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LiveJournal for Labyrinth.
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| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002 |
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Who u know that can bullshit with a Navy recruiter for ~10 mins? If u said my name then u'd be correct. Dude was ghetto too..lol. "Who's that u listenin to?" I was talkin to him like he was my homie. "That's that good Neo Soul. Erykah Badu." He was koo as hell though. Me? I'm not cut out for tha army. Basic trainin would be a mawfucka and I'd probably end up bein insubordinate cuz I'm too stubborn. I'd be tha person with extra push ups. I can't have that. Make love not war..lol. To get him off my back, I took his number down and said I'd pass it on. I didn't tell him who I was gonna give it to eventhough he was persistent. All I know is my ass ain't goin to tha Navy. |
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I woke up today around 1 pm and sore as hell. I heard somebody say my name and I said, "WHAT?!" My brother immediately said, "What's wrong?" jumped in my bed, and played like he was eatin my arm. I was laughin but I told him to stop cuz he was hurtin my arm. I usually have thick skin and he wasn't grabbing me hard. Weird. I think he bruised my hand. He asked me again what was wrong and I just said that I was tired. At least I got up and put clothes on. Me, momma, and tha kids all went out to tha Insurance place on tha Southside of town. Tha kids fell asleep in tha car after D's talk fest. Damn that boy can talk. On tha way back momma made a comment that ppl living on that side of town must not want shit. It's a really ran down area. I had a response to that but I preferred to be quiet and look out tha car window instead. I don't know when tha last time I saw oil wells was. They have em out there. Haven't seen an oil rig since 7th grade. How do I feel u ask? Like I have all of these emotions inside of me dying to get out. Like that bottle in my dream. A lil liquid resonates at tha bottom of that bottle and is just enough to keep me from being empty. Just enough to keep me dreamin, wishin, and hopin. Healthwise, my eyes really hurt. If I open them they hurt more and if I close them they still hurt. If I open my eyes too wide my head starts hurting. I know why. Not tha first time for that either. Like Ray said, "I'm not a dumb woman and I always know what I'm doin." And yeah he's right. I tell myself it's cuz I don't give a fuck but it's because I want somebody else to give a fuck. Testing my boundaries and other ppl's. Everybody knows what I'm doin and rarely say anything, so I get worse. And that's what I'm doin right now. I wouldn't say I'm "crying wolf" but my parents think I am. It's just to tha point of where I said I was sick so many times as I was growing up that they'll think I'll just be aight or I'll get over it. Especially since I get weird shit. One time I broke out in hives all over from head to toe and even on tha palms of my hands and bottoms of my feet. I didn't even know I had them cuz I don't walk by mirrors much and they didn't itch. I was rushed to tha emergency room where nobody had a clue as to what they were (cuz they didn't itch). They dismissed it as an allergic reaction eventhough I'm not allergic to anything and I wasn't doin/eatin anything new. They went away a couple days later. Or there was tha time I had stomach pains all day everyday in tha lower right part of my abdomen. I had to get an ultrasound and all that other good shit. It wasn't ulcers, nobody knew what it was even after all that testing, and tha pains eventually went away about a year later. Or how I used to get this breathing thing like Bronchitis and have trouble breathing. I would get it every year (can't remember which season). It would clear up in a couple of weeks. It wasn't bronchitis though.. it might have been sinus' **thinkin** I got a lot of ear infections growing up. I got one every year until I was about 15 y/o. Tha medicine is super. Tasted like bubble gum. Now I get chest colds in tha summer and chest colds when I'm around too much smoke. Right now, I'm lightheaded all day and I have mild headaches every other day (I rarely get headaches). For some reason I'm immune to stomach viruses and chicken pox (never had em). Everybody in my house and immediate family had a real bad stomach virus about 2 weeks ago but surprise, I never got sick. I remember once when I was 6 y/o my brother caught chicken pox. My parents made me bring him his food and stuff. I was even all up in his face joking around with him and never got sick. I couldn't tell ya why. Strong immune system? Ha! I doubt that. I wonder if my daddy ever got chicken pox. |
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| I'm aight.. ok as I can be. I talked to Ray a lot of tha day or maybe I should say I held tha phone to my ear for a few hours. Convo is skimpy now-a-days but that's how it is with everybody. I'm at tha point where I'm repressing emotions. This is tha usual way I deal with shit when it all hits tha fan. I can't cry, get angry, get scared.. I just hold it all in and disguise it as a "don't give a fuck" type of facade. This shit hurts and I'm confused about it. But then again, I can't focus long enough to figure it out. | ||||
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| Almost forgot to mention that I cussed in front of momma today. I chose tha word "shit" and eventhough I was just reiterating somethin she said, it was disrespectful. They acted like I didn't say anything wrong or maybe they didn't hear me. **shrugs** But honestly, if I knew they were koo with me cussing openly, I woulda been doin it earlier. But naaa.. I already cuss too much as it is. No need to add to my bad habits. | ||||
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I woke up to The Wiz this morning. I couldn't have asked for a better movie to air. It's one of my all time fav movies. The imagery, singin, moral of tha story all catches me and always has. I remember watching it repeatedly when I was lil. Ray says tha movie is too dark but I've never thought of it that way. But then again, I do like dark ass shit sometimes.. especially if u let him tell it. "If it's depressing, then u like it." Anyway, today was another beautiful day so I came outside to write. Hopefully I'll find some inspiration of some sort. As far as health goes I'm not understanding what's goin on. I suppose it's a mixture of things such as: stress level, diet, and environment. I can't complain much cuz I do have a clue about what's happening. And guess who's doin it? **points to myself** I'm not too worried about it. Ain't tha first time for this. I'm just writing it out cuz I'm supposed to keep a log of this shit. |
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I was feeling good today. Good enough to function anyway. I woke up and went through all my papers and organized them a bit. After I did that, I do what I normally do after goin through my writing, I wrote some more. It was 70 degrees outside (unusual cuz it snowed yesterday) so I went outside and took my notebook and pen with me. Then I got in tha kitchen and cooked some chicken. Very therapeutic. I cooked enough for everybody and it was koo to get compliments on it. I'm full as hell. Also need to mention that I spaced out my pills today. I don't know if that had an affect or not. |
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It snowed and rained most of the day. I stayed in bed and talked on tha phone a bit. Chandra called me with some news.. they want her to run in a pageant. She said she might need my help. I was like, "With math or a pageant?!" I told Ray about tha whole situation and he said, "You don't know shit about a dress!" My thoughts exactly. But I told her I was down for whatever she wanted to do. Her mother also wants her to run for Miss Black Oklahoma. She doesn't wanna run for either cuz she said she doesn't have any talent and doesn't even have a major picked out so she thinks she couldn't compete with tha other girls. U know me, I told her she could do it. What she needs my help with, I dunno but she said I can be her personal coach. Sounded like a koo idea to me plus it's flattering to know somebody wants my help. Health: Don't wanna talk about it all that much. It just ain't good. |
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| Monday, February 11th, 2002 |
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In dire straights And the sun card is prevalent I bluff my way through the game but I possess the sun in the palm of my hand The rest of the cards don't matter, or so I tell myself But I realize they all fall into place As poignant as each card in a house of cards 1 out of place and the entire house crumbles On the 2nd floor, in the middle of my house, the sun card is prevalent And I trade cards trying to build a prestigious hand A heart for a club, a diamond for a spade, an ace for a joker Until I believe I can play without bluffing Until I believe I shall win But I've already won The sun card is prevalent, the high priestess is eminent and my poker face is notable So is my house of cards It hasn't crumbled, yet it's changed its form From shack to a sizable abode From knowing that I possess the sun card to knowing what that means And on to knowing I don't have to trade my cards for something seemingly better I have what I've always had and will always have - The prevalent sun card |
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 THE SUN - Clear analysis of the self. Healing and Joy as the result of inner strength. Optimism. A Celebration. Success, happiness, abundance, productive. A child rides a white horse and holds a banner. The horse is solar energy that needs no control. The child represents perfect control between the conscious and the unconscious. He holds the banner in his left hand to to show that control has now has now passed from the conscious(right hand), into the subconscious(left hand). DIVINATION MEANING : THE SUN : Holidays and success. A happy reunion. Happy marriage.  THE HIGH PRIESTESS - Guardian of Truth and Spiritual elements, steadfast, secretive, untouched by worldly needs and pleasures. Spiritual Higher Self of Woman. |
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2002 |
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| What was HBO thinking when they let Oz do a musical episode? That shit was damn near genius..lol. I loved every second of it. And tell me why tha priest sang THE SHIT outta his song. I love Oz. Imma tape that episode next time it comes on. | ||||||
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2002 |
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What kind of beauty are you? find out at Swimmingly! |
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2002 |
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I'm learning a lot today. They have a myth about OK, "If u don't like tha weather, stick around for a sec" That couldn't be more true today. It was about 70 degrees outside, eventhough tha snow was still melting. I sat around in my room goin through papers for a while and then I sat outside working on some stuff. I got a poem I gotta finish.. it's coming along nicely. I sat outside with my glass of water and notebook writing away. I decided that since I had a lil energy today that I'd make my way to tha library. I found some minor information. I know why I don't like milk (if fucks with iron absorption), why I've always felt like passing out or I go through periods where I wanna sleep more than 9 hrs (not enough iron), why being in a smoke filled room triggers my reaction (Smoke takes iron from u.. I get sick with cold like symptoms after I sit in a smoke filled room for too long. Ironic?), why I breath shallowly (I don't have enough oxygen in my blood), and why I notice my heart beating a lot now. Interesting stuffs. Tha book that I'm reading now is swell. I'm half way through it and I'm still getting my thoughts together about tha message in tha book. It's basically talking about an "Acorn" theory. It mixes mythology and philosophy in with psychology. I couldn't ask for a better book. I'll go into that lataz.. FMI STARCH Carbohydrates are found in starch foods such as potatoes, pasta, rice, cereals and in sugar foods such as fruit. Carbohydrates are the body's main energy source. The human body stores glucose as glycogen, plant cells store glucose as starch. Starch and sugar are called available carbohydrates because human digestive enzymes can make them available to the body. Starch is the form of carbohydrates that gives us most energy from our diet. Starch is hydrolyzed to glucose, which can be used as energy for our muscles and the brain. Complex carbohydrates derived from starch foods are like time-release energy capsules. They metabolize more slowly than fruits, providing energy to the body over a longer period of time and increasing physical endurance. The slower rate of metabolism also reduces hunger. Starch foods are satisfying and fulfilling precisely because they are an essential source of nutrition in the human diet. |
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| Tuesday, February 5th, 2002 |
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I feel a lot better today. I took 2 iron pills this morning. I was sittin here thinkin about critical moments. U know I watch Oprah and Dr Phil said that everybody has 10 critical moments.. moments that u weren't tha same after they happened. I found 3 of mine so far. One of tha happier moments happened when I was in 8th grade. I decided that I wanted to play tha clarinet and for some reason they put me in a regular band class instead of a beginners course. I had about a week to catch up with everyone else who had been playing for at least a year before I came along. In band class and on test day how well u do on ur test determines which chair u sit in. The better u do, tha higher ranking u get. On tha test u had to play a song in front of everybody and then tha teacher scores u on how well u play. In about 2 weeks I made 2nd chair (out of about 50 clarinet players). I was totally dedicated to the clarinet, practiced e'eryday, and was chilling with tha big dogs on tha first row. I realized then that I can catch on to things quickly and I can do whatever I set my mind to. I had the idea to break out the old clarinet after remembering that but I didn't have a reed. I got out in tha snow and bad weather to drive to tha music store. I was in and out of there pretty quick. Tha man working there was really helpful. My memory still ain't up to par but it's getting better... I couldn't remember what size reed I needed but dude hooked me up. (For future references it was 2 1/2). It was a perfect fit. I practiced for about 30 mins until my lower lip started to hurt a lil bit. *rubs lip with a confused look on my face* I forgot that happens when u first start playing. I did pretty good considering I haven't played my clarinet in ~7-8 yrs. **pat on tha back** I just had to get familiar with tha buttons and how to read music. I caught on pretty quick and I even played a lil bit of "Will u be there?" by Michael Jackson. Ya know, tha joint from "Free Willy." That was my finale..lol. My daddy came in my room screaming "OH LAWD!! What possessed u to pull that old thing out?" He kinda laughed and left me to my practice. It was fun and I'm proud of myself for pulling out tha good ol' clarinet. |
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| Monday, February 4th, 2002 |
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Feb 3rd I didn't get any sleep last night. I stayed up half tha night jumping on a train of thought. I pieced together some issues. I'll map it out later. So here I sit in a chair, in a hotel room, with 5 hrs of sleep in me (if that), writing my shit out. I thought I'd make it easy on tha maid and clean up a lil bit. It's 9:30 am and we gotta check out by 11 am, so I'm just sittin up hea waiting on my brother to get ready. I'm catching a ride with him since my moms left 30 mins ago. Most of tha day might be spend at tha bowling alley *yawn* Nap time? **at tha bowling alley** The bowling alley is boring as hell. I'm out in tha car now blasting 93.9 FM. I tried to stay in the bowling alley but sleeping on a table top is uncomfortable as hell. I might fall asleep in tha car for a while cuz my head's hurting (right front). I think it's from lack of sleep. (I ended up falling asleep for an hour in tha car) I was talkin wit my momma a lil earlier and she was tellin me about this one dude that she's gonna have for a partner. Dude looks like a straight up follower of Marilyn Manson. Labret and top of his lip pierced, ear stretched, 2 piercings in tha back of neck, yellow contacts. He looked pretty fuckin koo to me. You know everybody asked me if I would get my neck pierced and yeah I would. Sounds like somethin I would do. Imma look into that when I get a lil money cuz I know I wanna get something pierced. Health: My wisdom tooth on tha top left is growing in. I think it's completely in now. It hurts to chew cuz it's a lil sore on tha bottom. ~9pm I'm doin pretty bad right now. I thought it was tha lack of sleep but I'm getting weird headaches in the front of my head, sick to my stomach, and I'm cold. In the car trip home, I was freezing my ass off. Car thermometer said 74 degrees but I was shivering. I thought my moms was havin hot flashes cuz she was sweating but yeah it was just me. A 3 hr car ride home and I froze all tha way here. I took tha hottest shower I could for as long as I could, drank hot ass tea, and had on 4 shirts, boxer shorts, sweat pants, and socks and was still freezing. I talked to Will for a sec and he said that it sounded like I was anemic and I needed to find grapes. I couldn't tell ya what I was doin but I forgot about grapes and it ended up takin me an hour or 2 to find some fuckin grapes. By that point, I was crying and twitching. Nothing around here has iron in it!! Dammit!! I'm still freezing (still got on all those clothes, an electric blanket on high, a comforter, and another sheet on me) but at least my headache is goin away (after I ate tha grapes). I was talkin to Ray a lil while ago and I was forgetting tha name of everything (simple shit like tha TV guide, etc.) I feel like I haven't slept in years. See what happens when u don't take care of urself Deltrice? Oh well. At least I got to watch Oz. I had my daddy tape Oz and QAF, so I'm koo.  *Take This Test!* |
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Feb 1st "Here I am in the land of Kansas. Wichita to be exact. Twas a 3 hr drive up north and on the way here we saw trees affected by tha ice storm. Half of the trees were covered by ice and tha other half was dead. Beautiful actually. So yeah, the drive up here was beautiful. We had the kids in the car with us (K & D) and they fell asleep before we left OKC. My bro, his wife , and KJ followed in the car behind. Once we actually got up here it was around 7 pm. In OK, we had a lil ice that never stuck to tha ground. It was melting away before it touched tha ground...They have snow and ice up here. Once we checked into our hotel (3 doors down from my bro and his family's room) we were all hungry as hell. Me and my bro's mission was to get food. The hotel is right next to a KFC and a Taco Bell but u know we had to be ghetto and drive to Taco Bell. As we were steppin out the car, my brother was like, "I don't want no law suits, so please don't slip and bust ya ass." Right after he said that, he slipped and almost fell..lol. We got our tacos and left out. On tha way back to tha car, my bro was tryna open his car door and almost slipped and fell again. You know i had to act a fool (I'm usually tha fool when we go outta town) I busted out wit, "Chalupas woulda been all in tha air."..lol. We rolled. After that we parked at tha hotel and walked ova to KFC. I told my bro I was so hungry, I wanted 57 chicken nuggets. They didn't have any nuggets.. =( Tha dude workin there was koo. He was like, "Maaaan, they're workin my ass to death." We kinda laughed and he actually hooked me up with extra chicken. Like I said, real koo dude.... How am I feeling? Well after all of that sleep I had yesterday (~14 hrs), I felt energized this morning. I did alot of cleaning around tha house before we left. Now I'm worn out but I feel good. Tired as hell but good. I'm pretty sedate in action. Health: I ate twice today. Energy is better than most days. I just feel like passin out when I sit still for too long (not normal). Feb 2nd I ended up waking up around 10 am and then I had to get ready to go. We ended up at tha bowling alley for a good 5 hrs. I passed out on tha table for a while. I'd rather watch paint dry than to watch bowling. After that me, my bro, and his family all went to tha mall. By then I was tired and hungry. I didn't feel like spending any money so I just walked around a bit. Eventhough me and my bro were accompanied by Tahasha and tha kids, we got to hang out some... reminiscing about our trips up here and all tha lil adventures we had in Witchita. We talked about how we drove all ova this mawfuckin city (that was FUN) and how I was supposed to get my tat when I was 17 y/o. we had lots of fun and that was probably tha last time we hung out together.. just tha 2 of us. Now I'm in my hotel room waiting on my pizza to get here. I'd hurt somebody for a cigarette right now. **an hour later** Pizza man fucked up and didn't get our room number. We had an hour and a half wait and then they gave me 3 free pizzas and a box of bread sticks. I don't know how many pizzas they gave my brother. While waitin on my pizza I was too famished and ate my chicken from last night. Now I'm just here watching "Kings Of Comedy" and "I got the hook up" comes on next. I was just sittin up hea thinkin about how i like hotels. A chance to get away from home and the soap is bomb too. I stuck some in my purse. Staying away from home, away from most of what u own, is like a cleansing period. For tha past couple of weeks, my mornings have been hella hectic. They were getting to tha point to where I couldn't deal at all. Taking pills to make it through tha morning and shit. I came up here and all of that stopped. Tha thoughts stayed in Oklahoma. I'm actually happy to get back to my broken sleep. Health: I have no energy and I'm tired all tha time. I feel really sluggish and slightly irritated but calm."  Take The Hair Bear Bunch Test! |
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| Thursday, January 31st, 2002 |
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| To see or receive a teddy bear in your dream, suggests a regression to an earlier state. It symbolizes lost security, comfort, companionship and implies that you need to be reassured and taken care of. You may be reminiscing about early childhood memories. Alternatively, a teddy bear signifies an immature relationship. | ||||
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| Wednesday, January 30th, 2002 |
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Name: Deltrice Nickname(s): Trice, Toot, & Ma Name you prefer to be called? Just don't call me Del. Birthday: April 2nd Current Location: MWC, OK Height: 5'7" Eye Color: Dark brown Hair Color: black, brown, honey blonde, and blonde Your Shoe Size: 9 Favorites Cartoon character: Bugs bunny, space ghost Color: blue and purple Ice cream Flavor: rocky road Favorite Song: right now i got Isley Bros "Voyage to Atlantis" on repeat Your Most Overused Phrase(s): "Well..." "U 2?" and "Ain't that it?" The First Thing You Thought Of When You Woke: I hate wakin up The First Feature You Notice In The opposite Sex: Lips One thing a lot of people say about you: "You're crazy" Favorite pet: all of my pets (my lil Dizzle, Puppy, and my birds) The Best Feeling: When i feel appreciated The Worst Feeling: rejection Your Bedtime: 3 - 4 am Your Greatest Fear: rejection Your Greatest Accomplishment: In school? makin tha Dean's list. In life? I couldn't even tell ya. Your Best Memory: Me and my bro's WWF matches. Your Worst Memory: Thinkin my mother didn't love me. Have you ever thought a different zodiac sign would be better suited to your personality? It fits me when i'm happy. (Aries - fiesty and confident) What’s a strange word that’s been used to describe you? quirky Where were you when you first learned about the 9-11 attacks? Chilling at home. I got a phone call from a telemarketer and he told me about it. Would you rather have a photographic memory or mental telepathy? mental telepathy.. I'm already visual. Have you ever been afraid you’d see something horrible when you looked in the mirror? naw How do you perform under pressure? I work a lil faster. Do you have more love in your heart or ideas in your head? ideas in my head What’s one thing about yourself you just don’t understand? Most of my reactions to certain situations What‘s the most difficult thing about being you? Having my thoughts and being alone most of tha time. Are you more intimidating or approachable? I've been told intimidating Is it possible to be both creative and logical? Yep, i know somebody like that. Which would you rather see--the minimum drinking age lowered to 18 or the legalization of certain recreational drugs? leaglization of recreational drugs Do you focus more on the past, present, or future? past Did you learn anything new today? I learned about 2 critical moments in my life and how they impact me now. Have you ever moved location? yeah, once Are you going out with someone at the moment? nope If not, do you wish you were? not really Are you single and sick and tired of being hassled about it? naw, i'm koo Have you ever tried a matchmaker? yeah Do you hate annoying chain letters as much as I do? hell yeah Are you ashamed to cry in public? yes, that's why i've never done it What is the shittiest mark you've ever gotten on your report card? D Do you believe in soul mates? yeah Do you believe in love at first sight? naw Do you believe in aliens? naw. Ghosts? yeah Do you believe in God? nope Do you believe in yourself? when i'm in a good mood Have you ever fallen for your best friend's boyfriend/girlfriend? naw What do you do with your spare time? write, art, listenin to music, etc. Have you ever been to a live concert? yeah.. tha Summer Jam. real fun. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? no.. some things just can't be explained. Do you feel loved? sometimes Are you in love? ha! Have you ever been in love? nope Do you know CPR? yeah Has anyone of the same gender ever made a move on you? yeah... homegirl had game..lol. What do you regret most in life? Can't think of nothin at tha moment Do you like yourself? yes more than no Do people judge you? yeah, too much if u ask me Have you ever dumped someone? umm.. **thinkin** i don't think so Have you ever been dumped? naw Have you ever rejected someone? Yeah Have you ever been rejected? yeah Are you a perfectionist? naw Are you a neat freak? (that's not an insult, BTW) nope |
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| Sunday, January 27th, 2002 |
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 When it comes to being mysterious, that's what you do best. You like to leave others puzzled and speak in riddles. You're not out there for the fame and fortune, you're just being yourself, doing what you do best. You're strong and courageous, and you're always the leader of the pack. You're skillful; people respect you, and you respect people. |
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LiveJournal for Labyrinth.
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tired.
okay.
thoughtful.
giddy.
drained.
confused.