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the end. [04 Mar 2002|03:19pm] [ mood | thankful ] so this is how it ends, then, i guess. with me getting over you. over a close minded midwestern child. it ends with me threatening that if anyone does anything that will be remotely considered harassment... measures will be taken. it ends with me being better than you. with me knowing i have real friends. friends that dont trash me behind my back. friends that dont live off of making peoples lives miserable. this is ending now, with me knowing that i can move on and that i can be strong and that i can give a big fuck you and go on with my life. because no matter what any of you say about me... i know you are only doing it because you are insecure. and because you are scared of letting people in. and because you have abandonment issues. and because all of you will never be happy with what you have, because what you have.. isnt what you want. say what you will... because right now, it just doesnt matter. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

[03 Mar 2002|05:04pm] [ music | Vanessa Carlton- along for the ride ] bah, i have to wait until March 30th until I can get the Vanessa Carlton full length. Comments: 1 letter - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

and i will never see the sky the same way.. [03 Mar 2002|04:21pm] [ mood | crampy ] [ music | Vanessa Carlton: Twilight ] once the vanessa carlton cd comes out i will buy it. right away. today, i bought the single. it was only $1 and I figured just having the single will hold me over since the song im obsessed with is all i need, right? wrong. because as soon as i hear the second song on the single, Twilight, its stuck in my head and on permanent repeat. theres just something about her voice and the emotion and.. wow. so, i know that the single will not be enough. the full length should be out soon, hopefully. i seriously recommend for you to download Twilight by Vanessa Carlton. next, i guess Sam is coming over my nana's for dinner. which kinda sucks coz i was planning on possibly trying to stay home and skip it coz im tired and i have these horrid cramps. but now i cant. but i'll get to see Sam, i havent seen her since the choir concert. i got my pictures from CVS and most of them suck. damn me for being ugly. bah. there's a couple cute ones of Bethany and Rachel and Mel.. none of Jami. eric forgot the saidsadly cds yet again. stupid boys, i swear. im going to beat him up. other people (boys) throwing hissyfits on LJ are amusing. oh boy. i needed a good laugh, thanks. i <3 my mel. Comments: 1 letter - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

[03 Mar 2002|08:40am] [ mood | sleepy ] i feel sickly. my body hurts, i need to get more than 6 hours of sleep. these pants have a hole in the crotch again, it ripped where i sewed it. damn it. i never said i could sew good... i never said i could sew at all. guess mom will have to do it. i dont want to go to church.. i just want to go lay in bed and watch cartoons and cuddle with my cat. why why why cant i? i dont have class tomorrow.. well, i dont have english. so uhm.. *cough* im not going to go to speech either. time to go. Comments: 1 letter - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

traffic lights turning yellow [03 Mar 2002|01:03am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | rain ] alas i am home without my cellphone making more than a beep when i put on the keylock thanks everyone, i love you too. i enjoy hanging out with mel. and driving on highways. and crying to rainer maria. i do not enjoy people who roll their eyes at my religion and make me angry and annoy me. nope nope. but i do <3 mel. i miss you. why wont you just call me and let me know that you are ok and that you dont hate me? why? 4 days. the rain makes me want to drive across the country. but my heart would tell me to stop halfway there. Comments: 1 letter - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

i ordered my pink chucks a couple hours ago... [02 Mar 2002|09:35pm] [ mood | leaving ] so, today has been some what eventful (but not really) and now im going out with mel soon until some random hour and maybe we will reek some havok because im in that kind of a mood. the kind of a mood where i have a lot on my mind and i would like to just forget it all and move on. but i cant. so, if any of you would like to call me and tell me you love me, or email/text message me i would enjoy it alot. a whole lot. but to get the magical number you must look at my away message on AIM. and if you are added as one of my friends you will be able to get my screen name from my profile. if not then you are out of luck. i have to go change now and find my camcorder. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

barf puke ralph vomit [02 Mar 2002|05:31pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Weezer - Keep Fishin ] i drank too much vanilla chai too dast and now my stomache hurts *frown* i would like a boy to sing a weezer song to me... and then i will love him forever. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

5 days isnt very long... [02 Mar 2002|04:57pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | (said sadly...) - The Sun Makes Me Nervous ] million thoughts )saidsadly( there're clear waters somewhere somewhere i've never been i don't think i'd like to see them it might be too much for me 'cause i don't know how i look, what i dream, how i feel, who i am, anymore i've got a million thoughts inside my head ( but only some are real ) Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

id do it if i could... i hope you know i would... [02 Mar 2002|12:54pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] i had a dream last night that i lived in alaska and "my boyfriend" proposed to me and i said yes. Though I have no idea who this guy was now that i wake up, in my dream i could not stop thinking about how he was not you. And how Ive always told everyone that you are the only guy i would ever marry. and then i kept thinking of ways to tell this guy that i did not want to marry him because he was not you. but i just couldnt do it. and then i woke up and i was relieved that it wasnt real. the phone is ringing now, so i should probably pick it up... just in case... too late. i need to take a shower. if i dont get a response by next thursday, that will be the day. the day i pack it up and move on. "you know you like her, would it kill you to admit it? maybe treat her halfway decent? because, you know, she deserves it... and she's not going to wait around for you forever...." -RayAnne, my so called life: episode: Self Esteem Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

if it wasnt for your immaturity none of this would have happened... [01 Mar 2002|11:46pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | John Lennon - Imagine ] plans changed, yet again. they always do. i hate when i think, and when i regret stuff ive done and things ive said... and i hate when i cant seem to pull myself out of this slump im in. once i deposit my check i'll have about $300 in my account. this is a big accomplishment since i cant seem to ever keep it above the minimum of $25 most of the time. but, im going to try and order my pink hightop chucks again tomorrow and see if they have them in stock. i hope so. i think im going to fall asleep, so i should go to bed.. i wish i would have burned this box of memories a couple months ago. WAITING IS NOT MY THING. Comments: 4 letters - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

this could get messy but you dont seem to mind... [01 Mar 2002|03:41pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Alanis Morisette - Hands clean ] the strokes bore me. alot. so, my income tax money came in and im pondering what to buy. i dont plan on blowing it all. just a little bit though. i looked into button makers and im just not willing to spend that much on something that i wont get considerable use out of. Mom got her income tax back too so that means i will have my new computer with my burner and way too much space and my webcam will be up and working again. and i guess we're getting a dishwasher as well. yay. i dont want to work. but do i ever? no. Does anyone have the new Alanis cd? I downloaded "Hands Clean" and i really like it, but i dont know if i should go out and get it or not. I also am going to look into maybe buying the Vanessa Carlton cd, though first im going to download a couple more songs and see if it'll be worth it. i wonder if me and mel are going to the famine tonight or not.. eh, i have to paint a self portrait. Comments: 3 letters - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

i kinda feel like im going to puke... [01 Mar 2002|09:45am] [ mood | drained ] i have 15 or so minutes until i have to leave for class.. and im not ready. my books are tossed somewhere and i dont know where my discman is... uhm.. i should go get ready. but im not going to. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. i dont want to go to speech. bah. but i have to. and id hate to go all the way out there just to go to english. damn it. maybe, i will though. just go to english. i mean, i'll prolly go out to breakfast with bethany afterwards and it wont be a complete waste of a day. oh boy, Donna is going to kill me if i dont stop skipping her class. but i will. today will be the last day, for at least a week. maybe until spring break. yeh, last day until spring break that i have to skip speech. now, as long as i leave at 10:55am i'll be good. -this has been a pointless post- Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

jami oh jami im so glad youre mine, we'll be together a long time [28 Feb 2002|09:40pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Dashboard Confessional - Jamie (weezer) ] so, we didnt go see the vagina monologues. mel didnt know where it was though she said she did. its ok though. its playing friday and saturday as well, but mel works. so, i wont get to see it. and that makes me not very happy. so, we resorted to the diner where mel attempted to spill another glass of soda on me. uhm, then we came home. i dont want to go to class tomorrow. someone come save me.. oh wait.. i forgot that you all hate me. bah. im going to bed. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

dont let them bring you down and dont let them fuck you around [28 Feb 2002|07:14pm] [ mood | frustrated ] my mom threw my chucks down the basement stairs. "From now on anything of yours that isnt put away will get thrown down into the basement" uhm.... asshole. i get upset when i read a certain livejournal on my friends list. and i cant seem to get through to this person. and it frustrates me. like nothing i say matters anyway. even though ive been everywhere they have been and i survived it. even though i do know what im talking about. it doesnt matter. and i can not sit by and let this person mess up their life. i refuse to. i wont do it. my neck hurts. alot. and i cant get ahold of rachel. all i want to do is go to sleep but i cant. and tomorrow i work. great. you know, sometimes i would like to give up too. but i dont. .... and i guess you arent as much like me, as i thought you were. Comments: 2 letters - why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

the things you make me wanna do, id rob a quik-e-mart for you [27 Feb 2002|09:54pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | ataris<3 ] outings with mel are always enjoyable. and i got more beads and the canvases i need for the new paintings. (i just spilled yellow beads all over the desk. argh) vagina monologues is tomorrow not tonight.. so we will be attending that tomorrow. uhm.. what else.. ive become nervous. so nervous that i get that shaking thing where i can barely function. and thats always enjoyable. i have dishes to do.. but seeing that i will be awake until 1:30am because Dash is on Conan... uhm.. i can put the dishes off. however.. i may go do dishes and get in bed and set my alarm for 12:30. thats like.. 2 hours. hmph. yeh, i think i shall do that. being in love sucks. esp in this situation. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

now youre gone and im waiting waiting [27 Feb 2002|04:43pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Dashboard Confessional - Jamie ] happiness is.... finding an MP3 of Dashboard Confessional covering Weezer's song Jamie. pure bliss. whats next? a phonecall? prolly not. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

walmart is the BEST [27 Feb 2002|04:16pm] [ music | Various Artists - Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand M ] ( OH NO!! hot one of those online quizzes!! ) Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

ive got kiddie pride and i color too [27 Feb 2002|03:46pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | weezer: jamie ] i look like a little kid. with my chin length jet black hair complete with straight bangs and plastic yellow duckie hair clips. it doesnt get any better when I have my mom put it up in pigtails. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

losing my voice just talking to you about talking to you.... [27 Feb 2002|01:41pm] [ mood | clean ] [ music | Promise Ring - Skips A Beat (Over You) ] i read somewhere the it was like.. 60 degrees outside. however, it is not. hmph. Skipped class. woke up at 12:36. It was nice since i havent really been able to sleep past 9am in a while. When I turned on my cellphone, i got a "one missed call. one voice message" alert. scared. oh so scared. .... "Hi Jami.. its Mom..." of course it is. Going out with Mel tonight. Good. I need to get out of here. I need to go see the Vagina Monologues and I need to be with other people, meet people. I also need to take my mind off of everything that seems to be spiraling downward right now. mostly school. Im going to make a bagel now. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

if i could fall into the sky... [26 Feb 2002|11:02pm] [ mood | distant ] [ music | The Anniversary - Perfectly ] my march horoscope (from Jane, including side comments from me.) "Your love interest is a festering hangnail and your clippers are dull. [well, i couldnt have said it better myself...] So, rather than gouging away at the situation till it is bloody and raw and filled with puss [yummy] apply some ointment and leave it alone. It may heal more quickly if you pay less attention to it. well, now. i dont think anything further needs to be said about that. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I dont plan on going to speech communications tomorrow. however, i do plan on going to see the vagina monologues with my bestfriend. artists are unreliable people. when you email them a list of simple questions with a simple request to answer those questions, 5 questions.. within a reasonable amount of time.. and they dont. thats just being rude. i dont think im flaky and unreliable like these said artists... maybe i need to change my career. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= on my desk sits a half empty bag of gummy bears... yellow. green. orange. I dont like citrus. a silent cellphone.. is it even on? uhm..no. im not about to give it the chance to make noise. my wallet.. $20? $19? eh. i can live off of that for a week. cds. too many cds. my mom insists that i need to sell them, or stop buying them. she has no clue. bracelets. beads. index cards. pink leopard print dice, from drew.. they fell off of the side of the computer desk where they were hanging.. pictures. a golf ball. and old letter i dug out from underneath my bed. from the bottom of a priority mail box. too many drawing pencils, broken. dulled. and an old mixed tape. old as in a year ago. i think its time for me to clean... maybe tomorrow. Comments: why aren't all roads perfect lines? .

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