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Tuesday, February 5th, 2002
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12:34 am - Gone Hibernatin'
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So why am I going on hiatus from this journal THIS time? Because I damn well want to, that's why! Actually, it's more like allowing myself a period of relaxed discipline, even if I don't know exactly how long that's going to be.
You may notice my new image. This is a photo of a weaving I have been working on since October, doctored and tarted up for your viewing pleasure. The pattern came from a vision. You might get some idea of how strong this vision must have been for me if it inspired me to take up shuttle and loom.
Well, as always, thank you for reading. If anything really huge happens you will probably be able to check it out at Electric Apocalypse. Enjoy these Winter Olympic Games, too. I don't know why, but the Olympics send shivers down my spine. The last time I was really able to enjoy them was in 1988, so even if I usually hate TV (Fear Factor and The Chair notwithstanding) I plan to indulge.
This groundhog forecasts...six more weeks of climate. For more groundhog fun (and for the naked truth about Punxsy Phil) check out www.groundhog.org and www.punxsutawneyphil.com .
Shine on, be well, and may the times ahead give you great joy and your life great depth.
current mood:  happy
current music: Fiesta Mexicana/The Best of Baroque (what a combination)
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| Wednesday, January 30th, 2002
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10:56 pm - I BELIEVE IN ANGELS!
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"If the eagle (quauhtli) has her wings pinioned she cannot fly."
Well said.
If you're looking to break away from or break out of a situation, this "hecho" is my gift to you. Take a pouch, small enough to wear around your neck but large enough to hold the following:
--grave dirt
--three coffin nails (don't worry, you don't have to commit desecration to gain these items--try http://www.azuregreen.com instead)
--three semi-precious stones of your choice, upon which you will paint symbols suggested to you by your subconcious through meditation
--a pouch of Guatemalan worry dolls, after you have spoken of your troubles to each doll
Gather all of this together, put it in the pouch, and then tie a cord to the pouch so that you may wear it. Allow yourself several days of wearing your pouch before the time when you will need its aid, as you and it will need to "get to know each other".
You may wonder about the death-related objects. Remember that death is also rebirth. In this case, the nails and dirt symbolize the breaking from what was and the entering into what is. I'm probably not the best to talk here, but there's really nothing creepy about it.
And I wouldn't include it here if I didn't think it works.
current mood: jubilant
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| Monday, January 28th, 2002
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12:46 am - "How the HELL could you STAND 11 years of him?"
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That's my comadre, Rosaria, a woman who never hesitates to speak her perpetually blunt mind. I told her about the brief conversation (more like me shooting one-liners he couldn't address) with the ex last night. Rosaria is the White Priestess, Wind, just as I'm the Red Priestess in our confraria, and our spiritual connection blossomed into a great friendship. Anyway, I tried convincing Roz that the ex was an entirely different person when I fell in love with him, but she refuses to believe it--zebras don't change their stripes, or something like that, and he'd probably been supressing his true creep self for all that time. I gotta admit, she's got a point.
Today we had our first rehearsal for "Jealous Type". I'm not in this one, just directing it along with Mayri. Rob, of all people, is the romantic male lead. The real star is Valerie. I'm not sure how she came to join the Follies, but she has to be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. There's some camera commercial featuring this goth girl taking pictures of trash and whatnot--Valerie looks just like her, only even better. She's an actual vampire, too, so her bringing that extra realism to the production should shock a few people.
Nice, the way we do V-Day around here.
And the Eagles...the Eagles...what a pisser.
current mood: chipper
current music: If I listen to music and type at the same time I fuck up.
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| Thursday, January 24th, 2002
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8:55 pm - Get some good news, get some bad news...
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I have to apologize for the repeated entry of the same text just below. The site was pulling a funny on me.
I have a lump.
I have a lump, and I'm scared.
It's a little bigger than a gumball, and if I'm following my BSE schedule corectly, it's grown into existence since January 4.
Well, it looks like Biopsy Bay for me this weekend, and then only the Old Ones know what will follow.
At least Felipe is returning tomorrow, and at least I'm not facing all of this alone, and for that I am most grateful.
current mood:  scared
current music: Curling up letting Siouxsie croon at me
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| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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9:29 pm - The Very Best News I Have Had In Years!
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I CAN MAKE BABIES!!!
It's true! The medical community has spoken! Even with my medications and my illness and all of that, I can--with a little assistance--conceive a child and carry it to term, and that child has the exact same chance of being normal as any other. Of course, pregnancy would involve lots of monitoring, trips to a zillion doctors, and maybe my last two months in the hospital. But the important thing for me is that I CAN HAVE MY OWN CHILD! To have that knowledge makes me tremble in joy and hope.
At the same time, it's funny. The ex ditched me in part because he decided he wanted to have children, but hell, you can't have kids with a barren and infertile wife. Well, he used to have the keys to this castle, but I changed the lock a long time ago.
Less exciting but meaningful to me--I finished my first traditional Brujeria ritual gown, called a huipil. It's quite a racy thing, with slits up to my hips, but this is most appropriate for the Red Priestess, who is Flame and who dances. The trim is intricate beadwork and I was helped by my sisters in the confraria. The appropriate adornments--armbands, bracelets, anklets, and necklaces--were passed on to me by the previous Red Priestess and came to our confraria all the way from the silver mines of Oaxaca.
Which makes me think of Felipe. It seems like we could have a few brujitos of our own now, but I'm in no hurry to rush this. I'm not even considering it until June 2003, I've decided. Then we can see where we are and how things are looking. Now, just having that wonderful possibility born within me is enough.
current mood:  surprised
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| Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
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11:37 pm - A Quickie Giggle
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Hey...I am forbidden from posting a comment in the ex's live journal. Normally I don't even go there, but tonight my curiosity got me. Well, I have a comment, even if I can't post it there.
"You don't have a damn humanitarian bone in your decaying body. Technically I suppose going to Ecuador is more feasible when you're not worried about MEDICATION anymore, but I seem to recall you thinking me doing a stint in the Peace Corps was really silly. Maybe you've pickled yourself so well by now that you could survive South America, but you know, there are lots of people right here in the US who need help too. This is the one time I pick to look at your journal and it's the best fucking laugh I've had today. And take the stupid Monolith picture down for fuck's sake--nobody understood it when it was relevant, and now it's not even that! Testing...testing...reality check...hello?...reality?"
The thought of the most selfish and least generous person I have ever known donating part of his life to ANYTHING remotely resembling a humanitarian effort makes me laugh until my rib cage feel like a burst chest from one of the "Aliens" movies. Ah, maybe that's it...the ex thinks he's going to be Fox from "The Mosquito Coast" and bring ice (thus civilization) to the people of Ecuador!
Okay, after eleven, time to call Felipe. He's been to Ecuador. I wonder what he can tell me. We receive both Telemundo and Univision on regular channels in Philadelphia, so Felipe's always quizzing me on things to see if I understood. Part lover, part teacher, part drill sergeant, but I love him.
"Quisiera imaginar un mundo
Donde no existiera un infierno
Sobre nosotros solo el firmamento
Donde no hubiera mas que el cielo
Imaginar toda la gente
Viviendo un sueno comun."
--J. Lennon, interpreted by Medellin
"As long as peyote is an endangered species, it is more blessed to grow the holy sacrament than to consume it."
--Peyote Way Articles of Faith
current mood:  high
current music: George Harrison, "All Things Must Pass"
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| Monday, January 21st, 2002
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9:04 pm - Peyotera and Mescalito (for Felipe Guevara)
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Attend the song of the desert
Roasting sands heating passion's fire
The rattles shake sex's beat
What is naked, what is nude, what is bare
Halos of the sun turn tricolor, rainbow
Peyotera stretches out her arms
Tongue most with pulque yet craving satisfaction
She reaches for Mescalito
Pulling him to her fine breasts
The spines of Mescalito enter Peyotera
Piercing her good flesh, drawing her sweet blood
Now see Mescalito become Peyotera
He offers forth his divine white discs
Taking the universe in hand, knowing
"A little blood is worth the trade."
Peyotera and Mescalito understand
Mind filled from the astral font of everything
They swim in Aztec-colored splendor
Wrapped
The sun bloods sky and sand
Blood turns black and still they swim
"Will the Diableros run wild this night?"
"They know us, they are us, have no fear."
Mescalito rests deep, throbbing and full
Through the eagle's eyes soar and swoop and plunge
Less a thing of flesh, more a ray of light
Desert and Spirit
Enough of this world, let it be us.
current mood:  enthralled
current music: Brujeria, "Ritmas Satanicas"
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| Saturday, January 19th, 2002
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10:30 pm - There's No Business Like SNOWbusiness!
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Okay, tonight I'm snowed in, Felipe's in Sonora, and we're all suffering from a little cabin fever. But today I had the most fun I can remember, and it was with my dad! We headed out to Burlhome Park and spent the day sledding, trying to snowboard, and lots of other neat snow day games they don't have in Florida--or at least not naturally. My father and I are a natural team, a duo, and as weird as it would sound to people who don't know us, best of friends. That always came out on fun in the snow days when I was little, because we both had the stamina to take on the elements with a sled and a disregard for caution. Between the exhiliration of the sport and bonding with my dad and the beauty of the snowstorm, today refreshed me and rejuvenated me.
"Donovan McNabb was too elusive for Chicago. Jim Miller wasn't elusive enough. Philadelphia reached the NFC Championship for the first time in 21 years with a 33-19 win at Chicago -- in the Bears' first home playoff game in 10 seasons. Jim Miller's shoulder separation left the Bears' offense in disarray, and Shane Matthews passed for 66 yards with two interceptions."
E-A-G-L-E-S...EAGLES!!! (At least the whole city knows how to spell "eagle" now...)
I have mu Brujeria site mirrored now at http://www.paganvillages.com/Shaman/brujeria/ if anyone is interested.
current mood: jubilant
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| Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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12:44 am
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I think I'm finally learning what it really means to be a bruja. I wasn't able to do my afternoon at the Temple like I usually do on Wednesdays, but I had an epiphany all the same.
A few days ago--the four month anniversary of the September 11 tragedy--I was asked to say a few words in memoriam. This is what I said.
"Marvel at creation, weep at destruction, persevere at any cost.
Even the mighty human race is only mortal.
For all of my life I have seen the twin towers of the World Trade Center as a testament to man's ability to create. Now I have seen them fall, taking so many lives, as a testament to man's ability to destroy.
The idea that Fate is fickle, that Fate is capricious, is nothing new. Certainly no one touched by this tragedy and by the incomprehensible order of events would doubt this. The people, the government, the world--none of us possessed the power to stop this tragedy, no matter how much we long to have been able to do so.
But where do we go from here? The United States as a nation has never been one to sit still for very long. Through our collective daze and disbelief, time is still passing and still moving forward. Though the day be far from now, there will come a day when America will have fully recovered. We all will bear scars into the future, but the future also holds the promise of a time when we will have conquered this adversity. The future is our hope, and it is to that distant beacon of the future we must look in order to come through this ordeal with the courage that suits us as Americans.
To those who have lost people dear to them through this act of cowardly malice, all of the sympathetic words in the language cannot convey the ache in my heart for you. I am thinking of those lost lights, and I reach out and encourage you, in whatever faith you may practice, to truly imagine that they too have moved on into their own futures, even if those futures do not include the rest of us.
I wish that you be well, and that you find some degree of peace and serenity."
And that is what it means. It's the ability to take something beyond human comprehension and put it into terms real people can understand. It's about caring. It's about believing that a greater power really does channel through me. I am a servant of the universe. My community is my tribe, my city is my nation.
current mood: relaxed
current music: Siouxsie and the Banshees
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| Monday, January 14th, 2002
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3:22 am - 00011000010101110001011
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Although this smacks way too much of the ex's "poetry", I actually wrote it in 1987, while I was still in high school. Show me a girl of sixteen with professional aspirations and a killer drive who isn't deathly afraid of becoming pregnant! I don't think things have changed that much.
Ess Tea Oh Pea
aRe You N
oT Think-
ing
Sin-king
LoCk thAt Aspir-
in-between your knees
ASK
THINK Beforewarned
do it
Oh, Baby.
OH! BABY!
Might he? HIPPO-CRITE!
MiTT-ends aren't GOOD ENOUGH
Remember Ae-Eye-Dee-Ess
Keep Your-Self
To Your-Self
current mood:  working
current music: Saint-Saens, "Danse Macabre"
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| Saturday, January 12th, 2002
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2:39 am - Where did "snakeoil" come from, anyway?
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Today I ran into and had coffee with someone who knew both me and the ex when were were engaged undergrads. Surprisingly to me, this person was not shocked to hear of the split. As he/she put it, the ex lacked humanity prior to meeting me. He didn't have any emotion or feeling for everything. I apparently "gave him a soul".
But that soul, if it ever existed, is gone now. I've mused on the subject of friendship after divorce, and you know what? I don't want to be his friend. I guess it's different when a couple has children, but in my case why should I have anything to do with his snakeoil self once I'm free? Whatever I saw in him is gone, and maybe it was all a charade in the first place. Not only is he not the person I knew, I don't like the person he's become. So, short of alimony and other support (and I am the exception to Florida law that would make such things possible), the ex is and will be dead to me.
Although we're ALL wondering how he could have believed he could send me not a pennypiece of support, continue to enjoy living in the huge house, and expect to walk away from this without penalty. The answer is probably that there is no answer, because there is no reasonable, rational mind at work in my ex's head. Is this what happens when you go off your medication, turn to alcohol, and call yourself evolved?
Anyway, the confraria is very anxious to see me freed from legal marriage to a non-brujo as quickly as possible, and tonight's gathering was focused on this. I do believe we're entering the home stretch now. Felipe is making arrangements to be in Philadelphia with me through to the end.
I realized that yes, I do believe in the sacrament of peyote. I do believe it is a gift from the Great Spirit to help us envision the worlds beyond our own. I don't usually buy into creeds, but that one hit me as an intense truth.
current mood: high
current music: Madonna, "Ray of Light"
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| Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
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3:49 am - X, Sex, and Exes
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Well, I just got off the phone with Lipito. Sure, he's three hours behind me right now, so he's perky and awake and I'm dragging. But talking to him pushes my natural adrenaline. I'll be so glad come July when he will be living here instead of in Sonora. I somehow doubt we'll be making our brujo marriage legal in the near future, but then what's legal but a bunch of paper?
Speaking of which, I was in IM with the ex tonight. I don't know...I just couldn't rest unless I'd personally thanked him for all the good times we shared. I don't know why I bothered. His brain is just gone, totally gone. It was like talking to the proverbial brick wall, which is what our marriage was like in the end too. He seems to be clueless as to the monstrous way he's treated me..you know, no financial support, pulling crap with my credit card behind my back, driving me out of what is my own house in the first place...I'd rather not go on. There's so much I'd love to shout to him in glory, though. "I did it, you son of a bitch! I'm an initiated bruja!" "I've made love to a wonderful man!" "I conquered my fears and I'm performing!"
But it would be worthless. He'd never understand, and maybe doesn't have a brain that functions well enough to understand. After reading Daphne Kingma's helpful Coming Apart a few months ago, I realized that the relationship had run its natural course and that divorce is nothing terrible, just a realization. But the truth is that the ex is not the man I loved and not the man I married. That man is dead to me, just as his replacement must be dead to me from now own.
I can't imagine him being any deader than he already is. My deceased ancestors play a bigger part in my life right now.
Lipito has been most helpful in helping me come to terms with this finality. Frankly neither of us believe a divorced couple should remain in contact unless there are children involved. This sentiment has been echoed by my psychiatrist and my attorney. I've told Lipito that I'm afraid someday we'll end up in the same mess, and to his credit, he hasn't contradicted me. But you know, there really is something about being joined at the spirit. I feel a unity I've never felt before.
Maybe there's something to there being right people and wrong people for everybody. Who I thought was right turned out to be wrong, end of story.
current mood:  pensive
current music: Siouxsie and the Banshees
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| Tuesday, January 8th, 2002
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2:13 am - Not meant to be a poem, just my random thoughts...
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And all that could have been...
What a waste.
A waste.
Is it wasted?
What we could have done.
What couldn't we have done?
Invincible. Through all the years, invincible.
Another may stand by me.
He fills his own place now.
A struggle just for nothing?
For the things and the memories?
And all that could have been...
Just too damn appropriate.
Out of the two of us, I am the only one left.
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| Sunday, December 30th, 2001
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3:41 am - The Sin of Pride
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This may seem a little strange coming from me. Sin is a Christian concept, and I do not believe in sin, per se. However, I do believe in karma, and I also believe that a certain set of behaviors on my part can produce a less than desirable result. Everyone around me thinks it's nuts, but I see where I have been guilty of the sin of pride, and where I have had to pay a huge price.
Note that "prideful" and "being proud" are two different things. The former indicates a certain smugness, an illusory feeling of somehow being better than someone else. If it sounds like I mean it to be a bad thing, then I'm getting my point across.
I was a prideful woman, and very few people out there have been as prideful as I was. I just thought I was queen of the world. I had a husband whom I thought was brilliant and I was prideful that my spouse was the best to be found anywhere. I was prideful in my house and in where I lived. Oh, I just thought it was marvelous that I had done better than my own family. I was prideful that our lifestyle was optimum and fooled into believing it would only get better.
My hubris cost me my husband and my home.
If I learned one thing in 2001, it was to be cautious of this kind of pride. It's not really like me by nature, but hey, I can trip into a disguised trap as readily as the next person. Now my life is a lot more humble, but it's also happier.
Maybe I am the only person who thinks I was prideful, but that's the one person who counts. The thought of it has just begun natting at me as I compared my attitudes today and from one year ago. Well, whatever the case, I learned a huge lesson whether there really was a lesson to be learned or not. Developing a little further along the thread of humanity is never a bad thing.
current mood: thoughtful
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| Thursday, December 27th, 2001
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2:24 pm - Resolution, Shmezolution
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Excuse my cynicism, but I have always failed to see why people are somehow more likely to keep a promise made at the top of the year then they are at any other time. Heck, it seems like half of the fun is seeing how long before someone cracks. And it's always the same old caca de vaca too...get thinner, work out, be nicer, spend less, yadda yadda yadda. Show me the person who has a personal epiphany in June.
But, all right. I've dug down into my very soul to come up with five "resoulutions":
1) I resolve to eat whatever the hell I want. After all, tomorrow could be the end of the world, so eat desert first.
2) I resolve to avoid health clubs like the plague. Not that I don't exercise, but I don't need to shell out cash to some hamster wheel farm in order to do yoga in my own home or to walk.
3) I resolve to keep the ancient secrets of my youthful beauty selfishly to myself.
4) I resolve not to suck blood from any involuntary donors. You might want to see the above resolution about youthful beauty.
5) I resolve to include even more chaos in my daily routine. Martha Stewart I am not and I have no wish to be. Hallelujah, I'm a mess, I love it, I accept it, and that's and end of it.
Well, my will towards humanity is good even if my acceptance of holiday routines isn't. For those of you serious about your resolutions, you go!
current mood:  thirsty
current music: Mextremist, Brujeria's Greatest Hits (yeah, sure)
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| Sunday, December 16th, 2001
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11:27 pm - Reckon I Got My Stomach Back
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I think it's been about two months since my last entry, and now I find myself in the midst of the most chaotic holiday season of my life. I don't have much to say, but I did want to share the following poem. Now I don't usually write poetry, but my family entreated me to compose this for our holiday greetings. I don't know. It makes me feel a warm tingle of hope inside me. I hope it can do the same for you.
One tribe
One heart keeping tempo
Life on Mother Earth
Join now in a ring of lights
Constellation Mankind
Sparkling blue orb
Spinning through anything's possible
Joy in the returning sun
Return to joy in one another
Celestial, terrestrial, humanity
"Respect for the rights of others
Is peace"
current mood: loved
current music: Linkin Park, Hybrid Theory
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| Monday, September 24th, 2001
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1:45 am - I don't have the stomach for this anymore...
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Yeah, I know, I've said I'm abandoning this journal before--and those times were before I myself felt like I had become my own kind of Ground Zero.
I'm sure I'm speaking for a whole lot of us when I say things have gotten too intense for one person to handle. I don't know what the situation is where you are, but here in Philadelphia there seems to have been a guerilla depression that's set in over the city. In case you weren't aware, Philadelphia is the closest major metropolis to both New York and Washington D.C., and the events of September 11 have hit us very hard. I don't know anyone who didn't lose at least one person to this terrorism; almost as intense is our roles as counsellors to other people who lost their loved ones. Myself, I have been to too many memorial services, too many funerals, too many candlelight vigils. And I've done what I can do, and planning to keep it up whatever it takes. I have friends--Arab, Indian, Hispanic, and other non-caucasian heritages--who have been victimized by ethnic intimidation not just in Philadelphia but right here in my own neighborhood.
Well anyway, I understand that not everybody has the ability to reach out and ease other people, to protect and defend other people. But I do, and as I see it, that's my job in this mess. As a result, I feel drained and tapped out, and certainly not up to keeping a timely and interesting live journal.
I don't know where we're going to go with this, but I began WitchPax on behalf of Mellifluidity Coven and the Liberty Pagan Alliance. Yes, it's aimed at witches--go with who you know I guess--but is really open to anyone. Please pay us a visit.
Until the end of this hiatus (however long that may be), I wish you well and that your hopes may come to fruition. Peace.
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| Saturday, September 22nd, 2001
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3:38 pm - Loss of Innocence
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Rob asked me to marry him and I turned him down. What infuriates me is that it has nothing to do with his merits as a spouse. Right now, at this moment, I can't even think about any kind of relationship of that magnitude. Once upon a time I would have thought it the cure for my wounds, but that blind innocence is gone.
After all, who would want me when they could have a trained dog, a circus act, a lump of clay to be molded?
No one wants you when you're going to need them.
No one wants you except for what you can give to them.
No one wants you and your problems when they can dump your whole package off on someone else.
No one wants you if you're faulted.
No one wants you when you're lost and looking, only when you've already found yourself and ceased to evolve.
Am I right on this? I hope not, but on the off chance that marrying Rob would be falling right back into the pit I'm trying to escape, I need to shrug off real trust in other people.
It's sad. I used to have a lot of faith in the couple relationship. Now that's shot to hell too, along with so much else I cherished. Am I being punished for feeling?
"Goodnight and thank you whoever
She's in every magazine, been photographed, seen
She is known
We don't like to rush but your case has been packed
If she's missed anything
You could give her a ring
But she won't always answer the phone
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies
But we have pretended enough
It's best that we stop fooling ourselves
Which means.........
There is no-one, no-one at all
Never has been and never will be a lover
Male or female
Who hasn't an eye on
In fact they rely on
Tricks they can try on
Their partner
They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them
Support them, promote them
Don't blame them
You're the same
Goodnight and thank you Emilio
You've completed your task, what more can we ask Of you now?
Please sign the book on your way out the door
That will be all If she needs you she'll call
But I don't think that's likely somehow
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies
But when we were hot we were hot
I know you'll look back on the good times we've shared
Which means...............
There is no-one, no-one at all
Never has been and never will be a lover Male or female
Who hasn't an eye on
In fact they rely on
Tricks they can try on
Their partner
They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them
Support them, promote them
Don't blame her
You're the same
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies
The decline into silence and doubt
Our passion was just too intense to survive
Which means..................."
Lyrics from the musical Evita
current mood:  irate
current music: Brujerizmo
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| Monday, September 17th, 2001
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1:09 pm - Not My Own Words, Just Mirrors Of My Thoughts
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I'm not a poet or a lyricist, but I know what strikes a chord with me.
There are quite a number of things I'm feeling angered over at this point. These two things speak to me.
"King Kill 33" by Marilyn Manson (who, for once, has not been blamed for the events of September 11)
Is this what you wanted?
This is what you get.
Turned all your lives into this shit.
You never accepted or treated me fair.
Blame me for what I believe and I wear.
You fucked yourselves and you raised these sheep.
The blue and withered seeds you will reap.
You never gave me a chance to be me
Or even a fucking chance just to be.
But I have to show you that you played a role
And I will destroy you with one simple hole.
The world that hates me has taken its toll
But now I have finally taken control.
You wanted so bad to make me this thing
And I want you now to just kill the king...
And I am not sorry.
And I am not sorry
This is what you deserve.
Woman-Charms: A Litany by Morgan McFarland (the innovative priestess who stood up and said, "Hey guys! You can be Dianic too!")
I AM THE WHITE DOE WHO SEVEN TIMES FLEES.
I am pure and fleet, for I know that capture is Death to my Soul.
I AM A GREY FLOOD UPON WHICH THE BOAT IS TOSSED.
I ebb, and I flood, and my water is uneasy.
I AM A VIOLENT WIND THAT STIRS THE DEPTHS.
I rise up in anger from my uneasy slumber.
I AM A SUN-SPIKE RIPPING THROUGH THE CLOUDS.
I shall give forth the pure ray of reality.
I AM A BIRD OF PREY WHO PROTECTS HER BROOD.
I am cunning and canny and give shelter to my children.
I BRING FORTH TERROR AS THE NIGHT-CROW.
I guard the boundaries and seek the enemy from his corners.
I AM DENSE SMOKE AND HEAVY FIRE.
I cloud the reason of Man and elevate she would would brave my flame.
I AM THE FIRE-FORGED SWORD WHOSE BLADE IS BLOOD-TEMPERED.
I am the Amazon who never wounds, but destroys the usurper, row upon row.
I AM WISER THAN THE CIRCLING SALMON WITHIN THE HOLY POOL.
I am the hazel nut that feeds the Witch and spells the lore in her ear.
I AM THE VARIECOLOURED SNAKE WHO CROWNS THE HILL OF INSPIRATION.
I inflict the deadly sting upon the heavy-footed and uninspired.
I AM THE THICKET THAT WILL HIDE NEITHER THE BOAR NOR THE ROEBUCK.
I am the Daughter who wields the spear of the Sacred Name.
I AM A TIDE MORE VIOLENT THAN ITS WAVES SPEAK.
I am the terror in the shingle's rattle against the crumbling cliffs.
I AM THE SEA WAVES WHOSE CREST IS BRILLIANT FOAM.
I shall not be stopped, and I shall ceaselessly eat away the enemy shore.
WHO KNOWS THE SECRETS OF THE UNHEWN DOLMEN?
I, who am Woman: for its stones are my living, and its portal, my heart.
I, who am Woman: for I am the structure that opens to give life passage.
I, who am Woman: for I am also the door that takes Life into Death.
I AM A PRIESTESS AND WOMAN.
I am my Mother's Daughter.
I'd like to add that the above was part of my initiation ceremony into Mellifluidity, which is of course Dianic in a liberal sense and very much inspired by McFarland. The others, even the guys, chose it for me as they believed it was an accurate reflection of my own churning emotions. If I was anybody else, I might wonder how my new brothers and sisters could have known me so well...
current mood:  exanimate
current music: None, but listening to The Iliad on CD...
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12:18 am - Addendum: Me and the Honeybee
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Since I already gave this explaination to a few people today, I thought I'd share it here as well.
I've liked honeybees for as long as I can remember. I love honey, I love flowers, and I love the industrious little creatures that work to make both the pleasures they are. A long time before my little anectdote took place, I was aware of the greater symbolism of the honeybee as a totem of guidance, fortune, and many other excellent things.
On July 28, 2001, my husband more or less ditched me at Orlando International Airport without money or resources. He left me standing in the check-in line alone, afraid, and on my own for the first time in forever. And at that moment, a lone honeybee alighted upon my right shoulder. It didn't seem to be in a hurry or have any particular agenda, so I chose to leave it be (or bee). Well, that little honeybee stayed right on my shoulder right through check-in, my run through the airport, and my stay in the boarding lounge, very much a guardian like the nagual. In fact, that little creature stayed with me until the very moment I started down the jetway towards my flight. I really felt that having the honeybee with me was a touch of much needed luck.
So it was that during the flight I realized I had to incorporate the honeybee into my totemism. It was also at that point when my new and present Craft name--Melisande, which means honeybee--came to me.
What happened next is a coincidence of truly magical proportions. Mayri, who had been one of my closest friends, and I met the Sunday after I arrived in Philadelphia, a chance meeting at the local mall. Over cappucino, Mayri told me about Mellifluidity, an active coven right here in the Northeast. Well, I was right at home in that hive, and there I am today.
So that's my buzz about bees. :)
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