Shawna's LiveJournal

Time:

9:49 pm.

i am so tired right now. then, i don't know why i'm not sleeping. i woke up at 8 this morning, quite a task considering i didn't get to bed until late. I packed canned goods for about 2 hours. I sat around for a little, but i spent the next three hours cleaning. i did get out to lunch with my mom and sis. Now i'm just returning from the failure we call a play. the show was terrible tonite. it ended okay. i was supposed to do my homework today, but once again i put it off. my bad. I really did have something important to say. maybe one day i'll come out and say what i'm thinking. Until then i'll keep it all pent up inside, where it always is, where it always will be, driving me crazy.

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Subject:	bored and numb
Time:	2:36 pm.
Mood:	numb.
Music:	stupid covers by phish.

i can't feel my bottom jaw. But my lip hurts. i had all my wisdoms pulled earlier and have been watching disney originals for the past few hours. so i decided it was time turn of the tube and do something semi productive, organize my music on my computer (Thank you Brandon for introducing my to audiogalaxy) At least i'm not drooling on myself anymore. i should be up at school for tech rehersal, but i'm not going anywhere until i have all my feeling back. i think i'm about 80% sure that I'll be some sort of biology major. It's the only thing that really intrests me. I love my adv. bio class! So much knowledge in such a small room. I'm so bad at not being able to do anything. I want to get out. i'm going to organize my mp3's now.

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Subject:	If you want to know the subject, read the entry. What a concept.
Time:	8:48 pm.

So once again my sister atempts to feed her snake. The cutest little white mouse you ever want to see, her name is Penelope(is that the correct spelling?). I have a new pet and she is sooooooo adorable!!! So cute. Dusty took me out today and we bought a water bottle and wheel and another white mouse for companionship. They look so small next to my rats, and my rats seem so big. So cute. Penelope has these huge ears. they look like they have little nibble marks in them. She's so small! I really should be doing my homework right now, but I don't feel like it. I need to do some more research about dual enrollment classes. I want to take Japanese at OCC in orchard ridge. It's a bit further than royal oak but it has the class i want. If i can get financial aid or someone to give me bunches of money I can take photography at OCC Royal Oak. The deal is, the only Japanese class I could take would be at 9:30 am on saturdays. It's cool with me but my mom isn't so keen on giving me the car every week. she probably will. She's insisting though that text books will be the problem. I need to figure it all out, but it sounds good. I finished the meaps today and if I passed them all (pretty sure I did) I can leagally dual enroll. Cool, cool, cool. I'm enjoying the single life. I'm enjoying feeling free. It's nice, independent (not that I don't want a relationship, that would be nice, a change). I'm happy. (I realize my thoughts are scattered). How do deaf people think? Someone who has never heard a spoken word surely cannot think in spoken words. As you read this now, do you hear the words in your head? Then what do you hear when you can't hear? Do people think in sign language, in pictures, in abstract thought(to an extent we all think in abstract thoughts, pictures and emotions), in moving lips, how? I probably sound ignorant but I really want to know. In sounds that they define for themselves? I've had this question for forever. How? It's probably not all that different, but it can't be the same. There are times when i will talk to myself for hours without saying anything, just thinking, how do you do that without words? It's not a big deal but it's driving me crazy!

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Time:

8:23 pm.

marching band is over after this weekend. I'm feeling pretty good about it. i had fun and i think we have a good chance to kick butt! then the fall show will take up most of my time, but only for a couple weeks. the show dates for that are the 16, 17, and 18. everyone should come!!!! it should be cool. come! i haven't actually seen it yet, tomorrow is the first rehaersal that i have to be at. my strees level has been driving me crazy lately, but now i'm having fun. halloween was sorta depressing though. i went over ruth's house, that was cool. but there wasn't to much to do and i wanted to be outside. so Tony, Ellizar and I went for a walk. We only saw three groups of kids and very few people passing out candy. I basicly talked to Tony all nite, that was cool. next year i'll be sure to plan something in advance. (hint hint ruth, throw another party, hehe) i had fun last year. life is good!!!!

life is very good, it treats me well. nite

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Subject:	none
Time:	8:45 pm.

i don't ever have time to write anymore. it's wierd to think that people actually would read this. I do, so i guess it makes sense. yupers. marching band is over in about a week. im so excited about halloween!!! i love dressing up. people are recomending not trick or treating this year, anthrax and all. i'll probably end up just hanging out with friends, maybe a party if i'm lucky. i love dressing up though. dissapointeing though, i'll probably just be the same thing i was for ruthi's last party about a month ago. how sad. but it will kick ass anyways. i really want a nice camera. i guess i'll take up photography after marching band is over. that and kick boxing. i've wanted to do kick boxing for a long time now, and that way when someone pisses me off i can kick their ass. no, not really, it just sounds fun. i guess i don't really have much to say. i've missed my social life, having time to see amy aand ruth. but soon enough, then i'll miss marching band.

oh, ima such a dork

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Subject:	uh huh
Time:	8:11 pm.

so this has been my only totaly free day since july. everyday I've done something. today i came home from school, went to subway, actually watched more than 20 minutes of television (and of my own free will), played my flute, read, and played on some websites about Darwin and spiders for my bio class. I find that i'm generaly happy, though i'd rather be doing something. i forgot how lazy i can get by doing nothing
it's 8 and feels like 11. i have a competion tomorrow. i have good feelings about this weekend. we're gonna kick ass! and on sunday my mom ans sisters are going to the cider mill and making apple pies. only it's supposed to be cold and rainy, so we'll probably go to foodland and buy the apples. it will be fun anyways. I've been pretty happy lately. this weekend is gonna be great.

haha, Shawna's adventures in bass clef: "I think I'll learn bass clef" so i do. I think "This isn't so bad, though I really suck at it" so i work on it, i get better. I'm feeling pretty good about it. today: "What, a key signature, what's is this crap!" lol. i'm so funny. I'll get the hang of it, Jason's a big help. I love band, it's so much fun. and unlike concert band, we actually learn and get better, and mr. smith is so much nicer than mr. coleman. oh, my life as a band dork! every morning, early mornings on friday home game days. every monday, wednesday, friday and saturday nite. how i do love my life. i think i'll get a job after marching season.

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Subject:	hope?
Time:	11:04 am.

i think i'm too hopeful. well i'm giving up on what has been occupying my thoughts for some time now. It would be plain stupid to think i had any chance now. I'm pretty sure he like someone else, and she likes him. screw the fact that they both are in relationships. I just though it would be different this time. but it's all cool, i guess. i get to go to the apple orachard and cider mill today. the apple orachard is definitly one of my favorite places to be. life will be cool today. and yesterday i was over my grandmas on my dads side and i had a lot of fun. i got to talk to my cousins who i don't see all that often, and i talked with jocelyn, who is growing up very fast. and i was aqble to hold my new baby cousin. it was cool. but a little on the strang side is that i started reading this book by C.S. Lewis (think narnia). it was mere christianity. my new intrest in religion is beginning to scare me! i just don't know. it's fall. i love fall.

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Subject:	Nonsense thoughts
Time:	10:15 pm.

I'm totaly against the death penalty. Whats the Reasoning behind it? To make the point that killing is wrong we kill more people. How could a jury member live with themselves after knowing that they are responsible for the death of another man? How could a judge go on afterwards? And not to mention the gaurds and prison workers who actually have to kill him. I don't understand how anyone could posibly justify such an act. To do so would involve saying "It's okay to kill people, sometimes". Who is a person to choose when another man will die? How is it any better than being the murder? I understand that many feelings of hatred and thoughts of revenge go through one's mind when they have lost someone they were close to, but that is still no excuse. How could the thought of a man dying bring any comfort to a person? There are some things that I can not comprehend, no matter how much I try, and murder is one of them. Revenge, Justice, Punishment; call it what you will, the death penalty is murder. There is no way that you can say otherwise.

I am sorry to anyone who may disagree, but that is how I feel. The subject has come up often lately in my english class and it has made me think. It is truly a shame that so many people have died because twelve men agreed that his life was no longer valuble.

Unrelated: I think I'm going to join a bible study.

Good night.

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Subject:	wow
Time:	10:07 pm.
Mood:	cheerful.
Music:	Paradise Lost.

I made Symphony band? How the hell did that happen? My audition sucked!
But i'm really happy, so yay!
I'm listening to cool music. Some random guy IM'd me and told me to download it, so i did. It's pretty cool.
I have a pet spider. go me! I think its a female. Yay!
My weekend is free! Yay! no marching band. But a party, and a family thing, and the cider mill! I love the cider mill!!!
I'm going to bed now.

Oyasumi nasai

Shawna

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Time:

7:51 pm.

e3u// my rats say hi. I got them a new cage today, but the bars are too far apart and i need to fix it. they're in there now. I'm a little tired, but I don't feel like sleeping. its too early for that. I was supposed to get my biology homework done today, but it didn't work out. I couldn't find the right glue to keep the mouse skeleton together. i had a strange dream today, well last night. It was after I had gone back to bed this morning. My dream was about this girl. I really liked her, but then I realized that she didn't feel the same. I still kinda like her, but I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that I'll get hurt. This all happened a while ago, but I still have dreams with her every now and agian. I don't know. I'm okay though. I think I'm going to let my sister online now. Nite

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Subject:	that's odd.
Time:	10:11 pm.

today was on crack. i came home expecting that i would have a lot to do, but no. i did all my homework (yes, i'm being responsible for a change), and then was bored out of my mind! i read for a little while until my friend showed up at my door. he was nagging me about not being at pep band rehersal. i wasn't sure if i wanted to do pep band, but he convinced me to do it. damn! now i have a football game tomorrow. that's if mr. smith will let me in. if not, oh well.

so anyways i ended up at taft, my elementary school later for some stupid back to school thing. my sister was there anyways and i was home alone, and REALLY bored. so i figured, what the hey. not only have i not been there since my sister still went there, but they redid everything. i felt so out of place, i swear it was not the same school. some things still looked the same, but most of it was completely different. the bathrooms still creep me out. i was always scared to death to use the bathrooms at taft. probably because when i was really young my older sister told me that there was this crazy guy that would go into the bathrooms at schools and kidnap and kill anyone who didn't have blond hair and blue eyes. i was too young to understand that she was refering to hitler, and she never explained that to me. so everytime i went in those bathrooms for the longest time i would stare at my green eyes and think i was going to die. it still creeps me out. only bathrooms at schools, expecialy elemaentary schools. thats my excuse for the "i'm a girl and use the restroom without all my friends coming with me" complex most girls have.

god, today was so strange! i'm teaching myself to count in japanese. i know that there's more useful things i could start with, but thats usualy one of the first things i learn in a language. and then i can sit in class, really bored, counting over and over again. yeah, its pathetic. if i had interesting classes i wouldn't need to ammuse myself in such odd ways. but its a good way to learn. maybe i will stay awake the whole hour in history for the first time this year. yeah right. i'm so excited about next semester. 1, band 2,history, 3,math 4,adv.bio 5,forensics at casa 6,philosophy at casa. and best of all i will be taking a class at OCC once a week. probably photography or something of the sort. i need a list of avalible classes. Woohoo!

anyways, night.
-Shawna

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Time:	8:08 pm.
Mood:	bored.
Music:	none, too lazy.

it really blows that i cant get on aim. it sucks! im going to get a yahoo name.

damnit! it wont let me on right now. i'm really bored and i don't get to talk to people as much.

well i guess its back to ferndale tomorrow. yeah, i just love school. its all so easy and boring! biology is cool, but other than that i feel its a waste of time. today i was at the cider mill with my family. we went to yates and explored the river and woods for a good two and a half hours. it was fun. i love the outdoors. i hate being inside, i always feel traped. i know"then why am i inside now?" because i'm a walking contradiction(actually, i'm sitting), thats why! i'm babbling cause i'm bored. sorry. ignore me. why would anyone be reading this? i never say anything interesting. i think i will go read my friends pages now. hehe.

_Shawna

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Subject:	I'm so lazy!!!
Time:	9:41 am.

I've been meaning to get into java hutt recently to get a job interview, but i haven't yet. But today around 11 i'm going to the one in birmingham to get an interview. I'm a little nervous. but even if i don't get the job, i'll find another. i really want this job though. i was there last night and Ramon told me to come back today. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. now i'm tired. i was up at 8;30 because my clock said it was two in the afternoon!! damnit! i really need to set that clock! right.

Shawna

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