Beautiful Starcat's LiveJournal

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	scott walsh rock santiago! dropping in a store near you
Time:	1:09 pm.
Mood:	apoplectic.
Music:	violent femmes - freak magnet.

i can tell you the exact date that jerry rice broke the record for career receiving touchdowns, who was guarding him when he broke the record for overall career touchdowns, and who was guarding christian laettner when he made the greatest shot in college basketball history against uk back in '92. i can't tell you when (or if ever) i went on a picnic, the first time i saw the ocean, or the first film i ever saw in the theatre. i am an array of useless knowledge, hence i would be good on jeopardy. random thoughts from a trivial mind.

i've grown up all of my life being a fan of duke basketball, which never really presented a problem until laettner made that shot. now, i don't know if the world outside of kentucky (or i guess i should say uk basketball fans) realizes this, but that apparently started a retroactive rivalry between duke and kentucky. uk fans are so simple-minded, with this uncompromising narrow vision of a world in which there is no team except for kentucky. they didn't deserve a four seed in the tournament. if anything, the highest they should've been was a six or seven. notre dame deserved a four seed, but got an eight and had to play duke. any other bracket, and the irish would be in the sweet sixteen. now, i have to wait until friday for maryland to give uk its comeuppance, which will happen. just because i was wrong about valparaiso doesn't mean i'm wrong here. why the hell do college athletics mean this much to me when 1) i have nothing to do with them other than observation, and 2) i support the idea that the millions of dollars that are being paid to these athletes should actually go toward something like education? excuse me, i obviously have to work out some rationalization here. remember when the apatosaurus was called brontosaurus? it got an alphabetical promotion.

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Time:

10:12 am.

i'm swooning.

in unrelated news, i'm having a bit of a dilemma. see, they might be giants are coming to bogart's on april 5, their first time around in a couple years. on that same night, scott miller is playing the southgate house again. now, part of the dilemma is that april 5 is a friday, which means work. i can probably get off early (although i wouldn't guarantee it) in order to see the giants, in which case, depending on when the show got out, i might be able to make both shows. i figure scott miller won't be going on stage till at least 11. either way, the show is going to be good, whichever one i end up attending. i think adam is going to the tmbg show, and since i've never seen them live, that would seem to be the obvious choice. i don't know. it's just hard to pass up a chance to see scott miller again. although odds are he'll probably be coming back in a few months.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	scott walsh is as scott walsh does
Time:	4:02 am.
Mood:	apologetic.
Music:	the soothing sound of my refrigerator.

this will probably be a suicide note someday, but for now, it's just a journal entry.

i'm a lot more high maintenance than i allow people to believe i am, and adam knows this. i need other people to have faith in me, because i have no faith in myself. and for that, i am sorry. i'm sorry that i'm a monumental fuck-up. i'm sorry that awards, praise, accolades, box office, and a personalized jeopardy category would never mean shit to me. although a personalized jeopardy category would be cool. i'm sorry that i'm my own worst critic and best supporter. and that i'm such a hypocrite. i'm sorry that i've ever hurt anyone, especially after telling them that i didn't want to do so. i'm sorry that i lied. to anyone. ever. i'm sorry that i had to force myself to take an alcohol sabbatical, and i'm sorry for the wreck that it has made me (the sabbatical, or the alcohol, take your pick). i'm sorry that the best hope of five children proved to be a flop. i'm sorry that i proved my father right. i'm sorry that i wasn't a better son, especially for my mom. i'm sorry i stole, and that i got caught. i'm sorry that i'm stuck in a job i hate with people i can't stand. i'm sorry that my friends and i often have conversations that go on for two hours and consist of nothing more than quotes from movies, books, songs, tv shows, or an array of inside jokes. i'm not sorry that i voted for ralph nader. you democrat pussies can cry in your own spilled milk. al gore was your own damn fault. i'm sorry that this country ended up with another mindless drone (emphasis on mindless) in the oval office. i'm sorry that i'm cynical. i'm sorry that i can't conform. i'm sorry that i can't be religious. i'm sorry that i believe that jesus meant something completely different than what his followers practice. i'm sorry that jerry falwell exists. i know that one's not my fault, in fact it can pretty much be blamed on his parents, but i still feel that someone should apologize for that evilness. i'm sorry that i will never live up to my ambitions. i'm sorry that britney spears ever had a career that didn't involve her asking if someone wanted fries with that handjob. again, not actually my fault, but somebody should apologize. i'm sorry that i've been a shitty friend, boyfriend, brother, cousin, son, grandson, or whatever other miscreant category i could fall into. i'm sorry that i don't deserve to be around other people, but i still pollute them with my presence. above all, i'm sorry for being the miserable, wretched, shell of a man that i am.

just don't let me around a brown sugar sewing circle, or i might have to apologize for something else.

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	the attorneys for scott walsh would like to release this press statement:
Time:	3:44 am.

because of the extensive amount of civil suits, paternity cases, and further pending litigation being lobbied against our clients adam, the amazing ragu, and dj d (known collectively professionally as scott walsh), the band has decided to extend their u.s. and european tour dates as a way of funding the massive court fees and payoff debts they expect to accrue. the following dates have been confirmed, with other dates still in negotiation:

cassidy's, park hills, ky
gornachuk debtor's prison, medjugorje, romania
larry's fish shoppe (rooftop), tableside, england
the space needle, seattle, wa
a dark alley off ludlow ave., clifton, cincinnati, oh
kevin tucker's brother's basement, erlanger, ky
adam's apartment, clifton, cincinnati, oh
gibbon island, cincinnati zoo, cincinnati, oh
cbgb, ground zero, new york, ny
warner's pig farm, hope, ar
united methodist church, dublin, ireland
ira headquarters, belfast, northern ireland
eddie vedder's front yard, tba
trent reznor's mother's back yard, cleveland, oh
westwood one studios, burbank, ca (opening act casey kasem)
mad frog, cincinnati, oh (vh1 storytellers special)
dogfuckers anonymous meeting, tba
gameworks, newport, ky
standing date every thursday at crystal meth anonymous (thanks to adam)
johannsen's bar mitzvah, tampa, fl

for more information on the band, the lawsuits, how to get your name added to a list of pending paternity suits, lyrics, tabs, instruments played, and how to get your own hand fart amp (since they don't sell them at willis music, whom we now boycott), contact leslie o'meara-halloway, the band's management/fact-checker/paternity suit plaintiff. we would like to take this opportunity to thank the fans who have supported us during this legal nightmare (which we would once again like to point out is mostly adam's fault), and we hope that you will continue to think of scott walsh as synonymous with "washboard," and not with "controversy" or "lawsuit." we would also like to take this opportunity to plug the upcoming live album, "scott walsh rock santiago." please buy this album so that scott walsh can rock the court costs. any further questions will be covered at the press conference scheduled for tuesday, march 19. thank you for your time and consideration during this rough era for the queen city trio, whose mission statement has always been, "we set out to live, and experience, as thoroughly as possible, the music, sex, drugs, puppetry, and crochet. but we're not like that. right, yeah, not like that."

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Time:

1:06 pm.

came up with a great new bit last night when adam was here. it's called 'illegal candid camera.' it involves children on acid. adam was laughing pretty damn hard, so i'm assuming it's funny. going to see ryan adams tonight. yay. adam and i have narrowed down the name options for the hip-hop group we intend to form. we will either be scott walsh (because nobody in the group is named scott or walsh), or hip-hop anonymous. i am currently leaning toward scott walsh. we just need to get a dj to lay down some beats so we can lyricize, and we need somebody to play acoustic guitar (since that's part of our gimmick), and we'll be ready to rock some muthaphukkas. on a side note, i now have my own AIM screen name. i am on as TheAmazingRagu, for anybody who wants to chat with the ragu.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Time:

2:48 am.

i would just like to point out what a great song this is. i might've posted it before, but i'll do it again.

mikey was a little boy
he loved to watch the clouds
he was born to fly
mikey joined the navy
his father was quite proud
mother never wanted it that way
he got into the cockpit
rose up in the sky
set his sights on beirut
and he let his missiles fly
boom boom
i don't know but i've been told
it's been said that god is dead
jet fighters never cry
jet fighters never die
the general smoked a cuban blunt
handrolled by the reds
then he smoked a glass of scotch
and tallied up the dead
the fighter banked into the night
then he caught a SAM
he rose up into heaven
with jesus in his hand
the scenery was so beautiful
could not believe his eyes
then he spotted john wayne
he knew he had arrived
jesus interrupted him
he had something to tell
they had to speak with allah
and he sent them both to hell
boom boom

-butthole surfers, 'jet fighter'

the most ridiculous thing i heard today: we make business cards for all the comair employees and a lot of delta employees. the comair offices are in the building directly across the truck lot from ours. i calculate it as maybe a two hundred foot walk. and yet, we ship all comair's business cards via ups. that's essentially like mailing a letter to your next door neighbour. i had a good laugh about that one. i mean, hey, for the four bucks per box they're paying to ship these, i'll walk over there my damn self.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Time:

9:00 am.

last nite was heavenly. that's all i have to say on the issue.

as for my thoughts on the upcoming ncaa tournament, i'll be holding a press conference, at which i will be making a prepared statement regarding the kentucky-valparaiso game. this is the statement:

as my finances have dictated that i bet on the underdog valparaiso, i am currently their biggest fan until the second round. i will not be fielding any questions, nor can i give you information regarding one mister norbert cheevers of rabbit hash, kentucky. i was never an associate of his, and this witch hunt by the kentucky state police has been a drain on my mental and physical health, as well as my bank account.

i'm thinking of cutting the part about norbert cheevers, considering that 1) it's completely fictitious, and 2) it's completely irrelevant.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Time:

6:11 am.

i was just thinking of the least desirable high profile position in cincinnati. and while the obvious choice would be head coach of the cincinnati bengals, it's not that. it's not even mayor, despite the stress of having to pretend you care about the numerous race issues (race issues in 2002; folks, come to the progressive land of the queen city). no, the winner for least desirable high profile position in cincinnati is ... ceo of procter & gamble. because everybody hates you. peta is getting after you about animal testing, that crazy preacher guy from kansas pickets outside your building with signs that say 'god hates the p&g; fags' because you give healthcare to homosexuals. i think pretty soon satan will be holding a press conference dissociating himself from this company. tonight's big winner in the kevin's late night thought bugaloo. i almost typed stan earlier instead of satan, which would've been funny, because everyone would've wondered just who the hell stan was.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Time:

5:16 am.

starting a week off with 5 hours of overtime is no good. no good at all. we started having fun after hour number eleven of the work day, though. one of those 'we're all so pissed off at having to be here so late we might as well laugh about it' sort of things. i'm so disjointed right now. afterwards, brian, dawn, and i hit the waffle house for a bit of a breakfastlunchdinner thing. i might try to nap now. or write. or watch one of my recent dvd purchases. or my tape of the sunday block of tv. we were having a rather engaging conversation tonight, in which i once again proved the uber-conservatism of my co-workers. they were saying how they think it's not a good idea for a significant other to have a really close friend of the opposite sex, because it may lead to chicanery. i say, if you can't trust the person, you shouldn't be involved with them. somehow, i will find a way to blame all of this on jerry falwell.

all hail mojo jojo

(2 hails | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	newsweathersports
Time:	4:38 am.

well, kids, i have met ralph nader. and he answered my question in the exact manner i thought he would (a manner which agrees with me). i dragged karen along (although i don't think it required much convincing, thankfully) to come along with me to a nader lecture at the cintas center at xavier university. for those of you in the area who missed him tonight and are interested, he's apparently going to be participating in a townhall type thing on xavier's campus monday at 7 pm. his speech was amazing, enthralling, bursiting. he was doing a book signing afterward, and since i didn't get to ask my question during the discussion after the lecture, i asked him when he signed my book. for those of you wondering, the question was if he felt that nationalism (blind patriotism) is a hinderance to creating a global community, and therefore a true global economy. he agreed with me that a certain degree of nationalism has helped in certain places (i.e. central and south american countries) to eliminate corporate globalism, but overall we have to view each other as fellow humans instead of separate nationalities. and of course i told him it was an honour to be able to vote for him. karen and i both noticed that he was one of the people that you would think support the current boycott of cincinnati, but i'm glad he didn't. the irony of the night is this. the room in which he was doing the signing (one of the luxury boxes) is sponsored by auto dealers. we had a good laugh about that. then we sat and ate and drank at sitwell's, which was great, then it was home time. adam rented soul survivors and jeepers creepers. i could totally mst3k both of these. soul survivors was absolutely horrid. it made no sense at all, and i'm not talking about the good, david lynch way of not making sense. jeepers creepers is very well done, though. but i could totally spoof it. i still want to make a horror flick where the victims don't bother to hang around long enough to find out who's killing them, because they're smart enough to fucking run. but yeah, ralph nader rules.

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	i thought he was canadian. yeah, but he went to a mexican acting school
Time:	12:21 am.

hit the new irish pub on the levee today to celebrate mary's (the sister) birthday. it really kicks arse. then we gathered for valuable family time (sans dad, who's apparently gone for the weekend), and ol' buddy chrishunt came by with his baby, which, unlike most babies, absolutely loved shana (the other sister). we've decided to no longer sing happy birthday on birthdays, instead opting for 80's power ballads. that's right. no more happy birthday dear jehosephat, from now on, we build this city on rock and roll. feel the power. then, gameworks had an employees' friends and family preview night, and since adam is an employee, i got to play free video games for three hours. oh yeah, free skeeball. i quit after i scored 420,000 in one game, then went on to other things video game-related. after they kicked us out, we went to hot topic, where adam and i fucked with a sales girl for a while, i bought many stickers, and purchased two lps. i feel good about myself when i buy vinyl. god, i spent too much today. all that, combined with my purchase of the army of darkness director's cut and some muhammad ali dvd thing, means i'm gonna have to cut back this week. only 3/4 of a pack a day. good thing nader is free tomorrow.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	well, there have been a few flipper babies
Time:	8:37 am.

so, i was awoken at around 2:30 yesterday afternoon, by adam, of course. so, i got up, brushed my teeth, and the phone rings again. 'kevin?' says the voice on the other end. 'yes,' i reply, thinking it's adam again, and wondering what he wants this time. 'is your refrigerator running?' that's right, it was brian from work. 'aren't you supposed to be running route right now, dickhead?' he said he was driving down weaver, saw my car, and decided to call me. 12 hours later, i got out of work. i haven't slept yet. one of the reasons for my lack of sleep, besides insomnia, is the fact that i have to take adam to pick up his truck, which was towed yesterday. besides the fact that bill was out yesterday because of an emergency surgery, the coffee maker was apparently broken. i was in the mood for coffee because i wanted to look professional. see, the key to looking professional is to have a coffee mug in your hands at all times. since i'm up, i might as well visit mum and do some laundry. talk to ya later.

all hail mojo jojo

(1 hail | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	7 promises of a promise keeper
Time:	11:39 pm.

and they're all broken. oh, quick side note, the man in the grey flannel suit is a kickass flick. i'll have to find it on dvd.

last nite, david cross made me laugh harder than i have in a very long time. he (and ultrababyfat) is apparently only doing a ten city tour, and for some reason decided to stop in newport, ky. now, i don't fault him on this, because he was at the greatest concert venue of all time, the beloved southgate house. some asshole kept yelling 'horses' through the set, and was eventually kicked out when it seemed that he was about to rush the stage to kick cross' ass, after he and david were in a verbal argument about whether or not cremation is funny. by the way, it is. there were a few times when i thought cross was going to walk out, but he went on for probably an hour and a half. i know it was at least an hour. there was so much great material, and he even insulted w. he gained an endless amount of respect from me when that happened. afterward, i saw chuck and lisa there, and introduced them to adam. we talked for a while, and adam and i went to talk to david, but he must've snuck out for fear of his life. damn.

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	wow, it looks just like tron
Time:	6:23 am.

my favourite yo-yo just broke, but i fixed it and now it is yoing much more smoothly than before. how odd. i fixed something well.

it's damn near 6:30 am and guess who hasn't slept yet? if you said me, meaning me, not me as in you, that is, you would have said my name, ah, fuck it, insomnia sucks. it sucks hard, raw, cold as steel donkey balls. i was awake for my sister to go to work, and i'll be awake for the sun to rise yet again. fucking circadian rhythms. you know, i used to sleep an average of 16 hours a day. now i'm awake an average of 18 to 19 a day. it's not healthy, either way, but sleeping 16 was more fun.

saw 40 days & 40 nights last night. very funny. and poignant. for me. i just kept wondering if my lack of alcohol has made me that twitchy. adam had called me to come along because this girl he is pursuing was bringing a couple of her friends, and he needed the moral support. being the loser, got-no-life best friend that i am, i acquiesced. fun was had by all. at one point one of the friends asked if i was insulting her, to which adam's ready reply was, 'if he's insulting you, you'll know it; you'll be in tears.' i wondered if i was really that big of an asshole. i mean, i know i'm a dickhead, but i insult him all the time and he never cries. maybe i'm a bigger fuck than i previously imagined. maybe he cries when i'm not looking. like when i go to take a shit, he probably sobs like a little baby and calls his mum to ask her why kevin's so mean to him. that's funny, because that'd be like a jew calling a klan member to ask why hitler hated them so much. dear god, i just compared myself to hitler. although i wouldn't be surprised if adam's mum were a klan member. i can say these things because she hates me. and from my understanding, she isn't fond of him either.

i really wish somebody understood me. adam tries, and i love him for that, but he misses the point fairly often. i just get so flustered by having to explain things about myself, and i wish people could just pass certain things off as tuckeresque. for instance, i will never be comfortable in large groups of people. now, if somebody's throwing a party, i expect a minimum of 75 people, and i prepare myself for that. by drinking copious amounts of adult beverages and crashing on a couch until somebody comes along and starts a conversation with me, or until i go to have a cigarette and throw up on the balcony, or until i pass out on the living room floor. however, an ideal night out for me involves at most four or five people, all laughing at the same inside jokes, and all leaving without ever really wanting to leave. since this never happens, i settle for the fact that adam is basically the only person with whom i ever really converse, since hanging out with him generally becomes the exact thing i described earlier, even if it is just the two of us. one of the main reasons that adam is the only person with whom i really converse is that he has the uncanny knack for spilling any information about me that i have managed to keep hidden from certain people who may be on a need-to-know basis concerning said information. now that i read that, none of it made any sense from a logical standpoint, but there is logic at work here, only i understand it and none of you do. i'll shut up now.

all hail mojo jojo

(hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	plot synopsis: the life of kevin c. tucker, 3/1/02-3/31/02
Time:	4:41 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	readymaid - this view should never change.

march 1 - readymaid cd release party at southgate. awesome, awesome show. poured their hearts into it. afterward, in inexplicable bad mood. hate my fucking brain. balance, chemicals, balance!

march 2 - splurge day. two books: stupid white people, by michael moore, and better than sex: confessions of a political junkie, by hunter s. thompson. ordered nader's new book. two dvd's: chuck & buck, and drawing flies. two boxes of girl scout cookies on my way out of media play.

march 3 - david cross at southgate.

sometime this coming week: do laundry, make car payment, make loan payment, get oil changed.

march 10 - ralph nader at xavier (for free), complete with discussion and book signing. highly excited. had to change pants after hearing news.

march 16 - ryan adams in columbus.

march 31 - end term of sobriety, which will at this point have lasted for two months.

all hail mojo jojo

(5 hails | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	a post prompted by a recent phone conversation
Time:	4:24 am.

let me begin by re-stating that i am not good on the phone. at all. and a majour reason for that is that i'm not good at expressing my actual thoughts, feelings, et cetera. i can give you endless amounts of trivial information on various celebrities, simpsons characters, sports information, and so on, but i never know if i really want to mean what i am saying at the moment. therefore, if you ask me if i'm being sarcastic, i honestly can't say for certain whether or not i am. i can't recall how it happened, but i don't remember always being this jaded. by the way, who wears driving gloves anymore? don't those seem a trifle outdated? okay, besides chauffeurs. abbie hoffman's son is a car mechanic. that sentence, to me, is an emotion.

all hail mojo jojo

(3 hails | hail mojo jojo)

Subject:	i represent the real hip-hop
Time:	6:12 am.
Mood:	all up in that ass.
Music:	bitch & animal - eternally hard.

as far as i can tell, patriotism, much like religious fervour, is a tool of the weak-minded individual who cannot fathom humanity and the beauty of diversity. dividing the world into nations was a weapon of the archaic aristocracies in order to blind the ignorant masses to their money-grubbing and ploys for power, by making the average citizen believe that they belong to a greater good (much like most religions). the roots of patriotism (or nationalism, if you will) are found in humanity's ubiquitously insecure need to belong, to feel like a part of some community. but aren't we all nothing more than a community of human beings, with the same thoughts, emotions, insecurities, and longings, despite our various differences? if we are to progress as a society, we must tear down nationalistic barriers, and view patriotism for what it really is: another plot by the rich to trample the poor.

this random observation has been brought to you by early morning sleep deprivation.

all hail mojo jojo

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