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Wednesday, March 20th, 2002
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1:24 pm
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Left, lonesome and wet like a dog forgotten,
out in the stormy night all stiff and smelling rotten,
when all I need is a guiding light through this acid trip called life,
where it's so hard to find my spot in.
I'll keep my head up, always telling myself to never let up
even thought I am so damn fed up,
meaningless weeks working at Avanti's
just trying to get my bread up,
but that'll never stop me.
The spirit that resides in my heart can never stop me,
only start me, looking inside to find the part of me,
that'll carry me thoughtfully through the desert that I got lost in, That I got tossed in and was almost forgot in.
And until I started marching over the hills of hate and sorrow, hastily reaching torwards tommorow did I think settling was option for me to follow, I'd might as well go run and hide.
But now I know otherwise, I'm not like other guys that'll take just what's been given, I realize thats not called living, that's called drownin, it's just like never leaving you home town and saying it's the best, how so, you have nothing else to test against.
These are our lives I think we must demand,
that life be left up to the owner of the shoes,
nobody else truly understands you.
Wierd day for me today. I feel like a rose petal fallen near a rainbow bass in a crystal lake eyeing a worm on a hook attached to a solitary fishers line. So much beauty swirling amist lonesomeness and death.
current music: Tenacious D- Slow fucking
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| Tuesday, February 26th, 2002
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8:48 am
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Well shit is back to normal now. Chris and becca are out of the crib and Merr and I have stopped fighting cause of it. I'm chillin like a villan... Need some friends though...
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| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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12:05 am
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Well,
definately time for an entry. It has benn a while but I have a lot to talk about. Recently I have not been feeling so great about myself or the role I play in this gae of life. I love those that I love forever but it seem as though I always end up hurting people no matter what I try and do. I really don't know what to do except what I know. Currently I am living at my mom's house because I have failed another attempt at a relationship. I need help. I want to know myself agiain just to see what I have become, and where I am going. I hurt, but in the same way I feel right again.
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| Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
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12:44 pm
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I kick verses, conversing with versitility.
I can't help it, I popped an egg shell colored pill in me,
Skilled MC,
busting with more verbs than I done learned in vocabulary.
I was that kid that always passed the test,
but during class I only slept,
while the rest had to kick my desk,
cause the damn teacher started flippin,
"Will somebody please wake up Christian!!"
In trees I trust to always get me fucked up,
Two blunts before I caught the bus was a must,
turn the wakman up and listen to Tupac bust.
The double CD All Eyes on Me turned me from friendly,
to neon green with envy,
I wanted to posses the skill to offend... see;
I was picked on and teased, forced to beg on my knees,
"Stop saying I'm fat and throwning shit at me Please!"
But that all got averted when I hung with the G's,
I was even noticed by some fly assed hunnies,
that wouldn't have noticed me,
in any other situation.
That's when I got cocky and started hatin,
Copped attitude and was blatently rude,
Got spied by some guy,
and got a deal on some ludes,
cause he done liked my attitude.
Bought Zanies by bulk and sell 'em for 7 a piece,
And I got 'em for 3, that's profit of 4 dollars,
timesed by a scrip of 30 = 120 extra bills for me,
and the re-up money I'd need for the next week.
current mood: dirty-dirty
current music: Favor for a favor
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| Sunday, December 23rd, 2001
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9:18 pm - I wanna be a cowboy when I grow up... more
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I examine my mortality by researching my spirituality and all this soul searching is really taking it out of me. Moving quickly on course stopping only to take part in battlin. My legs ache from strattllin this damn cattle for months straight. I need sleep. Can't even fake being awake for much longer. Coffee is to weak to wire me I need something much stronger that'll last longer. A bump of coke, that wouldn't be considered as abusing. And if you get it for me, you'll get your retribution. Dysfunction is my utmost conclusion. I expand my horizons by using my illusion. Sobriety to me just seems to bring more confusion.... Shieet... I get tempermental, like in the matrix, a renegade sentinal unsing a lazer to rip open the ship's hull. Incogneto that hull is my skull and the lazer is a beam of realization, digging deep into the brain of a 5- 7 caucasian. I'm o.k. at writing but much better at blazin. I hope to hear my shit on my favorite radio station, 100.3, could you really see them spinning Necromancer CP? Nah... but, shit, I can dream. Dreams are my only escape.. a way to vacate the place that hands me my stresses on a disposable paper plate. You feel me?
current mood: platnum
current music: New Nas
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(1 comment |comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 18th, 2001
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11:03 am - Yo Care where U at??
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Where you been? It's been too long... so I'm about to begin.
Long sleek robe consiting of white linen. Walk into the room where the Dj spinnin. Black lights ignite a glow off my robe,
pull out some powder and blow it up my nose. Now it's about time to talk shit to these hoe's and trick ass Mc's grippin on our dough. This is our game. Dropping y'all like flies. It takes you too long to realize champ Mc's, even right before your eyes. Save your breath for battling, thats one thing we despise. You talk shit... but you can't back it up. We manhandle you, then it's to the back of my truck where you'll be stuck, out of luck, till we open the shit up just in time for you to see where you're getting strung up. I don't carry a gun cause that shit is to hot but I'll whip you in the ass with my brand new slingshot then speed away, then do the same shit to you again the exact same way, but on a different day. We'll keep it up up for weeks, making you feel meek, till you question if it's even safe to walk the streets. Then it's to your house where we creep up in the Blazer, sneak in your house and shave your pubes with a rusty razor... EWWWW... I'll see YOU later.
current mood:  amused
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| Thursday, December 6th, 2001
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10:21 am - Almost Christmas
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So here we go again with our super money spending season. I swear I better get some good stuff considering what I've spent this year. But it's the thought that counts... right?
Well Amsterdam was awsome. Everyone is so lax and helpful. The city itself is beautiful too. I had so much fun, not just cause of the vacation, but because of who I went with. Andi and Joe were great and of course Merrilee was awsome to chill with. We went into this one coffeeshop and ordered some super skunk weed and got some weed tea and chilled for a while hen we see some like 70 year old people come in, order weed, sit, and smoke and talk about their grandkids... It was really neat to see a whole different culture. The city itself was alive (music bumpin and parties goin on) till like 3 in the morning, even on the weekdays. We went to the Anne Frank house, Hash and Marijuana museum, Van Gogh Museum, Sex Museum, Torture Museum, a club to see 311, and we saw a royal palace and stuff. I want to go back next year but stay longer, like a month or something... It was phat. I got like 4 rolls of pics too... ahh the memories.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Mobb Deep- Murda Music
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| Tuesday, November 20th, 2001
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11:45 am - Yeah Baby!!
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For the next week I will be in Amsterdam.... Jelous?? I'm gonna judge pot at the Cannibus Cup.... Jelous?? I'm gonna be in another country.... Jelous?? You should be. I'm so excited!!!
current mood: cheerful
current music: Live- Lightning Crashes
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| Thursday, November 15th, 2001
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11:17 am
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Did you ever get that feeling that everything that goes on in life revolves around you? My feelings and tribulations are melodicly repeated to me through all the music I hear now-a-days. Maybe I'm just crazy though... I am crazy... but maybe I'm crazier than I thought.
Look into the eyes of a mad man. See the infernal fires rise as I'm trekking throughout the bad lands. I got a pair of faded Polo jeans on, and two revolvers in my hands. I ain't got no shoes, so it's getting hard to stand. The debris and the rubble surrounding me make it hard to plan, or even attempt, to forge ahead to seek the location of the bad man. I'm always aching for sedidation to keep my mind from racing through thoughts of undesired origins. I drop down onto the floor again. Rocks just tore up my whole knee and then just what do I stand up to see? The End
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| Thursday, November 8th, 2001
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2:23 pm
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Living in a world thats much colder now. It's making kids act much older now and I don't know how, to just blow it out or brush it off, everything is so foul. How can people even want to have a child, knowing how their gonna have to grow with issues put on trial, a killers cold ass smile, screaming holy war while he trains the vile how to walk for miles and shoot at anyone man, woman, or child.
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| Monday, October 1st, 2001
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12:19 pm
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What is real in a world where work is necessary everyday to gain more control with capital? When is it time to achieve set goals and follow your destiny? Are dreams supposed to be shoved aside till financial stability is achieved? Should life plans be based around paper bills? When is enough really enough?
Who would have thought a trip to the Jersey shore would have brought about so many contemplations. Walking alone with the wind chilling my body. Revelling about what so far in life has made me happy enough to forget my everyday stresses. But instead distress had unknowingly crept into my concious. I survey my subconcious stopping only to pick out harshly realized realities. When is enough really enough?
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| Monday, September 24th, 2001
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3:57 am - Wash, Wash, Wash away your troubles
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Well tonite I get to do wash and boy do I love it!! Yeah... Rock on... sure. Well Sarah T. is living w/ Merrilee and I now. Sarah T. is one of Merrilee best and longest friends. I told Merrilee and Sarah that it is just like a long sleep-over... true that. I am going to Amsterdam in like a month... I can't wait. I have been constantly thinking about how great it will be to leave America for a week. I love my country and all but it is such a relief to not only escape reality, but also the tragedy and despair that came with the Sept. 11 tragedy. All in all our country is more united than it has been for like 200 years, but it is still a tragedy no matter how you look at it. Well I am even starting to bore myself so I guess that it's time to depart... Peace.
current music: Nelly Furtado- Baby girl
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| Tuesday, September 18th, 2001
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11:40 am
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I see the top of my head, its about to combust,
I don't understand why this world is so nuts,
I just want a world where my kids can grow up,
without having to worry about terroristic thrusts,
and I say fuck and scream out loud.
Look what you did pussy, are you fucking happy now? And while the enemy is breaking open the champagine,
our government stands tall throughout the rain, planing campaigns, trying to maintian serenity through all this damn pain.
I mean damn I'm so fucking pissed, I don't know wheather to cry or go and enlist.
But what I do know is that now all the shit, has directly hit the fan. And It kills me even more that we don't know the plan of what we're gonna do to this evil wicked man.
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| Thursday, September 6th, 2001
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4:11 pm
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I stand with my arms open,
fixing to grasp your body tight.
hoping to have you through the night.
waiting for you to make me right.
I stand with my eyes open,
gazing upon your soft lips.
noticing the curve of your hips.
looking to kiss your fingertips.
I stand with my mind open,
remembering the joys that we shared.
contrasting times when tempers flared.
reveling in times you showed you cared.
My arms.
My eyes.
My mind.
Only with the right atmosphere do flowers open to the sun. I open up to you Merrilee, you are my only one.
current mood:  loved
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| Wednesday, September 5th, 2001
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3:50 pm - Diablo 2 kicks ass
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I'm trapped in the catacombs, a Necromancer on the roam, Andariel breathing poison, my rouge's gone, I'm alone. I summon a lightning strike, level 15 in fact, now the evil boss is knocked down on her ass. She got right back up with a hellish flash, then sent a poison projectile at me super fast. I just looked at her stepped aside and laughed, summoned some bone mages' and watched while they attacked. I upped my bone armor and then I busted back with a level 7 teeth,
WHAT THE FUCK!!! My damn computer crashed! I'll just have to wait to move on to the nex act... damn.
current mood: chillin
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| Monday, August 20th, 2001
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4:09 am
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We all need a break from reality,
cover up my eyes so I can not see.
I hold you in my arms so close to me,
Happier than a man is supposed to be.
My heart, my life, and my soul transgressed,
You showed me to live and to do it my best.
I let tears run down to show you my stress,
You held me so tight, I then knew I was blessed.
An angel, with wings, always touched with grace,
with a drop dead radient smile upon your face.
When you hold me near, thoughts vanish with no trace,
I can't wait to see you show up at my place.
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(2 comments |comment on this)
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| Friday, August 17th, 2001
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12:55 am
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Disaster strikes when I turn out the lights,
I gotta fight to grip reality throughout my restless nights,
I'm loosing sight like I'm blind.
Painful spikes in my mind,
cause the world to unravel in rewind all the time.
I'm not fine.
I feel I was consigned, literally confined, a sun among the darkness, but not allowed to shine.
current mood:  pissed off
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| Thursday, August 16th, 2001
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1:40 am
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One life to live,
one soul to loose,
in the end, my demise,
got two roads to choose.
Now if I hit left,
I got mad trials to test,
to see if I used my simple life for its best.
And if I hit right,
I won't need a lighter to light,
fires will be burnin my ass all through out the night.
Now in my spec I'll live it out this way:
Six pairs of rollerblades and plenty room to skate,
mother natures specicles and natural lakes,
park benches and breakhouses, with pot and the best steak.
And if anybody tries to comprimise my situation,
I'd chase 'em down, "Watch out he's caucasian"
You wanna know how I'd run 'dem out?
I'd just stand next to my Gundam, stout,
ready at a seconds notice to bust 'em out.
Enter my Gundam through a door in the mouth.
Start him up and get ready for the next bout.
He'll shoot a gun at me, I'll just lean down and crouch,
do a backflip while shooting missles out, the bout, would then come to a cease. I'd free the intruders, to show a sign of peace, and my bet says they'd be induced to flee.
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(3 comments |comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 25th, 2001
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1:49 am - I hate work
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Listen to my man Dj Darryl, Throwing on the turntable some hip-hop christmas carol, remade by the dude that flies like a sparrow, thats what he said on Bobby Digi, so excuse me if my mind is narrow. I'll still eat out all your damn bone marrow. Eww... well I did it before, when I went to Ground Round ate ribs galore... I just wanted to get what I paid for. I got so sick though, I barley made it through the door till I ended up spewing all over the floor. But spewing is not new to me. I used to puke whenever I took a sip of Hennesee... ahhh, but not any more. Now when I take a sip I let my mind drift and I rip off with some new fucked up shit, that I spit then later prolly regret what I said... but yo, my bad it time for me to go to bed.
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| Wednesday, July 18th, 2001
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7:10 pm
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Devilmonkey, a dealdly surrealistic honkey in a tree, y'all can't see me, like I was the predator, chasing Schwartanegger, two steps ahead of ya, step back pussy, you aint no compedator...
I got bored...
current mood:  awake
current music: MOP-Ante Up-Instramental
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(2 comments |comment on this)
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