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Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
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11:09 pm - Shake It Up
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Name: Jamie Lynn Young
Nickname: Jamie Jellybean, James, Jammie, J-me, Jamal, the Castrator, Semolina Pilchard, Prudence Farrow, Heather, Julie, etc
E-Mail: SemolinaPi@aol.com
My Place: tan with green trim, a barn due south
Years Online: since 1994
Favourite Colour: red, baby blue, and glitter
Nights: sleeping or watching Conan O'Brien
Favourite TV Shows: Malcolm in the Middle, Kids in the Hall, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Ready or Not, etc
Favourite Actor: Kevin Spacey
Favourite ToothPaste: Sparkle Fresh for Kids
Favourite Music Groups: Bis, the Beatles, Lunachicks, Dance Hall Crashers, the Donnas, Bangs, Sleater-Kinney, etc
Favourite Music Genre: punk/pop
Pastimes: soccer, computer, origami, art, etc
Favourite Drink: diet Coke
Favourite Holiday: pumpkin pie, stuffing, etc
Food: potatoes, noodles, rice with furikake, etc
Eye Colour: medium brown
Hair Colour: medium brown
Classes at School this semester: Family Relations, Art III, Advanced Composition, Nutrition and Wellness, American Government, Business Education, Trig/Calc, + Earth Science
Number of Piercings: 5
Tattoo: wait til February
Glasses/Contacts: both
Authors: Christopher Pike, V.C. Andrews, Eric Idle
Book Genres: everything
Religion: none
Favourite Sayings:"Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within."
Job: student
Perfume: Cool Water
Favourite Number: 9
A colour I like to wear: red + black
A delicious dessert: chocolate
Favourite time of the day: afternoon
Favourite place to sit at home: in my bed
What I most like to do on Sunday: sleep
On my walls hang: band posters, glow-in-the-dark sticky stars, my artwork, etc
Under my bed: I haven't an idea!
Something important on my night table: condoms
When I sleep I wear: pjs
Things I like to buy: clothing + music
What's on my mousepad: Sleater-Kinney
Sleep with stuffed animals? Tygie
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius, the Water Bearer, the Einstein of the Zodiac
Glass half empty or half full? just half
Right, lefty? righty
Type with my fingers on the right keys: no
Keep a diary: I don't know what you think this is...
Like to cook: Sure.
Exercise regularly: Normally.
Sketch while you are on the phone: When am I ever on the phone?
Read a book in the last month: No.
Replace toilet paper roll immediately: No.
Like crossword puzzles: Yes.
Have visited the Eiffel Tower: No
Wait until the last minute to fill your car with gas: No, I get nervous when it's on 1/4 of a tank.
Have been to your ancestors' homeland: No.
Being sick is a vacation: no
Often have people at your house: Yes.
Like Canada: Yes.
Can remember jokes: Yes.
Play cards: Yes.
Play Chess: I love chess!
Fold your underwear: Yes.
Talk in your sleep: I don't know.
Eat fast: Yes.
Recycle small batteries: No.
Often avoid paying full price: Yes.
Like hiking: Yes even though I'm terribly out of shape.
Like being on the phone: Sometimes, rarely.
Set your watch a few minutes ahead: only my alarm clock
Often get headaches: Lately, yes.
Can whistle: Yes.
Brush your teeth three times a day: No.
Read the newspaper: only the comics and USA Today
Use a hairdryer: Yes.
Use a curling iron: No.
Get out of bed immediately when the alarm sounds in the morning: No.
Generally save letters and postcards: Yes.
Hate parties: Yes.
Give money to homeless people: No.
Sunrise/Sunset: sunset
Sweet/Sour: sour
Sahara/Himalaya: Himalaya
Dolphin/Eagle: dolphin
Old/New: new
Hot/Cold: cold
Coke/Pepsi: Coke
Soft/Hard: soft
Train/Plane: plane
Yesterday/Tomorrow: tomorrow
Red/Blue: red
Fast/Slow: slow
Blind/Deaf: deaf
Open/Closed: open
Bath/Shower: bath
Square/Circle: circle
Fire/Water: fire
Lightning/Thunder:lightning
Black/White: black
Ocean/Forest: forest
Dogs/Cats: cats
Day/Night: night
Leaves/Roots: leaves
Left/Right: right
Cremation/Burial: cremation
Victim/Criminal: criminal
Even/Odd: even
Written/Spoken: spoken
Carpet/Hardwood Floor: hardwood floor
Earth Quake/Hurricane: hurricane
City/Countryside: city
Vanilla/Chocolate: chocolate
Abstract/Figurative: abstract
Limited/Open-ended: open-ended
House/Condominium: house
!/?: !
Sun/Rain: rain
Briefs/Boxers: boxers
Pen/Pencil: pen
Summer/Winter: winter
Horizontal/Vertical: horizontal
Silver/Gold: silver
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| Monday, November 5th, 2001
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10:36 pm - Bound and Broken on the Floor
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I'm so torn. Isaac...gosh. He told me to meet him in the park today an hour before rehearsal. We got on so well. We always do. I agree with what Gena Davis says her sister tells her in 'Quick Change': "There's the type of guy you're crazy about, and then there's the type of guy you marry." Maybe I agree. I don't know! Isaac really knows what buttons of mine to push to get what he wants. Jesse...I can't blame him for not knowing what to do. He's so inexperienced. That's it. He's a sweetheart, though. He has the potential to be the perfect boyfriend. The only things he's missing are excitement and spontaneity. But those things are just from the lack of experience with a girl. We're going camping next weekend. Maybe things will change.
I think I would definitely go back to Isaac despite everything that's happened if Jesse and I didn't work out. I wouldn't break up with Jesse if nothing was wrong, however.
current mood:  aggravated
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| Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
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8:07 am - Your Presents Make Me Think of You
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From Isaac:
Jamie,
You have no idea what you have done to me. You have turned my life upside down, kicked me, and then stepped on my head. Jamie, you to talk to me. I have a lot of shit I want to say to you. Oh, yeah. After last night, I went back to Jaime's house where we had a talk and, well, I made her understand a lot about who I am and how I feel. Jamie, I have to say this to you. I want to in person, but if I don't ever get the chance...
Jamie, I still love you. I love you now more than I ever have before. I am going crazy without you. You said sometimes you just have to let some people go. I did. I broke up with you 5 months ago and look where we are today. We are both on the same boat. Your mom doesn't worry me just because I know she loves you. That means she wants what's best for you, and she doesn't think that is me. Sometimes you have to let stuff go, but sometimes you have to take hold and hang on for dear life. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE FIELD. I want you. I don't give a fuck about what is out there for me. I make my own fucking fate. Why are you so slow to make yours? You are right too many people got involved before, but do you remember what it was like when we were alone? Remember the couch? Remember when we would go out to eat and it would be just you and me? Please see what is before you! Jamie, I tried to let you go, but after 5 months my entire world fell apart. Does that mean anything to you? Right now I just followed my heart: I gave you this letter that is letting you know just how I feel. It doesn't matter how fucked up shit gets. Always follow your heart. You can do it. Even if your heart leads away from me, follow it and it will not let you down. Just make sure that is what your heart truly needs, not wants.
Anyway, do you remember what it was like when we were alone? I have still yet to receive a feeling like that from anything. Just think, after we graduate high school, we will both be on our own. No parents breathing down our necks. Just you and me free to do whatever we want to do. I have to have you. I can lie to myself no longer. All the damage is done. Everybody that matters knows I still love you. You can't hurt my relationshp with my friends anymore.
Jamie, I need you! I am up night and day thinking, remembering, not able to do anything but want you back. You and I made the mistake of letting people ruin the love we felt for each other. Let's learn from our mistakes. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering "what if...".
Last night you said, "Isaac, what is your ultimate goal in telling me this?" I lied. I want you back. I need you and I don't want to live without you.
Jamie, from this point on the decisions are up to you. You make the choice. I already know what I am going to do.
Jamie, I will hold back my feelings no more. I love you. You just remember that.
Isaac
current mood:  pensive
current music: Bis - "Plastik People"
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| Friday, November 2nd, 2001
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6:35 am - Finally Tired, Finally Empty
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Oh, what a night! I was talking to Isaac in his car before rehearsal. I asked him his ultimate goal in telling me his feelings. He said he didn't know. He said something about not telling me 'cos he wanted to get back together with me. I said, "I don't blame you for not wanting to. I was horrible." I think at that point I had a hold of his arm in a comforting, non-romantic way. He looked at me and said, "Is this so horrible?" He wasn't looking at me while I was talking to him and he didn't say anything. I moved his head so he would look at me. As I was doing that, Jaime and Trenton pulled up in their car along side us. It probably looked like something else, I'm not sure. Isaac didn't come to rehearsal at all, and he needs a lot of practice. Jaime was casting me evil glares throughout the night. After rehearsal, I noticed Isaac's car was back (supposedly he went home) and he was talking to a few people. He kept looking at me. I know he wanted to talk to me, but then Jaime came outside. I was sitting in my car talking to Matt and then Jaime pulled along side my car and stop. I thought she wanted to fight. She got out of her car and started yelling at JJ. She told him to get into her car 'cos he didn't need to be talking to Isaac. There's not a backseat in her car and Isaac usually takes JJ home. JJ told her no and she started screaming in the street. Trenton got to her and told her to get back into the car. She was screaming shit like, "No! You don't own me!" and making a big scene out of it. I left at that moment, even though I needed to talk to Isaac. Matt told me Jaime was telling him how pissed off she was at me because I'm the cause of why Isaac is acting not like himself. I may be the cause, but this is his problem. I told him to move on from me. I'm trying to make him realize he's better off without me. Jaime's just upset 'cos Isaac doesn't think Emily is as perfect as she does. I think the only solution for happiness is if Jaime and Emily date each other. It's not healthy to think soooo highly of someone, especially a friend. Emily is nothing special and I'll never understand why Jaime thinks she is. Sobeit if Jaime is pissed at me and wants to start some kind of fight at school today. I'll just tell her the truth of the matter...but she probably won't believe me. And I don't really care.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: The Beatles - "The Long and Winding Road"
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| Thursday, November 1st, 2001
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4:24 pm - My Brother Was Born with His Heart on the Outside of His Body
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From Isaac:
Hey,
I wrote you about 5 letters now, but I just couldn't give them to you. I don't know what to say to you. All I really gathered from your last letter is that you want me to just forget about you and get on with my life. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think that is going to be a simple task I can just do with no problem? I am so confused. All I know is that you have to follow your heart at a time liked this. You have no choice. If you don't want to live in pain for a long time, just follow your heart. I told you my telling you what I had to say would fuck everything up and make it worse. I can't write anymore, but I still need to talk, so if you want to talk again to get to the bottom of this, please do let me know. So if you do want to talk, I guess I will see you then...
I don't want him to forget about me. I don't know if he's telling me to follow my heart or that he's saying one must follow their heart. I don't know. I know that he wants me back, but I don't see how that will help anyone. I don't want to give up on Jesse when we've only been together a few days shy of a month. He's so great. I cannot, however, escape my feelings for my ex-boyfriend. They're not overwhelming me, but they're there and that's not fair to my current boyfriend. What the fuck am I supposed to do about all of this? Suggestions needed!!!!!!!
current mood:  confused
current music: Bis - "The European"
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| Wednesday, October 24th, 2001
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10:39 pm - Planning the Next Move
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I sat down with the ex today during first period and asked him what the hell the elephant figurine was about. He bought it for me a few weeks after we broke up. It is supposed to symbolize how he "won't forget me". I also asked him his reason for breaking up with me...and (finally) he told me after nearly 6 months! Apparently, he thought I was extremely unhappy and that it would be best for me not to be with him. That answer was somewhat shocking to me. For once, he was being unselfish. It's so strange that I am able to have conversations with him now. I never thought I would get over him. But Jesse...
I went over to Jesse's house today to "study for Earth Science". We did actually study for an hour, but we took a 2-3 hour break to talk a walk. His road is a dead-end, so I suggested we sit down in the middle of it and talk. We did. I'm finding it so hard to kiss him. I don't know if it's because I haven't done it for so long or that he's inexperienced, but I'm having a hard time initiating and accepting one. I do love when he holds me in his arms, though. That beats anything.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: Bis - "Automatic Freestyle"
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| Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
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9:42 pm - You Can See the Whole Way Through
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I just had a very strange event occur. It involves my ex-boyfriend. I brought him back his bear (Honey Joe) today and he said he was going to bring me my Hello Kitty at drama rehearsal. So...I was walking Jesse out to his car afterwards and then I stepped into my car. Isaac came over to my car and gave me the kitty. He also had an elephant figurine that he said he bought for me a while ago and had a speech all worked out for it. He went on to say "congratulations" about me and Jesse. I was so confused at this point. I gave him my thanks in a very unsure way 'cos I didn't know how to react to that. Throughout practice he was looking at me whenever I would stand next to Jesse and talk to him. He looked upset. I suppose my spell worked...or maybe he's felt this way all along. He obviously still has feelings for me. I don't know what to think about that. I feel badly for him. I mean, he can't have me again and he knows it. I'm going to try to not think about any of this. It's just so odd.
current mood: confused
current music: Bis - "Robotic"
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5:58 am - All We Deserve
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I have a thing for bread crust. I always ask people for their's at lunchtime. Rachel brought me a whole bag of it in yesterday as she made some kind of dish that didn't include it. It made me sick. The combination of that and lack of sleep really did a number on me yesterday. I had to skip equestrian therapy. I stayed out in the hot car while just my mom went. I felt so horrible. Psychically, but also because I let the kids down by not being there.
current mood:  nauseated
current music: Dance Hall Crashers - "Setting Sun"
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5:58 am - It's Overcast, Now Lost the Chance
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Say one nice thing about the person that sent this : "Jamie, you make everything seem to me as a dream of which I loathe the conception of waking. The mere thought of your grace swells the chest that embraces my heart, for it cannot withstand the emotion I feel when experiencing your beauty."
My heart is much too tiny to handle this. I feel as though it may burst.
current mood:  loved
current music: Lunachicks - "The Day Squid's Gerbil Died"
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| Monday, October 22nd, 2001
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4:05 am - The Process
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I hate bad house guests. I always try to leave things how I found them when I visit someone, and I figure others should and do the same. My dad has a disgusting family. I hate when they visit. They have to share a bathroom with me. Last time one of his cousins visited I woke up in the morning to find chewing tobacco spit on my toilet seat and floor. I'm always moody in the morning anyway, but when I wake up to something so incredibly disgusting that goes through the roof. My dad had an uncle and cousin stay from Friday until yesterday. I was walking into the bathroom, still trying to wake up. I stepped in something liquid. I looked down to see what it was. I had to lean in close as I didn't have my glasses on or contacts in. Piss. I fucking stepped in piss! On my floor! In my bathroom! Piss! It didn't even look as though anyone was trying to make it in the toilet. How much more disgusting can you get? This is my defintion of a bad house guest.
current mood:  infuriated
current music: Sleater-Kinney - "Anonymous"
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| Saturday, October 20th, 2001
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11:29 am - I Have a Path But I Can't Keep to It
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It happened. We kissed. In my car. It wasn't much. First kisses are awkward always, but this was different. I think this is a beginning to something very special. I found it very cute (adorable) that he had no idea about kissing. Disappointment first entered my mind, but that quickly went away. I had no idea where to begin with kissing until a year and a half ago. And "teaching" will not be agony for me...
current mood:  amused
current music: Bis - "Silver Spoon"
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| Thursday, October 18th, 2001
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9:26 pm - You People Make My Ass Twitch
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JesseArt2003: How do you think we will bring each other around to initiate a kiss?
SemolinaPi: You don't talk about it. It ruins it.
JesseArt2003: Sorry.
SemolinaPi: It's okay! I've just seen too many movies.
JesseArt2003: That's the dumbest one of the night.
JesseArt2003: Oh, I see.
SemolinaPi: I think you're great. So stop saying those things 'cos they don't matter.
JesseArt2003: It's kind of nerve-racking because I want to do it, but I don't know how to approach you.
SemolinaPi: Just surprise me.
JesseArt2003: ok
JesseArt2003: I'll do a CasaBlanca scene.
JesseArt2003: I've never seen it, but I'm sure it has a spetacular kissing scene in it.
SemolinaPi: Tee hee!
JesseArt2003: lol
SemolinaPi: Gosh. Now you've got me all nervous again.
JesseArt2003: I've been nervous all night.
JesseArt2003: The intimacy two share when their lips are joined.
JesseArt2003: It's a very sacred thing, is it not?
Can this boy be true?
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| Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
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10:21 pm - I'll Tell You Once More Before I Get Off the Floor
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Friday---> Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, alone time, corning, giving of the rice necklace, conversing, acting like self, hand-holding (maybe a kiss), etc
Saturday---> theatre club trip to Bowling Green, sleeping on bus, hand-holding, conversing, etc
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| Tuesday, October 9th, 2001
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5:19 pm - The Deeper You Go, The Higher You Fly
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| Monday, October 8th, 2001
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7:33 am - No One Will Be Watching Us
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Adrian and I are such bad spies. We claim to be "clever", but we both know we are not when it comes to subtlety with boys. I'm down right rude and she is too much to the point. Still, we both got what we wanted with each other's help. This proves why were are still such good friends after being separated for almost 4 years. She's coming to visit during her spring holiday.
I worry far too much.
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: The Beatles - "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
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| Sunday, October 7th, 2001
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9:27 pm - La-La How the Life Goes On
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In the backseat last night as he was driving down the road while arguing with him, we were close. We were shy. We edged closer to each other nervously. It was obvious. We still refused to admit it to the other. This isn't working. Nothing is being done. I must take it into my own hands.
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| Saturday, October 6th, 2001
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12:31 am
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| Thursday, October 4th, 2001
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9:27 pm
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I'm having rhinoplasty done in June/July apparently. I planned on having it over Christmas holiday, but my mom thinks it will have an effect on my singing. I've decided to wait until after auditions for 'Guys and Dolls' to go ahead. And, yes, I am nervous.
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| Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
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9:21 pm - Dies Irae
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I go to the plastic surgeon in Columbus for my consultation tomorrow. I'm not nervous just yet, but I'm sure as soon as I start driving down there I'll be in bunches. It's more because I don't know what will happen. I don't have a clue how much it will cost or if I'm going to even get it done. I want this so badly, more than anything else.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Blur - "For Tomorrow"
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9:07 pm - These Beats Are In My Head
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I happened to glance up at the "Blair Bitch" today in English class. She was wearing a watch that I bought for Isaac! An expensive watch! I was so angry. I want it back. Neither of them is worth what that watch costed me, and definitely she isn't.
I've had an aching for classical music lately. I've been listening to Mozart in the mornings as I fix my hair instead of random punk. It's very relaxing and I don't go to school anymore with the usual teen angst.
All I can remember from playing Uno in the Klagenfurt park with the kids is Iris saying, "Do bist, Lampe!"
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