Event Horizon
| " | thoughts of the past are beyond grasp, thoughts of the present are beyond grasp, thoughts of the future are beyond grasp" -- The Diamond Sutra |
Event Horizon
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| Thursday February 21 2002 | |||
| 21:47 |
No real time to talk. I'm pretty busy.
I'm having a going away party at Big Daddy's a week from friday. Invite everyone I know. Invite everyone I don't know. Sam "the free agent" Walters | ||
| Tuesday February 5 2002 | |||
| 04:29 |
Excerpt from an email to a friend I used to let people walk all over me. I would put my life on hold if I could do something to please someone I considered important to me, or if I thought I could help them. I was betting my future on them, and I was on a losing streak. Anna's a pretty good example, probably the best. I wouldn't have dropped out of school had she not come along, but there's no use in crying over spilt milk. She was also the watershed point in my attitude. After that, I developed a strong reaction to people I perceived as keeping me from my goals. It's an easy thing to do considering the human tendency to blame factors outside of one's self. Discipline is probably the central problem in my life right now, a trait whose presence or lack thereof I define myself around. That's why missing the race upset me so greatly. It wasn't the race, but the unfulfilled goal and the manner of failure that cut so deeply. I'm my own worst enemy in this respect. I haven't succeeded at anything worthwhile since Amanda's death. Tallahassee is truly the graveyard of my broken dreams. Whenever I say that, and I say it often, I mean it to the core of my existence. The last time I felt like I succeeded was when I got my current job. That turned out to be a colossal failure. Now I'm not even trying to succeed anymore. I'm trying to convince myself that I can succeed at *all*. Most of the time, a biting sense of determinism keeps me from even trying. You see, I've made some progress, but not a lot. It's a continual fight against my own nature and experience. I'm no longer completely averse to detours from the most direct path I have, while at the same time I'm trying to learn to be focused. The history of my failures is composed mostly of situations where I had the ability to succeed, but lacked discipline.
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| 04:13 |
dignity (d n. pl. dignities 1. The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect. 2. Inherent nobility and worth: the dignity of honest labor. 3. Poise and self-respect. 4. True worth.
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| 04:11 |
For those of you who lack GayDar.
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| Monday February 4 2002 | |||
| 20:45 |
Subject: Python versus Perl: A humorous look From: funkster@midwinter.com To: guido@cnri.reston.va.us Date: 10 Jul 1999 01:45:07 -0700 This has been percolating in the back of my mind for a while. It's a scene from _The Empire Strikes Back_ reinterpreted to serve a valuable moral lesson for aspiring programmers. -- EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- DAY With Yoda strapped to his back, Luke climbs up one of the many thick vines that grow in the swamp until he reaches the Dagobah statistics lab. Panting heavily, he continues his exercises -- grepping, installing new packages, logging in as root, and writing replacements for two-year-old shell scripts in Python. YODA: Code! Yes. A programmer's strength flows from code maintainability. But beware of Perl. Terse syntax... more than one way to do it... default variables. The dark side of code maintainability are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you when code you write. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will. LUKE: Is Perl better than Python? YODA: No... no... no. Quicker, easier, more seductive. LUKE: But how will I know why Python is better than Perl? YODA: You will know. When your code you try to read six months from now. -- larry
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| 18:46 |
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| 18:41 |
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
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| Friday February 1 2002 | |||
| 11:14 |
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -- Mark Twain
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| 06:58 |
Oh, a word of warning. I rarely read LJ anymore and even more rarely check my email. Sorry for any delays.
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| 05:26 |
This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
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| Monday January 28 2002 | |||
| 01:39 |
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people so resolutely pursuing it.
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| Sunday January 27 2002 | |||
| 13:18 | 
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| Saturday January 26 2002 | |||
| 21:03 |
In his lectures, Feynman often referred to his parents' teaching. In particular, his father, Melville Feynman, was often noted for encouraging his son's interest in science by explaining how various phenomena around him worked. The following is a quote from Feynman about one example of his father's teaching: "'See that bird?' he says, 'It's a Spencer's warbler. (I knew he didn't know the real name.) 'Well, in Italian, it's a Chutto Lapittida. In Portuguese, it's a Bom da Peida. In Chinese it's a Chung-long-tah, and in Japanese it's a Katano Takeda. You can know the name of that bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird. You'll only know about humans in different places, and what they call the bird. So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing - that's what counts!"
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| Wednesday January 23 2002 | |||
| 15:45 |
Yes, in the short run, it does look like a good idea. However, in the long run, we're all gonna die.
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| Tuesday January 15 2002 | |||
| 03:42 |
big update coming in the next couple of days.
*hops around like a little kid* (it's so nice to have a future.) | ||
| Saturday January 5 2002 | |||
| 13:43 |
"[People] understand God as well as your dog understands you" - Bill Maher
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| Friday January 4 2002 | |||
| 22:09 |
I like weiner dogs because you can't get more of a "can do" attitude in more of a "can't do" body.
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| Wednesday January 2 2002 | |||
| 19:50 |
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| 19:42 |
You're the Nightmare Before Christmas! 
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| 07:30 |
You will soon forget this.
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| Tuesday January 1 2002 | |||
| 18:13 |
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants don't help." -Calvin
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| 00:40 |
Happy 2002 May the best of your last be the worst of your new!
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| Saturday December 29 2001 | |||
| 19:22 |
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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| Friday December 28 2001 | |||
| 19:08 |
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| 19:05 |  Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz
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| Friday December 21 2001 | |||
| 14:20 |
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
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| Monday December 3 2001 | |||
| 17:52 |
Anyone that licks me is sure to say I taste like:
 Click here to take the new and improved Ice Cream Flavor Test at assbabies.org! | ||
| 17:47 |
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| 07:32 | 
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| Saturday December 1 2001 | |||
| 00:03 |
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| Wednesday November 28 2001 | |||
| 20:34 |
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
It makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about." --Lester Burnham "American Beauty" | ||
| Saturday November 10 2001 | |||
| 13:48 |
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive
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| 13:19 |
The fundamental rule of life is this: You reap what you sow. You cannot break this law. You can only break yourself against it.
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| 13:15 |
These three images are still my the favorite one's I've created:    The original Pictures more pictures (some large ones) A series from ye old SamCam
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| Friday November 9 2001 | |||
| 21:40 |
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed vorpal sword of beheading.
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| 18:14 |
i miss you, sometimes
you with your east-west way always coming, never going still... you never left. Weary armies would toil for years to raise that one weak smile you would feel the world shift beneath your feet begin measuring things in terms of before and after still hazy on the now. even giants seen from a distance appear small. and the ghosts, walking between, white reminders of winter, whisper "we are so distant now." you miss all the stars especially the one that fell, just over the horizon out of reach out of sight no longer trapped in deep blue eyes. twinkle. glimmer. breath escaping. you would cradle her, carry her the distance bury her deep inside you. (thunderstorms in the morning are so strange) you have far to go. your friends are waiting open arms outstretched palms up. if you leave by one a.m. you can make it there by dawn. | ||
| 17:59 |
I'm involved in the strangest archeological dig into my psyche. I'm going back over my old journal entries, looking at the ups and down, the decisions I once made about my life. I did a pretty good job of keeping a chronicle of my self-image. Sometimes I see myself in such stark exagerated terms. Still, I know that these views are just that: stark and exagerated and in fact, I even posted them as an example of how absurd they are. I particularly like this one: " Tonight I feel more like a caricature of a person than something flesh and blood. It's like every feature is pronounced to a state of absurdity, and that absurdity introduces a horribly disrupting noise into my existence. Static drowns out my sense of purpose and overwhelms my resolve. Tonight, I keep tripping over my own nature as a person." I need to get the SamCam running again. It did a lot to bring up my actual self-image. (there's a dichotomy between my actual self-image and the way that I know people see me)
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| Thursday November 8 2001 | |||
| 02:33 |
Random Quote of the Evening: "Does it count if I fingered the pastor's daughter?" -- Blake
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| 01:34 |
The Leonids are coming!!!!
The Leonids are coming!!!! "During the week before and after November 18, the Earth will pass through the trail of comet Tempel-Tuttle and be pelted with hail of sand-sized material. This year is supposed to be special, with astronomers predicting anywhere from 800 (North America) - 8,000 (Australia) meteors visible per hour at the storm's peak -- on November 18th." I've been waiting for this and it looks like it's gonna be a damn good year!!!! *happy dance* | ||
| Wednesday November 7 2001 | |||
| 01:47 |
Sweet!
Now I know why I have all these computers in my house! Better than a beowulf cluster, methinks. | ||
| 01:06 |
NutmegMagi (01:02:41 AM): I'm gonna post our little exchange on the quote as a response to the quote....any objections?
Kamikaze Frog (01:02:57 AM): no objections NutmegMagi (01:03:33 AM): that's one of the problems about chatting about it on aim. Kamikaze Frog (01:03:40 AM): ? NutmegMagi (01:04:08 AM): we say important things without anyone else being able to see it. Kinda like irc killing the rich culture tfn once had. Kamikaze Frog (01:04:20 AM): *nog* NutmegMagi (01:05:02 AM): can I post this little exchange too? Kamikaze Frog (01:06:11 AM): i can't think of me ever objecting to my words being quoted/posted...go ahead... NutmegMagi (01:07:38 AM): famous last words. Kamikaze Frog (01:07:54 AM): heh...i suppose... | ||
| 00:08 |
"this is the true joy in ilve...being used for a purposereconized by yourself as a mighty one...being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and greivances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy....I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
-- George Bernard Shaw When I used to teach and tutor, I was a force of nature. I woke up every day and was glad that I had work that day. If I didn't have work, sometimes I'd go in just because. By the end of my the time I spent tutoring, I had people lining up out the door for my help and we had to schedule a small auditorium to seat the people who came to my "group help session" (lectures, in the loosest sense of the word, aimed at a specific test or section from a class) It was my compass pointing to the true north of my being. I miss that fire burning within me. I never realized how much it gave meaning to my life and took it for granted. Now I'm in a rut, pointing far from true north. In fact, I don't have any idea where I'm pointed. All I know is that it's the wrong direction and I've got to somehow right myself. This vertigo has eaten away at my will to live for too long. | ||
| Tuesday November 6 2001 | |||
| 23:29 |
I've decided to bow out of the "community" I've been a part of for a long time. I'm sick of people who are supposed to be friends being horribly ugly towards each other. It all came to a head last friday at big daddy's. It seemed that once the crowd hit a critical mass, people started being cruel to each other. I realized then that almost everyone there is desperate because they don't know what they're doing or where they're going with their life, so they turn on each other and attempt to feel better about themselves by putting each other down. It was disgusting. In a fit of horror, I decided to get drunk, really drunk, as some bizaare self-destructive protest. Despite the fact that I had promised myself I wouldn't drink again, I needed an escape. I went to a party afterwards and discovered who is my friend, and who's not as I "pretended" to be passed out. Then, on Sunday, I decided to skip GFL when I realized I didn't want to deal with some of the people who were going to be there. I'm glad I did because in the past two days I've discovered I'm not the only one with these feelings and that last Sunday's GFL was a prime example of that.
I know a lot of good people, but now I realize that I also know a lot of really foul people. I value people who try to better themselves rather than those trying to feel superior to others around themselves. People with goals and purpose empower me. These are people who I feel that I can discuss how to succeed in life, rather than having to defend who I am. I'm not going to be going out to social "functions" much anymore. If I do, say, go to Goth night or Big Daddy's again, I'll probably hunker down in a corner just to hear the music or dance myself to exhaustion. I'm going to try to plan more get-togethers for people I enjoy being around. I realized that it's not this town that drains the life from you, but the people who are trapped and desperate. I once got into an argument with someone about my having cussed out a real asshole. The person I was talking to stated that I "Just had to accept him as he is." I stated firmly and without any trace of ambiguity that I did not have to accept them as part of my life. I still stand by that, but now I know that I do accept him as he is. I just won't have anything to do with him because I know that nothing short of an act of god will change him. Now, that feeling extends to a lot of people. I'm living life for me. Fuck off if you want to bring me down. | ||
| Monday November 5 2001 | |||
| 23:51 | I scored 13 on the pervertedlogic.com CyberWhore Poll!  Werd up, yo! You're a NET PIMP! You've made your way onto one or two fucklists from the sheer dogged perseverance of your online flirting and constant offers to email pics of your wanx0r/boobage to anyone with an inbox. A heartthrob in AOL's Cleveland singles rooms, you're no stranger to, um, double clicking your own mouse in front of the computer.
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| Saturday November 3 2001 | |||
| 12:47 |
Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!
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| 12:10 |
"You think that Luck Has left you here. But maybe there's nothing up in the sky but air. And there's no mystical design, No cosmic lover preassigned. There's nothing you can find that has not be found. 'Cause with all the changes you've been through It seems the stranger's always you. Alone again in some new Wicked little town." -- "Wicked Little Town," Hedwig and the Angry Inch Soundtrack
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| Friday November 2 2001 | |||
| 21:08 |
I'm pissy tonight. A lot of things aren't going my way, and that's making me pissy. Be carefull what you ask for, you might just get it.
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| Wednesday October 31 2001 | |||
| 17:14 |
Sensuality test Sensuality Index Your score = 87 Ranking 0-25 = not sensual 26-74 = happy medium 75-100= super sensual What does your score mean? You are one sensual human being! You are titillated by the sensual stimuli of everyday life. The smell of flowers, the sensation of silk against the skin, the taste of food, the sound of music, and the rich colors of life tickle and tease you to ecstasy. Yours is a hedonistic attitude, and you deeply enjoy the physical pleasures that life has to offer. This is great-a good smell or beautiful color is often enough to keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart. You are into long, emotional lovemaking (which is usually followed by an earth-shattering orgasm). This is fabulous for you and one would wager that your partner doesn't mind either! Your senses are also inextricably linked to your emotions and certain sensual stimuli can evoke strong feelings. Therefore you tend to be emotionally passionate. Because you get so much pleasure from your senses, you are eager to experiment in life. This is positive since you can make great discoveries and experience a lot of pleasure. However, being pleasure-driven can sour you from persevering if an experience isn't entirely pleasant. If that's your case, your lack of persistence might be keeping you from attaining worthy goals (sometimes it is necessary to wade through dull and insipid periods of life). But most importantly, remember that 'too much of a good thing' can be harmful. People who delight is sensual pleasures are at a slightly increased risk for addictions (substance, sex, love, etc.). So keep yourself in check. Careless sex, too much chocolate, and fine wine can all be wonderful in reasonable doses. And though they induce pleasure, too much can lead to your demise. All in all, you have the innate ability to use your senses to enjoy what this life has to offer!
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| Sunday October 28 2001 | |||
| 18:04 |
"If you look for the evil in men, you will doubtless find it." (someone famous, a politician, I think)
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| Friday October 26 2001 | |||
| 00:37 |
Human life will never be understood unless its highest aspirations are taken into account. Growth, self-actualization, the striving toward health, the quest for identity and autonomy, the yearning for excellence (and other ways of phrasing the striving "upward") must by now be accepted beyond question as a widespread and perhaps universal human tendency And yet there are also other regressive, fearful, self-diminishing tendencies as well, and it is very easy to forget them in our intoxication with "personal growth," especially for inexperienced youngsters. .... We must appreciate that many people choose the worse rather than the better, that growth is often a painful process.... -- Abraham Maslow, Motivation and Personality
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