A creator of bounty and harvest. Seen When Only when the seer holds a four-leafed clover. Habitat In places hexed and tainted by black magic. |
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| Wednesday, October 24th, 2001 |
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I had some weird dreams last night. This is what I can remember. I know theres more, but they escaped when I got up. 1.) I was going to the BDO and I was trying to find the booth that my aunty was manning as she was going to get me in free. I find the booth and spot Craig and Robert going through the gates ahead of me. I rock on up the booth and my aunty gets out a book, finds my name and puts a big tick next to it. I walk through the gates and Craig comes up to me with this ugly looking ornament, it seems there's a junk sale going on and he tells me it's a pewter swan. I nod and smile and he gets all annoyed that I'm mocking him and leaves. I walk through the market for awhile and pick up a couple of things that look like a deal, a steal, sale of the fucking century and then decide I need to pee. I have abit of trouble finding the toilets, but the place is empty, seems I got there pretty early. I walk in and there is a shower that is on full bore and its spraying the entire place with water. I look in all the booths and decide that I can't go here, as I would get wet. I walk around the corner and there is what seems to be a disabled toilet with no door. This seems a tad risky, but the place is empty so off I go. As I'm sitting there some people walk on over and sit in on the lawn and start clowning around. I walk over as my stuff is on the ground in front of them and they decide to start trying to be pricks to me, but I gather my things and walk away. One of the guys follows and apologises. He was someone I knew from a long time ago. He was a wanker back then too. 2.) I'm in borders and trying to find a cd by The temple of the dog. So I'm flicking through these bins, Real Groovy style. I'm in the 'T' section, flicking through The Cure and such, but no Temple of the dog. It seems I was in the wrong 'T' genre, so I walk over to the other bin and Matt grabs it out and then winds some clear masking tape around the cd and his arm. This pisses me off, but amuses me at the same time, so I start walking towards him and all of a sudden he winds the tape around his mouth/head a couple of times. I cringe, thinking "God damn that's going to hurt when removed" and then I awoke. I think it was raining. I like the sound of the rain when I wake up. Laying in bed, all warm and snuggly, now if only I could get the cat to stop licking me. |
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LiveJournal for dinks.
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nauseated.
bored.
tired.
contemplative.
exhausted.
lethargic.
cynical.
sick.