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Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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3:39 am - nigerians ? uhm
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all i want is someone to say 'i love you' to
IS THAT SO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK ??
:\
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Depeche Mode - I Am You
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(3 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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3:13 pm - ok so...
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I know I am a bitch. Ok, I knew that a long time ago, and I admit it. I can be downright mean, superficial, judgmental, critical, crass, and anything else you can think of at times. Unfortunately I've come to find that people can actually surpass me at this ability to be evil. My main reason for the whole evil thing is because I don't let people walk all over me, I'm not about that, it's happened in the past with Eric... and those were 2 years of pure hell. It's not happening again. Other people though, they're just dicks because they have nothing better to do. Or because someone presses the issue to make it seem cool. I may come off as mean, but people that get to know me at least realise that's just somewhat of an 'exterior shell,' I am a nice person once you prove to me that you're not a fuckwad. Some people though, they slip through the cracks. I like to think of them as my exact opposite. They're nice and well, yeah, they're nice on the exterior... but once you let them in, they then become fuckwads. It's been a good long time since I've encountered such a person, but within the past few weeks it's happened twice, possibly three times. What a bunch of shit. Technically it's no big loss, but it is pretty disappointing. Which leads back to the whole reason I tend to come off as bitchy in the first place. I've got all the friends I need, really. I've got what I need, and usually what I want. The friends I do have are decent people too, they don't act like they're still in HS, where for some reason people find humour in the queerest things.
Anyway... hey, I'm not perfect, I know that for damn sure. I've made mistakes, big deal, I'm not going to appologise for them. Shit happens, you deal, you move on. It doesn't change me as a person, just the same as it doesn't change other people. You just need to know where to draw the line... where something stops being humerous, or worth freaking out about, and when you need to snap out of it... and act your age or appropriately for the situation. As mean as I can be, I can at least manage to do that, why can't you?
current mood: go to hell, fuckers
current music: Coldplay - We Never Change
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(5 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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3:41 pm
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why are you so damn annoying? cocksucker. find something better to do.
xoxoxo
-Me.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Massive Attack - Angel
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(7 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
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2:16 pm
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| Sunday, February 17th, 2002
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11:25 pm - hate to say i told you so
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well i've been on the hostile side in this journal lately. i like to think it's just that time of year. the winter is really starting to get on my nerves. i'm really tired of being home so much. getting a job would relieve the situation a great deal, but no place seems to be hiring around here. no place that i'd consider working at least. i'm a bit picky when it comes to employment. i was hoping if i can work myself back into tip-top shape by spring/summer i could maybe find some tennis clinics to get involved in again. that is teaching, not learning. i already play tennis very well. i'd be doing something at least, and something i really enjoy doing at that.
spring fever how i loathe thee.
ryan is moving to florida on the 25th of the month. isn't that just lovely. he's not my boyfriend, nor did i ever expect that to come of the relationship, but it's still sad. he's a good person, and a good friend. on that note, i met another nice boy a while ago, he's got wonderful music taste. again, he's a friend not a boyfriend. he lives in birmingham, but was born in wales, so i like to call him welshish. we rock out with our cocks out, bay-bee. and he sends me incredible .wav and .wma files so i can dig his accent. one day we're going to see a Charlatans or Travis show together, and i'm going to nap in his bed. really we are! i know you're all jealous.
tomorrow i am going to do something productive other than laundry and cleaning! i swear it. my interests on here are so silly. i need to add a bunch more, but that's time consuming and i don't feel like doing it just yet. and i might switch to a default colour scheme that they have on here, until i have the time to come up with something nice. this blue is really getting on my nerves for some reason. it makes me feel 5 years younger than i actually am.
current mood:  weird
current music: the Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So
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(11 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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12:18 pm - hi.
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well you all know how much i love today. i'm actually kind of relieved i'm not out wasting money on a bunch of cards and other random items that will be lost/forgotten/die.
honestly i'm not upset about it being valentine's day. i just like to bitch and moan! the only way it would bother me if i was out, and saw all the sappy couples having near-sex in public over some silly holiday. why can't they be happy just holding hands? i like holding hands. i'd be happy just holding hands. that is, if i had someone to do it with. ok, i'm going to go shower and not hold hands with myself.
<3 me.
current mood: random!
current music: stuff.
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(5 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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2:17 pm - clever I am!
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| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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4:10 pm - fuckfags
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i hate boys, hate hate hate hate hate them. most of them anyway. ryan's alright, he's my buddy, such a cutie. girls are evil, so i hate them as well. i don't know what it is, i used to be pretty social, anymore when i try to talk to new people i just see so many things that bother me. why are people so stupid? WHY YOU QUEERS, TELL ME WHY!? why do people have to be clingy, why do they have to flirt like whores with everyone, why do they have to pretend they don't know how to speak english when they type, why do they have to exist? AHOY! NORMAL PEOPLE! BE MY FRIENDS! the friends i've had for a while are fine, they aren't included in this rant. i don't know. not everyone new has been like that. just most people. ok i'm going to go have lunch now.
current mood: pissed off
current music: NONE YO BID NASS =\
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(2 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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3:13 am
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why am i in such a bad mood? why do people insist on pushing my buttons, or doing annoying things. be normal, ok? thank you.
current mood:  blah
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(2 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Monday, February 11th, 2002
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11:15 pm - OH AND...
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I hate you all, thank you and good bye.
*kiss kiss*
current mood: evil.
current music: pshaw!
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(sit on the toilet)
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10:57 pm - alcoholic
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GOOD SONG.
So Jess' friend made me a new icon, ISN'T IT COOL. OMG PLS K THX!
I went for a drive today, in the middle of nowhere, and got lost... in the middle of nowhere. I hate valentines day, Thursday should be nil. Nonexistent. I got a lot of things organised in the two rooms today. Folding clothes is so stupid, really, I hate it. I wanted to go out tonight, but did not. Which is completely alright. I still need a job, someone hire me? please? Ok, I am going to go now, I will probably get bored and update some more later on.
current mood: silly
current music: Mogwai - Stanley Kubrick
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(2 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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12:04 am - look mutha fucka
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I be of the updating... FINALLY.
so I added two new pictures to this thing... "awww my nizzle" and "hand on cheek"
YEAH YOU ARE SO JEALOUS!!!! of the queerness that is me
so anyway, i've been doing stuff, and from this point on I will try to update daily. does that work for you? hopefully it will work for me.
OH, and i need a new colour set up... this is too blue anymore, and doesn't go along with my piece of crap webcam's dark pictures. SUGGEST ME THEM TO PLS K THX. alright, i'm going to go now, and starting tomorrow... *gasp* a REAL jourbal entry.
love me and good night!
current mood: crazy
current music: some digital cable music crizap station!#!$^*!&!
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(2 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Monday, January 28th, 2002
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1:36 pm - i'm mean, get over it.
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i may not be getting much sleep lately, but i have been in just about the best mood. maybe not online, but uh, with real people, in person and everything. desktop boy has managed to successfully keep me up two nights in a row. i don't think i've laughed so much in a weekend in my life. when you take my friday night with Rach and Rich (we are SUPER DORKS), then the next two nights with desktop boy (ALSO SUPER DORK), it's like constant laugh fest. and ON TOP of all that my team is GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL.... BOO YAW OH YEAH I TOTALLY JUMPED AROUND MY HOUSE FOR 10 MINUTES. ok enough of that queerness.
so uh, i need to clean SO badly, then go find a different job... i've decided an office environment is very much NOT my thing. i'll probably end up back at a restaurant, or Gorants since it's a minute away. ok, BYE KIDS
current mood:  cheerful
current music: get the fuck up out my BIZ NASS hahahah
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(3 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Thursday, January 24th, 2002
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3:44 pm
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rock on. so i got some sleep last night, kind of. desktop boy called, TWICE. yum. he sooo tired i feel bad. he should come out this weekend with us, because it will be fun. i get to go out on a weekend, OMG YAY. hah, i love 'omg' it's so funny. i use it to be an ass, you know. i sang bic runga all loud in my car today. yes, i can sing, i can sing well. i don't do it in front of people, except ben, but im good. i just took a shower, i'm gonna have an apple and do some tummy smooshers. i need to be skinny, real skinny. i'd like to do the whole complete starvation thing but, you know, my plan really isn't to kill myself.
i need to lose this crush, seriously, i always get let down... just watch it happen again. it never fails. that's the second plan for today, suppress all emotions. gah, i shouldn't get so worked up over all this, so i wont. good day now.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Bic Runga - Heal
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(1 flush | sit on the toilet)
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| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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1:39 pm - i kill you, foo!
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so like, i didn't update last night because i probably would have scared everyone since i was acting like a 14 year old girl and all. i went to perkins with desktop boy, mmmhmmm good times i say, good times. we acted like dorks, he was nervous i was nervous, WE BOTH DROPPED STUFF. now, i may not be dating this boy, or 'whoteva' BUT jesus holy dear LORD is he adorable. and here i am being the stay puff marshmallow woman that i am. *sigh* we happened to chose the one night that perkins gets it's carpets cleaned but, he was dead tired and i had to get back to ben so it was cool. so like, he gave me this cd i really wanted to burn a copy of. YAYAYAYAY! i get my g funkdafied homie word shiznat now. so i can act all "buck wild" and shizzy. you ALL KNOW you got the heezy fo sheezy in the nizzle. or uh, something. we didn't get to beat each other up this time, but when i give him his cd back i think i just might have to kick some butt.
I AM HAPPY.
I AM GOING TO DO LAUNDRY.
I AM GOING TO LOOK FORWARD TO TALKING TO DESKTOP BOY LATER ON.
I... am out of here. g'bye.
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Nikka Costa - Push and Pull
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(sit on the toilet)
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| Monday, January 21st, 2002
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5:50 pm - there is no fall i do not pride...
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just for the hell of it, just for the sake of it, just cause i need it, just cause i want you...
i <3 my new DVD. i went through withdrawl yesterday, so i don't think i'm going to stop my stuff now. i couldn't keep my eyes open. sleep city. no, i'm not a druggie. ok i need to go do those things that make your tummy smaller. maybe i'll go out tonight, who knows.
mister desktop boy rocks my world.
thank you and goodbye.
current mood:  awake
current music: i'm coming down, with my hands tied
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(sit on the toilet)
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| Sunday, January 20th, 2002
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7:16 pm
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CHEER. i came home from a lovely afternoon, to get a message on my machine from *GASP* the great one! total swoon, i say. especially when just the night before we both mentioned the fact that we don't leave voice mail/machine messages. dear lord i am so happy. he asked if i wanted him to call back later... YESH! but his phone's been turned off since i got home *sad sad face* I am so in the mood to do something, lets all hope and cheer that the phone is in the 'on position' soon! yay! *dance*
alright lumberjacks, i'm getting offline, since my cable is still not working right. pooh.
current mood: excited
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(sit on the toilet)
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7:14 am - stupid mother fucking mother fuckers!
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YEAH!! m-f this and m-f that asslicker cuntbag WHORES.
sometimes i see things, and get an insta-hahafuckyou.jpg look on my face. like what in the hell, i swear i'm always better off being mean. i let my guard down to people, and be nice and cute and nothing is M-F'ING GOD DAMN APPRECIATED. i say it time after time, when i'm mean, as much as i hate it sometimes... it saves me a lot of anger in the long run... YES ASSHOLES THAT MAKES SENSE. if i do that people won't let me down, because i wont fucking expect SHITE from them. fucking MEXIQUEERBIATCHES. no i have nothing against mexicans or jewish people or any of that jazz. so don't comment all pissing about it, it just adds 'flare' to the insult. (thank you, Aj, for donating parts to all my clever insults i use. hee hee.)
on a lighter note, the not online note, the kind of note where people make me smile 24 hours in a day... *sigh* THE KIND OF NOTE WHERE YOU CAN TALK TO A MOTHER FUCKER AND KNOW IT'S NOT A BIG LOAD OF SHITE. yeah. that kind of note. i don't think i've been so happy in the longest time. some people are just so gosh darned sweet it amazes me. honestly. wow. i really hope this whole nice happy pleasant feeling i have isn't thrown to shite either. because damn, does having a friend like this feel good. you know, it takes a certain attractiveness to make my desktop... rachel knows this. Jacob was the last one to hold a spot on my desktop, because i find him down right incredible... and it doesn't totally involve looks, even though i'll never meet Jacob since he's from O-town, he still seems like some nice guy, who curses like a sailor. i'm so picky but not picky at the same time. i cannot STAND poster pin-up model boy good looks, they drive me nuts and make me want to spit. i like cute looking faces, with subtle flaws and messy hair. and an amazing personality to boot. such a must. anyway, before jacob... trees blessed my desktop, before that i can't even remember. but as of a day ago, my desktop is taken by a certain person. he make-a me happy! he can think i'm the stay puff marshmallow man for all i care, as long as we're pals i'm ecstatic.
AND YES YOU RAT ASSHOLES MY M-F'ing TEAM WON TODAY. OAKLAND BLOWS GOAT BALLS.
fucking bed. i cussed a lot, JUST DEAL YOU SNOT FUCKS. I'm in a great mood, just felt like cussing.
current mood:  loved
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(2 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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| Saturday, January 19th, 2002
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4:58 pm
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wow so uh, i think i'm having the second crush in my life right now... SO QUEER. ugh, see i like people, yeah. and i'll think someone is cute... but i don't normally crush. so now i'm crushing. call me a dork! yes i am a dork! he's so adorable and sweet. *sigh* ok i'm off!
current mood: cheerful
current music: Charlatans UK - And If I Fall
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(sit on the toilet)
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| Wednesday, January 16th, 2002
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10:49 am - fuck you all
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you're all a bunch of queers anyway. >:| !! It's cold, and I hate Ohio. I know you all hate these tests, and so do I, but I love sifl and olly, a lot more than you.
Which Sifl & Olly Show Character Are You?
Brought to you by Fifth Dream Today.
and coming in at a close second
Which Sifl & Olly Show Character Are You?
Brought to you by Fifth Dream Today.
yeah, i'm cool.
you know, for once i'd like someone's feelings for me to be genuine. i don't necessarily mean it has to be love, or a boyfriend girlfriend thing, just genuine. something other people don't get, other friends don't get, from that person. call me selfish, i don't like to be part of a generalised category. if that's the case, don't IM me, talk to me, call me... whatever. most importantly don't lie... i hate that more than anyone will ever know. i suppose this is the last time i re-read something, i'm happier in my sleepy state... i don't comprehend exactly what's going on so much.
current mood:  discontent
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(5 flushes | sit on the toilet)
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creative