Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in you are what saves my soul's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 24th, 2002
10:43 pm	it's all smiles from here Although i've been quite productive this past weekend, there were short moments in time spent thinking...about everything, but mostly john. i'm happy...finally. i feel as if my depression has swept up beneath me and said farewell for a long time. i actually feel REALLY grateful for everything i have: my friends, john, theater, the school i attend, and yes, even my family though i'm not close to them. it's been a long time since i've been able to smile from the inside as well as outside. this past week has just been a change...and a good one at that. when racquel saw me she noticed a big but good change in me. she said i seem happier and are a lot more grown-up. she herself has changed for the better as well. i know her and myself will always be close friends. i really hope this upcoming week goes along well. i have an audition tomorrow...hope everything goes fine. the concert tonight was great, i loved it. we were told to bring our music since a lot of us haven't memorized it but i actually did, i'm quite proud of myself. 7 movements all memorized. i'm becoming slightly tired...do i have any homework? eh, even if i do i doubt it's important or else i'd have remembered. hope everyone's day tomorrow goes nicely. i love you Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:56 pm	it's better than i ever knew i FINALLY got home from that too long of a rehearsal, i seriously felt as if i was going to faint, i was so light-headed and hungry. but now i'm stuffed and happy :) practicing with the orchestra was so intense i kept getting chills up my spine, i loved it. so i'm thinking maybe i should take a short nap b4 i have to get ready around 7...hmmmm... i wonder is this upcoming week will be as busy as the previous. i hope not. i need some time to myself. *yawns* i hope racquel comes back to town soon, she said she probably will in a few weeks. i want someone to hug right now Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
12:36 pm	forever lost inside ourselves woke up not too long ago...had a really weird fucked up dream. but enough about that. today is choir concert day. how i loathe choir concerts. those stupid ugly robes. but i love the pieces we're singing, especially since they're all in latin. Faure Requiem...good stuff. rehearsal is at 1:15 so i gotta leave a little bit b4 1. until then, i'll just chill, listen to musik, and eat something. i know i'm going to have that *thought* in my head all day. ugh...no, get it out. i'm such a little weird gurl. :) Current Mood: mellow (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:03 am	i love you tonight was crazy...got really fucked up...damn weed. hanging out with racquel, david, chad, and paul was awesome, i love hanging out with them, it was like old times all over again. we would mention that every once in awhile. i must admit that during this whole "no talking for a week" deal i barely thought about it. i was too busy to think about it all...until tonight. i found myself wanting chad...but then i got into a deeper thinking mode and realized it wasn't chad i wanted...it was john. i miss talking to him. it almost feels if is we aren't going out anymore since we haven't communicated in 4 days. ugh, choir concert tomorrow. rehearsal is from 1-4...that is way too fuckin long if you ask me. then we have to be there at 7 and the concert isn't until 8. i won't be looking forward to that. i'm high but i know what i'm talking about. i had a great weekend and even though i miss john, i feel as if this is going our relationship stronger. good nite everybody :) Current Mood: high (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
4:46 pm	but then there's girls like me today, wake up...feelin good. get a call from racquel, she's in town! i haven't seen that gurl since spetember so we're gonna chill and get fucked up tonite. then erik calls and i go over there and smoke down with him and nick. then we get coffee and chat. i don't know why but i absolutely LOVE the conversations i have with erik, regardless what they consist of. so now i've been home for about an hour and gotta do sum stuff around the house then i'm back out with racquel, paul, and other people who i haven't seen in awhile like bridgette and clayton. i gotta make sure to talk about last night sometime today if i even have time. this week has been awesome :) i hope tonight puts the final touches on. i love you all! Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: res- "golden boys" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:05 am	i love you crazy and fun night...*yawns*...more details layter Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Friday, February 22nd, 2002
2:29 pm	oh how i adore "Waking Life" "This is like my little window to the world,and every minute's a different show." that film is my favorite so far and i've seen many great films. this one though...was above all the rest...it left me with the best feeling in the world. have a lovely weekend everyone (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:16 pm	don't you know the lingo? friday, it's finally the long-awaited friday! busy day, let me tell you. tonight is the system of a down concert, i'll finally meet up with the adorable group of bois consisting of mike, sibils, and justin. also, i'll be with chad, paul, and aaron. we're all psyched, i can't wait! today has been a good but tiring day. i almost passed out in choir i was so out of it. this week has gone by really quickly, i love it. i dyed laura's hair last night...a bright burgundy red it's so awesome. then we danced in my room with the strobe light on, fun stuff. life is good...really good right now. i hope this year of me being 18 will change a lot of things for the good. i LoVe being left-handed! and i love you :) Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 21st, 2002
1:26 pm	to vinny: "let me ask you this? have you ever been so busy that you just wanted to go home and lay down but when your home, away from everything, dose it ever feel like there is a void? like your missing out on everything. then you go back to your busy world?"- vinny yes, this type of thing happens to me every so often. i'll be so caught up in many events and chaos that all i want to do is just go home and lay down. BUT as soon as i get home i feel like something's missing so i try to continue laying down but i get too restless and feel that i must go back out or else i'll be away from something big that's going on. if that happens to you as well...then we should hang out sometime :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
9:54 pm	so let me tell you a little somethin whoa...busy days this week. yesterday...which was tuesday. um...let's see...oh yeah, i went to school. what else...i went to paul's house and saw chad who was acting kinda weird, but then again, it's chad. i talked to john on the phone...i don't really know exactly what's going on with him but he has a lot of stuff on his mind at the moment so we're not talking for a week so he can figure things out. i totally respect his decision and wasn't upset at all...yeah, go me :) last night b4 i went to bed my dad gave me 3 pairs of his old jeans from "back in the hippie days". i love them and they surprisingly fit perfectly. 2 are blue jeans and the 3rd pair is a dark maroon. i wore one of the pairs today and felt special. today...um...is wednesday. people were complimenting me on my dreads, so i guess i'm doing a pretty good job with them. we had a test in family living and i didn't study yet i did so well and was the first one done...yeah, i'm cool. ok, not really. um, also we had a fire drill...i figured i should mention it. afterschool i took victor to ottawa to "holla" at some peoples. i immediately saw some old friends and got a lot of hugs. i also saw dan and brendon, some of the coolest guys ever who i haven't seen in 2 years. it was weird but awesome. i love bois. i got high today and when i tried driving it was scary. no more smoking and driving for me! and i went to the improv show with kirstina...fun stuff, good job jacob! i just realized the system of a down concert is on friday, not saturday...yes, i'm slow. on saturday i might go to the radiohead laser light show with erik aka sibils. i love that boy. ok, bye! i love you! Current Mood: silly (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 14th, 2002
8:30 pm	~love is a dangerous angel~ today has been such a good day for me :) i actually woke up early and as a result looked really cute. i didn't dress up but i wore my boots w/ my jeans and my black sheer top w/ the bell sleeves. a lot of guys were staring at me and i have to admit, it felt nice. in second hour this cute sophomore kid who sits next to me started talking to me and i could tell he was nervous, it was so adorable. during morning break jeff approaches me, saying we can smoke afterschool. i buy 2 cupcakes and as i'm walking back i hear someone yell "linnea! will you be my valentine?" i turn around and its aaron :) so i say sure and give him one of the cupcakes which says "te amo", meaning "i love you" in spanish. even though i have a b/f, i felt single while at school today. but when i got home i instantly called him :) aaron ended up smoking with jeff and i, it was pretty fun. i was gonna dye laura's hair tonight but she had to go out to eat w/ her family so we're probably gonna do it on saturday. so tomorrow is finally friday. i'll FINALLY see *him*. i can't believe it's been 6 whole fuckin weeks. *closure* Current Mood: giddy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
1:35 pm	"appreciate what you have"- dan, in reference to me being with john, lol chris just made a bow out of my hair using 2 dreads. hmmm...interesting, i kept it in awhile to make them happy but then i just felt dumb so out it went. so...tomorrow's valentine's day. every once in awhile the underclassmen put candy on the seniors' lockers. today we got candy hearts. um...why didn't they just wait until tomorrow? i may have a b/f, but whether i'm "taken" or not, valentine's day has never been an event i look forward to. to me, it's just another day, only with more sweets to indulge upon. the best part about tomorrow will be the cupcakes the school will be selling for 25 cents. mmmmm, yummy. so far this week has been quite pleasant. no dad, no rhonda...though i have realized something. i respect and actually like my dad and rhonda...but ONLY when they're not with each other. :) anyways, school has been good, things with john are better, and theater class is going well. plus, there was no school yesterday and there won't be any next monday which is great since my b-day is on sunday, yay! i've been receiving so much love lately. aaron always gives me hugs, jeff told me he loved me, hector said he still likes me, chad...well that's self-explanatory, jeff is smoking with me this week in honor of my b-day...and then of course there's *john*. i dunno, that boi just drives me crazy, and i mean that in the best possible way :) i feel like calling up one of my lj friends, such as Abum, Deft0n316, Esquemeauxpi, Killmenowthanks, or Weirdo513, just to say hi and see if their voice matches the one i think they possess. i think i'm going to dress up tomorrow. Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 10th, 2002
11:38 pm	i'm in love with him and i feel fine this weekend was...weird. friday was fun...saturday was depressing...but sunday was relieving. the important thing was, it ended on a happy note, at least for me it did. thanks jacob, you definitely brightened up my spirits and for that i'm grateful. so now i'm going to bed and will dream a little dream. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 7th, 2002
10:39 pm	i love the way we communicate, your eyes focus on my funny lip shape francesca lia block is definitely my favorite author. everything she writes is so original and beautiful. the lives she creates with her characters are ones in which i could possess. if only... i haven't updated in about 3 days...i think that's a record (if you don't count when i'm on vacation away from home). so i finally have a license...it feels really good. :) here's a few things which occurred this past week: *i dressed up...and got many compliments *chad called and him and paul ended up in the hospital (long story but they're fine) *i met an awesome person named miles, he's so insightful and intelligent, i could listen to him talk for hours *i'm becoming more confident *i'm getting extremely sexually frustrated...but then again, what do u expect when your significant other lives 2 and 1/2 hours away?! my dad's going outta town on saturday :) then rhonda's leaving on tuesday. ahh, what great news. i need a vacation from both of them, but especially from the BITCH. so tomorrow's friday...jacob and i are gonna chill. they're having radiohead laser-light shows at the planetarium so we're gonna check it out. as for saturday...i'm not sure what the plans will be. in other news...who do you think has better orgasms? guys or gurls??? Current Mood: curious Current Music: tori amos- "silent all these years" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 4th, 2002
11:05 pm	tell me all your secrets... i can already tell this week is going to go a lot smoother and just better overall compared to last week. school went good. i'm really excited about my "Self-Project" for family living. we had to do a project bout ourselves, anything we want. so i'm putting together a collage of pictures of my friends/family along with clippings from mags on my fav. bands, films, food, etc. i'm going to paint each side of a small cardboard box a different color and have each side be a theme about my life. in art i couldn't stop laughing at sum adorable sophmore who was drawing the craziest pictures. during release hour i sang 80's pop songs with dan which brightened up his day because he was having difficulties with homework. also...even though prom isn't until the end of april, my friend asked me if i'd go with him. i was flattered but told him i'd be asking my b/f to attend with me. aww, high school bois are cute. i'm no longer feeling intimidated by preps at my school with the help of good 'ol jacob. :) michael kept cracking me up while we were walking to his car which put me in high spirits. then as soon as i get home chad calls. it turns out paul drove all the way to Pennsylvania to pick up chad and they had just gotten back. talk about those 2 being best friends. :) they wanted me to hang out but i had homework but theater class so i'm gonna hang out with them tomorrow. theater class goes great. i did so well, i was very proud of myself. yay for that. and now i'm home and i'm just in a good mood. hope tomorrow goes by even better. Current Mood: happy Current Music: jeff buckley- "so real" (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 3rd, 2002
10:43 am	the time was passed so pleasantly i woke up early...10 am to be exact. it's early for sunday at least. anyways, so i'm in a good mood. hopefully this week will go a hell of a lot better than last week. ugh, bad memories. so...today is super bowl? i almost forgot...but then again, i never pay attention to sports. so i'm sure i'll spend tonight working on both my room and the 3 skits for civic. i have to have my room finished by next weekend. i think i can do it. let's hope so. ok, i've been online long enough. i might as well find something productive to do. Current Mood: determined Current Music: galliano- "slack hands" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:13 am	"kiss my clit" this past week has been so...blah. depression just comes and goes. but luckily i'll be receiving psychological assistance and i'm soooo relieved. i just need to spill everything out to someone, and having it be a total stranger at which i'm telling such things to, it makes the situation even better as weird as that may seem. as much as i enjoy spending time with myself, there IS such thing as spending TOO much time alone. tonight i just needed to get out. so laura and i went to the UiCa and saw this hilarious "mockumentary" titled "lisa picard is famous". basically it was about two struggling actors in new york and everything that's involved with the lifestyle. since acting is what i want to go into, i understood what they were going through and i know it's inevitable that i'll too be going through such struggles once i get to that point in time. after the film we had coffee at "discussions" which is a place which supports the "gay lifestyle". this girl was going around asking all the guys if they were gay or straight and only 5 of them were out of the whole place, it was great. i love gay bois. then we saw 2 cute bois outside by us and they smiled and the best part was...they were pale and scrawny :) my absolute fav. kind of bois...yay hanging out with laura was just refreshing. we hadn't seen each other since new year's so we had to catch up on each other's lives and everything that was going on with us. she is truly my best friend and i was informed by her that i'm the only one she can really talk to. so now i'm home and kinda tired but i can't go to sleep just yet. nope. i have to do something.... Current Mood: mellow Current Music: leftfield- "song of life" (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 2nd, 2002
12:20 pm	this is so true it's scary my colorgenics profile.... The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out .... Which ever way you turn - you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air... but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives. You are a rather inhibited sort of person. This could be the result of your upbringing or of your schooling, whatever. You are able to obtain satisfaction from various forms of physical or emotional activity ...but all in all- you are inclined to be emotionally withdrawn. As a consequence of this you find it difficult to sustain any deep involvement. You are experiencing more than your fair share of stress following an acute disappointment. This may be the result of subconscious conflict between hope and necessity. The tension that you are experiencing following your unfulfilled hopes have given rise to anxious uncertainty. You have no doubt that things could get better in the future and so you refuse to make the necessary essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, you are likely to vacillate and concern yourself of trivialities of little consequence. You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray .. and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have result in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer .... You have the power to succeed. Believe in yourself... All is possible to him who believes .... Current Mood: confused Current Music: joni mitchell- "raised on robbery" (Comment on this)
Friday, February 1st, 2002
2:31 pm	what do you see when you look at me? once again school was closed due to the ice and snow. it felt to sleep in, especially since i didn't fall asleep until 1:30 this morning. my dad's been out of town but will be home in a few hours. every time mike msgs me asking about the plans to meet up for the system of a down show i get more and more excited. i know when i see him i'll want him. since john can't come i think i'm going to have kristina accompany me. about a week ago i found that the rumor about mindless self indulgence opening up for them is true :) i can't wait, that band is such a trip to see live. i really need to work on my room. every time i walk in there i get disgusted. i have no idea what my plans are for this weekend. i want to get high. i'm hungry but nothing sounds good at the moment. soon i'll be home alone. i always feel much safer when everyone leaves. i'm so sick of girls, they make me fuckin sick. i need more guy friends. i miss the days where pretty much all my friends were of the male gender. i need to get working. Current Mood: okay Current Music: tool- "lateralus" (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 31st, 2002
8:37 pm	so there was no skool today... Seven things that scare you: 1. death 2. lonliness 3. being unsuccessful 4. commitment 5. vomit 6. britney spears 7. hell Seven things that make you laugh: 1. john 2. laura 3. chad 4. jacob 5. white people 6. really conservative christians 7. movies Seven things you love: 1. musik 2. film 3. theater 4. friends 5. korn 6. san francisco 7. love Seven things you hate: 1. ignorance 2. being stared at 3. winter 4. church 5. not getting what i want 6. feeling alone 7. injustice Seven things you don't understand: 1. myself 2. my family 3. people in general 4. hate 5. god 6. emotions 7. you Seven things on your desk: 1. nail polish 2. my glass 3. cds 4. phone 5. papers 6. my ticket stub from "waking life" 7. candy Right now you are: 1. bored 2. cold 3. confused 4. lonely 5. full 6. apathetic 7. anxious Seven facts about you: 1. i have insomnia 2. i get depressed every winter 3. i'm insecure 4. i'll be 18 in about 2 1/2 weeks 5. i can't live w/o musik and film 6. i love affection 7. i'm someone who's hard to understand Seven things you plan to do before you die: 1. be in a film 2. go back to san fransico 3. visit tokyo 4. be in love 5. sky dive 6. graduate from college 7. be involved in a threesome Seven Famous People You Want To Meet: 1. jonathan davis 2. edward norton 3. john cusack 4. tori amos 5. adrian brody 6. brad renfro 7. someone from lj Top 7 songs people should give a listen: 1. billie holiday- "night and day" 2. starlight mints- "popsickle" 3. korn- "kill you" 4. underworld- "born slippy" 5. coldplay- "don't panic" 7. jimi hendrix- "are you experienced" Top 7 movies you watch all the time (or would like to): 1. all over me 2. waking life 3. groove 4. high fidelity 5. trans 6. requiem for a dream 7. vanilla sky Top 7 things you say the most: 1. anyways 2. whatever 3. yer a dork 4. shut up 5. fuck you 6. hi 7. i hate you Current Mood: weird Current Music: kittie- "in winter" (Comment on this)