Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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4:05 pm
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i should get off my ass and finish my portfolio. i got a letter in the mail that said that my housing info won't be ready for another two weeks, and that in april the rooms are assigned.
i cried today.
i should be hanging with the guys at tower.
mood: forced happiness
musick: Abandoned pools in my head
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(comment on this)
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Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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10:00 pm
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be strong when things fall apart
honest this breaks my heart[it's so hard]
chrissy came back and we analysed daniel. i still love the man, for his fucking amazing lyrics and the mood of his songs. resonates in the core of my soul, through each and every heart wall, through every vein and artery, and back.
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8:58 pm
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GREAT day. ucky night. dont wanna talk about it, so dont ask unless i tell you.
i miss a certain someone like aching arthritis joints.
i had a fantasie about him too.
and chrissy came back from france. happy days. 22 day.
mood: blank
musick: tool soon
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Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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8:20 pm
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8:07 pm
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i went to sleep last night with fantasies of a night of romance with nick[daykarak]at one of his super famous huge parties. fell asleep and dreamed nightmares of my father's life being threatened, and me forced to watch it on a big screen. woke up didnt want to. i felt bad cos i hadnt done my math homework. oh wait, i didnt. felt bad for not doing more with my speech. only me and nick were horrible. but, as i found out, he didnt care cos he didnt think the teacher's grading was fair. he was angry today. during the time everyone else was talking, i played eye games with tom. and irene kept looking at me with menacing eyes. shawn didn't come to science. i don't think he will again. im sorry. but science went well for me. i felt wanted. i felt happy and accomplished. and hey, tomorrow's friday.
mood: stomach and shoulder aches
musick: stp shangri-la-dee-da album
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
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3:18 pm
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Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
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4:30 pm
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my next residence will be isu's manchester hall, preferably 12th floor. after that, maybe another chicago burb and/or toronto or missouri. i love planning my future.
i didnt want to go to speech today. he is so boring. i hope i do my self portrait well. i hope i pass two of my classes with a B.
tom looked bad, ralph kept looking at me, and shawn was being very sweet.
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Monday, February 18th, 2002
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8:54 pm
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pretty day. had a dream about being in a dorm with nowhere to sleep and waking up late and missing my classes. woke up late. went from elgin to bloomingdale and all points in between. almost went to screens. I MISS MY FRIENDS. did some of my portfolio, got shit for my bad drawing.
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Saturday, February 16th, 2002
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10:47 pm - lol
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now you get to find out my middle name!
1. You are deeply in love with, or soon will be with jay sandstrom.
2. You are a mellow person but, you like to party.
3. blair miranda wittig, you have lots of love in your life and most likely you currently have a crush.
4. You will have a good year in love, and your current life will soon take a turn for the better.
5. You like parties and you are usually hyper.
6. jacklyn carpenter is one of your best friends.
7. It will take you 2 days to get together with jay sandstrom.
8. You like parties and you are usually hyper.
9. You are wild person and you love to make out.
10. Your wish: "to be more responsible"
This wish will only come true if you really believe in it
musick: area one sample disc
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10:36 pm - it's in the cards
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i took two fairly reliable love-relationship tests about me and youknowwho and i got odd results. one test said that the relationship was good. the other said that my emtions for him were rational and growing into deep love. so uck. i dont fucking get it. one other quiz i took said i need to spend some time with him. or maybe that was one of my friends. speaking of which, where the hell have they gone?! no one's online. no one respsonds to my damned posts. what the fuck am i doin this for?
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7:05 pm
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im going here< src='http://www.screenz.com'> tomorrow. there's also a netcafe in my next town, normal[and really close to the dorm of my choice!]. sweetness.
the best part of today was the feeling i got when i came home after seeing super troopers. my aunt and her fiance were over making their invitations and i just got another letter from isu. it just felt good. i still have to check up on my sister, niece, aunt, etc.
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Friday, February 15th, 2002
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9:21 pm - dream
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finally, eh?
beginning was with my aunt. she was harrasing me for being my prideless self. we were rich in downtown la or new york at a big party for my late aunt. she was famous for something. met a big black woman[missy elliot or someone like her] and talked. then my aunt disappeared and i was fighting tough beautiful women. then we[me my aunt, my polish cousins and my sister] were driving down a highway in a deserted area. its gloomy out. suddenly a tornado comes and since its a small one it just whips us up in the air and destroys the car, losing some people. then more tornados. bigger badder ones. do to the fact of where this info came from, mrs strode comes in along with other people from class. she tells us where to go. for awhile we're runing away from the tornadoes and then she tells us which ditches are proper to hide in. so then the tornadoes leave and im lost. alone. so then im driving something looking for my relatives and i am on the highway, but its like the lake st-gary ave intersection. i go right and end up at some huge mall with a huge empty parking lot. i feel alone and want to cry. it feels like death to me. then i go the other way. i get a sign as to which direction to go. so i go the other way and im on an interstate and i dont remember what the sign says but i take the first exit. big warehouse with a show. my aunts are showing my late aunt's stuff. its dark and mostly men are in there, looking at her art. then i go to one section after its over and my sister is telling us that everything is happy and we just might go to canada after all.
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3:42 pm - self esteem preaches
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i wrote this whole thing out about how guilty i felt and i still kinda do, but im happier. blue peeks out thru grey-white screen. i sat in wheaton's barnes and noble reading about art and science, thinking about how im sick of being the way i am, that i need to transform my image. but to what? i answered back. by the exact time i'd get out of science i left, i was sick of the place, sick of the damned town. so i raced to blooingdale, ate, read xmen. then i thought about how long it would take [to be perfect just like you] to look like xmen girls, like pop queens. would i be happy? am i really anorexic? anyways, so i got happier. sieze the day for the spirit inside you. and here i am, getting sad, my mind going bipolar on me, from happy to sad, and back.
i had an influential dream, which will be the next post.
musick: bush is perfect for today
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Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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9:34 pm
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braveanthony is making this night bearable. i think. maybe i should just call a certain number, listen to a certain voice lull me to sleep. think happy thoughts; its almost over. when you awake it will be tomorrow and it will be beautiful and you will be in love and happy.
jordan come to me, and bring your tape and silver string and open heart-wounds, and we'll heal each other with our ___
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8:32 pm
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i wont cry.. i wont cry.. my heart will break before i cry. i will go mad.
musick: poe-duh! ;)
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8:15 pm
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i love you so much because you can never hurt me.
movies to watch: masque of the red death and ed wood
thanks to 'kieth' for those nice pics. rawr!
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Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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3:43 pm
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i was reading murmur's journal. it's amusing, not in a pathetic way or a stupid way, in a good way. like a novel. 'ipetrabbits' [makeout club member jeffy] doesn't talk to me. we talked once and now everytime i say hi he leaves. i get the idea.
the best part of today was talking with my group in speech class, getting hugged by shawn and seeing megan. it was a boring day but fun. i talked to tom a bit. that made me happy. on my way out i saw dustin and he said hi but i noticed he talks to me much differently than to his friends. why, you figure out for me. i have my probablities.
mood: cautious yet happy
musick: incubus
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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10:00 pm
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um, ok.
the cute dork test. just click it.
for #s 3 and 4 i got gwen stefani and doug.
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9:22 pm - look what i found!
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3:54 pm
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and out of nowhere, while i wasnt paying attention
you come out and in front of me
and you GLOW, you illuminate the whole area
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