Monday, February 25th, 2002
|
|
10:28 am
|
i heart ty
current music: worked up so sexual - the faint
|
|
(plant it)
|
|
Sunday, February 24th, 2002
|
|
3:00 pm
|
i am getting into the summer spirit listening to the song "saints" by the breeders. i love it so much. that and drivin' on 9...
for some reason today i'm feeling more anxious than ever for spring/summer...
current music: saints - the breeders
|
|
( 2 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
|
|
10:57 pm
|
oh yes! courtesy of  roses_rejoice, here is a photo of the divine john petkovic from cobra verde... he is the one in red with blue sleeves being a fucking rock star god.
(hehe i have been discovered as a gushing fan, but it's all good. :P)
|
|
( 6 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
10:22 pm
|
last night jeremy and lainie were talking about the top ten most thought about things in their days... (have i mentioned that lainie and i have so much random stuff in common that it's baffling?!) they both said aging, which i was baffled by... lainie definetely doesn't put sex as a priority in her thinking day and neither do i. jeremy was baffeled by that. here are mine...
1. insecurity regarding physical appearance
2. money and lack thereof
3. the places i'd like to travel and/or live
4. trading spaces (i know, neurotic)
5. time - as in what time is it, how soon til i leave, what i will do with my time when i get home
6. email/ livejournal/ IM
7. gradutate school programs
8. chicago and how i love it so much
9. books
10. how the people i work with are morons, how did i end up working where i am, work related dissatisfactions
|
|
(plant it)
|
|
|
10:13 pm
|
i spent the day doing nothing. i was waiting for a phone call from the theatre company i'm going to be working with. which is pathetic but i don't have a cell phone. they haven't called. i spoke with a friend who would know and the advice given is that they're working on a show and were probably in tech all day. well. still. i am very frustrated because i don't know any details about the workshop WHICH STARTS TOMORROW and when i'm not able to plan, i get nervous. regardless it's an equity company and that's all i'll say about it.
i watched a movie on HBO to calm down earlier - the broken hearts club (which i saw that hose was watching too which is not surprising because any given day the two of us will stumble onto the same exact random shite - example at 3 am we'll have both watched little darlings or some random 80s flick no one else would be amused by.) of course given my emotional state i was balling by the end of the movie - which proves that my psychiatrist appt on thursday can't come soon enough. the idea that i could be sharing my life with someone just doesn't come into play. but perhaps i'm thinking that i do want a relationship after all.
last night was fun, lainie jeremy and i had our usual friday night soiree... tonight i was going to go out with them to this private party but i'm too depressed. i'm in my glasses, my old MTC fleece and my comfy slippers, so yes i'm not going anywhere. plus i have a feeling the theatre will call really early tomorrow.
this all just brings to mind the fact that theatre is a cruel cruel lifestyle... dave at MTC used to tell people he'd call them early morning and then always end up calling at like 6 pm because he knew they'd be waiting around, which is true. people in power in theatre have way too much hold on others emotions.
all i can think of is i'm teetering between working with a dream company or doing nothing.
this evening i have been drinking wine and watching a mini trading spaces marathon. they made up a test on the community - and here are my results. YES! i am hilda, my very fave.
take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!
|
|
( 7 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
Friday, February 22nd, 2002
|
|
6:01 pm
|
i have been accepted to a directing workshop at with a fucking amazing theatre company in chicago. it is impossible to describe the elation i feel. i applied on a whim, thinking no way in hell.
well, no way in hell has turned into reality.
this has saved my sanity! oh joy!
current mood:  ecstatic
|
|
( 1 potted violet |
plant it)
|
|
|
12:53 pm
|
OH GOD let me out the bitches are discussing religion.
the catholics girls are trying to discuss with the only jewish girl about heaven and hell. unfortunately this jewish girl is ignorant to her own religion and can't give her opinion so she just agrees with what they're saying. i abstain from conversation and instead type here because nothing can be gained except my annoyance.
they are talking about how when you get to heaven you will be in a human body and it will be just like life only prettier and nicer and you'll go on as a human being.
OH GOD. i'm going to jump out into the chicago river if i have to listen to the mass mouth of these ladies dumbbrain. good thing my lunch is coming up.
|
|
( 5 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
12:36 pm - it figures! boy that woman in the picture looks kind of like my great grandmother.
|
|
|
|
10:03 am
|
|
i got home yesterday to my phone being turned off. i sat down and laughed about it... the fact there is like 20 things going on at once is making my life more bearable... when it rains it pours. and then i take out me umbrella and do a little debbie reynolds tapping and swooping around lamp posts.
|
|
( 6 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
Thursday, February 21st, 2002
|
|
4:00 pm
|
|
|
|
12:59 pm
|
i am laughing right now because i just remembered my dream.
i was in florida, why i don't know, and i broke into a mansion with a beautiful turret with like wrought iron steeples and a glass conservatory and stuff... and then the people i was with, who i don't know in real life, realized that the woman was home... so we went to run out and ran right into a huge ass wholesome pool party going on with teenagers and pre-teens quietly reading sheets of paper. we were like oh NO! because when we entered the scene they all turned and looked at us. then they were like "we're singing camp songs, wanna join in?" and to avoid suspiscion we joined in... they handed us a lyric sheet and i'm not shitting you i remember each word in the song/chant because it was so FUCKING hilarious. (and i don't remember ever being able to read in dreams before, but here i am.)
all the kids were really sunny and cheery and then we started chanting these words...
"7-zero-zero! 8-zero-zero! GO GO GO!
O-M-G! O-M-G! it's fun-ny! HO HO HO!"
there was more on the page, the whole page was filled in fact, but i was looking at these lyrics going oh my god this isn't happening for real, and woke up myself actually laughing. HAHAHH!!!
current mood: amused
|
|
( 2 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
11:12 am
|
|
|
Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
|
|
9:31 pm
|
|
the irony of me writing and posting this poem in automaticwriters earlier tonight does NOT escape me.
|
|
(plant it)
|
|
|
2:10 pm
|
eeeeek i'm about to crash and burn... 3 hours sleep hung over with cramps. i need a nap... all i can do is dream of getting undressed, getting in my bed with cool sheets and an open window... wont someone join me? i'd like a patient companion to rub my tummy and kiss my forehead... (preferrably one who is also sleepy and would like to nap.)
current music: the breeders - doe
|
|
( 2 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
2:31 am
|
i am trying to find pictures of john from cobre verde, but they are all frightening and not like he looked tonight at all... his current 'do is what i'm looking to find. hrmmm... here's something neat said about him:
Petkovic, who Magnet magazine recently dubbed "The Last Rock Star," isn't your average guy. When he and the rest of the CV guys aren't rocking, Petkovic spends his time writing a column for the Entertainment section of Cleveland's daily newspaper, The Plain Dealer; working as an aide to the exiled Crown Prince Alexander of Yugoslavia; producing a weekly radio show for Cleveland's NPR-affiliate on the Balkans; and creating an online magazine called "Scamcity 2000: A Journal of American Anti-Culture and a Guide to Millennial Panic."
i'm too tired and somewhat drunk/hung over to be doing this silly crush researchings!!! my fucking boss comes back tomorrow!!!!
i will just quote one of C.V.'s songs to her, i'll say to her "baby i'm an old ghost" and then shake my arm in her face as if i had a tambourine! how bout that, bitch! or i can just get a guitar out and like jump on the desk and start strumming my arm like a windmill shouting "EMOTIONAL TRASH!" or better yet shouting whilst playing the guitar behind my head like kelly deal did for a brief time this eve.
AHHAHAHAH i'm only funny to me right now, which i recognize. this is a sad but true statement that proves that i should really get my ass a nice normal boyfriend. if i dated a rockstar it would be mayhem! madness! i will get me a solid smarty who enjoys planning. *wink*
|
|
( 2 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
1:59 am - OH MY FUCKING GOD
|
this will be hard for me to write without flailing into a heap of kickings of legs and tearing off of clothes and like doing the shimmy shake or something!!!!!!!!
i have just returned from the most amazing concert of my LIFE! before i get to kim deal and the breeders - cause believe me i will get there - i have to tell you about a band called cobra verde which just happens to my my new favorite band and my future husband just happens to be the lead singer. HA. but i am getting ahead of myself.
lainie c and i had much fun chats and listened to a dude called brick layer cake which was an attrocity. if i were to have been on heroin and in a basement of like some 30 year old who lived with his parents still, maybe that would have mixed okay... people yelled at him to get off the stage. it was sad. a homosexual asian dude hit on me. he blatently felt me up when lainie went to the bathrooom, i was utterly baffled. then came out a few hot mans that l.c. and i took notice of and these mans were a band called cobre verde... and i saw a man unlike any i've ever spied in my life... a pale round face with a light brown permed shaggy do and a dear tummy gut and a rolling rock between two fingers (which of course was drinking as well) and a tabmourine in his other hand! and this very tall man with a dear dear gut was about to rock our worlds, i knew it from just looking at him. it was an unspoken charimsa or something until he sang and OH GOD! i was like LAINIE I CAN'T TAKE IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! and i felt a million trillion shivers of delight!!!! he was like the true essence of glam punk, like one limp wrist and one hand right on the microphone that he brought back and forth... etcetc
(i'm listening to the cd now and rocking out)
so they play an hours set, while i am rocking out and literally feeling like i wanted to tear my clothes off and like go running around or perhaps go flying around. yes flying. flying around with no clothings on.
okay fast forward i can't talk on him any more it's too much.
so then it is a roasting sauna in the abbey pub, which was so small that i could have counted every tooth on every performer. it was a roasting sauna in which a dude with a pony tail and a 80s vibe was making out with a woman in stone washed jeans who definetely hasn't gotten a new do since the 80s, perhaps '83... the breeders were taking forever to come out... like 40 mins passed... finally ms kelly deal steps out i was blatently staring upon her gorgeousness. she is a sweet faced lamb, she. she did a few tests of the slide guitars and i was like oh god no aloha will be played! more minutes go by, finally kim comes out and i thought i was going to pop out of my skin. i literally was looking at my all time idol, it was so surreal. she had on a parka and a winter hat, which was quickly shed during more sound checks... when she started talking it was blatently obvious that she had been doing endless endless lines of cocaine and ingesting mountainous amounts of speed. her jaw kept doing this weird thing and she kept blowing her nose and wiping her nose. coked up or no, THAT BITCH CAN FUCKING ROCK! listening to them i felt like a viking or something, like i could any minute start running and punching and kicking and like tearing shit up. never had i had that urge so bad... the crowd was pretty much standing in one place though, i swear i was in the mood to get in a fist fight or some sort of physical confrontation. i was waiting for that 80s dude and his 80s gal to do something to piss me off, i was looking forward to boxing them on lainie's behalf - she was standing next to them and getting the full effects of ponytail whippings.
they did the most amazing set, opening with no aloha... hearing kim and seeing her so close up was like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! i thought i would tear my hair out! like i wanted to fly around the room and start doing high kicks and fucking karate chops or something. she continued to have some fuck ups at the beginning due to her cocaine addiction, but it was still so awesome... kelly was way more mellow and sort of amused by kim's behavior... kim would go to sing and like her jaw would be shaking - but not like a nervous shake, like a violent tense muscle spasm that i've seen before on some cokie friends of mine.
THOSE BITCHES CAN PLAY SOME GUITAR!!!!!
they didn't have on any getups, they didn't need any getups, kim had on a man's button down shirt that was dirty and probably from the floor and her hair probably hadn't been washed in like a month and kelly had on a regular black tshirt and maroon jeans and had put on a lot of weight. they were and ARE the sexiest bitches to EVER LIVE! they were so hot i didn't know what to do with myself. kim fucking deal is so gorgeous she should be documented by a 24 hour video camera!
IEIEIIEIEIEIEIIEIE kim fucking deal!
okay so after the show i was like wishing it would go on forever, that heaven would be an eternal moment in a breeders concert... but it ended. we were walking out and i spied the lead singer of cobre verde... i was like LAINIE! and tugged on her coat... i was like i want to lick his entire sweaty dirty ass body!!! so i went and bought a cd... he was right there and i was smiling at him and he was smiling at me as i was waiting to pay. lainie went to go get her credit card tab or something... and i was like oh boy i have to ask him to sign this... mean while he is giving his phone number to a man who was like a deranged fan who kept hugging him and like shaking and stuff... and then it happened! the lead singer, john, was like "hey" to me. and i said hey totally trying to not smile but failing... i kept thinking what would kim do! but i'm not that cool yet, i have to go into training... and so i said "would you sign my cd?" and he was like "oh but of course!!!" with this pointy toofed mouth and sweaty bangs, i was in ecstacy... and lainie came back and he was dealing with other fans and then came back to me and was like what's your name, and i said bridget, and he was like b-r-i-d-g-e-t? and i said yes, and he said pretty, etc.etc. and i expect him to like write to: bridget from: john, but no! he writes:
"hey hey my bridget
you're a gold medal winner
in my race.
yr pal,
john"
i of course saved reading it until i was in the doorway about to leave but i thought i'd tell you at that point because of dramatic effect... he and lainie and his lead guitar guy and i were standing by this table and we all discussed how the show went and i described and illustrated how lainie and i were rocking out hhahahha... he was grinning, yes, i dare say grinning... and then i was like well we are going now. and he took my hand in a way that only rock stars can sending electricity up and down my bod and he was like "thanks for coming" with this sharped toofed grin... AHHHHHHHH!!! i swear to god, that man was the first person in a long ass while that i've seen in real life that has made me melt into a hot pool of sugar... i mean, i would enjoy taking my clothings off and rolling around in his dirty clothes hamper sniffing his every body odor, that's what i'm talking about!!!! a deranged kind of attraction that goes beyond the norm (and probably healthy.)
it is pointless for me to go on and on about this dude, but OH GOD!!!!!!! between he and kim deal i was like i am blinded!
kim deal is the most hard core bitch rock goddess that has ever lived!!!!!
current mood: barely gravity
current music: cobra verde - one step away from myself
|
|
( 11 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
|
|
4:51 pm - i have been called "a cup of glee!"
|
oh yes ewan came 'round on IM today... he is a treat beyond measure.
e: Psst. *looks around*
e: I think you're adorable as kittens.
me: i feel like i have a thousand nine hundred flowers blooming along interior walls and one hundred vines of smiles!!!!!!
current mood: content
|
|
( 2 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
7:22 am
|
ooooo i believe i directed my first film last night in my dream! it was about an akward girl that got into law school. the same day she got accepted a jerkface man decided she was good enough to sleep with him. she had never had sex before. it made her want to stay in her home town and not go to law school. there was a whole portion in which she was being called outside and mysterious figures were in the shadows, walking along, etc. she finally went out there and there it was she found the graceful side of herself in a mirror image in the street. (literally a twin of sorts) there was an almost dance/fight/sorrowmovement. the dance was them sort of crawling towards each other as two opposite magnets trying to merge into a whole person. at this point i was shoved into the body of the akward girl. as i was about to get the graceful side to take something... i feel like it was a heavy blue jug... (it was important that i get this girl to take the jug - it would solidify the merging) just as i thought she would take it, a boxy 1977 buick lasabre turned the corner... and i rolled out of the way and the graceful half said no i can't move and was hit. when the car hit her it looked like a manequinn shattering at the torso.
the end.
|
|
(plant it)
|
|
Monday, February 18th, 2002
|
|
9:01 pm
|
i talked to my sister for an hour just now... i love her to pieces... she's deactivating from her sorority and becoming a math major with an econ minor. GEE where that one got her brainwaves i don't know! there is nothing i disliked more in h.s. than math and econ... the last time i took math i took advanced trig when i was 16 and that was it for me and math... i never even took physics. my senior year i was already into my school of choice so i took the following: photo, creative writing, band, two study halls, ap english, and lunch. HAHAHA...
my computer which MUST BE RETURNED COME HELL OR HIGH WATER is making a funny noise right now. scary. i'm defragmenting it, but it can't blow up before i return it... oh these dell fools better ax songoddy!!!! they have made my life a living hell.
invisible man is like, hurting me inside it's so beautiful.
maybe it's not the book hurting me inside, maybe it's the chop suey i crafted for dinner. HAHAHAHA. i like to cook, it makes dinner alone feel more than a frozen dinner over the coffee table.
(coffee. yummmm... )
i think about becoming a vegetarian all the time. meat makes me feel sick... i'm just afraid that i'd start taking in too much carbs and that it'd make me gain weight.
any advise from the veggies out there? i'm 90% seriously thinking i want to become a vegetarian... i have a LOT of veggie friends, i just want to hear your opinion if you are one - and if so, why.
that is all.
|
|
( 17 potted violets |
plant it)
|
|
|
4:15 pm - travis is a smarty pants who explains things in a way i can understand
|
travis: in Israel there is a war. the war is with the Palestinians. Undisputed fact.
travis: The US cashes in on selling weapons to kill Palestinians. Undisputed fact
travis: So what does that make us to the Palestinians and the Arab world?
travis: it makes us at war with them too
travis: because if you supply the enemy isn't that being the enemy?
me: yes
travis: Isn't that why Bush justifies attackign states for supporting individuals?
me: yes
travis: yet it doesn't apply to us? because we must be special
me: thanks for putting it that way, that's a very consise arguement
travis: nobody looks at it by putting themselves in the shoes of the "enemy" because theyare scared, they are not thinking rationally
travis: but more people are starting to think rationally
travis: and more people are starting to wonder what the fuck is goign on
|
|
(plant it)
|
|
