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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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2:52 pm - Happy Fat Tuesday
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Today has the potential to be disasteruos. So it is a good thing that I am a little bit Jill. Why shouldn't I be? It is her holiday. It may sound sick but she might actualy have fun doing this. Yeah that is sick. Angie will take over when that time comes I'm sure. Jill can't handel this. But Angie can. She didn't think that she could but with a litte help from a very best friend, she knows she can, and she must. The king cake, purple green and gold, Cowboy Mouth, and I-10 West surley didn't hurt. So with this Mardi Gras entry, I am gone for 40 days. I hope I can make it. Yeah, I can. I must!
current mood: Jill
current music: Cowboy Mouth
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| Monday, February 11th, 2002
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3:56 pm - No more
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I am giving up the internet for lent. Because it takes up WAY too much of my time and it is not necessary. So tomorrow will be the last day I will get on until after Spring Break, unless it is necessary in order to get in touch with someone or for information. I think this will be good for me, maybe I'l study...ha!
current mood:  sleepy
current music: Paul Sanchez
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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11:29 pm - Only in dreams...
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Sneaky movie, eh?
But some people do get away with things that they shouldn't.
To the point where I wonder why people let them.
Gossip is bad,
people get hurt...
*****
Tomorrow!
I miss you!
It is dumb,
but I REALLY MISS YOU!
*****
And you, girl.
I wanted something new and you did too.
We acheived it together, I believe.
I know things weren't perfect.
But how could they ever be?
I love you.
We will watch that movie tomorrow.
GOODNIGHT
current mood:  irritated
current music: only in dreams
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| Friday, February 8th, 2002
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2:55 pm - Is it a sign?
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No.
Not unless I make it one.
Hmm...a cheep [free] Friday night.
Bouncing between money and the ocean...
Where are we going?
New Orleans!
Happy fat Friday.
We discovered your selfishness today,
don't worry, it's been a long time comming
most likely it won't change.
If only you could take a look out of our eyes for just a day,
then you would see.
But you can't
so I'll drop it.
I'll eat chips,
and cheeze dip to equal out the poster.
I miss that kid,
but this is good.
good good
I heard somethings that I did not want to today.
but you know what?
I am going to do what I want tonight,
even if I have to do it alone...
no, I won't be alone
I am never alone...
current mood: sneaky, and smilely
current music: JUMP!
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2002
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9:47 pm - My four songs
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(today)
-"For the Movies" by Buckcherry
-"Everybody Loves Jill" by Cowboy Mouth
-"At Last" by Etta James
-"Zak and Sara" by Ben Folds
They will probabaly change tomorrow...or in a few seconds. Man, I want $120 to spend on colored penciles.
current mood:  artistic
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| Friday, February 1st, 2002
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5:23 pm - How do I love you?
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Well, let me see.
I love you like a lyric loves a melody.
Baby, completely wrapped up in you.
You TOTALLY read my mind today,
you were perfect!
I am still learning to drive a stick,
but the day that I seed down I-10 West is in the near future.
They just called today (my dad's birthday) to tell us that my grandfather has been in the hospitial all week. It's freaking Friday! Why the Hell does news take 5 days to get from Hattiseburg Mississippi to Lilburn Georgia? I really don't understand.
"Your body is a wonderland"
I can still smell you on my clothes.
I have to say good-bye to my leg hair today, I don't think I am ready. I have grown quite attatched to it. But it is all for bucking the froncos tomorrow. Miss the bus, ha! I dare you!
"Do I have to tell the story of 1000 rainy days sence we first met? It's a big enough umbrella, but it's always her that ends up getting wet."
current mood:  excited
current music: John Mayer
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| Thursday, January 31st, 2002
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8:59 pm - ?????
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K-fine
P-fat
and who else?
who would ever have guessed that this boy who threw ice at me so long ago would still be in my life as much as he is?
and who does he think he is talking to?
I am glad that we have our distance.
5 days a year is just right, sometimes too much.
Sometimes I feel like dancing
sometines I feel like singing
sometimes I feel like screaming
sometimes I feel like running until I can't feel my legs
sometimes I feel like lying down in the grass and staring up, no matter what kind of day it is
sometimes I feel like being invisable
and sometimes I just want to see your face and know you are alive
I really wanted to see you tonight
I should have just opened that door
I am still sore from you
but in the mess of my mind it is a good thing
it reminds me...
current mood: observing from afar
current music: 32 Flavors - Ani
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| Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
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7:56 pm - ...SUMMER....
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too many feelings
not enough words
Jill paid me a short visit tonight, I don't think many saw her but she was there
that gives me hope
I'm not dead inside
I was almost afraid I was
I laughed again
and sang
and LAUGHED
it was summer today
who minds doing homework when you got to spend an incredible afternoon with people you really love
yes, love.
You, boy,
we need to talk
and I WILL beat you one day
fair and square
when you least acspect it
you'd better watch out for me
I can hurt you worse than you think
I am just giving you fair warning
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| Saturday, January 26th, 2002
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11:37 pm - for the best...
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you must belong to someone else
or maybe 5,000 people
I just wish I could have just stood back and watched and not have to have been a part of any of it
I know my head would be much clearer right now if I had
why do I do these things for you?
deep down you don't care about me
but only my results
you confuse the hell out of me
you are not anyone
you do not know
you don't know me
or yourself
because if you did you would realize what I see
and you just might feel the same
someday...
I'll come back
I can be as selfish as you
believe me
This really has been an amazing day,
even though I feel bad for almost making plans and then realizing my laziness and not following through.
But, baby, no dollars,
not even a single quarter,
only a nickle.
And a HUGE smile of satisfaction.
3 hours spent,
talking talking talking.
The best.
I miss you, baby.
God bless Thursday nights.
Tomorrow, baby.
"Are you feeling desposible now?"
I really can't believe that I lettered
1.21:3!
Holy freaking cow!
goodnight
current mood:  accomplished
current music: JM
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| Friday, January 25th, 2002
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9:34 pm - SAT
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Yuck! I hate those letters. I went to Melissa's birthday party tonight. I had alot of fun too. We were just being girls and giggling and talking about the craziest stuff. Then we watched Heartbreakers which was really good. And the fact that her mom is a preacher and was watching it with us mad it that much funnier. I really just want to live at their house, I don't think they would mind. I have to take the SAT in the morning. I need to stop dredding it, I am making it worse than it really is. I want to apologize to everyone that I have irritated by complaining about school, the SATs, swimming, and everything else. I realize that that is all I have been talking about lately, but that is all that has been on my mind. "Still I can't seem to find that quiet inside of my mind." Soon, I hope. I really can't believe how things have changed. I have been virtualy numb for 3 months. The one thing you would think would cause more feeling than anything for me has totally deadend it. But I know it really isn't that that is making me feel this way. It is how I am responding to it. Still, I really don't know what to do about it...talking...I'll try...I am just very confused, overwhelmed, busy, numb, stuck, worried, sick, tired, quiet, and lazy. I really need to stop thinking about things, that is my problem. I make up these plans in my head. Along with the plans come expectations, one's that cannot be met. So when my plan falls through and my expections are not met I think "This is not how it is supposed to be" when it really is. I will stop thinking now! It does not good. I am glad I wrote that out, I feel much better. Thank you for reading.
current mood: too many things
current music: "always her that ends up getting wet..."
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| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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5:07 pm - Big time!
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The reason it scared me was cuz you don't joke, not about things like that. And I know that. Today it became a little clearer. I didn't just dream of summer today, but of summer with you. That made me so happy. I'll learn what I need to, I won't give up. Because I know you are counting on me. I will not let you down, just be patient. Thank you for understanding. I am afraid this will take longer than you expect, I'm sorry. I cannot rush this. Thank you for not being hurt. If you are hurt thank you for not showing it. Everything will be just fine, everything everything will be alright alright.
current mood: accomplished
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| Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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4:59 pm - Bitchin'!
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HA!
I want to live in a world of summer,
always feeling like I do now.
I never want to roll up the windows in the car where we listen to the sloppy drumbing on bad recordings of amazing songs. It doesn't matter, we'll sing plenty loud to drown out the radio anyway. I almost miss being the girl in the back seat who smiles a huge cocky smile because she knows no one is looking. Almost nothing beats the feeling of seeing something beautiful, your eyes fill up with tears and a huge smile crawles across your face. I like it when no one is looking.
"leave behind it all"
Best friend?
Are you sure?
I talk to angels on my way across the milky way.
Never close windows. Never turn down the music. Never let a day go by where you don't notice something new. Never quit thinking about summer. Live a life of summer, and school plays, and early friday morning breakfast that isn't followed by school. Friday night football games, surprise visits from the ones you love, hugs, kisses, muscle, red, fresh cut green grass, silence, the setting sun, acoustic guitars, wailing voices singing your life. Close your eyes, what do you see? Can you tell me? What do you want to be? Slip into the car and go riding to the farthest star. Stay awake, sleep in the sun, do nothing, listen to bluegrass on Prarie Home Companion while lying in the grass watching the clouds change color and they be replaced by stars just in time for Lake Wobegon. Where those shorts with a tank top and sandles, take a walk in the street lights, sneak out and ride your bike all alone a 2:00 in the morning, be free, don't be a fool.
current mood: dreaming
current music: bad recordings of amazing songs
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(1 comment |comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 16th, 2002
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7:43 pm - YOU?!
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Please come, please. I would never do this to you. I thought we had an understanding. I know I haven't been around much but things like that don't go away in a matter of months. What have you gotten into? I am worried. Maybe you have just changed. I guess you shouldn't be pressured into this. But what about PC? That was only 6 months ago. And THAT was real! You can't deny that, don't even try. I really can't believe this. I will find you and talk to you. And your ass better be in that parking lot on Friday afternoon. If it's not, you will regret it. We are going to have SO much fun. The three of us, not the four. We will make new jokes, find hot guys, have hour long talks, sneak out, prank the guys, and miss you...you will be missed...it will not be the same, unless you come...
current mood:  frustrated
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| Sunday, January 13th, 2002
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7:04 pm - Not another.
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Oh God, please do not take another.
Three already.
This year is only 13 days old.
No more.
Please.
No more
current mood:  scared
current music: J,LC- They are calming my nerves
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7:03 pm - Ninja. Ninja. RAP!
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12:22 am - So yeah, what does this say about me, anyway?
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Life's a bitch, and then you die, but that's cool with you. You know good and well that no one makes it out of life alive, everyone has their problems, and nothing is a huge deal. You're very honest to yourself and others, outgoing, opinionated, and at peace with everything around you. But you may have a bad habit of taking everything with a grain of salt, which sometimes means you're quite a pushover. It's all good, yeah, but don't sacrifice your wants and needs, and don't let your problems build up around you. You can only be happy with life for so long when things are going wrong... you'll have to sit down and try to fix some of the bad things in life so you can truly be peaceful.
current mood: sleepy
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| Friday, January 11th, 2002
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10:45 pm - Boys are ass-holes!
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A picture perfect all girls night
ruind,
trashed,
shattered,
by none other than boys.
We should just never have left.
What the hell was he doing with that, that nothing?!
Who does he think he is?
Acting like it was her fault,
treating her like that in the first place?!
And the other one,
What an ass hole!
Not aknoledgeing her beautiful presence!
It makes me want to rip out his throat,
and I've only met him once.
What ass holes!
And you,
I miss you SO MUCH!
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you!!!!!!
The second I steped out of the house that was all I could think.
It is beyond our goody control.
Why?
I want to strap you to my belt so we never have to spend Friday nights apart.
I MISS YOU!
You seem SO far away.
I SO wish you didn't have to stay.
I could see it in your eyes,
you feel the same.
And it really is my fault.
I am sorry I ever even suggested it.
And being accidently reminded of that image stabbed me in the heart.
It makes this feel worse.
One hour and fifteen minutes,
maybe.
What a joke!
How the hell do we do that?
I miss you!!
I really need to spend time with you.
I need to talk to you.
I miss you SO MUCH!!!!!
current mood: angry
current music: radio noise
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(2 comments |comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
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2:40 pm - NO!
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I have mono.
I could not get out of bed this morning, so I slept till 12:00. I stayed home and went to the doctor. He said, "You either have mono or something a lot like it." and aperently there isn't anything that can be done about it. He told me to just take Tylenol. And sence I don't have a fever I can still go to school. Oh boy! I hate things right now. I haven't seen Lindsay or Pat hardly at all this week. And I got to talk to Ivy last but I haven't gotten to see her yet. I called Pat at about 2:30 but he wasn't home yet. There's a drama club meeting today, isn't there? I really don't feel that bad right now. When my cousin had mono she felt ok for a day or two and then she'd fell aweful for two or three days. I've been sick for two weeks. Mono lasts about a month, right? So only two weeks left. I will be ok. I really don't want to miss any more school, though. I miss all of my friends :( And I guess I'm not going to letter in 100 Breaststroke this year. It could be worse.
current mood: irritated
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| Sunday, January 6th, 2002
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12:40 pm - Jobes
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He told me, but I had no idea it was you.
You were so funny.
Your kindness outweighed his jack-ass-ness.
You hurt your ankle skiing,
I felt so bad for you.
You had to hang out with the girls after that.
But you didn't seem to mind that much,
and neither did I.
You would jump out of the car before it would stop.
Maybe that was foreshadowing,
I don't know.
The first time we passed in the halls my blood ran warm,
and you smiled at me.
You are gone now.
I hate that.
You were so good,
so nice,
so sweet to give a dorky 8th grade girl the time of day when you were a big bad sophmore football player.
I am so sorry.
I will miss you.
current mood:  sad
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| Saturday, January 5th, 2002
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11:09 am - Hell yeah I am!
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flirty