Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jem's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, February 2nd, 2002
10:01 pm	I'm a sheep. Baa. 1. First Name: Sarah 3. Middle Name: Jane (grrrrr) 4. Hair Style: Graduated bob, auburn with red highlights. Delish. 5. Eye Color: Deep blue 6. Height: 5'7"...6' with heals ;) 7. Location: Kennesaw, Cobb co what what 8. Birthday: October 23rd 9. Zodiac Sign: Scorpio and Libra...gotta be difficult 10. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: yes 11. Do you have a crush?: Yes. It's that good. Favorite... 1. Favorite Animal: cat 2. Favorite Sport: Soccer...well, football if you're not a weird American 3. Favorite Color(s): Blue, indigo, colbolt blue, sky blue. You get the picture. 4. Favorite Friend(s) Offline: Friday night crunk crew. Oh yea baby. 5. Favorite Friend(s) Online: esdjco01, chellix, sundayisfunday, starfishy53 6. Favorite Song(s) of the Moment: You know me. I don't do "names" 7. Favorite Movie Quote: "The way to make dreams come true is to wake up" -Alisha Silverstone (Excess Baggage) 8. Favorite Store: Target. I can actually afford it. 9. Favorite Feeling: contentness 10. Favorite Shoe: My new boots *big grin* 11. Favorite Scent: curve, montage. 12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: Yep. 13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: Not for me to decide. My heart makes up its own mind. 14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: Intelligent. Smart. Witty. Honest. 15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: Try slow. Always fast. 16. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: Someone who always understands me, and what I mean...and still loves me. 17. Would you ever ask someone out?: Haha, hell yea. I have before. 18. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes: BRUNETTE BABY! 1. What is the first thing you notice about someone?: What they're wearing. 2. When's the last time you cried?: a few days ago. 3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: If only I knew. Happy pretty much cuts it. 4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: Yep! Benjbi. 5. Do you want children?: riiiiiiiiiiiight 6. How far have you gotten?: At getting children? Erm. 7. Do you like someone right now?: yep :) 8. Do they know?: he better! 9. Do you have a best friend?: I did. But he wont talk to me anymore. And I miss him a lot. *sigh* Within the last 24 hours, have you.. 1: Had a serious talk?: yes 2: Hugged someone? yes 3: Gotten along well with your parents?: always! 4: Fought with a friend?: yes Do you like to.. 1: Give hugs?: mhmmmmmmmmmm 2: Give back rubs?: I like to recieve. 3: Take walks in the rain?: HELL YES 4: You ever have that falling dream?: I dont' think so. 5: What is on the walls of your room?: A collage KK and I made, a pin board covered in years of memories, some of my photography, handcuffs, oh yea baby! 6: When you chew gum, what kind?: The fluoresant green kind! 7: Do you use chap stick: love it. In the last month have/did you.. 1. Drink?: Yep, this morning. Everyday come to think of it. Maybe I have a problem! 2. Smoke?: Ewwwe, I kicked that habit...thank god. 3. Drugs?: *whistles, looks around* 4. Have Sex?: Oooooooh, mhmmmmmm, I think so. 5. Made Out?: Hehe. Like a champion. 6. Go on a date?: Yep...lots of awesome ones *grin* 7. Go to the movies?: Just the other day 8. Go to the mall?: Today! 9. Realized you hadn't talked to someone you wish you had?: Yes. That same best friend I mentioned. Johnny, I miss you. 11. Been on stage?: nope 12. Been dumped?: nope 13. Had someone be unfaithful to you?: nope 14. Watched The Smurfs?: today! 15. Hiked a mountain?: nope 16. Made homemade cookies?: No, just cinnamon rolls. 17. Been in love?: Nope. More stuff.. 1. Are you popular?: That's a strange question to ask someone. The next one should be "are you egotistical?" 2. Are you pretty?: I'd like to think so 3. Do you have your own phone line?: not yet 4. What is your favorite word to say?: onomonopia 5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: You have no idea. 6. What are you doing right now?: Sitting in Adams dorm, dressed up like Rogue from X-Men (long story) and taking a survey. Duh. 7. What song are you listening to?: Kosheen-Harder 8. What are you wearing?: Big boots, a lil black skirt, tight blue shirt with a black tank-top over it, red shields with black x's on my arms and big white streaks in my hair. Like I said, long story. 1. Cold or hot?: I am hot. I prefer hot. 2. Lace or satin?: satin owns, gotta agree with Tom. 3. Blue or Red?: Blue. Read the "fav colour" question. 4. New or old?: Old. Just not in people. 5. Rain or snow?: RAIN, oh yea 6. Give or receive?: receive...thinking about sex over here. 7. Wool or cotton?: cotton 8. Rose or Daisy?: Gerbera daisy. My fav :) 9. Private school or public school?: Private. Boarding. England. 10. Chocolate milk or plain milk?: Chocolate, mhmmmmmmmmmm 11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: Celsius 12. Spring or Fall?: Spring. Bright sun, cool breeze. 13. Inny or outty?: inny 14. Now or then?: then. I reminise too much. 15. How many fingers am I holding up?: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there....does it make a noise? 16. Scent?: Fresh rain on fresh cut grass. 17. English or Math?: english. god. I hate math. 18. Bath or shower?: BUBBLE BATH!! I was born in bath. heh 19. Bedtime phrase?: g'night 20. Self-stick or lick?: self-stick...that shit tastes NASTY 21. Cursive or print?: a lil bit of both, depends how fast I'm thinking. 22. Do you like surprises?: Good ones rock my world. 23. Paranoid or Cautious?: Paranoid. 24. Heights or Crowds?: crowds 25. Half-full or half-empty?: Depends on how I feel. Usually half empty. 26. Top or bottom?: Bottom baby 27. Do you/Would you dye your hair?: Oh. haha. that's funny. 28. Speeding or running red lights?: both, god, I'm bad at that. 29. Gold or silver?: Silver 30. Bad habits?: procrastinating, being obsesive, eating too much, not being able to say no. 31. Piercings?: did have a labret, 4 ears, 1 soon to be nose :) 32. Erogenous Zone(s)?: ears, neck, clit. Duh. 33. talker or listener: talker. But also a good listener. 34. Snore or talk?: talk, sing, walk, crazy like that. 35. What do you wish you'd done?: I wish I'd finished college. And never dated a few people I wont mention. 36. Fetish: feet, although I hate them. Strange. 37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: erm...is that a trick question? 38. Jammies or naked?: NAKED BABY, oh yea. 39. Neurotic or psychotic?: Neurotic, das me. 40. Do you talk to yourself?: only when I really need to. Or if I'm f'ed up. 41. Will you ever do one of these again?: I'm not really getting much out of this to be honest. This'll probably be the last time. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Teebee vs Future Prophecies-Dimentional Entity (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
6:55 pm	CHRISTMAS!!! yay I had an awesome day doing not much of anything and hanging around with the 'rents. By 11am I'd consumed 1 glass of sherry, 2 glasses of wine and was working on my third. What a great start! I got the BEST stocking ever this year...all together I think I got...new glasses, new contacts, silk PJ's (from Victoria Secrets), 4 PHAT matching photo frames, 3 photography books, a gold bracelet, a cute wooden box, CD holder, photo album, shortbread cookies (mhmmmmm), measuring jug and vegetable pealer (haha), the cutest notebook in the world, an awesome candle holder w/candle, a pair of phat glass vases (orange and yellow), an awesome yellow and blue glass vase, and some igels. It was a good year :) I gave my mum lots of wonderful things and made her smile lots and lots. I can't believe I have to leave them in one day! It's so sad. Especially during this time of the year. They're gonna come see me in March though! :) Ok, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2001
8:25 pm	Time flies when you're... Wow. I can't believe it's been 3 months already. Then again, it seems like so much has changed. I feel like I've been here forever, but yet, I feel like I just arrived. I feel like I'm leaving too soon...maybe b/c I don't want to leave. This is a lil bit of fantasy, but not real. It's going to be hard leaving my parents again, I'm more anxious about doing that, than anything else that's ahead of me. Saying goodbye again, already, too soon. It's so hard. I want to be with them, but yet I know I have to live my life. I can't "waste" it away in a fantasy not going anywhere, making excuses just to be here. But why can't walking on the beach and seeing the sun set every night be reality? I'm free to make my own life, my own choices. I just don't feel like I'm living when I'm down here...I feel like I'm waiting, in purgatory. I hope that I'm ready to come back. I hope that I'm now strong enough to face everything I couldn't face before, and to walk away from what I once just put up with b/c it was just easier that way. Am I strong enough to never lie to myself, even if the truth makes me my own worst enemy? We'll see. Only time can tell. I'm still anxious to know. I want to know what lies ahead of me, I want to know if I've made good choices, said right things, taken the right path. But, only time will tell. Tommorrow is my last day at work. The end of an era. I loved that job. It actually made me happy. I could do that for the rest of my life, and always have a smile on my face because of it. I love helping people, I love teaching people, I love my subject. But alas, I'm now moving back to the daily grind stone, to the reality of rent and bills and no home cooked meals. The reality of saying no to weekday parties, large amounts of drugs and one night stands. The reality of the city. The reality of bad influences. Real life. Drama. BS, dis-respect and immaturity. Thinking like this makes me want to run and flee, tail between my legs, faster than I've ever run before. It's not so bad though, I'm just worried. I'm stressed. I need a hug from someone who understands, someone who cares, someone that I can look at and smile with. It's strange what you cling to when you're vunerable. I'm anxious to get this ball rolling. I have the plans set...now I want to get started, get it all over with, take a deep breath, and then I'll be ready for Christmas. But no, Christmas must come first, the calender says so. I drive home Thursday morning, I arrive in Atlanta Thursday night. I meet KK. We go the JIVE house to touch base, to pack a few things, and to unload a little more. I stay with KK thursday night, just to simplify things. Friday morning, I go to a job interview, friday afternoon I load my stuff from the JIVE house, to my new home. By the looks of things, PJ and I will be moving everything alone. But, whatever it takes. I need out, I need a closed book, I need to get on with my life. Hopefully, by friday night, I will be in my new home. Living with 2 guys I don't know, and PJ. Great. God, I should be thrilled. I should be jumping for joy. Woot fucking woot. I need someone to make me smile. I need someone to kick me in the ass and say "Things are finally looking up...what the fuck is your problem? Cheer the fuck up!" I just got my hair cut. I hate it. That just makes things worse. It's too short, it looks terrible. I should have just left it alone. Not fucked with it at a time that I couldn't just bounce back if it did go wrong. I just feel blah. I need someone to pick me up, spin me around, bounce me up and down and make me smile. I need to smile. Current Mood: blah (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 22nd, 2001
8:25 pm	so THIS is why I get all the assholes.... Your type is the Bad Boy The Pink Lady needs her T-Bird. You're attracted to the Bad Boy. The tough guy. The heart-breaker. So what if he's hard to tie down? You want a guy who's got an edge, someone who keeps you on your toes. In fact, it might be the challenge that keeps you around. His bad-ass attitude is like a magnet — if a guy's got a rebel reputation, he's got your attention! Your man's gotta be confident and have lots of machismo. Plain and simple, sensitive guys just don't float your boat. You have no time for the sweet,romantic, or doting guys who pursue you and, frankly, bore you to tears. Maybe you're just not into the touchy-feely thing right now. Who cares? Whether you're seeking adventure or looking to tame the wild, there's something about a bad boy that keeps you coming back. Oh, so true. Ya gotta gimme a challenge, be abrasive, mhmmmm abrasive. HAHA. I think I just get bored too easily. *sigh* It's so weird that I've been single for 8 months now...really strange. SO not like me. I am just not interested in having *anything* with anybody...I don't understand it. Maybe all the assholes have killed that love in me. I just have no desire to be with anyone...and I'm not just talking relationships. I don't even have the desire to kiss anybody, or do anything. Maybe I just sub-consiously KNOW that I do NOT need that right now, and I'm turning myself off. I think I just realize that I need *me* time right now. I'm sure I'll come around. I'm just worried that I have the most perfect thing in the world slapping me in the face and I'm ignoring it b/c I just don't want/can't do that right now. Me oh my, what is wrong with me? I think I'm a-sexual. I'm just gonna masturbate for the rest of my life. Maybe one-day I'll split into two. Current Mood: lonely (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 15th, 2001
10:56 pm	HAHA Take the What Cat Are You? test by webkin! That is the cutest picture in the world. If only I was *that* cute, my looks could take me somewhere then. Current Mood: hungry (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 7th, 2001
7:29 pm	So who's not the brightest candle on the cake? I'd be upset about getting the 'bitch' results, but hell. This couldn't have resulted in me being a nice person... I'm bored. Can you tell? Thanks Maria! I'm How British Are You?! I know the differences between Brits and Americans, and I'm just so glad to tell you all about them. I won't say too much, though, or I'll exceed my daily bandwidth limit. Again. Click here to find out which test you are! How ironic Current Mood: bored Current Music: Neh eh ver is a prooooo oh mise (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 5th, 2001
6:41 pm	Is it a bird? Is it a plane....? I watched the shuttle go up this evening, from my front yard!! It was awesome! There was lots of smoke, and too many clouds to see it REALLY well, but it was awesome to see none the less! Not something you see everyday. I'm going to see Harry Potter tommorrow night, finally!! I convinced my parents to go! Haha, it's the only way I can afford to do anything, b/c I need to save ALL my money for the house we're getting. I'm so excited about that! I wish I was up there to help out and pick one, but hopefully I can trust everyone to make the right choice! I'm just excited about having a home again. The way things are looking (knock on wood, cross fingers) I'll have a job and a home waiting for me for when I get back. It would be such a nice surprise if things would just fall into place for once. Current Mood: hopeful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 1st, 2001
9:23 pm	Good days rock I was off work today, a much needed break. There was a FABULOUS art show today in Sarasota...the stuff there blew my mind...I just walked around with my mouth open, haha. The stuff was breathtaking, and there where SO many booths there. It took me over 3hrs to walk around and look at everything! Then I went down to the beach, they had a huge drum circle during sunset, that was amazing. Very spiritual. There where women dancing with fire, and insence, and tambourines and lots of drums, it's amazing to watch something like that with the sun setting behind it. After sunset I stood on the bridge of the intercoastal and watched the boat parade! Every year, the first weekend in December, they have a huge parade of boats that are all wonderfully decorated for christmas with awesome lights and stuff! It was great. The best one was huge sail boat with a 200ft mast, it had a HUGE American flag made of lights hanging from it, it was awesome. Then I went to eat at the British Pub with my parents! That place is awesome. So, all in all, I had an awesome day, haha. I'm not gonna ruin a nice entry with any of my worries or stresses, they haven't changed much since the last journal entry. I'm just gonna focus on the wonderful day I had :) Current Mood: drunk (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
12:06 am	If only... Say what? Your superpower is ANIMAL COMMUNICATION! Many people pretend to talk to their pets, but you can really, truly do it. Have you ever mimicked the monkeys or the penguins at the zoo? If you have, you're on your way to becoming a great animal communicator, just like Aquaman with his fishy friends. Some people think animal communication has to be vocal. Not so. Any superhero knows that mental telepathy is where it's at. So while barking at Fido might be fun, it's not the practice you really need. Instead, try thinking like an animal. When you get into the mindset of, say, a squirrel, you'll be able to truly communicate with one. Of course it's a two way street, because you'll be able to understand everything they say back, too. And they've got a lot to tell! Imagine talking to a walrus about the deep ocean or to an ant about life underground. Once you've perfected your superhuman gift, you'll never be without interesting conversation. This would be my dream come true. I hate people, animals are so much better. I'm gonna be one of those single smelly old ladies with 50 cats, 20 dogs, 34 birds and god knows what else living in her house. That is my goal in life. (Comment on this)
12:00 am	stupid test Don't go bananas — in your former life you were a tiny monkey named Oompa. Here's what we know about you: Adorably sweet demeanor and sharp as a tack, you found success working with a street performer named Juan, who worshipped you and treated you like his own child. He bought you a gold satin jumpsuit with royal blue ruffles, a matching top hat, and a sequined bag for donations. He would play your favorite disco tunes on his accordion, prompting you to dance around and flirt with the crowd while you collected spare change and picked pockets. Everybody loved you. And you loved everybody. You and Juan took your gig around the country and raked in the riches. You were one happy little monkey. Great, I was a begger in a gold jump suit. That explains a lot. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 29th, 2001
10:57 pm	www.ego-boost.com What's your flavor? Mmm ... dark chocolate! Rich and luxurious, you're the flavor of pure decadence. (In fact, we think we feel our hips getting bigger just thinking about you.) Utterly indulgent and as smooth as silk, you're impossible to deny. Some might even call you addictive — and, truth be told, for those who love you, it's usually a life-long craving. Poor saps. It's not your fault you're so irresistible. But you're happy to let people worship at your altar — as long as they're willing to wrap you up in gold foil (24-karat, mind you), you're delighted to be adored. Sumptuous and intoxicating, you're a truly tasty treat. Really need to start charging, haha Current Mood: flirty (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:11 pm	Gotta Love Emode..... I just took another test....hehe Are You A Sex Goddess? A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken! The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being, DEMETER, Goddess of the Fruitful Earth. She is a deity who embraces all that life has to offer. Sex for you is probably just as much of a spiritual experience as it is a physical one. You are an unconventional lover who doesn't feel the need to obey traditional gender roles or follow the norms set by society. Although you are a firm believer in experimentation, you never rush your sexual encounters. It's important for you to experience sex in a deep and profound way. When in the bedroom, you not only surrender your body to the experience, but you allow your mind and your spirit to join the action. Men/women find you to be a phenomenal lover, and they never fail to be completely elated and fulfilled when the night is over. Sex for you is much more than the sum of its parts. It's an experience that provides you and your partner with an unforgettable moment. For the men or women who are fortunate enough to share your bed, it's like a light streaming down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess! DAMN! If I'm *that* good, I need to start charging!!!!! Current Mood: impressed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 17th, 2001
10:34 am	Updates... I can't believe that in 5 days, I'll no longer be a teenager! That's kinda said, but rocks all the same. Of course I don't want to 'grow up', b/c we all know that adults suck, hehe. But, I can't wait to be 21, got that'll make life easier! Being grown up is all a state of mind, and I'm gonna have to grow up one day, but when I'm reading, which'll probably be when I'm 40, haha. I met up with some people down here last night, that was interesting. My stylist just called me and told me that she's moved salons! The new one, Salon Biba, sounds PHAT! She said they have a little coffee shop in there, which sells red bull, haha, and they have a spa area...mhmmmmmm, massages! I can't wait to go see her there! Florida's still great, it's about 85 degrees on a daily basis, and I've just been lounging around in the sun and going to the beach. I went to the cat shelter yesterday and spent about 4 hrs up there!! It was awesome to volunteer that time, all the cats there are wonderful, and they where so happy to get the attention and love :) I've been working on the book Adam got me, it's amazing! I can't put it down, the way it's written is as a train of thought, and it's so easy to follow, there's amazing imagry, which rocks b/c I can't 'get into' a book that I can't picture and see in my mind...I think that's why I'm having so much trouble with Ismael. I have to read it a little little bit at a time, or I suddenly get ADD, start to fidget, and it's all down hill from there! I think I'm going to go look for a job in the next couple of days, make some money while I'm down here...I have some 'good' news. I'm going to have to come back up there for 2 weeks in November, the 7th-20th. I say 'good' b/c I don't have anywhere to stay, Jewels will want money that I don't have from me if I go stay there, and I don't really have to money to feed myself and stuff while I'll be there. I'm going to have to figure all that out somehow. That's why I'm gonna have to get a job, I may end up having to get a hotel or something...who knows. If it was just a weekend it would be ok, b/c I know I could crash with someone, but 2 weeks is a long ass time! And I don't want to sleep on someone's couch or whatever for *that* long...I'm gonna have to figure all this out some how. Sorry that I haven't been in touch with anyone...I've only been gone a week and a half, but I've been sticking to myself and doing some inward searching. I trust that everyone is ok, and b/c I have my cellphone I'm figuring that if something goes wrong, or if anyone needs me they will call. That makes me not worry too much! I love you all, and I'll see in all in about 3 weeks or so. No partying while I'm up there though, cause I wont have the money, but I'll be free 24/7 to hang out :) Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Punk Rock (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
8:44 pm	WOW..... The wildlife down here is amazing! I has one of the most amazing experiences tonight...I was walking down on the beach this evening and started to notice these strange looking fins in the water, just off the coast. At first I thought it was sharks, and ran up the beach, haha! Then I realized that they couldn't be that close to the beach, so I went into the water, about knee high, and all of a sudden, swimming about 3 feet from me was a ray! Omg, it was amazing, they're so beautiful! I suddenly realized that there where dozens of them swimming, along the bottom, just off the shore...it was incredible! I've never experience anything like that, ever! They're amazing to watch swim, so graceful, they kinda 'fly' under the water, it just took my breath away. I mean, I've seen them before, in tanks, in aquariums, on TV...but NEVER in real life like that. I walked a little further down the beach, and there where cranes! These HUGH birds, 2 of them, just wandering around the beach!! They must have come up to my waist, and had these loooong legs and huge beaks, that was cool as shit to see! I also watched the sunset....WOW. That took my breath away too. It was SO beautiful, all orange and pink, it just didn't look real. It's amazing to look at a sunset just after the sun's gone down, cause you see the part that you can never really see b/c the sun hurts your eyes, but it's like looking into a tunnel...the whole sky seems to be drawn towards this 'gap' where the sun used to be, it's really like looking at something magical. This phenomenon happens every day, but yet it is truely touching to experience it in solitude, on the beach, over a beautiful ocean, with rays swimming around you, and cranes walking on the beach behind you. After it was dusk, and I was walking back to the car, the sky was FILLED with dragon-flies! That was incredible too! I mean, these things are HUGE! They where no doubt as big as my hand, and there where hundreds! That was amazing to see with the backdrop of a newly set sun, the sky was amazing colours...wow, just wow. Tonight was without a doubt a once in a life-time experience. It makes me realize why people live so close to the ocean, and why the feel such a peace from it. Being there made me think about what's truely important in life, about what's real. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KK!! I love you girl! I just got to talk to you for a couple of minutes, but I hope you have a GREAT night! I'll have to meet becki when I get back, she sounds like fun. I'm sorry that I haven't been that great of a friend recently, I really hope you understand, with what's been going on. But, you should know, 100% without a doubt, that if you EVER need ANYTHING...whatever it is, I'll be there for ya at a drop of a hat. Love you girl! Happy 24th :) I got to talk to Daniel today, that was great! Although I had to go and he didnt' respond when I said bye :( I'm sure he woulda said "bye" though, hehe. I'm tryin to get in touch with that guy down here, Sam, so that I'll have someone to talk to, or it will at least add a lil social interest having someone to visit, he may end up being cool, and you know I'm all about meeting new people and making new friends :) Hope everyone is well, miss you all, love you all, *hugs* Current Mood: peaceful (6 Comments |Comment on this)
5:04 pm	First Few Days.... Well, I've spent the last few days relaxing, which has been a well needed rest. I haven't really done much, I've been going running, laying out in the sun and taking long walks on the beach, it's been wonderful! The beaches here are great, there's a shark graveyard just off the coast, it's about 5-14 million years old, and you can find shark teeth and bones of that age washed up along the coast. I picked up about 50 the first day I went out looking and they're amazing, all different shapes, colours and sizes, I also found part of a vertabre, which is kinda disturbing!! Yesterday I went up to a local cat shelter, they have a no kill policy, and they catch ferrel cats, spay/neuter them, feed them, give them shots, and then release them back into the wild. That is awesome! They have a no kil policy, they believe that every animal deserves the chance to live out the life it's been given. B/c of this, they've ended up with about 200 adults cats which they've rescused, they're all wonderful, but b/c they're adults already, people tend not to adopt them. Well, I went in there yesterday and spent about an hour with the cats, they're all loose, walking around, not locked in cages or anything, they all seem very happy there. They have their own thrift store to raise money, so I donated about 3 bags of clothing to help them out, also, I've always wanted to volunteer my time or help out somewhere like that, but I could never face it b/c it would just break my heart to see those poor animals, and I'd want to take them all home! Well, yesterday I volunteered my time...I'm going to spend a few days a week or so down there, grooming, cleaning and generally spending time with the cats. It's wonderful to have the free time to do something like this, I've already fallen in love with a little fluffy black thing there,but they all seem so happy at this place that I don't feel I have to resue them or anything. I spent most of the day today reading a book about 35mm photography, it's teaching you about aparture and focal distance and other things that I need to know to use my SLR, it's confusing, but interesting. I just wish I had the money right now to get film and practice, I just don't have to money to get film developed. Ok, we're about to go down to the beach, and I'm about to go for a run, I'll write more later. Hope everyone in ATL is doin ok, I miss you guys like crazy!! I keep thinking you where down here with me. But, I'll be back soon I'm sure, I just need a little chance to clear my head...read a little, get fit and stuff. A very good note: I have not smoked (anything, hehe), or had ANY desire to since I've been here...I feel good about that! :) Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 4th, 2001
3:28 pm	Smoking sucks!! Ok...so...I only smoked 2 cigs yesterday, they where both yesterday night (which means I went ALL day!) and I had been *smoking* when I smoked them, so that hardly counts ;) I actually barely remember smoking them at all...which is a plus! I just have no desire to smoke, it's great! I'm sure that will change over the weekend...but it's GREAT to know that I CAN do it if I want to! I'm gonna work on quitting 100% while I'm in FL... I mean, I can't expect to ever be able to sing, if I have a smokers cough ;) hehe I'm so excited about tommorrow! It's casual day at work, and seeing as it's my last day...I'm gonna wear something a lil crazy...by IBM standards at least ;) That should make for an interesting day :) Then tommorrow night is gonna RULE! I get to see everyone, and then Goddess is gonna rock, I get to take pics, see my girl spin, it's Jewel's B-day, and lots of great other things :) I'm REALLY excited, hehe. I hope I get to see everyone that I want to see. It makes me sad that I'm probably not gonna see Chris before I leave :( It kinda upsets me that he can't find time to say goodbye. He said he's going outta town to see his girl this weekend, but I kinda feel like he should be able to wait one day to go up there to say bye to me...oh well, who knows. Hopefully I'll get to say good bye. As hard as that's gonna be to do. I hate good byes. Maybe that's why I decided I'd come back, b/c then at least I don't have to say goodbye forever. Current Mood: bored Current Music: I'm SO bored at work!!!!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
12:34 pm	Excited I'm starting to feel a little more normal...like I can handle life again. This makes me feel like I don't "need" to go anymore...but maybe I'm only feeling better b/c I know it's all about to end, b/c I'm going to get that break, I'm going to get my shit straight...either way, I'm excited! I think I've maybe quit smoking? I was in tears the other night b/c I wanted to smoke so bad, but now, I don't want to! It's great. The hard thing is when I'm high, but damn, if I only smoke a cig or 2 when I'm high, that wont kill me as fast as a pack a day would! So, it's an improvment...:) It's strange, I really have no desire to smoke at all...it just seems SO nasty to me now...but, we'll see how long this'll last, hehe. I mean, I've quit before, and I always seem to end up smoking again, maybe living with my parents and NOT being able to smoke will help :) I think I want to learn how to do makeup...just a skill I'd like! I want to work at the "MAC" counter, that would be phat as shit...I think they send you to 'school' (at least an extensive training) for makeup...I think that would be fun as hell. Cosmotology is a really cool door into the entertainment industry...especially along the lines of photography :) I just want to work there b/c I can have my labret, funky hair and I get to wear all black...rockin' Ok, I'm just rambling...I'm really bored at work. I didn't come in yesterday, although I should have. I just had NO desire to work...and it was WAY too easy not to, especially when I didn't feel good! I'm really hoping that 2 offeres I've gotten pull through...I was offered a position modeling for a local makeup artist in atl...she has my info *fingers crossed* she'll contact me! I really want INTO that feild! I also got an offer to do 3 music videos...I'm not going to do the first one though b/c it's next week...I just need to leave first, I can't hang around for it. BUT, the other 2 will be in the next 3-6 months, which is perfect timing! They also told me they'd fly me back up here if need be! They're both rap videos, haha, so I'll be shaking my ass...or something. Who knows! One of them is with Pastor Troy, hehe. It'll be fun :) I'm excited about that. I keep thinking about the doors this could open for me, my god, I'd LOVE to get into the entertainment industry...this could just be my break :) I'm still bored, still just blabbering about recent shit ;) I'm excited about this weekend, Goddess is gonna be awesome :) I'm so happy that I get to take pics, it's gonna rock! And EVERYONE better be there seeing as this'll be my last party in the atl before I leave! I've been told that in FL, Tampa's scene is right up my alley :) And that's less than an hour drive from where I'll be...also, a friend of mine has a friend in Sarasota (Sam, he goes to University there) that he's gonna hook me up w/so I'll meet some people :) I'm excited! Also, I finally get to see Corey tonight, I hope. He's gonna swing by and say bye to me :) I haven't seen him in months, probably like 6 or 7...it's crazy! Ok, so I want to be a singer/photographer/model/poet and editor of a magazine...those are my goals. I also want to learn how to do makeup, blow glass, truly love, fly a plane and learn sign language...I will accomplish all this one-day :) That is my goal! Ok, so I want to be Alicia Keys...how lame is that, haha. I think she's amazing...I want the chance to show the world that I have that...all I need is the chance and my voice back. Not smoking is one step closer...my dreams WILL come true. I'm determined they will! Current Mood: hungry (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 1st, 2001
1:50 pm	She's Hot.... It's official!! You were Shirley Manson in a past life! You're not afraid to voice your opinion on just about any topic! You have can be bubbly and happy but you can also suffer dark, soulful moods, which reflects in your song writing. You have your own unique personal style and you radiate an air of sophistication wherever you go! Wow, kinda crazy, I think that sums me up in a very airy fairy way... it could sum up a lot of people though... she's still hot :) Current Mood: restless (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2001
7:16 pm	Life is too short not to live it... Well...it finally got too much. It's not longer sufficient to think about moving, to know that I could...I need to do it. I need to get away from everything...just everything. This is my life, and I only have one... I'm not asking to love my job, or even like it (although that would be nice...) But damn, I shouldn't HATE my job...I should NOT be in tears at my job. But, it's not just my job. I could handle my job if it wasn't for everything else, I could handle everything going wrong if it wasn't everything at once. There are just so many things I need to deal with and I can't "deal" with them b/c it's non-stop...there's never a break. I never have time to sit down and read *that* book, I never have time to capture all the photos in my head that I would like to, I never have time to take a long hot bath, or workout, or lay out in the sun, or have a family dinner...I need these things in my life. And this is the only way I can get those things. I need to go home and ground myself, find my bearings and relax. I need to take long walks on the beach by myself (and maybe a bowl!). I need home cooked meals, 3 meals a day and no junk food for a while. I just need a little love, health and downtime... For a really long time now, I've wanted to get away, take a break. I've also wanted to see my parents, and to actually spend real time with them...not just meet for dinner when they're passing through Atlanta. This is my chance. I'm gonna do it. Finally. It's such a relief. It makes me so happy. I want all my friends to be happy for me too, instead of sad that I'm going. I think most of them are, I had long talks with everyone that I've seen, trying to make everyone understand where I'm coming from and why I'm going. A few don't really understand, a couple of cried, some have called my brave, and I'm sure some people think I'm crazy...but I know that I need this. It's long over due. I'm not sure when I'll come back, but I know I will. I love the city of Atlanta, this place is my grounding. Maybe not forever, but at least for now. I don't want to give myself any time restraints, I just want to be able to do what I want to do for a while...I need to be selfish. Maybe I'll come back in 2 weeks, maybe in 2 months. I will not come back though until I've accomplished everything I want to down there. I have a few personal goals... Spend time with my father, get him to teach me how to use the camera he gave me years ago. It's the camera he used to use, and when he gave it to me, he made me promise I'd learn how to properly use it...well, I haven't had the time or the teacher, and so I haven't used it. But I need to spend time with my father, and this would make him so happy, and me too. There are a few books I want to read...and not just a few pages at a time...I want to sit down and read the whole book, the story, as it should be told. I also want to fix my stereo, it's been broken for years, and I keep saying that "one-day I'll do that", one-day I'll take it apart, one-day I'll figure out what's wrong with it...well, it's time for me to make that "one-day" for a lot of things... The thing is, if I go down there, and I can't figure out how to do these things in 10 minutes...it's ok. I have the rest of my life to spend doing them if I want to...that to me is heaven. I've been stuck in this 5 days a week, 9-5 job, telling me when to come to work and when to leave, everyday, day in, day out, with no other option. That is NOT me. There is SO much more to me than that...so much more, and it's screaming to get out. I just can't stay in the rut I've been in, I just can't. I also need a home for awhile, I need to know that I can go home and that I'll be walking into a nice environment, where I'm respected and wanted and loved. I can no longer walk through my front door wondering if I'm about to get yelled at, or if *someone* has been in my room and gone through my shit, or someone has eaten my food, or whatever. I need a home to go to. I'm not sure if this will be one of those 'life-journeys' things, or if this will just be a vacation and a well needed break. But, I really hope that it accomplishes something. I hope I learn something new, grow a little in mind and spirit, meet some interesting people, and come back to everyone myself again. I've lost myself in the midst of everything and need to recover myself. Life is just too short not to live it... Current Mood: determined (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
5:40 pm	Freedom... Does anyone else have a really strong desire to just take off sometimes? Like, I could just leave right now. I really could. Go anyway...just not by myself. The only thing that I fear, would be losing my car...I don't want to loose my car, I've worked so hard for it. I also fear not having money to live. But damn, I could make money anywhere...why does it have to be here... I HATE MY JOB I need to get outta here, I need to quit, go somewhere, god knows where... Current Mood: sick (2 Comments |Comment on this)