SilentlyZeal's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar] SilentlyZeal [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

blissfulness [14 Nov 2001|02:58pm] [ mood | wonderful ] [ music | kiss offs ] things are wonderful Comments: 2 dry history - dry lines on me.

the collective insomniac [14 Nov 2001|02:21am] four dad bunk beds when youre four rubbing backs (dad always did) dad loved you & you loved you fags hes all 'fagged' out shes all 'fagged' up they dont know each other and they are the same untitled clouds falling from underneath and virgins fucking softly harder harder harder pale voices scream in/out agony & help young boys standing on feet freezing starving for life too much too little & the clouds keep rolling fall fall fall fallen down pinches words (awful) tones of illness faint spats through of yester (day) own all or fall Lose It Faster End Comments: dry lines on me.

yours [14 Nov 2001|02:11am] glossy eye _lids warm finger _nails feel mine _pores ____drip _____drip ______drip. palms cradling necks thumbed (never souring.) and _your __lips ___fall ____into mine. Comments: dry lines on me.

i love to day dream away all day [14 Nov 2001|12:56am] [ mood | blissful ] [ music | the shells ] im wanting to run away to portland to colorado or denton/dallas/fort worth anywhere-really any where a way there are too many snobs here too many memories too many too much of everything sometimes i just day dream for hours (thinking about everything, living somewhere nice, riding my bike around places, walking, meeting new interesting people, not having all the awful people who i am surrounded with now breathing down my spine and consuming my mind with bitterness. loving you and just living. and that being enough.) and i could live dreaming forever and sometimes it seems that when . . . . . my day dream could come true its suddenly not as appealing anymore. strange, i know. oh well Comments: dry lines on me.

you talk so softly [13 Nov 2001|11:24pm] [ music | plea (cease the expansion) ] pushing needles in wasted bodies & cracks on corners of streets fallen fallen fallen away from somewhere that doesnt exsist anymore erased by the cold a man on a bench trying to sleep fitting exactly like me but four nights ago trying to sleep in your bed fitting paralell your educated mind should know benches and beds cold in my head youre no better then that boy laying on the street Comments: dry lines on me.

dreams arent real sometimes [13 Nov 2001|02:00pm] [ mood | im about to go shopping, yeah! ] [ music | billie holiday ] last night i had a dream and my brother and my dad were questioning me about my arms they were all scarred and they said anne why are there marks on your arms like knives and i said they werent knives it was just scratches and cuts from kitty cats. but it was so obviously from knives ive never cut myself and on a completely irrelevant note.. im really sick of people being labelled or people labeling themselves. like emo, that's so god fucking damn stupid. wake up. take off your generic emo glasses so you can actually fucking see. why would anyone feel the need to label themselves like that? i mean, dont you think people should take the time to get to know you and not what youre supposed to be according to what category you fit into. i mean fuck, we are people not god damned meat. get a grip stop this emo shit. QUIT CRYING OVER IT YOU BABY. BE YOUR OWN PERSON. ok and its not just emo people, all the labels, punk, mod, blah blah make your own label called you. Comments: 2 dry history - dry lines on me.

[12 Nov 2001|11:14pm] [ mood | pretty decent ] [ music | the minders ] big noses and the way my tv just sits there. (this is what i live for) Comments: 2 dry history - dry lines on me.

phone calls [12 Nov 2001|11:12pm] clay on walls fingers lingering hums of a fan incessant noise can ease ones depression or evoke moods and warm arms erase certain bindings stars are trash voices speak of clay in such a loving way- & i speak of her/him in such a loving way Comments: dry lines on me.

[12 Nov 2001|02:39pm] [ mood | la la la ] [ music | built to spill ] (sometimes) i could fall in love with my own words Comments: 4 dry history - dry lines on me.

happiness is all the rage [12 Nov 2001|02:08pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | pixies ] went up to school today to see my principal with my dad so the deal was worked out like so: i will graduate no ged for me; no siree program six graduate early at a different school no less my diploma will still say 'Plano Senior High School.' im happy and so is my dad i go up there on wedensday to meet with my new principal and my old principal will be there and we will talk friendly and eat coffee cakes and no not really. and off to the doctor after meeting my new school I AM HAPPY RIGHT NOW. i love my dad sometimes. and my life. and you and coffee cakes. Comments: dry lines on me.

i just woke up [12 Nov 2001|12:34pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | mogwai ] last night i had a dream that involved screaming. i woke up teary eyed. the yelling was at my father. i kept saying how i cant live here anymore. i meant i cant live here. as in be alive here any longer. and i said to him YOU ARE A FUCKING OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE CONTROL EVERYTHING FREAK. which he is completely the opposite. though christine my step mother is completely that. and the weird part was when i was yelling at him i called him john, and i caught myself and said "wait is that your name? what do i call you ? i have never adressed you before" (i honestly didnt know what to call him nor what his name was) in my dream he wasnt exactly a father and maybe it wasnt such a dream Comments: dry lines on me.

& this is all my life is. [10 Nov 2001|07:10pm] [ mood | sure ] [ music | none ] stomach hurts. ninety bucks in tips at work today. need to get in the shower get ready. want to go to rubber gloves tonight. talking to ganderson now, seeing if he wants to go but i know he wont. dork. he never wants to go anywhere anymore. la la la Comments: 4 dry history - dry lines on me.

just iniquity [08 Nov 2001|01:14am] how deliciously anorexic how impudently cordial turn down the music my sweet. my (lacking in) love. how distantly close. (like an apogee) turn down the cold and the heat turn down the mediocrity erase its existence from minds, of the you & me; quite possibly and lack real value(s) turn down the echo: screams lasting for only tomorrow one breath away on this and all day of days my one. oh my mine my only be my saucy & newly broken in virgin lusting to be bought on well-lit corners; infinitely abysmal (breath) ironic?: may be true ?: value. defined (in minds of mine, not mines of you) turn down the tones & rain of blood pouring the hearts of babies and mothers bones & flesh lifeless loveless HEARTLESS YOU not you, oh no, how i love you, my (lacking in irony) sweet my darling my lovely: my you: among the prostitutes (why must the you and you subsist so violently & so seemingly deliberate?) Comments: 15 dry history - dry lines on me.

a play called sister [07 Nov 2001|03:34pm] climax. things tumbled down and crumbled like play dough only it wasn't droll i wasn't three no grounds to crumble anew sister made it wry "check into a psychiatric ward, you can get away from dad; all the great writers have (lived in one) at some point" tears roll back up and corners of mouths can not deny the faint smile any longer & that moment, i was living in the play and the scene was in comic relief. Comments: 2 dry history - dry lines on me.

[06 Nov 2001|02:02am] [ mood | keeps changing ] [ music | beatles-hey jude ] this morning. you wrapped your arms around me at seven twenty nine. because you knew id wake at seven thirty. and you wanted me to think theyd been there the whole time. i just wanted to talk to you. and i didnt answer the phone and i dont know why. and i didnt want to hear those things you told me last night. i should have turned around, and walked out at 2 30 am. somethings wrong with me or something wrong with the world cause im not fitting into it right. i never have. probably never will. but i just want to feel loved i just want to feel like im wanted i just want to feel like im someone i just want to feel like im worth it i just want to feel like im worth anything i just want to feel anyway but this way and i probably never will Comments: 9 dry history - dry lines on me.

[06 Nov 2001|12:42am] [ mood | ive fucked everything up ] [ music | its almost like i like it that way ] im stopping eating thinking dreaming living it never got me anywhere, anyway. Comments: 2 dry history - dry lines on me.

so far gone [06 Nov 2001|12:11am] [ music | linkin park incubus staind you underground fucks ] im giving up im driving my car into the wall im not looking when i change lanes not because im lazy not because i hurt but because i just dont fucking care somehow dying became suddenly more appealing than dealing with the life ive become. Comments: dry lines on me.

maybe, probably not [05 Nov 2001|11:35pm] [ mood | sore stomach ] [ music | (empty set) ] maybe im bipolar maybe im bi maybe i like polar bears who the fuck cares? no one. and that's just the point. Comments: dry lines on me.

un wound [05 Nov 2001|04:43pm] [ mood | missing ] [ music | does it matter, really ] take a shirt and turn it inside out take that voice and fold it over and over again take those words and rearrange the syllables and the tones please oh fuck. take the steps and turn them around erase those words spill the dreams in constant tones of nothing like that add it up everything is the same negative number somehow, everytime equalling zero, take away me. Comments: dry lines on me.

happy birthday love. [04 Nov 2001|11:04pm] FUCK. get out no one (not even one) Comments: dry lines on me.

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